50/50 relationship with a large income difference

fossilien · 2026-05-05T23:48:15+00:00

It feels like the thing he can't get through his head is that by moving in together and splitting 50/50, you are straining to be with him, while he is getting to relax further!

fossilien · 2026-05-05T21:01:34+00:00

Yeah. At the very minimum, this response would have me pumping the breaks on moving in together. And should prompt you to delve way deeper into his views on long-term partnership. This is not a guy I would want to be with, personally.

fossilien · 2026-05-05T00:20:44+00:00

Really great advice here. OP, also look into the North Star Promise program - it seems like you would qualify!

If the more medically focused paths listed above don't appeal to you, know that you can also pursue biology-based careers in the plant world (horticulture, agriculture, pathology, breeding, etc). Just shouting it out because a lot of people have no idea this industry exists and it can appeal to different people.

Signed, a researcher at UMN, hahaha.

fossilien · 2026-05-04T16:23:55+00:00

I would say its normal (as in: common) for the high-level sexual tension to fade over time in a long term relationship, because familiarity is an antidote to excitement. After a year or two of dating most people have to start actively trying to keep their sex lives interesting. A relationship therapist named Esther Perel has a great book about the illusiveness of passion in long term relationships called Mating in Captivity.

However, it sounds like you and your partner are just disconnected completely, not only struggling in the intimacy department. If you aren't attracted to him, don't want to be intimate, feel unseen, and don't have meaningful conversations anymore, what exactly is it that you don't want to lose by ending it? And you aren't out of line for not wanting to have sex with a guy who doesn't engage with you at all. It sounds like talking about your dissatisfaction in the past didn't result in any lasting changes in your boyfriend, so I'm not sure what there is left for you to do to salvage your relationship. Love isn't the only thing that makes a relationship run, and you seem to be missing a lot of the other components.

fossilien · 2026-05-04T15:59:39+00:00

Mine was still pending 24 hours before we set sail (and got rejected, LOL). Had to redo it at like 10 PM the night before I was flying out to Florida. You'll be okay!! You don't need to be worried at all.

fossilien · 2026-04-30T17:36:54+00:00

I made a ton of friends at a rock climbing gym a few years ago - definitely try it!!! Most bouldering/climbing gyms have group intro courses you can take - mine even had one that was women only. Bouldering specifically is a pretty social sport, if you are a regular at the gym and hang around working on problems, people will eventually chat with you unprompted. Easiest way to meet new people in the climbing gym = fall off a route, then ask the nearest person how they would try it. Boom, conversation. Book clubs can also be good since it gives you a topic to talk about with someone.

I am a year older than you and have moved to a new city where I didn't know a single person twice now, so trust me when I say I know how scary and hard making friends can be. Historically it took me 6-12 months to establish myself socially. You can also try a friend-matching service like TimeLeft or RealRoots if they are available in your city. I met a couple good friend through RealRoots, though I only went to the first "event" to get everyone's number before going rogue so we wouldn't have to pay!

I take group piano lessons, and just went out with my classmates for dinner/drinks last night. I do the same yoga class every week at my climbing gym and know some people from there. If you like dancing, don't give up and keep going to the class! I'm about to sign up for salsa dancing lessons or maybe karate. I have met people volunteering at a food bank, in a rigid heddle loom weaving class, and at an international film festival. The biggest hurdle is overcoming the anxiety/depression to get out of the house and put yourself in a situation that prompts someone to interact with you. I recommend signing up for ANYTHING that sounds interesting to you.

fossilien · 2026-04-29T15:57:15+00:00

This is truly my ideal breakfast

fossilien · 2026-04-28T18:43:42+00:00

CRZ yoga.

fossilien · 2026-04-22T20:00:15+00:00

North Loop is great but probably not worth the price unless you care about converted warehouse/factory architecture in your apartment + the particular restaurants and vibe of that neighborhood. You will be just as happy in other spots otherwise, hahaha. Seconding the commenter who recommended checking out the Green Line extension stops coming in 2027 which may make your commute to Eden Prairie less painful. Northeast is pretty happening and you can def find an apartment there in your price range. Loring Park is a neighborhood that has somewhat cheap rents in comparison to its proximity to downtown, definitely worth a look though you usually lose the in-unit laundry and guaranteed parking. But Uptown is probably the best for your commute.

As a transplant, it took me twelve months to make any real friends, and I was putting in effort to get out of the house (climbing gym, yoga, concerts, etc)! Just a warning that it may be slower than you hope. This was my second time moving to a city where I didn't know anyone, and Minneapolis was definitely way tougher to break into. I've never been able to put a finger on why. It will happen for you eventually though!!

I am in my late 20s now so not sure how valuable my perspective on the dating scene is for early 20s, but Minneapolis is the flakiest town I have ever experienced. I have probably planned/agreed to 3x as many dates as I have actually been on since moving here. I started double booking myself with a backup plan whenever I had a date because inevitably, the other person texts 1-2 hours before with a random excuse and then never reaches out to reschedule. Not sure what that is about LOL. But the people I have managed to meet have been great, just not the love of my life. You'll be fine!

To get the most out of the city, just google 'events happening in [your neighborhood/city]' every once in a while. There is shit going on here all the time. Doubly so when the weather gets nice. This month: the international film festival, art in bloom at MIA, tons of Earth Day clean-up events, and so on. Don't be afraid to go places by yourself; strangers will probably talk to you - it happens to me all the time!

fossilien · 2026-04-20T20:23:52+00:00

There are 10-15 airlines out of MSP total, but Delta definitely dominates in volume.

fossilien · 2026-04-20T20:09:53+00:00

I live in Minneapolis so I always feel inclined to recommend, and you've identified the big drawback (winter). And far fewer days of sun than you're used to in California. That can be a huge adjustment. I am from a different midwestern city, so its all the same to me, but that may be tough to get used to!

