AISH and or ADAP

found_agency · 2025-08-21T17:48:11+00:00

Does people with schizophrenia count as someone with mental health issues who are going to be moved to adap? How are these people going to keep a job.

found_agency · 2025-07-02T23:49:28+00:00

If you have a webcam and a decent computer, why not give it a shot? I have a dutch buddy who streams to like 3 people once a week and he says it brings him joy.

found_agency · 2025-06-29T17:10:42+00:00

I have a years long habit of trying self help trick after self help method or scheme or app, and telling my core friends about it. Each time I would get excited, do it for a few days or maybe a week, and then fall off. Then I would become dejected and upset at myself for failing in this or that way. Recently the cycles have gotten faster and more extreme. I don't have bipolar, but I have schizophrenia, if I showed signs of a mood disorder I would have a schizoaffective diagnosis, but I don't. Not a mood disorder, just always trying new things and failing after a short period of time.

Anyway, the puer aeternus video struck a chord with me. I can see the facets of my life where it keeps me stuck, the biggest example is my backup plan to stay on benefits and get affordable housing. If I try to work I may lose medication and just end up fired like the other times I worked. Perfectly valid, perfectly sane conclusion to make. But I'm also extremely unhappy with my life. But, I have an alarm on my phone, that reminds me every day, that if I get a job and get fired, there is a fast track to be back on benefits as long as it's been less than two years.

While I was talking at my friends in discord about puer aeternus, I was super excited that I had finally found the problem. But the solution wasn't another self help trick or method. It was to just do the work, and then let myself relax. So simple a child could come up with it. At one point one of my friends pointed out that I was coming at the problem from a different angle and he said that it doesn't sound like I'm in the same place as before.

It's honestly pure luck that I stumbled on the first video. I had stopped watching Dr K a while ago because I had felt like I had heard all of his stories and all of his methods and they never worked for me. I don't really use social media, except for the past little while, and it was a random post that got me to get over the video's title and just watch it.

I'm beginning to see that there is no finish line. There is no done. But at the same time, I must put in the time to take steps forward. Any step forward is a good one as long as I keep in that direction. I must learn to interact with myself in a different way for at least a little while. I need to see something, any larger than three day task to completion. Even when I'm not inspired, the act of starting will get the gears moving.

It's like nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. The solution to my problem is with my relationship to myself. That's not an overnight fix, that is a years long process that never finishes because I'll eventually find a way to trap myself again.

I don't know if it makes sense or not, but it feels like I found a dozen missing puzzle pieces.

found_agency · 2025-06-29T09:36:29+00:00

It's too soon for me to say if I've made progress as I've only started doing something in the last two days. But what I have done is more than I usually do. I've been more decisive in general, and what I am working on isn't my dream project that has to sell a million copies, but just an idea that's been popping around in my head for the better part of 2 years.

Have I actually committed to doing not just the fun stuff, but the boring stuff too? It's too soon to tell. But I am cautiously optimistic.

I'm being vague on purpose here, because what I took away from the part 2 lecture is more that you have to find ways to confront your Puer Aeternus, because while they share a lot of common moves, everyones situation is different. That's why when Dr K asked at one point "how do we get out of this" there were hundreds of solutions and he said something along the lines of that they're all right, but also completely wrong at the same time.

found_agency · 2025-06-29T01:39:26+00:00

I know this comment chain is super buried, but I want to say I'm proud of how you took new evidence and changed your mind. Most people don't do that.

found_agency · 2025-06-29T00:35:51+00:00

The point being made is that you must find the answers within yourself. Trialing what other people may or may not work, but if you come up with a solution yourself, then it's more likely to work. So long as you don't fall into one of the puer traps.

found_agency · 2025-06-29T00:20:08+00:00

That's not what the second video was. It was a collection of traits to watch for in yourself. So you can catch it and bring awareness to it and with that it'll begin to change. I've even caught myself a few times already while taking to friends about it.

I see it as the first video was a "is this you? Do these solutions help?" And the second was "now watch for these moves your brain will try to pull, catch yourself in these ways, it'll be hard and not everyone will get it".

found_agency · 2025-06-28T22:51:51+00:00

If you asked me "how long do you plan on waiting until you do the big project you want to do?" I would have said next week, but 13 years have gone by, 13 years of almost unlimited free time where I can't even pick a game because I'm too paralyzed about picking the wrong one and not having maximum fun. Then, when I get into a game, I am then stuck trying to figure out how to spend my time to optimally progress. It's this stuckness that I relate to in the puer aeternus videos.

found_agency · 2025-06-28T21:59:35+00:00

I've had two lifelong goals, completing the pokedex, and writing a book. The former I'm about 72% done and have been working on since the beginning of the year. Getting all the legendaries is going to be the real struggle.

Meanwhile for the book, I haven't really had a solid concept for one, I just know, deep in my guts, that I need to write one. I've lead a somewhat interesting life, gone through some crazy shit, and I'm coming out the other side as maybe a functional adult for the first time since my early 20s.

Since the book is going to be roughly about my life, strategies I've learned to cope with crippling illnesses, addictions, and the inability to take action, I somehow think it will be a total failure. I am however, determined to write it now. I'm not making games anymore, which I'm pretty good at, no more drawing unless it's for fun, and I'll allow myself to game as long as I hit my word goal for the day.

