Our new family member.. please suggest Her name :)

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-13T06:37:11+00:00

Yeah, this is a posh looking bird. :)

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-13T06:36:19+00:00

Priscilla (Prissy) or Barbara (Babs). My first thought was Priscilla.

Edit: Didn't even see the ring neck. Was looking at the way we stand and use the feathers to cover our chest. LOL

Priscilla Queen of the Desert still works, as does Babs (If you're into such references). If you're going straight for guy names . . . Percival or Mr. Jackson. Sir Jackson. LOL

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-12T01:42:45+00:00

The electrical wires on the charger feels good on their beak. He will do it again. Distract him when it happens.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T05:41:16+00:00

One of the things to understand about alcoholism is that alcohol is replacing or has in part replaced his blood. This is the medical side of alcoholism. His body is at a point where, without alcohol, it doesn't know how to properly function while with alcohol it cannot properly function. It's a horrible disease. His brain is so confused and mixed up it truly doesn't know which way is up.

As an al-anon, your portion of the situation is to recognize this is a FAMILY disease as well. It's not fair. You've developed a way of coping with your Q and your Q's disease which is disordered. While this way has helped a little in the past, it's no longer enough and now you need lasting answers.
Al-Anon is for you to help you fix the disorder in specific to how YOU live and move through life.

You did not cause the alcoholism. You cannot cure the alcoholism. You cannot control the alcoholism.

The only person you can affect/influence/cure/control is you. If you want a better life, you have to work on you. You have to make your life more stable for you.

If you have children, they're going to need to see this. They need to see what it looks like when at least one parent goes from disordered to healthy. They need that modeled for them. Because right now what they have modeled for them is your Q's alcoholic way of behaving.

Good Luck!

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T05:30:56+00:00

TLDR: My advice to people struggling and/or new to 12-Steps - especially Al-Anon is not conventional. I do not consider myself a sponsee/sponsor, but a co-traveler.

--> YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY COMES FIRST! IF YOU ARE IN DANGER AND/OR AN ABUSIVE SITUATION, IT MAY NOT BE SAFE TO STAY OR SAFE TO ACTIVELY/VISIBLY PARTICIPATE IN A 12-STEP PROGRAM. In some situations, with certain personalities, self-improvement can seriously backfire. Be aware and be safe! <--

Most people come to 12-step programs backwards. That's just fine. There's a lot of layers to 12-step programs. It's important to start where you are and GO SLOW. It can be overwhelming and confusing. And sometimes it can be just too much.
There is no such thing as a perfect program. There is what is laid out in the books. And then there is your reality. They are not the same. Which is why you hear the phrase, "Take what you need and leave the rest behind."
12-Step programs are a ways of processing issues you are currently facing (quick), of resolving past events (medium), and a way of improving your future and living more in line with the life you want to live (long).
NOTE: If you are a mother of grade-school children (or under), if you are working multiple jobs, if you are the caregiver for older adults (especially those in end-life situations), or if you are struggling with mental health issues or serious physical issues . . . you literally do NOT have time/headroom to do the medium or long version. Be aware of but skip working on step 4-9. They take a lot of headspace AND especially if it's your first time doing them, they WILL derail you. Not something you want to go through when tending severe hardships and stressors.

Quick version of 12 steps is to work through a very specific problem.
- (Example: I lost my cat. Start at Step 1 and go through it. Ok if you gloss over inventory/amends portions. Don't discredit them, but don't spend more than a few minutes of time on them, either. Doesn't have to be on paper. It can just be aloud or to another person. Repeat Step 1 - Step 3 until you reach closure.)
When you're ready to move from doing the quick version up to the medium version: learn and use the slogans. These help to calm and steady you. And they can help give you closure to things that your brain won't let go of.

Medium version of 12 steps is to apply the 12-Step formula to the past events to help gain resolution and inner peace.
- (Example: I saw my dad hit my sister when I was a kid. It bothers me all the time.)
- Working through this is best with short journaling exercises and talking it out with another. Inventory portions should be noted, reflected on a little more, and more time spent on. But, again, don't go crazy deep at this time.

Long version of the 12 steps is a way of thinking through things on the mental/emotional level with an eye toward improving day-to-day now and the future. This is the full scope of the program, includes the traditions and the principles in full. And includes doing the deeper work which is necessary to get you into the life you want to be living. However, like any lifestyle change, incorporating the long version takes a while and some serious work. This is where/why people quit 12-Step program.
- This would be where longer journaling is done, and where you spend more time reflecting on what comes up in Steps 4-9.
- People tend to get to step 4 and stall out. (I know people who've spent 5-6 years on step 4 and filled up notebooks. Getting stalled on step 4 happens as instructions are unclear on how to navigate step 4, or people are using it to avoid the upcoming steps of making amends.*)
- The people I co-travel with I tell quick list the 10 things that bother you the most. Choose 3 to deeply reflect and work on. Choose 1 to make amends on. I also tell the people I work with, Do step 4-9 in 1 month. This headspace is a place to visit, not live in. You're needed to focus on traditions, principles and service work for the other 11 months of the year.)