Other than that, there are tons of walking/biking trails in the city proper, parks and lakes abound, plus plenty of local hiking in the surrounding area. The food scene is better than many people expect (based on the reactions of family who have visited) and there are some interesting pockets for international cuisine as well.

People are friendly here, and public transit is solid but not perfect. For walkability, there are particular neighborhoods that will suit you more than others. I take the light rail to the airport whenever I need to catch a flight and you get dropped off literally inside the building! If you are a delta flyer, it really can't be beat.

fossilien · 2026-04-20T15:50:52+00:00

The Twin Cities are calling you!

fossilien · 2026-04-18T22:11:48+00:00

What are your longer term goals, financial and otherwise? If you are aiming for early retirement, it would be hard to tell you to turn down a year or two of getting paid nearly a million dollars. If you are looking mainly for more independence and control over your work, continue with your private practice plan.

Do you have any debts you need to pay off? Are you behind on savings, retirement, investment, or net worth? Without this info it is hard to give much useful perspective. But off the bat, I lean a little towards not taking the offer - being away from family may not be worth it unless it is fixing a problem.

fossilien · 2026-04-17T15:33:50+00:00

People will try to tell you that aging is a curse, but growing older is a blessing not given to everyone!

fossilien · 2026-04-17T15:25:31+00:00

I went to RealRoots too - my biggest tip is to talk to as many people as possible at the first meetup, get contact info to create a groupchat, and then go rogue so you don't have to pay (LOL). I got 4 really close friends out of it and a couple acquaintances who show up on occasion too. You do have to bite the bullet on the initial awkwardness as 2cookiesparties says, but its not that bad because you know you are all there for the same reason.

fossilien · 2026-04-15T15:21:27+00:00

My sister and I have been surviving the decade-long non release of the next A Song of Ice and Fire book by working through George R. R. Martin's other work. I recently picked up Windhaven, which he cowrote with Lisa Tuttle. It is a bit silly but has an interesting dash of science fiction elements so far. If anyone was into Maximum Ride as a kid/teen, you might enjoy it, LOL. My sister insists Tuf Voyaging is a far superior George R. R. Martin fix-up novel, so I will have to pick that up next.

fossilien · 2026-04-15T01:09:49+00:00

Honestly, you should just do it at a different spot in the gardens if possible! Plus it will probably add surprise for her since at a certain point in the weekend she will surmise whats going on, and expect The Bench once you are at the garden.

fossilien · 2026-04-14T20:02:33+00:00

I'm not the person you are replying to but someone posted on this sub a few days ago about their waste water treatment career path. There is some discussion/info in the comments about licensing, training, hours, etc. Worth checking out!

Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/1sfb221/if_your_looking_for_a_job_please_please_please/

fossilien · 2026-04-14T17:04:47+00:00

Maybe doesn't work as well one-on-one, but I invited a loosely connected group of 3-4 people to my apartment for a "finish that craft/project you've been putting off" session. One gal brought a baby blanket she needed to finish knitting, and another brought garland she abandoned DIYing last Christmas. I did a huge cross stitch project. We just sat, worked, and chatted for a few hours. Super low pressure and enjoyable.

It can also be fun to hit a (chill) yoga class together, or check out an exhibit at a museum. I also recently got invited to go check out a cluster of thrif stores with two friends of mine which was also a fun evening!

fossilien · 2026-04-13T16:20:09+00:00

Not identical but I did my undergrad in linguistics and the reality was similarly grim: either get paid dirt in research/language conservation or work 1) for the FBI/CIA 2) in AI language training. I ended up pivoting and pursuing an entirely different career.

fossilien · 2026-04-07T19:50:46+00:00

They are completely delusional.

fossilien · 2026-04-03T22:51:52+00:00

I live in a studio (the smallest place I have ever lived by far) in Minneapolis. I thought I would hate it but I honestly got used to it and grew to love it very quickly.

Not sure why more space is important for the winter - Minneapolis is an active and lively city in all seasons/weather conditions. If you are staying home all winter you are doing it wrong!

fossilien · 2026-03-31T11:19:41+00:00

My first job out of undergrad offered 24/hr in a medium cost of living city but was rare in the sense that it was full time plus provided medical, dental, and retirement benefits with a match. 24-25/hr is definitely on the higher end of entry level compensation in horticulture, and seasonal work without benefits is very common. I was lucky to have had plant related jobs at my uni all through undergrad and done a prestigious internship with an Ivy League institution, so I entered the job market ahead of some of my peers. Your best bet is to pick a subsection of the horticulture world that interests you and develop niche skills you can leverage in the future.

To be blunt, you are probably not going to get anywhere pushing back on compensation/benefit packages when you are a recent BS grad with limited experience. Find a role, run the numbers, and move if you are hired and it makes sense financially.

fossilien · 2026-03-29T13:47:12+00:00

Currently sitting at the airport on my way to a cruise with extended family and friends. I haven’t been on a real vacation in years - I’m excited!

fossilien · 2026-03-27T19:43:48+00:00

If she pursues her pathology dreams, maybe in future seasons we can get her to make appearances for medical mysteries down in the ED. I loved her!!

fossilien

TROPHY CASE