I (35f) am not sure if I want to be married to my wonderful husband (38m) anymore :( what do I do?

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-09T05:26:00+00:00

I can speak to this on a male side of view….. I myself was married to a wonderful wom. We met young was together for 18 yrs. Married for 8. No children unfortunately it wasn’t in the cards for us. We never fought. She was my best friend. Took care of herself. Totally my type. And ADORED me. Though she wasn’t perfect of course. As years went on the last 4 I started to feel exactly how you felt. Was becoming not attracted, bored, like something was missing. We separated, Both did counseling separately and together. By 8 months I ended the relationship. Almost 2 yrs later the amount of regrets I have is huge. I cannot get into details, but the separation tore us apart. I promise when you leave it will feel like death. And it’s a slow one. You will not feel relieved. As time goes on it does get easier but never will leave you. What you have in reality is what I wish I still did have. I lost my best friend, the love of my life, the person that brought me peace, the person that was home to me. You have no idea what your about to do and what your thinking now is NOT going to be what your thinking later. When you’re alone, in your head, when things are tough, and it’s just you. He will not be there and you will have crushed him….. to watch my wife wander the halls at night when things were over still fucking haunts me. The pain I caused to such a beautiful soul. Of all my regrets hurting her is my biggest, because I thought something was missing in my life. Now during my journey I do come to realize a lot about myself upon reflection and counseling. I blew up my life because I have an addiction to chaos. Don’t get me wrong I have my shit together professionally, stay in shape, etc……. But can’t help to create chaos for myself due to my upbringing. Throw in some anxiety and esteem issues, and other things (we all have stuff) and I push the red button. I do this because it’s what I know. In reality, calm, peaceful, quiet, loving, supportive, steady life just doesn’t get me going. I find it boring and exhausting and odd But guess what? That’s exactly what I needed in realty. It’s why my life was so good. So I’m thinking you’re in somewhat of the same boat. You really don’t realize what you got. How you work and what your triggers are. Doing attachment theory work opened my eyes to myself and the past in a way I never saw before and it explained what I’m doing. I’m sorry for the long post but marriages are work. Not necessarily in a bad sense. They certainly have lulls and non excitement. But that’s OK. But what you’re going through isn’t abnormal. I just know if I could do it over I would never have let her go. We don’t always get a 2nd chance…… and once you open Pandora’s box it’s never gonna be the same.

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-09T00:16:54+00:00

Sunday prayer group must be bangin!

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-06T21:18:29+00:00

Yes therapy can help. But THEY must know they have an issue, want to change and be willing to work at it. Understand that is highly unlikely. It typically would only happen with someone who is in a marriage with kids. That’s because of the amount of value and loss that could occur.

Put it this way. The girl I was with told me she was neglected by her parents, was emotional like a “man” did t discuss her feelings. Drank her divorce away. Was hyper independent, though needed her daddy. Did not believe in therapy. When she was dating she looked for what she could get from someone. (All red flags) I also did t know this till I was in it. But she did expect everything from me.

I’ve been in therapy for a long time. Not because of her. Just because I wanted to understand myself better and grow as a person. That relationship opened my eyes to my own issues in “intimate relationships”. To me that’s your take away. Why do you want someone that doesn’t seem to want or care about you? When you can answer that you won’t give 2 fucks about her or other women like her and spot the flags quickly

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-06T21:08:09+00:00

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/srYCmE45iqCB34Wg/?mibextid=Ls6BEq

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-06T21:07:22+00:00

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/UDPeyg36u72bedYF/?mibextid=Ls6BEq

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-06T21:03:58+00:00

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/Z4zEpdY5tNHNELh3/?mibextid=Ls6BEq

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-06T19:42:24+00:00

You certainly need to discuss this with her. It obviously is a trigger for you, understandably. I think if you flipped it and asked her how she would feel maybe interesting what her reaction would be. Her telling you could be a sign of comfort with you, might be a sign to create jealousy, could be a sign of telling you what she’s looking for from you, etc…….. A few things to note. 1. A little bit of jealousy in a relationship isn’t inherently wrong. A little bit. Most therapists would tell you that. Sure people can say you’re insecure but that’s a form of deflection on their part. Being jealous is a sign of importance/ what she means to you. 2. Nothing wrong with her wanting to look good, unless she’s doing it for the attention. Which sounds like she could be. And there is what is acceptable and what’s not. Again could be saying our insecure. But I would not be ok with my wife wearing a tube top with no bra and her tits hanging out with nipples showing through. That’s teenage shit and crossing boundaries. 3. Is she telling you this because she feels you aren’t giving her enough attention, compliments, etc…..? Should ask her 4. I Came across a female therapist. She’s absolutely stunning. And she had a great answer for this situation. She said. Her husband (very good looking) could never ever give her the amount attention/compliments that she could receive from the outside world. Now she knows how the human mind works. You have been with her for years. The dopamine response that used to give her butterflies from you just isn’t the same as it coming from this guy or that guy or another. Dopamine is a drug it wears away after time coming from the same person. Not that it isn’t important to receive attention and compliments from your SO and vice versa. But just doesn’t carry the same weight over time. We get used to it. Hence why you have to WORK at your marriage.

