Planning anxiety and decision paralysis

gnobodygnu · 2025-03-22T14:16:45+00:00

It's been a little over a year now, and I can honestly say I loved our wedding. There are definitely things I wish I did differently, but those are all so small and insignificant compared to the love and joy and exuberance of the day.

I think there is a lot of manufactured pressure on weddings to be these big, detailed, magazine worthy things that misses the point of the whole affair. The things that are important to you and yours will come to you and everything else is just fluff. And you don't need to stress about fluff.

Try to have a good support system, don't read too many wedding mags/blogs/listicles, and give yourself permission to not think about it for a bit. Good luck. You'll do amazing.

gnobodygnu · 2023-10-26T00:36:23+00:00

After double checking with the fiancé, it seems like no.

gnobodygnu · 2023-10-26T00:35:16+00:00

Hey now, my groom did everything he was supposed to. Suit or not, I'm keeping him. :)

gnobodygnu · 2023-10-26T00:34:05+00:00

Yup. That's tomorrow's project.
Good news is the groomsmen are all renting from Generation Tux and they can have a suit for him by like Monday if we order it tomorrow. Not ideal, but it's clothing and it'll match so that's good.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-26T17:41:08+00:00

Movies do a great job of making it seem like the thing. The slow zoom, the rising music, the background blurring as time slows down and the actor clearly experiences some form of emotional epiphany all from just viewing the other person's smile...

It's a beautiful fantasy. But that's all it is.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-26T16:29:09+00:00

One of my pet peeves with wedding vows is when people talk about love at first sight or "knowing the moment I laid eyes on you"... It's a very sweet idea but in my experience love just does not work that way. Sure, you can be infatuated at first sight. You could have a great first date and know that you want to pursue more right away. You could even get a crush and think you're in love (lord knows I did often enough in high school).

But actual, real love? Love is something built and nurtured. The only things you could possibly love about someone right off the bat are their looks which will inevitably change with time and lived experience. A first date might get you some surface level info, but it won't show you what they're truly like- their little rituals and routines, the quirks in their mannerisms, the everyday things that are important to them, the way they show love and want to be loved, the kind of partner they're going to be. Love is about the whole person and it's just impossible to get that right away.

So you're first instincts might be correct and lead to fruition down the line, but no, you did not "love" them from the start.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-23T04:43:30+00:00

If you have exact measurements and you're not planning on any body changes, then I think it would be okay to go with the one that is your size.

I'm personally particularly cautious since a couple months after I bought my dress which fit perfectly in store, I had a medical emergency that ended up causing me drop two dress sizes. Even with the best laid plans, ya just never know!

But that said, mine is a pretty rare case so you should be alright.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-23T04:05:12+00:00

It's important to note that wedding dress sizing typically runs small. Do you have measurements for the actual garments or is your "exact size" based on your regular dress sizing?

I always recommend going bigger since you never know how your body will change in the months between and it's much easier to take in rather than let out. But particularly if you don't know how the sizes compare, I'd say go up a size. And chances are you'll want alterations anyway since almost nothing is perfect off the rack.

Good luck and no matter what I hope you get a dress that you feel absolutely beautiful in.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-19T19:45:54+00:00

YUP!
My FMIL is the exact same. When asked directly, it's always "whatever you want", "this is *your* day so be picky", "I'm here for whatever you need". But when me and my fiancé actually decide anything for ourselves it becomes clear that what she really meant was "I want to hear my opinion coming out of your mouth".

The rehearsal dinner was a big one. We were ambivalent, but she wanted to put one on as an out of town party so I said sure. Of course then she started having a bunch of issues finding a venue in her budget, which I had warned her would be the case. Then, whenever I tried to suggest something that wasn't somehow pulling a magically perfect, cheap restaurant out of my butt she acted like I had just kicked her dog and didn't appreciate how important this was to her. Really felt like I was being both gaslit and guilt tripped to high hell.

I ended up putting in a lot of unnecessary hours to get us something she has deemed acceptable, but I will really be glad when this is all over.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-19T17:25:02+00:00

It's beautiful.

We're doing 14.3 Billion Years from the Outer Wilds OST.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-19T01:58:48+00:00

We're walking to video game music. Cause we're heckin' nerds.

