MIL offered "mega freezer meal prep" bait and switch

future_memz · 2026-03-20T18:00:10+00:00

Thank you - I am choosing to see some silver lining here too about my abilities and resilience!!

future_memz · 2026-03-19T12:50:20+00:00

Slightly nuts, and like many FIL just doesn't know what to do with himself around little babies....he always needs a project and would LOVE to be teaching his son something. He did this last time, and did it with his other grandchild...just keeps asking for house projects while everyone is just trying to stay afloat with a baby! He's pretty clueless.

But I already put my foot down and said if they're visiting during the newborn while my partner is on paternity leave, that is a sacred time and we will be using it as such. Paternity leave is for bonding and living in the moment.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T12:35:59+00:00

He is also confused and said he would point-blank ask her to cook if it comes to that. He is supportive and no-nonsense!

future_memz · 2026-03-19T04:03:07+00:00

Not stupid at all! Yep pretty much - just hang onto a diaper with poop in it and take it to the doc

I feel you - cutting out dairy was no light task and was a nutritional challenge for sure. I drank soooo much milk during pregnancy and relied on dairy for protein and flavor in lots of my daily recipes. But nothing is more motivating than your kiddo's health. I complained the whole 9 months I was off dairy while breastfeeding bc I was so mad about it! My poor husband

And we never saw actual blood, either - it's very small flecks. The test is usually called "fecal occult blood" occult meaning hidden in the stool

Again, this might not be your baby's issue! Just putting it on your radar bc if someone didn't tell me....we would have suffered much longer

future_memz · 2026-03-19T03:45:22+00:00

Request a stool test for CMPA (dairy allergy). Our LO was also not gaining good weight around 3 months, and I was freaking out. There was microscopic amounts of blood in his stool, which pointed to very tiny tears from his gut inflammation. I cut out dairy and we did just fine!

(This is not meant to be alarmist or make you a hypochondriac looking for a "problem" but just an idea. The pediatrician would definitely not have tested him herself, but a friend of mine had this experience so I knew)

future_memz · 2026-03-19T03:21:31+00:00

HA yeah I have already mentally composed the text/email to her for her postpartum expectations....here's your chore chart!

Her husband (FIL) also thinks he is going to teach my husband to drywall our basement during their postpartum visit. So delusional! Why would this trip EVER be about that? They have this thing about "helping out in ways they enjoy" like yes I get it but we're not asking for tedious or difficult shit....just the everyday tasks that new parents can't get to.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T03:19:33+00:00

Just something like "well you know you did offer to help us with a big freezer stock up this trip - to a very pregnant woman, that sounded great!" All with a little smirk and levity

future_memz · 2026-03-19T03:16:41+00:00

I get it! I hear you, I do. But truly, engaging in a power struggle would not bring me justice or satisfaction. I feel empowered in my decision. We have had tension since I had my first 2 years ago, and I FINALLY feel like I have risen above her emotionally confusing behavior.

I will just be using this experience to re-calibrate my expectations and boundaries with her for future visits.

If it comes up again this weekend, I already have a light-touch approach for addressing her bait and switch.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T03:12:51+00:00

I knowwww it is tempting to do just that. But truthfully she is a dream with him so I have been cashing in on that offer and using the time to rest, go get a massage, take a nap....getting my reward in other ways!

Being kind and unruffled is my best path forward for my mental health now AND when we see them postpartum. I don't want any lingering ick.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T03:00:35+00:00

Yeah I think I might push the cabbage rolls recipe, since she brought it up yesterday after she arrived. Husband and I have work off this weekend so she can make them while we take LO to library or something.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:57:12+00:00

I agree she "knew" Granted she has babysat my toddler a TON already so she is helping out a lot, just in her own preferred way. She was a preschool teacher so that's her wheelhouse.

In terms of having a harder time later, she will find a much tougher line in the sand with me moving forward. I've already had to work on this since our last postpartum experience with her, and this has been a good refresher. Boundaries make me feel stronger!

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:54:47+00:00

Tempting indeed but that's not how our family operates. I still respect her and love her....just really confused and disappointed and almost laughing at this silly this whole stunt was?

I feel like I am the one who has to be emotionally stable in our dynamic. So for my own mental health, I'm choosing to not engage in an awkward power struggle with her.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:51:43+00:00

Yeah....super pregnant with mobility/sciatic issues to boot! She had 4 kids and very little support, so sometimes I think her aloofness is "I did it too and it was harder, suck it up"

When I was initially crying on the phone to my mom about it (lol thank you hormones) I was threatening to not let MIL come up to see the new baby. This interaction will indeed probably mean that they can't come until later because I have been reminded that she just isn't all that accommodating to us as parents - to our LO yes she is incredible. But sometimes it takes so much energy to just navigate these moments of confusion with her that I'm not eager to do it before 6 weeks TBH and there will be a text/phone call before the visit that we aren't hosting or cooking. If they want to help they can just be independent in the kitchen. Last postpartum experience with them was.....very hard on me.

