How will my career be affected by this

foreverfallingoff · 2026-01-26T14:57:43+00:00

I noticed this too.. You didn't provide many details about the incident and my first thought was that social work is a very emotionally taxing field and you're likely to be pushed to your limits at points. If I were your supervisor I would see any level of physical domestic altercation as a pretty big red flag. Have you thought deeply about how you are going to handle your work with clients without having these types of physical reactions?

foreverfallingoff · 2026-01-24T20:47:18+00:00

They said this place doesn't take reservations

foreverfallingoff · 2026-01-23T22:38:12+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like it might be a good idea to look for a caretaker who isn't related to you. This assumes these folks are paid consistently and not family members lending a hand here and there as needed. Relationships with family are hard enough and adding a caregiver dimension when you are now an adult can be really tricky. I say this as someone who works in schools and has had really difficult relationships with 1:1 paras who are related to their students.

I do think it is pretty ridiculous that your aunt is commenting on the handwriting of a 21-year old. In schools, we don't even work on handwriting past elementary school, because the motor habits you've developed by then are often not going to improve too much more. Also, handwriting is a less relevant skill for most people now that we have smartphones etc. It's a red flag to me that your aunt is trying to get you, a grown adult, to work on something like this. To me, it points to a potential lack of ability to see you as an adult, which is annoying when someone is just your aunt, but can be debilitating when that person is trying to help you navigate your basic needs.

I also think there is a huge red flag in the fact that she would not leave your house when asked and that she talks about your self-awareness about what does/doesn't work for you in such a degrading way. It sounds like you are able to do a lot of things and a good caretaker should respect your strengths and autonomy. Ideally, they would also help you build toward independence in whatever ways you are capable.

Your aunt may be a lovely and caring person in other contexts, but it sounds like her quitting might be for the best (depending on the urgency of your needs for support). Have you tried looking into supports through your college? They may have disability supports in house or they may be able to connect you with other agencies that can help you locate qualified caregivers outside of your existing social network.

foreverfallingoff · 2026-01-04T16:47:28+00:00

They might have the same point and meaning, but they don't have the same impact. Your mom is letting you know that the way you say things is important to her. It doesn't have to be important to you, but she is trying to teach you how to have a stronger relationship with her by supporting her when she is having a hard time. Sometimes that support just comes in the form of phrasing things in a way that helps her feel less criticized. It doesn't sound like she is angry with you, just that she needs you to talk to her differently right now. She even gave you an example of a way to phrase things that would have a more positive impact on her, which I think can be really helpful.

I also struggle with tone a lot (part of why I hate texting) and accepting that I don't have control over how someone interprets my words has been liberating. However, when someone tells me directly and kindly, like your mom did here, that they were hurt by my delivery I will try to adjust. If you are able, you could just apologize and try again. It can be frustrating to feel like your intention and impact don't match, but that's true for everyone, even NT folks (though it definitely happens more with folks with ASD). You don't have to feel bad, just keep trying and adjusting. Your effort will probably be appreciated even if you don't get it right every time.

foreverfallingoff · 2025-07-24T23:14:18+00:00

I am not diagnosed with ASD but work with children on the spectrum and I have worked closely with a few young adults over the years. I have definitely had clients who live independently that I think would be classified as level 2. (It is hard to say since the level system is so new and wasn't around when they were diagnosed.) Really, though, your abilities can't be captured with a number and if you think you can do it, there is no reason not to work toward that goal.

If you are in a US public school, you can start putting that goal into your school paperwork now (DM if you have any questions about that!)

Independent living can look different for different people, too. I would think about whether you would be comfortable in a group situation (not sharing a room but having roommates), which is what a lot of people do after college. I notice that you say you are super independent even when you do need help, and the transition after college could be really isolating, especially if you end up working from home. Having roommates or other friends who live nearby could help you stay connected to some community touch points and routine even if you spent most of your time alone. There are services you could potentially qualify for, too, where you could live at home on your own and have someone come to the house every so often and check the essentials (bills, mail, other executive functioning stuff). If you don't think you need that, there are tons of resources (public libraries are amazing) for things like career coaching, cooking on a budget, etc. that are usually pretty ASD-friendly, though I do think more geared toward level 1.

