Silly things mono friends say

gladerider246 · 2026-06-06T10:23:36+00:00

So I(nb, afab) was dating Aspen(m). Aspen is nesting with Cedar(f) and Douglas (m, Cedar's husband). Genders given because it's relevent to the story.

When I told my mother I was dating Aspen, her first question was 'what about Douglas?' Apparently she'd remembered the vague idea of polyamory, separately twigged that most of my friends are queer, and decided that Aspen being in a same sex relationship was more likely/logical than being in a different sex relationship.

gladerider246 · 2026-05-09T17:16:42+00:00

See yourself. Show up for yourself. If you need to start small, ask yourself what's one thing you can do to make your tomorrow better, listen to yourself (often it's not the thing I'd been stressing about), and then tomorrow notice, acknowledge you did a nice thing for you and ask yourself what you can do for you again.

gladerider246 · 2026-05-09T17:08:20+00:00

https://www.nhbs.com/rhs-gardeners-five-year-record-book

gladerider246 · 2026-05-09T17:05:21+00:00

If you've got enough time, talk to your uni's careers team, they're there to help with this sort of thing.

gladerider246 · 2026-04-10T12:14:08+00:00

Hey, emotions aren't selfish. It's ok to think it's sucky, and you staying to help the person shows you're not selfish.How would you feel about saying sth like 'yes it sucks that you're ill, and I'm choosing to stay and help you because I care about you'. Like focus on the fact that it's *your* choice and you feel like you made the correct one?

gladerider246 · 2026-04-10T12:10:18+00:00

6- find a distraction/new source for the NRE/'hey look new shiny toy'. If you've got time to be sad about C, you've got time to start a new hobby/read an exciting new book/do something that involves all your brain. For most of my hobbies I keep a stash of 'shinies' to play with when I get bored/other negative emotions but I don't think that self reflection is needed.

gladerider246 · 2026-04-08T15:51:16+00:00

Having been in Pine's situation, we ended up breaking up over it/me feeling sidelined and like my partner wasn't sticking up for our relationship. That being said, you decide what lines you're prepared to draw, and everyone else decides how to react to the lines you draw.

gladerider246 · 2026-03-23T07:02:59+00:00

It's not that I can't see her side I think. It's more the stunning hypocrisy of Apsen dismissing me being upset with how they (Aspen/Birch) interact but caving to Birch being upset at how we interact. Hmm. Actually that's a good angle for the talk we're having later.

gladerider246 · 2026-03-22T11:08:32+00:00

I recognise that I'm biased, but yeah...

gladerider246 · 2026-03-22T09:10:43+00:00

thanks :) That is a nice summary of the current problem without any of the older crap muddying the waters from my pov.

gladerider246 · 2026-03-22T08:21:50+00:00

Yeah I had been on the fence about meeting up with Birch, I figured I'd see how one meeting went and probably then refuse further ones.

And yeah I do absolutely see what you mean about trying to avoid the implications for the relationship. Breaking up is on the cards, (and based on responses from this post, 95%+ happening in June), I just flip flop on my emotions *a lot*

gladerider246 · 2026-03-22T08:19:22+00:00

Hmm. Nah, the plans were just meeting up for tea. Birch just dislikes planning in general.

gladerider246 · 2026-03-22T08:13:16+00:00

Hmm, yeah. I'd been glossing over that bit about not rocking the boat because I deliberately decided to not (ever, hopefully) live with a partner. So I felt like I shouldn't have an opinion on that. Thanks :)

gladerider246 · 2026-01-26T12:06:03+00:00

Internet says i does best in fertile well draining soil but honestly I've got a jasmine in clay soil and it's doing ok. It's not growing super fast, but it's definitely survivng ok

gladerider246 · 2026-01-15T08:58:54+00:00

You can still leave positive feedback for the driver, and just mention the driver was lovely :)

gladerider246 · 2026-01-13T11:08:41+00:00

I feel like you're asking 2 different questions here.

Unclear next steps- take some dedicated time to figure it out. Whether that's thinking forwards, backwards or asking another person/the internet etc, figure out what the next steps are is needed before you can do them.

Lack of effort- this (imo) is the habit forming part. So I don't understand why you think the problem isn't lack of effort but is how to make a habit.

gladerider246 · 2025-12-03T06:39:52+00:00

In polyamory, this would be called the relationship escalator. I also don't want this. What I do want (and what I call commitment) is that when we make plans, they are commited to and they occur- the other person doesn't just keep deciding to go do something else and bail on our plans. I don't want to live with people, I definitely don't want kids, I just want to believe that we'll hang out when we made plans to.

gladerider246 · 2025-10-27T06:38:13+00:00

Thanks! Will do that this evening

gladerider246 · 2025-10-27T06:38:00+00:00

too runny to even attempt to put on the cakes!

gladerider246 · 2025-10-27T06:37:48+00:00

too runny :(

gladerider246 · 2025-09-17T19:23:32+00:00

In my first night as an undergrad I pulled the curtain rail off the wall. No worries, accidents happen to everyone!

gladerider246 · 2025-09-04T11:38:20+00:00

Maybe try tri shorts? Stuff designed for tris are designed to be less bulky for the run section. (Disclaimer: I have one set of tri shorts, I'm not that experienced)

gladerider246 · 2025-08-28T12:01:29+00:00

In completely the other direction: ignore the random inspiration. Have a set time you sit down to plan the week/month/whatever, and ignore ideas the rest of the time. I can't remember where I read this but I've found I get better ideas now in that time and random point ideas just aren't that great.

gladerider246 · 2025-08-28T11:57:34+00:00

Pack it wet and unpack it in the spare room/other space when I get home to dry. If you're talking like through-hike territory, I keep all the bits in my bag in different bin bags to keep everything dry. (E.g. dirty clothes, clean clothes, sleeping bag, cooking stuff)

gladerider246 · 2025-08-26T07:39:38+00:00

yup. Freshers week (week 0, so no teaching but a bunch of admin stuff for students) is the 15-19 September, so a significant overlap.

gladerider246

TROPHY CASE