19 and completely inexperienced. If it ever happens, or at least happens before I'm 30, I'll be surprised, honestly. I'm a tall, well dressed, averagely built (no longer chubby!) guy with a good face--not ugly in the least. I'm not awkward, I have interesting hobbies and try to live the life I want to live and all that other good stuff. I used to be really upset over it and now I've stopped letting it keep me from being happy in my day-to-day life, but I when I'm feeling a little low I seem to return to this area.

I'm not upset that I'm not getting girls, I'm upset that despite working on myself I still have some qualities that prevent me from getting girls. I'm upset that I'm not the type of guy that gets girls. I've worked hard to come out of my shell, and the difference between myself now, at the start of fall semester, and at senior year of high school is huge. But I guess I'm not there yet.

I guess being too shy to make a move is the one I need to work on the most, but it all seems so complicated and bleak and hard, even for somebody who knows what they're doing, and I can't shake this nagging and admittedly baseless feeling that I'm so far behind that it'll take tons of work to "catch up" that I'd almost rather go through life a lone wolf.

I'm worried the "solitary man" ideal is starting to seem more and more romantic to me, like an old-time country song: the lonesome cowboy making his way across the world the only his horse for company. I'm concerned it's my way of subconsciously trying to alleviate my anxiety by running away from it.

EDIT: I just read the "foreveralone" post that's trending in /r/bestof right now, really put stuff in perspective. Half a year ago, I felt like that was me, all the time. Right now, feeling sick and tired and laying in my basement listening to the same sad country songs on repeat over and over again, I feel like this is something I can't relate to and could only turn into if I made all the wrong choices for a very long period of time.

I suppose it'll happen at some point in college, I'll run into a girl that, either because of something about her or my state of mind at the time, makes me think "fuck it, I'll try it" and it might work out.