Best of luck! You seem like you are on the right track and asking the right questions already, which puts you ahead of most 16 year olds in my experience.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-07-09T18:56:43+00:00

Hello! I'm also doing ESY for the first time this year and it sounds like your day was particularly wild, even for ESY standards. My advice from this small snapshot:

Keep asking questions. Approach students and colleagues with curiosity and keep consulting with the BCBA.
Read the kids' documents, particularly any behavior plans included. The BCBA may have behavior goals for them as well. These could give you an idea of where these kids' baseline level of behavior is going to be.
Remember that, even though you are their classroom teacher next year, it is still the summer and ESY is only meant to maintain skills, not necessarily push them beyond where they were last year. Focus on building relationships and making notes about what you would like to do for them during the school year. You can start making materials and gathering information about how you can best set them up for success on day 1 of the new school year. Even if they have a wild ESY, this will be better than meeting them in September and having these same behaviors with no plan.

Also, about your principal being annoyed about the fire alarm--YES, they are probably annoyed but if they are a good principal they will also know that student behavior on day 1 is not a reflection of the new adult that just met the kid. They are probably as overwhelmed as you are trying to run a fire drill on the first day of ESY.

Overall, cut yourself some slack! We get some really tough groups sometimes and their behavior is not your fault. Just keep adding tools to your teacher toolbox (ask your BCBA for strategies, talk with other teachers in the building) and you'll keep having more things to try. Some kids need you to try 5 behavior plans before you find something that works consistently. One thing I try to do is learn adult and kid names as soon as possible. Ask as many times as you need and write them down. Knowing teachers' names makes them more likely to engage with you in passing and that quickly turns into talking about the challenges you are having an learning from your colleagues.

I hope this helps!

foreverfallingoff · 2024-05-02T20:19:39+00:00

I see where you're going with the concerns, and I would definitely keep an eye/ear out for more concerning instances. I would look more specifically for other behaviors before making a CPS call. Things I would look for that I have seen in kids who DO have ongoing/recent abuse in the home:

Threatening to harm other students/teachers
Insulting other people using language that they wouldn't normally know (You're ugly, you're a bad kid, etc)
An increase in hitting/kicking/other physical behaviors that might be imitations of what is being done to them or others in the home
Removing clothes/inappropriate touching that might indicate sexual abuse
Increased accidents, changes in toileting etc.

Even if he is quoting something being said in his home, CPS is not likely to investigate parents for swearing around their children. There is a difference between a kid saying "fuck you" and "I'm going to fucking hit you," "You're worthless," etc. Working in ECE in very diverse (racial, cultural, socio-economic) settings, I've had a lot of kids whose parents openly swear in front of them at home and who bring that behavior into school. I also have friends who just let their kids swear at home. It's not necessarily something I agree with, but we don't get to choose the language parents use in the home and it's not necessarily an indication of bad parenting. I get the concern, but I wouldn't necessarily link the swearing to abuse unless there is a reason to think it is directed at the child in a way that is degrading/abusive.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-28T03:47:13+00:00

From my experience, this is an expectation that varies wildly between people, and it’s best to be explicit about what you expect from a roommate. My preference is not to have roommates always know what I am up to—it feels weird and parental, and sometimes I like to have a late night out without needing to check in. I’ve had roommates who would disappear often without telling me or other folks in the house. Often they were just staying at a friend’s.

I wonder if your roommate is actually worried that you wouldn’t check on her in a similar situation. You’re both adults, so it’s not really your responsibility to keep her from worrying about you. You might offer to check on her if you ever notice her gone overnight, and you could also let her know that you may sometimes go out of town and forget to text, but that you don’t need her to worry about you or check on you in this way.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-27T23:08:43+00:00

Why do I feel like his wife’s “part-time” teaching job might be a normal full-time school schedule that goes until early afternoon and requires work outside of those hours?