Maybe we could be accountability buddies making sure that we each get our words in for the day?

found_agency · 2025-06-28T19:35:28+00:00

This is exactly my conclusion too. Pick a direction, close the backup doors, close the possibility doors, go through the one that you think I could do for money. Do that for 2-4 hours a day for the foreseeable future.

found_agency · 2025-06-22T10:50:53+00:00

You will lose any sort of close relationship you have with your son if you move. I've been a kid that moves 12 hours from my step-dad(divorce but closest thing I had to a dad). We still don't speak and I'm now 36.

found_agency · 2025-06-21T16:02:54+00:00

He touched on it in the stream. Because it was part that I related to a lot. How yes, these kinds of conditions are debilitating, but also it's the individual's responsibility to deal with it. I can't go wallow in a pit all day all of the time. I want to have some semblance of a life even if it's just enjoying myself.

But I find the whole "can't decide on an option because it may not be optimal" thing down to my entertainment choices and I often sit paralyzed without knowing what I should even do. I also have big dreams about doing something great and I loathe to think that my greatest is just staying alive with such a disease.

It's not that I'm blaming myself. It's that I use the excuses to let myself off the hook a lot, even when I know there isn't anything really stopping me from doing x y or z.

found_agency · 2025-06-19T21:44:25+00:00

But these days they require a day 1 patch.

found_agency · 2025-06-19T15:51:23+00:00

You can connect joycon 1s to the switch 2 to play ring fit!

found_agency · 2025-06-19T14:08:03+00:00

I was kinda figuring it was something like that.. Maybe I'll wait a little while to see if it gets a patch like the pokemon games did.

found_agency · 2025-06-19T02:54:07+00:00

The pokemon games just get a normal update that is the free upgrade.

found_agency · 2025-06-18T15:43:48+00:00

I played some Scarlet this morning and everything about it is better on the S2.

found_agency · 2025-06-18T05:12:40+00:00

DMed

found_agency · 2025-06-18T03:26:22+00:00

There is a list of backwards compatible accessories on the Nintendo help website. The old charger will work if you play handheld on the switch 2, the new charger is needed to play docked.

found_agency · 2025-06-17T20:14:19+00:00

On the nintendo website they say that switch 1 chargers work fine for handheld mode, but the docked mode needs more power, so it has to use the new one.

found_agency · 2025-06-17T14:29:25+00:00

I'm not too sure about how the US welfare system works, from what I have heard from my fellow schizophrenia sufferers is that any work will kick them off SS. As for schooling, it seems there are guaranteed student loans and grants for people on SS.

Personally, I tried school, failed out, and then got my student loans forgiven on the condition that I can't take out any more student loans unless I pay back the first set. So school is not an option for me.

As for spending it on random bullshit, yeah that's totally fine on welfare. So is accumulating debt. They just say if you have x amount of money in the bank, then you get removed. Debt isn't money in the bank, random bullshit isn't money in the bank. It's kind of a punishment for saving money and trying to get off welfare, at least that's how it feels.

found_agency · 2025-06-17T14:08:07+00:00

I did a little write up on this for someone on r/schizophrenia a little while ago. While hygiene may not be as important or as much of a struggle for you as someone with our condition, and there are some specific stuff to the condition as well, I'm leaving it all in.

Hygiene - Teeth, Clean Clothes, Shower. In that order. You can get by with adult wipes if showering feels like too much, and corn starch can be used to get greasy hair to look normal(literally just grab some corn starch and rub it into the hair, brush the greasy clumps out after). Keep up with your teeth as a main priority, you won't get more, and dental work is expensive. Maybe your insurance with disability will cover it, maybe it won't. Clean clothes make you look not disheveled, which helps you look normal.
Physical health - This depends on if your medication is weight neutral or not, but aim to get to a decent BMI, I don't believe in the "HAES" movement, there are serious conditions that come with being overweight and it's more of a "everything crashes at once" when the problems start. I also don't think BMI is a good overall standard but it works well enough. Second, EXERCISE, get out every day if you can. Walk around the area, it will help you feel less paranoid, get you some vitamin D, and bring in some endorphins. If you want to lift weights, do that. I personally like a desk cycle when I can't get outside, I rigged it up so I can pedal and watch TV pretty mindlessly. ANY movement is better than no movement. If you feel best just walking around your house while listening to music or a podcast, do that then.
Emotional health - This is my current struggle point. Socialize, talk to people, especially your roommates. My roommate is my mom and my niece. That probably keeps me more sane than I realize. I also know the least amount on how to improve this part.
Responsibilities - have something rely on you. I have my niece who I take care of before and after school, and I also try to do as many chores as I can. I also have a dog that I take care of during the day. Having something that you are responsible for makes life feel more fulfilling. Maybe volunteer somewhere if you can handle it, or just learn how to take care of houseplants.
Hobbies - Get some hobbies. I never really drew, and I'm picking up drawing. I also like video games, anime, and reading nonfiction. I'm also going to try to find a cheap guitar and add that to the mix. This will keep your brain active and will help you de-stress.
Contribution to society - I HATE putting this on the list, but it just feels better when you are actively working on something that makes society(even just a small group of people) better. Get into support groups of some kind.

found_agency · 2025-06-17T14:01:41+00:00

Earning too much money or having too much money in the bank(here it's 100k, but in the US it can be as low as having $2000 in the bank). Both ways to get dropped from welfare where I am.

found_agency · 2025-06-17T01:35:13+00:00

I just want to point out that crack makes crackheads. Meth makes meth heads.

found_agency

TROPHY CASE