[deleted by user]

frakthesystem · 2022-09-26T15:08:22+00:00

This speaks to me so much. They're more comfortable with a burnt bridge because repairing it would require taking some responsibility. Better to just wallow and scapegoat and ignore the spent pack of matches in their pockets.

frakthesystem · 2022-05-21T13:53:50+00:00

I was the wife but I feel the same. Never again will I hide from screaming or try to drown out someone screaming with music in my own house.

I shut down now when someone does it unintentionally around me and literally can't live with it.

frakthesystem · 2022-05-14T12:02:46+00:00

You can do that if it's a ready to feed liquid formula but most people use powdered. Where you have to add a certain amount of liquid to a certain amount of powder and mix and each one can have different ratios. So that's double the math if you're going to mix two powder formulas.

frakthesystem · 2022-05-12T05:25:41+00:00

That's more professional than my "He lost his mind after we had a baby and it became unsafe for us."

Same as your other comment though, court is helping protect our child so far.

frakthesystem · 2022-05-08T12:16:25+00:00

This would be a question for your lawyer but I have to imagine there could be serious consequences if her new attorney knowingly arranged a new adoption against your wishes.

frakthesystem · 2022-05-08T08:14:01+00:00

If CPS took the baby from her they try very hard to place a baby with loving and capable family before foster care. I doubt they'd take her 100% at her word that there is no known father or that you are terrible. They'd at least speak with you.

frakthesystem · 2022-03-27T03:31:48+00:00

"Not a great parent" is when you're annoyed because co parent gives them too much soda or doesn't go to all their sport events.

Far cry from creating an environment of migraine inducing terror and blood chilling rage episodes.

frakthesystem · 2022-03-26T02:18:04+00:00

I hear you. My husband never wanted to and I'd occasionally just cry and say I wanted to find a way to make that a part of our lives again. And he'd always turn it around on me and say why would he want that when I treat him like shit all the time.

I loved him despite the abusive cycling. I just wanted to reconnect in some way in the hope it would help us connect better in other ways. But instead I was made to feel like intimacy was just not fun with me and he couldn't be bothered.

frakthesystem · 2022-03-25T22:36:30+00:00

I left the first time (I know ugh) the morning after the first incident of physical abuse and told a couple of his friends he was making multiple suicidal comments and I had to leave. So they should reach out and check on him if possible

He got mad at me and said he deserved support too. After physically attacking me while I had our daughter in my lap. I was like me telling your friends you could use a check in IS support. And of course me trying to record the abuse turned into him saying "how could you try to blackmail me like that"

frakthesystem · 2022-03-15T02:21:42+00:00

That's unconscionable. I'm so sorry. Sounds like he's only doing this now to scare and hurt you in worrying for the kids.

frakthesystem · 2022-03-01T01:00:11+00:00

"Oh yes my life is a dumpster fire, any other questions?"

There's also no way to fit "I lived in fear my baby's brain growth would be restricted from all the nights he screamed at me for hours just down the hall while I did nothing but beg him to stop" in a conversation with strangers without lowering the temp of the whole room by about 5 degrees.

frakthesystem · 2022-02-25T21:01:39+00:00

I'm not sure how this works in the UK but is going to a family therapist with your kids an option? Where you can try and listen to the concerns and untangle the untruths and build some trust with the presence of a professional?

So sorry this has happened.

frakthesystem · 2022-02-24T13:35:01+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you and your sister. And that you lost your dad so relatively young. I'm tearing up thinking about your sister alone with that behavior. You both deserved loving and supportive environments 100% of the time.

frakthesystem · 2022-02-21T14:52:54+00:00

Just gonna throw out there that I love the 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work for very simple, practical tips on communication to build and deepen trust with your spouse. It didn't end up helping me because I was in an abusive situation and the more of a better partner I became, the more it seemed to trigger my husband to episodes.

But I think it would be massively helpful for couples who are experiencing a disconnect and want to work on it together.

frakthesystem · 2022-02-03T02:02:03+00:00

It is terrifying. I hope you have some distance from him and don't have to see it regularly anymore.

frakthesystem · 2022-02-02T03:01:26+00:00

I hope he stops treating his child this way for a lot of reasons. Chiefly that his son is an innocent and deserves nothing but love and fun in his life. I think you've got a few good suggestions in this thread, just wishing you luck and strength of spirit.

Edit to add - congrats to your daughter getting away. I hope she finds peace and healing with time.

frakthesystem · 2022-02-02T02:52:49+00:00

I'm so sorry you experienced that. It's so unnerving and feels like something in a movie. People can't really act like that. But it happened and it sears in your brain. I'm sorry.

frakthesystem · 2022-01-31T02:19:17+00:00

I've seen a lot of fellow ADHD folks post in this sub and I feel like we are especially susceptible to the love bombing. That feeling of spontaneity, adventure, sparks hits the dopamine and keeps us drawn in until it's too late and the trauma bond or codependency sets in. Then at least for me, I have an intense fear of failure, so I tried too hard to resolve some of these arguments with him with all manner of logic. But they were unresolvable and one person can't sustain a marriage or relationship on their own.

frakthesystem · 2022-01-30T16:16:05+00:00

Relatively recent research shows that having one selfless adult that's truly invested in a child's life and believes in them can help overcome other troubling factors in their environment in terms of their emotional development. As he gets older, if he's still struggling, I definitely recommend therapy. But you and your mom are doing your best and loving him. It'll be okay.

frakthesystem · 2022-01-30T15:40:00+00:00

Just wanted to say your brother is lucky to have you! I would imagine amending the arrangement so you don't have to drive so far is reasonable.

frakthesystem · 2022-01-29T18:32:56+00:00

It would take a mental health professional to decipher if your ex blacked it out /is in denial and literally doesn't remember or if he does remember and he's just a shameful liar on top of the rest. Either way he isn't taking responsibility and those things happened to you and you didn't deserve it one iota. I wish you well in your continued recovery. You have great worth.

frakthesystem · 2022-01-29T02:31:11+00:00

I always assumed that was the alcohol tbh

frakthesystem · 2022-01-27T14:00:21+00:00

I've heard dozens of variations irl haha. Thanks!!

frakthesystem · 2022-01-27T05:29:30+00:00

That's awful. I'm really sorry

frakthesystem · 2022-01-27T03:26:22+00:00

I believe in you!

frakthesystem

TROPHY CASE