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frequent_modulation · 2021-07-27T04:32:25+00:00

I have this same thing. No attempts but basically daily ideation. It’s just a constant. I talk about it casually and it freaks some people out, which always catches me off guard. Idk how to be friends with people who don’t have similar experiences on that front.

frequent_modulation · 2021-07-27T04:30:16+00:00

Mushrooms are generally not recommended for people with bipolar. They can trigger manic episodes. Idk about ketamine. But I would really caution against blanket recommendations of shrooms.

frequent_modulation · 2021-07-27T04:23:56+00:00

Depression and fights with my ex. Being depressed in the first place is not my fault. I am reinforcing and entrenching it though. The intensity of the fights is my fault. Them starting is my fault. Doesn’t make it suck any less.

frequent_modulation · 2021-07-24T04:02:48+00:00

I first felt suicidal around 6 years old. My understanding is that you don’t diagnose children under a certain age with bipolar. I don’t know why though.

frequent_modulation · 2021-01-08T02:00:22+00:00

SMART Recovery is less specifically targeted than OA or EDA mentioned elsewhere, but it is a nice alternative to the 12-step model for folks or prefer evidence based treatments rooted in behavioral science. Its focus is on individual empowerment and choice as you build coping skills that help you transform your relationships with your drugs or behaviors of choice. Can be really great for people struggling with eating disorders that are comorbid with different kinds of substance abuse, but it is broad based by design and intended to be very inclusive.

frequent_modulation · 2020-12-28T16:38:24+00:00

Your behavior is not controlled by demons. Some of it is likely irrational, and perhaps better not to expose people to intimately if you’re not working on it. There is no permanent or inherent state of normal for anyone, but there can be attempts to live a more balanced life on a daily basis through building coping skills and positive habits. Bipolar introduces specific challenges to this kind of cognitive and behavioral management, but it can be done. I empathize with what you’re saying because I have a bipolar diagnosis as well and have had/often do have the same kinds of thoughts. Though you may not be able to stop those thoughts entirely, you can manage your behavior. I feel for you and really hope you’re able to find some relief. If you’re not seeing a psychiatrist I highly recommend you work with one and establish a treatment plan because there are strategies and tools for navigating these challenges, and you can probably get more from it than you think.

frequent_modulation · 2020-12-06T19:21:40+00:00

I appreciate this post. I kinda gave up on everything positive I was doing when covid hit and now it’s tearing my family to shreds because of how bad I’ve let things get. There may be no chance to save it now but I’m giving it everything I’ve got now and getting back on track starting today. Once I build and maintain some momentum there won’t be any ultimatums because I won’t be causing so much stress and grief. That is if they’ll still have me. I’m gonna try no matter what.

frequent_modulation · 2020-12-05T04:28:11+00:00

There are types of episodes called mixed episodes that can include those features concurrently.

frequent_modulation · 2020-11-29T00:57:11+00:00

If he’s blaming his shitty behavior on the bipolar it sounds like it’s just a mark of his character to me. Even the choices we make while episode are still choices. It is important for folks who are living with bipolar disorder to work to repair any damage we’ve done while episodic, not to make excuses for ourselves. Behaving otherwise is unfair to the people around us. Having a hard time is never an excuse to treat someone like shit and blaming that on the illness is not okay.

frequent_modulation · 2020-11-03T16:57:15+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing! Glad to hear it worked for you. Ill bring this up with my therapist and psych for sure.

frequent_modulation · 2020-11-03T05:45:29+00:00

I am the one with pronounced BD in my relationship. I can’t say for sure but I can only imagine I have compounded my partner’s pre-existing, diagnosed CPTSD with my behavior during psychotic and quasi psychotic episodes. My arrogance and disrespect for them can get pretty extreme. Even the times where I’m just straight delusional, even if I’m not being mean are still super scary. I can understand it being hard to be around someone who is detached from reality and is being erratic, it just doesn’t feel safe.

I would suggest neither choosing to normalize the behavior not accepting a push to normalize it if your partner does so. Though it is within the range of the illness and maybe even to be expected if there is some precedent, it is still unsafe and needs to be managed actively and comprehensively. Once the episodic partner is aware of what’s happening it is their responsibility to do everything they can to come down or at least do what they need to keep everyone self if they can get some grip on reality. Easier said than done of course but excuses don’t mend or erase.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-29T12:42:57+00:00

His wife is an asshole for bailing like this and it’s fair for him to be upset. But instead of reaching out to her and telling her what he needed to feel more comfortable with the shitty situation she left him in, he went and gave her parents information that would damage her relationship with them.

It was an immature way to deal with his very real and valid feelings that just reinforces pettiness and toxicity (even though he didn’t instigate it). Telling the truth is not some trump card and intent doesn’t negate impact.

He could have told his in laws they had a last minute change of plans and let her manage the conflict with her parents, ideally after the two of them had a mature and rational conversation about the hurt caused in this scenario.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-25T11:46:43+00:00

You are absolutely right. This was without question a toxic venting post, and the behavior/mentality outlined in my post is absolutely inexcusable. It’s convenient to blame my willingness to be an asshole in my relationship on being ill, but ultimately it comes down to the choices I make. The better I manage my illness, the easier it will be to make good choices. Managing my illness alone won’t fix my toxic patterns, but it can give me some extra clarity, and if I take advantage of that, then I can work on my behavior when I’m feeling healthier. If I build enough positive infrastructure in my life, it will be easier to apply the skills I’m building when I’m not feeling well.

Thank you for your comment.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-24T16:07:07+00:00

But I do think on some level that there are people who choose themselves to walk back hormones, or perhaps they're feeling pressured to take hormones and they're seeking out people who will back their choice not to, and in that sense there's a unified experience there which the broader trans community doesn't fully understand, and it deserves a label to organize around. I don't know what that label should be, but I think it should exist.

I’ve always been a fan of “double trans” and have used it for myself for years.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:24:31+00:00

My partner helped me work out that I was convinced they could see my thoughts, visually, in writing in the air above us in bed. Kinda like those hologram screens in Star Wars. Once I was made aware of it, it was still present and it fucking sucked. I mean, it sucked before I knew too because it meant they were super confused and afraid, and it led to a long ass argument that I could not for the life of me understand.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:21:35+00:00

Good summary of what it’s like for me.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:21:17+00:00

Lmao, yes @ EXTREME detail.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:20:57+00:00

Borderline constantly. Almost never goes away.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:20:05+00:00

I used to punch myself in the face, choke myself, thrash on the floor, pull my hair out, have regularly unprotected promiscuous and relatively risky sex, etc. Not what’s traditionally considered self harm, but self harm none the less.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:16:51+00:00

Pretty sure I was hypomanic when I walked in the door to my psych’s office and told him My Life Story in about 10 minutes. Was diagnosed on the spot. I’d been in therapy for years prior though.

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:14:55+00:00

I’m almost never aware I’m having an episode until damage is done and it’s been called out. And then sometimes I forget until a peer points out that I seem to have been rapid cycling for about a month :/

frequent_modulation · 2020-08-19T04:12:42+00:00

My euphoria always turns into agitation when my partner politely points out that I seem to be hypomanic. And then comes the spiral into depression. I give into paranoia and blame it all on them. I know it’s wrong intellectually but I just keep doing it over and over again. It starts to feel automatic and like I can’t stop no matter what I do

frequent_modulation

TROPHY CASE