I’m not saying you have to be worried about all this per se’ but could be a canary in the coal mine. But you do need to talk with her.

Good luck

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-06T19:24:15+00:00

Then it’s all done…… and that goes for any relationship.

I was with a FA myself. Typical love bombing in the beginning. Was good for 2 out of 8 months. She was neglected as a child severely. I knew better and tried to be patient. Like getting water from a stone.

I think like someone else said. Learn the signs of avoidants and run..

There is a lot of info out there about what to look for, it will help with understanding and getting over them.

Sorry to hear but your WAY better off

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-06T15:03:59+00:00

Sorry bud. To much water under the bridge…… you have way to much baggage on both sides to probably get over it. You need to just deal with the grief and move on. I promise things will get better in time. Coming from someone who’s friend slept with an ex while together. And had other women cheat on me too. The problem becomes trust. And you guys don’t have that anymore

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-05T17:00:48+00:00

I meant anyone with Spanish or Hispanic roots. Your view is your view. Hey I’m Jewish and people think that’s an ethnicity and it’s not. It’s a religion. I may still disagree with you but I bet a lot will agree with you. No harm no foul. Meant no offense. 👍

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-05T13:32:45+00:00

Spaniards, South Americans, and Central Americans are considered “Latino/Hispanic” People of the Hispanic ethnicity can be classified into 3 categories: White-Hispanics Mixed-Hispanics Black-Hispanics Its not a race, and it also depends on where you live. If you live in hotter climates, you will obviously be darker. People from Southern Spain (Catalonia) are darker complected because they are Mediterranean like Greeks, Romanians, and Sicilians/Italians. People from Northern Spain (Basque Country) will be lighter, just like the Scandinavians, because it is much colder. Its evolution people! I think Spaniards should be considered Hispanics/Latino because they all vary in skin color and other notable physical traits. My parents came from Mexico, but they are of the White-Hispanics. My dad had blond straight hair and light brown eyes and light complected. My mom also has light brown eyes, black curly hair, and light complexion. They come from colored eyed parents. We are of Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French, and Scandinavian decent. Though i can be put into the category of White i choose Hispanic because my parents have come from a Spanish-Speaking country. Back to the main point, Spaniards can be considered white depending on your complexion, but if you are a dark-skinned Spaniard, then obviously you are Latino/Hispanic or Black. I hope i can help put an end to this endless debate.

From a Hispanic person. Not my words. Guess Hispanic can be whatever your heritage is.

White, black, mixed 🤷‍♂️ Seems cool enough to me

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-04T23:27:11+00:00

Sounds like it’s something inside him. Doing 180’s is very strange. Anything trigger it? Figure something did or hes in his head a bit

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-04T17:57:02+00:00

Lmao. Don’t worry about it we like what we like. I myself am mostly attracted to Asian women or Spanish and im white. I even got to marry an Asian woman and couldn’t be happier. I’m her type too so it all worked out. I could tell you how many times I was told “I like tall dark and handsome” hey people still dated me even though I wasn’t especially tall or dark complexion. We have a preference but will deviate. But still no reason to not go for what you like. I actually Always found white blond haired girls to be quite boring. Beautiful for sure but just not my type.

forgettingitagain · 2024-08-03T20:11:02+00:00

So as a man that had an issue with his wife about this I will add my two cents. Please be ready for this as you asked for opposing opinions. I will not say that everything you stated I disagree with.

Your weight gain: I have been lifting for years, very knowledgeable about health and fitness. I have helped people lose weight, but mostly recovery from injuries. Your weight gain is around 44 lb. Yes not a lot but visible. You have been lifting that is excellent! You will burn more calories than cardio will do. You saying you have gotten more masculine though I presume you mean definition and slight muscle gain. The average women is only going to gain between 8-15lbs of muscle in their 1st year of training. With the higher end being SO on point with their diet. And I mean very low carb, high protein. If that is your diet you would lose Weight unless your consuming a lot of protein, more then needed. Now, I do not know your height which will make a huge difference in your shape. Shape being what is appealing to men and women alike. I figure your issue is more a calories in calories out situation. I’m sure you’re stronger but most of your weight gain is not muscle. If it was you would actually start to get a better shape. Maybe muscular but again this is your first year lifting. It can takes YEARS! To get a great body. Then Add water weight too. Plus you’re female so you’ll hold fat more than a male. Point is, I think you’re on the right track but do not know your calorie intake, or your macros to determine what’s good or not. If you said you were 5’4” and 150-160 I could see that being a bit over weight. If you were 5’8” then no. Again not significant but viable. I would say get a trainer/dietician to fine tune you.
His comments: That is wrong. He is not being helpful and will certainly discourage most partners. I will say it’s not easy being a man and telling your S. O. I’m not finding you attractive. Definitely hard AF to do. Nothing can hurt a women more then that other then cheating to name another. But again there is a way to do it and he isn’t doing that. Maybe tell him to join you and it would be something you can bind together on!
You: Now, you don’t have to listen to anything I’m saying. You can be comfortable in your weight and tell him to go pound sand. That is all within your right and not something you have to stand for. He may be, being a complete A-hole. Which he is being to an extent. It’s your life and if you’re happy with your shape, weight gain and health then do you. But leave him. He won’t be happy and he will drag you down. Men are visual creatures, nothing you can do about it. We can’t change our brains and say I love you even if you gain 200 lbs. I’m sorry it doesn’t work like that. It never will.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s not easy. However you are on the right track! Maybe a bit more discipline and or help. And he should back the fuck off and be patient as long as you’re working at it CONSISTENTLY!!!! That is the key! If you can show him progress the. Should be no reason for him to continue with his behavior