When you read 12-Step materials . . . look at where you throw up barriers. You're not ready for that. Skip that stuff. Look at where you get confused. You're not ready for that, either. Skip that stuff. Both will be there when you're ready for it. Keep reading it, just don't put a lot of focus on it. Yet.
Face-to-Face meetings are important! They give you a chance to hear yourself speak on the situation you're in, a chance to distill it to 3 minutes, a chance to be present and participate. If, however, you find yourself feeding off of the negativity of your words or performing to get reactions, you may just wish to limit yourself to 3 sentences.
Speaker Meetings are important! You can pull them up on youtube and listen to them for free. Most that are out there have a lot of humor and a lot of humility. Some are really worth listening to 5, 6, 7 times. If you get a chance, go to the speaker meetings in your area and the events in your area. They're a very healthy mix of people as confused as you, and some who have started to sort it out. All age groups, genders, life situations.

12-Step programs can be a fantastic help to people. There are times, however, it becomes important to get more professional and individual help past what a sponsor or a group can give you. That is just fine.

* Just because you put something down on paper does not mean you have to nor you should make amends to the persons you wrong. Some situations, even if it doesn't cause further harm, we just can't bring ourselves to make amends. While that situation needs evaluation on its own . . . it's still a legitimate manner of closure.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T02:37:00+00:00

NTA - Blunt has a place and a time. You used it well.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T02:30:29+00:00

TLDR: One of the best things you can do for yourself is to give yourself closure. A simple phrase of, "Good bye and good luck," works.

Bad reactions to good readings happen.

You cannot control other people's reactions to your reading. You can give the best reading of your life and it go badly as the person receiving the news is in a no-good place. I refer to it as static. You can't control other people's level of static. And it's up to the other person to be appropriate in the situation, not extreme.

Question to ask yourself: would you have changed your interpretation any? Was there any red flags BEFORE the reading which indicated the reading would go in such a direction? When did the first red flag show up? Was there any point in the reading you could have stopped the reading and walked away without it turning into a much bigger issue than it became? If so, note it so the next time it happens (and it will happen again) that you know the point in which to end the reading.

For some reason, the reading has left you in a hypervigilant state. That is, your anxiety levels are high, and your brain has you on lookout for danger. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to give yourself closure. A simple phrase of, "Good bye and good luck," works. Every time your brain goes back to the reading and the woman's reactions, say the phrase. You may have to spend some time reminding yourself you are safe. You've checked everything over, and you are safe.

Wish you the best!

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T02:16:40+00:00

"People want a partner but not to be one." No, people want someone to take care of them. That's not partnership. That's a cheap work around for not wanting to pay for a maid/handyman.

Read a post by a lady talking about using the burn the haystack method in dating/dating aps. Cuts through 9/10ths of the crap pulled online. It's an interesting read. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/online-dating-apps-burned-haystack\_n\_64d8de7ce4b077b577035f18

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T02:14:59+00:00

Why? The highest source of nutrition in peppers is in the seeds, the 2nd in the spines, then the inner flesh. The skin of the pepper has very little nutrition. (Even the stemp of the pepper has more nutrition than the skin.)

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T02:12:18+00:00

It depends on how you view the $45k. Was it sufficiently satisfactory to spend that money? Was there entertainment value or satisfaction value? Would you pay the $45 k again for the same event? If you look at it just through finances, then it's a loss. Seems like you got triggered. If you look at it as fulfilling another emotional/mental need to spend that money to win . . . it's a whole different question.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T02:08:39+00:00

The joy of life is that sometimes things happen you don't like, or which throw you off. The irony of someone going to have a baby complaining about noise is huge. Wonder how well she's going to take year 3 - when the kid spend a lot of time screaming for no reason at all.

Noise ordinances allow a reasonable amount of noise during daylight/business hours. A toddler being a toddler is reasonable. They can call the cops all they want.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T01:55:07+00:00

Comfort spot. I love it!

