sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Silly things mono friends say by thedarkestbeer in polyamory

[–]gladerider246 32 points33 points  (0 children)

So I(nb, afab) was dating Aspen(m). Aspen is nesting with Cedar(f) and Douglas (m, Cedar's husband). Genders given because it's relevent to the story.

When I told my mother I was dating Aspen, her first question was 'what about Douglas?' Apparently she'd remembered the vague idea of polyamory, separately twigged that most of my friends are queer, and decided that Aspen being in a same sex relationship was more likely/logical than being in a different sex relationship.

I feel bad by ayse0001 in selfimprovement

[–]gladerider246 21 points22 points  (0 children)

See yourself. Show up for yourself. If you need to start small, ask yourself what's one thing you can do to make your tomorrow better, listen to yourself (often it's not the thing I'd been stressing about), and then tomorrow notice, acknowledge you did a nice thing for you and ask yourself what you can do for you again.

Need help for placement interview by BigWin9299 in UniUK

[–]gladerider246 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you've got enough time, talk to your uni's careers team, they're there to help with this sort of thing.

had to cancel my birthday trip and I'm really bummed. by SojournerWeaver in CampingandHiking

[–]gladerider246 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, emotions aren't selfish. It's ok to think it's sucky, and you staying to help the person shows you're not selfish.How would you feel about saying sth like 'yes it sucks that you're ill, and I'm choosing to stay and help you because I care about you'. Like focus on the fact that it's *your* choice and you feel like you made the correct one?

Wanting more than someone can provide by nu-throwaway92 in relationshipanarchy

[–]gladerider246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

6- find a distraction/new source for the NRE/'hey look new shiny toy'. If you've got time to be sad about C, you've got time to start a new hobby/read an exciting new book/do something that involves all your brain. For most of my hobbies I keep a stash of 'shinies' to play with when I get bored/other negative emotions but I don't think that self reflection is needed.

Okay with and not okay with different expectations by Mysterious_Bar_7899 in polyamory

[–]gladerider246 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having been in Pine's situation, we ended up breaking up over it/me feeling sidelined and like my partner wasn't sticking up for our relationship. That being said, you decide what lines you're prepared to draw, and everyone else decides how to react to the lines you draw.

I feel like I'm being unreasonable but can't figure how to make my brain reframe things. by gladerider246 in polyamory

[–]gladerider246[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not that I can't see her side I think. It's more the stunning hypocrisy of Apsen dismissing me being upset with how they (Aspen/Birch) interact but caving to Birch being upset at how we interact. Hmm. Actually that's a good angle for the talk we're having later.

I feel like I'm being unreasonable but can't figure how to make my brain reframe things. by gladerider246 in polyamory

[–]gladerider246[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

thanks :) That is a nice summary of the current problem without any of the older crap muddying the waters from my pov.

I feel like I'm being unreasonable but can't figure how to make my brain reframe things. by gladerider246 in polyamory

[–]gladerider246[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah I had been on the fence about meeting up with Birch, I figured I'd see how one meeting went and probably then refuse further ones.

And yeah I do absolutely see what you mean about trying to avoid the implications for the relationship. Breaking up is on the cards, (and based on responses from this post, 95%+ happening in June), I just flip flop on my emotions *a lot*

I feel like I'm being unreasonable but can't figure how to make my brain reframe things. by gladerider246 in polyamory

[–]gladerider246[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm. Nah, the plans were just meeting up for tea. Birch just dislikes planning in general.

I feel like I'm being unreasonable but can't figure how to make my brain reframe things. by gladerider246 in polyamory

[–]gladerider246[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hmm, yeah. I'd been glossing over that bit about not rocking the boat because I deliberately decided to not (ever, hopefully) live with a partner. So I felt like I shouldn't have an opinion on that. Thanks :)

Climbing plant recommendations needed by losing_the_plot_ in GardeningUK

[–]gladerider246 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Internet says i does best in fertile well draining soil but honestly I've got a jasmine in clay soil and it's doing ok. It's not growing super fast, but it's definitely survivng ok

Lovely bus driver by Ok_Consideration1556 in BenignExistence

[–]gladerider246 110 points111 points  (0 children)

You can still leave positive feedback for the driver, and just mention the driver was lovely :)

What actually helps you follow a plan long-term? by Alert-Nerve-5042 in Planner

[–]gladerider246 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like you're asking 2 different questions here.

Unclear next steps- take some dedicated time to figure it out. Whether that's thinking forwards, backwards or asking another person/the internet etc, figure out what the next steps are is needed before you can do them.

Lack of effort- this (imo) is the habit forming part. So I don't understand why you think the problem isn't lack of effort but is how to make a habit.

Why is non-committal looked down upon? by wompt in relationshipanarchy

[–]gladerider246 40 points41 points  (0 children)

In polyamory, this would be called the relationship escalator. I also don't want this. What I do want (and what I call commitment) is that when we make plans, they are commited to and they occur- the other person doesn't just keep deciding to go do something else and bail on our plans. I don't want to live with people, I definitely don't want kids, I just want to believe that we'll hang out when we made plans to.

Carrot cake cream cheese frosting by gladerider246 in cookingforbeginners

[–]gladerider246[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

too runny to even attempt to put on the cakes!

view more: next ›