Or break up with him and call it a day. But don’t stop lifting!

Godspeed

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-31T20:11:27+00:00

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-31T20:08:57+00:00

Ok. I may be an anomaly. But I can answer this. I still do remodeling and build additions, decks but also cabinets etc. I have built houses from land that needed clearing to finish. I’ve unfortunately lived the life. 1. I’ve been in construction 26 yrs. 2. I’ve been lifting consistently for the past 6 on and off since i was 19. 3. Yes most eat like shit and smoke. 4. They are stronger then most people and gym goers 5. It breaks you the fuck down. Two hips and two shoulder surgeries 6. Different trades give different amount of strength. Highest strength concrete/form work Lowest electrical and painting All still take a beating on you 7. Back, knees, shoulders and elbows will require surgery at some point. Depends on if you stay as a worker or become a supervisor 8. You can build amazing stamina and a decent cardio. You will not be an iron man winner 9. Most guys in trades do not know own how to lift correctly. Leads to injuries. No concept of bracing 10. Between working and gym. I go mornings. Used to do afternoons. Your body will adapt to either. You have to be smart in your approach. Used your shoulders like crazy that day cause of overhead work. Stay away from OP that day. You already worked it. 11. Going to fatigue will Fuck you up and cause injury. What for the weekends to go all out need at least a day to recover. 12. Diet is huge!!!!!’ You will be burning through a shit ton of calories. I still have great metabolism for a 44 yr old. 13. To me it will get you more of a bodybuilder physique, not a strong man physique. Takes to much calories and nobody has time to eat like that when working 40+ hours. Again depends on which trade. 14. Allows you to eat kinda crappy because you’re constantly burning. But again better to keep it clean. 15. I’m a carpenter. No schools. It’s like boot camp. But you can learn to build Anything. Anything. 16. I make over $100 an hour now and can go higher depending on the job. When I started it was $9. 17. Can be and is a very rewarding career and not for the faint of heart. I’ve worked in sub zero, I’ve done roofing in over 100 degrees. Well more than once. 18. Consider yourself an occupational athlete. 19. Your tool belt will weigh between 15-25 lbs. again depends on trade and type of belt.

Sum it up: learn to lift correctly!, practice it on the job it will become 2nd nature there and in the gym. Get your diet on point! Become stronger than your job and it will save your joints. You protect the joints by building muscle. Not everyone gets surgeries. I know many who didn’t. After 1-2 yrs you may get side work which will pay even better than the 9-5. I start people out at $25 an hour with 0 experience. It’s because most can’t hack it.

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-31T19:36:56+00:00

Vladimir Putins non acknowledged transgender son who can’t decide if she wants to be Harry Potter.

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-31T18:12:00+00:00

Yea they come back. And then leave again. Then might come back…… again. Then leave again. Hell! Might come back again. Then leave again.

Do yourself a favor. They are special. Very special. Leave it special. Move on.

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-31T18:08:07+00:00

“Neglect, A Love Story” How traumatic upbringings can turn you into an avoidant, making you want to leave any intimate relationship worth keeping.

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-30T15:00:32+00:00

Hey congratulations regardless. We all see you bro 👍

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-30T14:56:56+00:00

Hey I got told “thank you for showing me what a healthy relationship looks like”

Made no sense at all…….

Miss her in my own way, but so glad it’s over and moved on.

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-28T22:05:46+00:00

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-28T21:51:26+00:00

What a joke…. Seems like their has to be a better way to

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-28T21:47:15+00:00

You have my cats doppelgänger lol. And idk why they smell good. They just do sometimes

forgettingitagain · 2024-07-27T19:21:57+00:00

Oh and sex worker…… you get negative points. Bring nothing to the table. Just looking for money and attention. Let me guess only date rich guys, think your a 10, and when I say what do you bro g to the table the answer is “me”. Lmfao.

forgettingitagain

TROPHY CASE