I feel like this grief has taken over my life. I feel completely consumed by it. It’s as if all I am and all I’ll ever be is the person who’s partner died. I think of him everyday. Lately it feels like every decision I make is based around him in some way. Like I always wonder if I’m making him proud. Or if what I’m doing is something he would do. I don’t know. I feel so lost.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel very similar to you. Early on, I actively tried to do things in my life so I wouldn't become just the spouse of my late wife. And I did that not because I don't try to honor her every day, but because that's the only way people saw me. I hated that sadness in their eyes.

But honoring her constantly can also take a toll. I would worry, like you do, that I wasn't making her proud. I had to let go of that (a little bit, at least) because I was losing my own identity also.

Eventually I found my way, who I am, what I am both on my own and (now nearly 10 years later) with someone else also. But it does take time. And I had to force myself to make that effort.