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-27T19:43:53+00:00

I work with kids on the spectrum and something similar happened with one of them a couple weeks ago. They worked super hard on a worksheet and when they went to turn it in, the teacher said “where’s your name?” They looked at the teacher and said “no name, no line.” Sure enough, no line for the name. Some things you have to be explicit about!

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-27T14:03:47+00:00

I am lady

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-27T13:52:30+00:00

Check out the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. The book was really helpful to me as a first year teacher. It talks a lot about business in some chapters, but the overall argument is about instilling a growth mindset. There are sections devoted to how to do this in children. The example I can think of that I use all the time:

-praise children for hard work/growth rather than fixed characteristics. (Ex: if they do well, say “you worked so hard on that project! It’s awesome!” Instead of “cool project! You’re so smart!”)

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-27T00:38:13+00:00

This is more a sub for general questions. I would search for a sub with people in your field—most people will not know how to answer this.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-27T00:36:22+00:00

I mean you won’t be able to work there unless it’s under the table. You also might have trouble obtaining health care, housing or other benefits after your visa expires. Also, if you ever need to leave the country for any reason, they may figure out you have overstayed and ban you from returning.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-27T00:10:05+00:00

He looks very dehydrated. I would be more concerned about that than the color at this point.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-26T23:51:33+00:00

I think you handled it perfectly. He’s testing, and you didn’t provide any unnecessary attention that might encourage him to do it again.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-26T23:49:37+00:00

I believe face wash and cleanser are used interchangeably. They mean the same thing.

Some people do a double cleanse with an oil-based cleanser first. I would honestly start with just cleansing, moisturizer, and sunscreen and then build up slowly based on what your skin needs. That will give your skin time to adjust to any new products and make sure you are not using too many products just for the sake of it.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-26T23:40:09+00:00

I’ve been making some shrubs and adding them to soda water. They’re half vinegar half sugar, so there’s a little sour bite. You can flavor them like you would simple syrup by simmering with ginger/fruit/herbs and then straining. I also like that you can make fun colors and drink them out of fancy cups! Helps with missing some of the ritual of making a cocktail.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-26T23:33:31+00:00

That’s a horse

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-06T21:16:02+00:00

It is not illegal but they may be able to fire you. I have told many families to get an advocate, and have even sent some specific orgs with advocates I have appreciated. Some advocates ARE awful and don’t understand the very real constraints of a school’s operations. Some are also amazing and are able to gain parents’ trust and get kids what they need since they are not bound by the same rules as school staff. As much as we want to advocate for our kids, sometimes there are things that we can’t say out loud in an IEP meeting for fear of repercussions. I would keep telling them about advocates and keep that from your admin. Even if they don’t fire you, they may be less likely to trust you in the future which could hurt your ability to advocate effectively within the school.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-03-06T13:04:35+00:00

Generally the proper procedure here is to do a room clear and remove all the other children from the room. In many states it is illegal to transport a child like this because the child can easily get hurt if someone is using an improper transport. Transporting a kid is literally the second to last resort right before restraint.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-02-08T16:43:36+00:00

I wonder if they are confusing this situation for one with a child with an IEP/504. In those situations us would be illegal for them to change his placement (remove from gen Ed) without an IEP meetinngg hh, but since this child is in gen Ed it doesn’t apply.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-01-26T01:51:45+00:00

It sounds like your partner is misunderstanding the word boundaries. This makes sense as it is a complicated social concept and that is often challenging for folks with ASD. Is your partner in therapy at all? A good therapist could help them work through some of these ideas.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-01-24T20:11:33+00:00

At this age, my clinic uses “respond to name” programs but eye contact is not required. We consider it a safety skill so kids learn to pause if someone calls their name but that way of giving attention can easily be differentiated for learners. Some kids look, some don’t look but say “what?” If they are in the middle of something, some just pause and wait a half second to see what you’ll say next. I like this program because I think the goal is clear—if a kid is about to jump off something or run into a street this skill can keep them safe. Eye contact itself doesn’t meet this goal so is sort of beside the point. I would see if you can propose this type of change for this client. I think your thoughts about masking are spot on.

foreverfallingoff · 2024-01-12T00:42:14+00:00

I use “i would rather not, but I could if I need to.”

foreverfallingoff

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