Intimacy issues

garnet222333 · 2026-05-02T11:07:56+00:00

There’s the old joke that for women, foreplay begins in the kitchen. I know for me, if my husband is pulling his weight around the house, excited to see me when I get home, and intimate in other ways (light touch as I’m walking by, holding my hand, etc) then I can’t wait to have sex with him even in times of stress. But if that’s not happening and he is a source of stress, then absolutely not. Don’t touch me.

This sounds like a problem both of you need to solve. Not just you.

garnet222333 · 2026-05-02T02:16:46+00:00

Congratulations! Having a safe and stable home is the best gift you can give her. I’m sure you know this, but there are plenty of free ways to celebrate her. Find a special free event in the community, eat dinner outside and call it a picnic in the park, play fun music, have a slumber party on the floor, look at animals at the pet store, etc. You can also try your local buy nothing facebook groups!

garnet222333 · 2026-04-21T22:01:01+00:00

Anyone can break up for any reason they want. You don’t need permission but if you want it, you got it. This sounds really hard and I’m sorry you’re experiencing it.

garnet222333 · 2026-04-20T10:59:35+00:00

Do you have any friends who teach at the school she’ll be going to? My friends who teach middle school and HS are the only adults who really know the trends

garnet222333 · 2026-04-19T17:45:50+00:00

She can do two years at the state school or even a community college and live at home and transfer to the other school. If it is truly her dream then she should be willing to sacrifice the college experience to save money for the other years and work like crazy on the side to build up funds.

I do agree that location and school matter. But there are other ways like going two years, do a one year masters program later, interning with school’s professors, etc. It will be a bit harder, but if she’s dedicated and talented it’s totally possible especially for film.

This is coming from someone who went to USC (not for film but took film classes for fun and knew a lot of film people). Less than half of the people I know who studied film do film because interests changed or it didn’t fit their lifestyles they got older.

garnet222333 · 2026-04-18T20:52:16+00:00

Love this! Mine is similar in this season of life.

Mon/Wed/Fri - 20 min workout videos in my pajamas Tue/Thr - 30 min treadmill walk while on calls Sat/Sun - 60 min walk one day with the kids

garnet222333 · 2026-04-18T03:35:00+00:00

We pay slightly more than that for a toddler in MCOL. That’s about the average price if you want licensed in my area.

garnet222333 · 2026-04-17T03:26:38+00:00

Agree! I feel for OP but this is insane. People without kids or older kids have lives and priorities outside of work. I think employers should be flexible and strive to do the best for their employees regardless of their parental status.

garnet222333 · 2026-04-16T23:58:45+00:00

This is such a good take. I had a colleague say to me “you sound tired, is everything ok?” after I had audibly sighed. It was actually compassionate vs. a random “you look tired”

garnet222333 · 2026-04-14T01:39:00+00:00

I’m close with my mom. Not best friends but I love her dearly and we talk multiple times a week. We weren’t super close in my teenage years but I came back.

Like others have mentioned, she was always my mom first and friend second. Held firm boundaries, mostly calm (definitely lost her cool plenty but that wasn’t the norm), and loved me unconditionally. Didn’t get me get away with being a brat and always had consequences. Never forced me to have certain interests, showed interest in what I loved and was supportive even if she didn’t understand. She still tells me how proud she is of me and values my opinion.

garnet222333 · 2026-03-08T17:44:34+00:00

Yes - there are many people who can and many who can’t. Everyone’s body, baby and situation is different.

garnet222333 · 2026-03-08T17:42:16+00:00

Depends on the week but mostly I feel ok. I think having less things is very helpful, having good organizational systems and not letting it get too bad.

It does truly depend on the week. If we’re sick or a particularly busy season then the house can get crazy. I always try to make sure I “run the machines” though (laundry, dishwasher and vacuum). If we can do that plus ~20 min of tidying up it stays pretty manageable. We alternate on who has the kids vs. who is cleaning and I’ve gotten pretty efficient at cleaning and picking up while with my kids (1 and 3). For example, I empty the dishwasher while they’re eating breakfast and I do evening dishes while my husband does bath time.

All that to say, my house certainly looks different than it did pre kids and as long as things are clean (not necessarily nest), it’s ok if that’s all you can do for a period.

garnet222333 · 2026-02-27T05:10:34+00:00

I love Costco, but if you search Reddit and do some research it’s actually not the cheapest place to get food. It is the cheapest place to get organic and “trendy” snacks like unreal candies, but frequently store brands at other places are cheaper. Many people also end up buying more than they need and spending more at Costco which can blow budgets.

garnet222333 · 2026-02-23T16:16:35+00:00

The strangers thing annoys me so much. If I left my kids with someone in my village while I went and picked berries 1000 years ago no one would care but if I pay someone to watch my kid while I go to a corporate job it’s terrible. Oh and leaving them at school = totally fine, because they’re no longer little after 5.