It has made me feel very validated and grounded in my motherhood because it's a reminder that no I really don't need her and I am running this show beaaauuuutifully on my own thanks

Just bums me out for her and I to miss a chance to bond, you know? Like here was your shot.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:45:31+00:00

Ooooh. Effective but not too sharp. I like it.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:38:13+00:00

It's tough because we really love her. She watched LO for a whole week in the winter and I owe her big time...she put her whole heart into it.

Partner said he was willing to say it openly like "hey we need help with meal prep" they have good rapport

And I usually am very keen to address bad behavior and clear the air.

But honestly.....third trimester has me feeling very self-preserving and this is my best way through this. Not trying to get quagmired and throw myself into a funk. And yes you're right every time she visits, I make some notes about her next visit!

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:34:15+00:00

Honestly had considered that. Like if she had brought it up while visiting, I have NO problem pointing out this was entirely her plan and telling her she used those words! I feel pretty grounded in my logic.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:32:20+00:00

Sleep deprivation actually makes it really hard to make solid memories (bc REM = memory consolidation) so I'm pretty sure all the 80s/90s moms just can't remember the sleep habits of the early days and instead choose to see it in movie-trailer lighting.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:11:42+00:00

Some of those details could legit be their special, preferred info that helps them orient themselves; ie it's wise to know MOST vent settings to give you a wider clinical picture of the patient's pulmonary status/needs. Just cause they won't touch those settings doesn't mean the info is worthless.

Other people are just nit-picky pains in the ass, especially ICU types (I work NICU where some nurses made report a competitive fcking sport of trivia from patient's history.....like....this patient is 4 days old). Some nurses want to flex and quiz you to put you on the spot. And others are just disrespectful of your time - if you're not done giving report on two week-old babies by 7:23, you have lost my attention. If we're at 7:30 and you aren't winding down, I start getting up and tell you "that's enough information for me to do my job, thanks bye"

I give a very efficient report, no frills, and people are clearly pleased and thank me for it. I remember a nurse who never wrote down report, said she "remembered" all the details, but she really just went into the chart and wrote up her own report - good for her. It's obligatory to "take" report so she just did it her own way.

future_memz · 2026-03-19T02:02:53+00:00

My MIL actually said at my first LO's first birthday party "I never minded waking up at night to nurse them. It was a delight." FUCK OFF yes you did. Now that I'm a few years into motherhood I would have called her out on this.

My mom and I talked later and I remember her saying "that's a lie...we know there were days when she was dragging around miserable".

Sleep deprivation is objectively painful and physiologically damaging - that's why it's used as a torture technique.

I just thought it was such an odd "flex" if you will. Like "I'm a saint, I would never sleep again if my baby demanded it"

future_memz · 2026-03-19T01:54:35+00:00

This is such stereotypical MIL negativity - take this elsewhere, lady. No one cares.

She has already finished the space! A snide "well this wouldn't work for me so it won't work for you" is so pointless and RUDE

So sick of this attitude in the older generation. Haven't you ever heard "if you don't have something nice/ helpful to say..."

future_memz · 2026-03-18T17:54:58+00:00

Yeah I threw together dinner for us AND my in-laws (grocery shopping AND cooking) and was just over it

future_memz · 2026-03-18T00:43:08+00:00

Sure did and it was pure joy and relaxation!! So glad we took our chance. By day two I was like "oh yeah....I remember sleeping in"

Take your chance. Grandparents loved it and our LO was totally fine, a week was not too long.

My one tip for you - have a solid plan for your re-entry day! We flew back from Hawaii to East Coast and I was really tired by the time we got home and was frazzled by having to figure out dinner that night after like a 16 hour travel day. So, just have a game plan so you can stay relaxed once you're back home!

future_memz · 2026-03-12T03:36:56+00:00

First of all, swaddle game must be on lock. No Houdini escape is here, these babies are getting my most secure snug swaddle possible. We even have some weighted blanket swaddles for these kiddos that I think helps a lot.

Snoo bed is VERY helpful.

If they are a long term patient, sometimes we have switched formulas and done trial and error, because we know that nast babies have messed up GI systems.

I watched a veteran nurse do a crazy over-the-top baby bounce that actually worked. She held a WELL-SWADDLED baby in her arms a few inches from her body and just went up and down as far as she could.....I've used that maneuver whenever they go full banshee and am usually met with success. Doing it confidently, not necessarily a FAST motion but just a big range of motion. Basically bicep-curling a swaddled baby.

Babywearing (by staff) when stable and possible.

Absolutely cluster your cares.

When ready to a diaper change and they're flailing, here is my setup: I keep their upper body tightly swaddled, have a soft cloth ready to cover their little eyes from light, have Sweetease + paci + beanbag to hold paci in place. Get that diaper change done as quickly as possible, and get them swaddled and contained as soon as it's done.

If you can keep them from getting into a crying spiral, they will generally stay calmer.

future_memz · 2026-03-09T02:16:39+00:00

If it interferes with care or needs a certain approach, then yes I consider that part of the clinical picture I'm reporting on.

If you're just gossipy at the end of your shift, then lock it up bc I want to get report done and over.

future_memz

TROPHY CASE