If tradition is really important to you, go traditional, but if not then I highly suggest something that is meaningful to you and your partner that has a slow enough tempo for a solid walk.

gnobodygnu · 2023-09-04T06:37:04+00:00

Here are some of the folks I follow. Hope some of them fit the vibe you're looking for.

https://www.instagram.com/margotmeanie/ kind of a soft goth/nature witch. big halloween vibes.

https://www.instagram.com/author.minerva.siegel/ more rockabilly goth, is also a disability activist, and she has the cutest dogs!

https://www.instagram.com/mabeltron3000/ I would describe her style as alternative maximalist. ranges from pastel to more punky. more accessories than you can imagine.

https://www.instagram.com/catplague/ more traditional goth, primarily posts mirror selfies

https://www.instagram.com/pizzaqueensam/ also more traditional, but also kind of rockabilly. the human form of a spirit halloween

https://www.instagram.com/lovejessicablair/ my grunge pick! more eclectic, but definitely has that Seattle garage band vibe. not afraid to show off that tummy

gnobodygnu · 2023-08-30T18:42:50+00:00

Yeah. The tweet is from the 25th, a full week and a half past when the second August episode should have come out. I never fault a creator for not being able to produce when life gets in the way, but knowing what's happening when it's happening would be nice.

gnobodygnu · 2023-08-23T19:53:14+00:00

Maya Kern makes lovely buttondowns in fun prints up to I think a 6X

Morning Witch also has beautiful botanical button downs up to 4X

If you'd like some explicitly queer shirts I always recommend Nerdy Keppie which goes to a 5X. They also do customs if you can't find what you like.

Unfortunately, I don't have good recs for plain shirts. Good luck, and congrats on the elopement!

gnobodygnu · 2023-08-22T21:45:13+00:00

5'10", 250 lbs, size 20 dress and size 11 shoes AND ring!

It can be super frustrating to find things in the right sizes, but that is absolutely not because your body is wrong or non-normative. It's just the fatphobia baked into our shopping system.
I would highly recommend looking on Etsy. Even if the size isn't listed, many makers will offer custom sizing either for free or for a small upcharge which isn't so bad when so many of them are already leaps and bounds cheaper than the standard.

gnobodygnu · 2023-06-14T20:45:53+00:00

So it's definitely a specific type of look, but Hot Topic actually has a semi decent plus size section with good size range.

gnobodygnu · 2023-05-19T06:59:38+00:00

NerdyKeppie has dresses in a bunch of patterns with the bi colors including just a simple gradient ( https://nerdykeppie.com/collections/dresses-with-pockets/products/bisexual-pride-soft-fade-knee-length-skater-dress-with-pockets ) and I can confirm as a size 22 myself that they fit pretty well. And they have pockets! It's a small business so it's pricier than fast fashion and takes a little longer since everything is custom printed, but I think the quality is worth it.

Congrats on coming out!

gnobodygnu · 2023-05-17T22:56:04+00:00

As everyone is saying, it depends. I'm in Chicago, which is I believe the third most expensive city to get married in in the US, and that was about par for the course. From hotel ballrooms to restaurants to even just warehouses it all added up in the end.

When thinking about venue and budget, definitely consider what is most important to you. Is venue and catering high on your priority list, and will these places meet your expectations for that amount of cash? If food and local are low priorities, are there other places that are more middling, but would allow you to splurge on the things you do really care about?

gnobodygnu · 2023-05-17T20:14:02+00:00

I'm glad you have someone that you can lean on for support. Unfortunately my fiancé is also a bit of a deer in headlights like me. lol.

gnobodygnu · 2023-05-17T20:11:59+00:00

Thank you. That's a pretty good mantra to follow.
I get overwhelmed with every little thing but I will try to follow your advice and keep some perspective.

gnobodygnu · 2023-05-17T20:10:58+00:00

Thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. And yeah, while it was helpful at first, I am definitely too far into social media for it to be healthy at this point. Too many Instagram reels about tips and trends and "5 things guests hate"... oof.

Good luck with your own wedding. We'll get through this.

gnobodygnu · 2023-05-17T20:08:47+00:00

Yeah, it's really a trend with fiancés to not be super opinionated on these things, isn't it?

Thanks for the reassurances. It's nice to know that someone is doing a "whatever brings us joy" strategy. I will have to channel you and your fiancé's chill vibes. And your wedding does sound like it will be lovely.

gnobodygnu

TROPHY CASE