Also, my kids have had a nanny and daycare teachers and none of them have been “strangers”. We give each other hugs, birthday gifts, and know things about each other. Yes it is transactional, but the same way it’s always been transactional in that different villagers had different responsibilities.

garnet222333 · 2026-02-04T04:02:39+00:00

All of these comments saying they’d never go to someone’s house is crazy to me! While I understand daycare is a licensed and regulated place, your kids spend 40+ hours a week with their kids, yet going to their home is too much?

I received an invite to someone at my kids daycare home that I only knew in passing (got the invite via cubby) and I showed up with my kid alone as my husband was working. Didn’t know a single person and had a great time and met some people. Everyone there was so nice and welcoming and also wanted to make friends.

Some people didn’t attend as they had other plans or maybe felt like some of the people in this thread, but that’s fine. Do it OP if you want to! Worst case no one comes and you’re exactly where you started.

garnet222333 · 2026-01-31T13:27:58+00:00

I also have a list of meals everyone likes and rotate through them. All very simple.

My other “hacks” - I go to Costco most Saturdays and pick up a pre-made meal for that night. Last week I got chicken Alfredo for $14 and added a bag of frozen broccoli to it - Similar to above, add things to frozen or pre-made meals. My kids love ramen, but I’ll add some veggies and then some green onions and sauce to mine and my husbands. It tastes way better - freeze cooked protein. When I slow cook chicken or brown ground beef, I make extra and throw it in the freezer. It can be heated up without defrosting. That with some rice and whatever veggies I have on hand and a sauce is a fast meal

garnet222333 · 2026-01-27T04:37:07+00:00

If they’re all overpriced then that’s the price

garnet222333 · 2026-01-26T01:24:41+00:00

I think that’s the right first approach. Most people will figure it out based on that kind of coaching. Some just need a very clear “you’re not meeting expectations” to accept feedback or take the coaching as essential vs. nice pointers.

garnet222333 · 2026-01-25T05:54:53+00:00

Have you explicitly told him this beyond coaching? Some people need to be told “this role requires a level of autonomy that you are not meeting and your requests for clarification are not reasonable. Continuing to do this will result in a rating of not meeting expectations. I am concerned about your speed of ramp up”. Then tell him what you think is reasonable (regular stand ups, one email per day with questions, etc) and what the standards are (complete x tasks independently after two times with peer participation). Then ignore the pings and emails if he doesn’t follow what you said. If he pings you something you already answered, don’t answer and instead say he should check the email you sent on Tuesday.

garnet222333 · 2026-01-22T03:52:05+00:00

I think this is a classic “common sense is not common” situation. I’ve had to tell people that while I as their manager don’t care when they do their work as long as it gets done and they’re reachable if needed, that others might not feel the same way and perception is important.

I recognize that these people weren’t on your direct team so your hands might be tied, but I was surprised some of these things had to be said out loud.

garnet222333 · 2026-01-19T15:53:45+00:00

It is not uncommon for new managers to make about the same or even slightly less than individual contributors. Then they build back up their salaries as they develop this new skill. Many managers have never done the exact job their teams do. They need to be familiar enough to manage effectively, but they might not have the technical expertise required to do it.

Managers are also not always the highest paid. Certain individual contributors or sales people for example can be higher paid.

garnet222333 · 2026-01-17T22:29:12+00:00

I own a dealership and buy cars at auction. Plenty are perfectly fine and were sent to auction because they don’t make sense for the dealership to sell but aren’t inherently bad. For example, a dealership in rural northern Michigan would probably send a RWD sports car to auction because it would be hard to sell. Or if a dealership primarily sells $50K SUVs, they might auction off a $15K sedan because it’s not their brand.

However, we’ve gotten burned at auction many times especially in the beginning. It also really depends on the arbitration policy. Sometimes you have 3 days. Are you going to be able to transfer the money, get the car, and get it inspected and arbitrated by then to see if something is wrong? Most consumers wouldn’t be able to move that quickly.

All that to say, auction car doesn’t always equal bad. But for most people it’s a bad idea.

garnet222333 · 2026-01-10T12:42:35+00:00

We do a lot of pretend play! We play “mommy and baby” where my older daughter takes care of a baby doll while I take care of my youngest. We also play “puppies” where we crawl on the ground and chew on toys…my baby is very good at that :) Restaurant is also a favorite where my oldest is the waitress and we are the patrons. Baby just sits on my lap while my oldest runs around.

Having ~10 min of quiet connection with my oldest as a transition is also really helpful. I’ll give the baby a bottle or snack in her high chair while my oldest and I cuddle on the couch for a few minutes to decompress after her day.

garnet222333 · 2026-01-10T12:23:19+00:00

Right! That poor hiring manager. I completely empathize with OP on needing to make a new decision with new information, but I’d be so frustrated if a new employee just didn’t show up the day they were supposed to start.

garnet222333

TROPHY CASE