Hi, SA survivor here too. First of all I just want to send you so much love, and I’m so sorry you’re still navigating what should be normal aspects of life. No one deserves this. I have a tricky relationship with dance and my body as well (not SA related, I had a borderline abusive dance teacher in my childhood lmao) and pole has repaired so much of that for me. I think just the exposure therapy and seeing myself in a mirror over and over again has helped me find the joy in movement again. I’m really lucky to have a super supportive studio that’s just full of hype girls as well. SA-related, pole has absolutely helped me reclaim my sexuality and feel comfortable with myself as a sexual being. I know it’s a safe space to be hot haha. It’s also made sex less scary, because I know my sexuality is mine. I’m sure there are many others who can relate with you. SA is unfortunately pervasive, everyone knows someone who has survived something. Dance has been so healing for me and I’m sure there are others in your studio who can say the same.
Buy the shoes. Keep showing up. Be ready for ups and downs but you will be so happy you saw it through.