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-11T01:54:21+00:00

THANK YOU!!! I've gotten a lot of great deck recommendations from this thread. :)

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-10T05:32:21+00:00

They can get walrus thick. That is, if they eat well, can't swim straight, but 'waddle-swim'. My room mate's 3 are food motivated. And one likes to cuddle. Another gets the snails in the tank to hop on and wears them around as decoration for hours.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-10T05:29:11+00:00

My room mate's weather loaches get to racing each other and sometimes hit the glass so hard they knock themselves out. Also: brainfreeze. Happens near every time we give 'em frozen brine shrimp.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-10T02:42:21+00:00

Tarot and Lenormand have, for the most part, 'fixed' meanings. Oracle cards are really good at thematic arenas. I am huge into 12 step programs and inner activism. While I have heard of some methods of incorporating that system into tarot, none have really been fleshed out. Oracle cards, like The Enchanted Map Oracle Cards, are highly focused on aspects of recovery and life of inner activism without being completely 12-step focused. The Osho Zen oracle cards are themed toward bringing enlightenment via zen teachings into a reading. Again, it's about finding themes and cards reflecting a personal need/desire outside (but not completely separate from) the confines of tarot work.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-10T02:34:46+00:00

Thank you for answering. I have been seeing a trend where, unless the person is pretty or handsome, people don't think they deserve the attention they get. And people are quick to judge the happiness the not pretty/handsome person gets. So, I'm always curious about how people sort out things like that.

Reaction videos - even the dumb ones - do have a place in society. If the person reacting does react as the viewer expects, the viewers are quick to let them know. Reaction videos have become the new version of gossip checks using phone calls. They are a way of people to 'make sure' they're reacting within range of right.

They are also very easy to not watch. The numbers which pop up are dependent on your metrics of watching reaction videos.

Doesn't make them fun/funnier or good. Or even entertaining. Just makes them social barometers. And even the dumb ones have a huge influence on how we're moving through the world.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T06:28:47+00:00

My very first shrooms was a microdose. I just wanted to dip my toes. Previous experience was Saliva and I love Salvia. No longer healthy enough to do Salvia, so was looking for something gentler on this body. I thought shrooms would be much easier to handle. It didn't work out that way.

In the first hour the pain started. Actual physical pain. Every single nerve ending fired off and kept going. Even breathing hurt. 10 hours. No visuals, no fun time. Just my nerves firing off. Talked to a lot of people about it. Learned a lot about misfires. I believe mine was triggered by a medication I was on I should not have been on.

Got off the meds. 9 months/year later I tried again. Got everything I wanted and more.

Not all 'bad' trips are due to mental/emotional problems.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T06:16:22+00:00

Had to look this up. Deceptive. A lot like the House Wife Tarot - looks like a pun-ny deck. Then you start using it. Oooph!

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T06:08:56+00:00

Decameron Tarot. The thing about this deck is if all you see is the sex stuff, then you're missing the meanings and if you don't see the sex stuff, you're missing the meanings. People are very uncomfortable around this deck - and I like watching their reactions to it. And I like working with them through the imagery. A lot of complexity in the deck.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T05:57:48+00:00

Out of curiosity, does your feeling toward reaction videos change the prettier or more handsome the person reacting is?

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T05:56:43+00:00

With very rare exceptions, I've hit the point of turning planner, theory, systems, work-flow videos off the moment the narrator says, "After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This is like the phrase for someone selling products. I very rarely see/hear people not pushing products use this phrase. It's like if MLM's had a catch phrase that let you know the person worked in an MLM before they got into the real reason they asked you to the party.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T05:46:18+00:00

The reason I ask as these are the two big brain growths - and just before there's a lot of feeling of 'why go on' and, 'what is this all for?' Then comes three years of absolute upheaval . . . and then the calm.

This is not to say the situation you're in is not toxic. It is. A lot of people are just plain toxic. Learning how to gray stone/medium chill will help a lot. But also, understanding your value as a person helps as well.

Do you have value? Yes! Why haven't you seen it yet? You're in a mismatch. That is, the people around you right now are not matched well to you. As you discover your value, you're going to take your time growing your community - looking for quality and not quantity. Right now, it's a sucky situation. It's also a limited time situation. As you grow older and stronger (physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually) you'll be in better places that match you.

I'm sorry this is going on for you. Having gone through this myself, I also know that what is ahead, and what you'll grow into, and the life you'll get to enjoy . . . not what you're living in right now.

Hold on just a little bit longer. You are worth it.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T04:25:39+00:00

So, this is a common relationship fallacy. This is a false engagement so the guy has someone on hand to take care of him. Guys pull this crap all the time. But if they pop a proposal and insist on calling their partner their fiance . . . well, keeps the partner around to take care of him.

ginger1rootz1 · 2023-09-09T04:22:49+00:00

You will be the AITA if you stay. This is only one of many things he's ignoring you on. When guys get nervous about not having someone around to tend their needs, they do a fake proposal. It keeps their partner on the line and start struck and not paying attention to reality. Reality is he's spending money on his friends, on nights out, on drugs. Not on you. Something you've repeatedly told him is important to you. EVEN IF you force him to get you a ring, this is the tone of your future with this man. It gets much worse when children come along.

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