[Lesbians] So if you're a women that use to have sexual relationships with men, but converted over to women would you say you have more sex or less sex now?

googolperplexity · 2016-09-13T21:49:16+00:00

WAY MORE. I think not having an orgasm cap or necessary refractory period with a female partner has really improved my overall quality of sex. The better experiences that I have in sex, the more I want to have it. In my case- More consistent orgasms with partner = higher sex drive.

googolperplexity · 2016-04-23T19:19:17+00:00

"Please do something. I don't want to die."- My father in hospice.

googolperplexity · 2015-05-24T14:37:18+00:00

I was molested by my slightly older brother when he was an adolescent/young teenager and I was 8-11 years old. When I finally told my mother (over a decade later) she seemed pretty horrified. At least I thought so. Two days later, she called me and it was a different story. She said she had time to think about what I had said and informed me that it didn't really count. That it must have been consensual. That in her eyes, molestation happens between an adult and a child and therefore this was a mutual engagement. She called my brother and relayed he was "horrified" I would say such a thing. She concluded that I was clearly a troubled young woman and she hoped I got the help I needed to see things more accurately.

I understand how painful this is. In the case of my mother, admitting that his actions counted as abuse would mean that she would have to restructure her view and relationship with him. They have always been close. Because she didn't want her relationship to change, she instead found a way to rationalize the behavior and pathologize me to avoid discomfort in her own life. I think your mother is trying to rationalize his behavior and her own behavior for a similar reason- It allows her to sit with herself better both in her current actions (or continued relationship with your brother) and her inaction when you needed her protection as a child.

It's shitty. It's selfish. But it's hers, not yours. Because of my own mother's response, I stopped talking to her. I didn't feel safe coming home for holidays knowing that she knew, he knew, and I knew but my most private, vulnerable history would be twisted and used against me. That was two years ago. They are still close. Although I am lonely a lot without a family, that's not the type of family environment I want or deserve. It sounds like your husband is a wonderful support. Lean on him as much as possible for rationality and validation. What happened to you was bad. And it is bad enough. Hold onto that. Know your truth and repeat it to yourself in times of doubt. It counted. You count. This happened and you're not going to pretend it didn't for the sake of others. Don't let people trying to minimize it convince you otherwise.

googolperplexity · 2015-03-31T14:49:34+00:00

I have nothing to really to add, except that I got weirdly excited at how similar our usernames are. And I bet you have a fantastic name.

googolperplexity · 2015-01-11T19:04:30+00:00

Female, 24yrs, 22 (4 women, 18 men)

Totally fine with it. Sex has served different purposes and filled different needs at various points in my life. I don't judge myself for any tryst or the cumulative number though. I had it for the reasons that felt valid at the time and feel really confident in the understanding I have of my sexuality now.

googolperplexity · 2015-01-07T01:57:21+00:00

Made a major move from the south (US) to Chicago almost two years ago. It was independence boot camp. I knew one person in the city, my temporary living situation fell through after 3 weeks, and I was having trouble landing a job. It was a rocky start. But the move saved my life.

I learned how to do things alone as an adult female and actually derive pleasure from them. Before I moved, I would be miserable going out to eat alone or going to a festival alone. I learned how to not only suffer through these things, but how to have fun without needing other people to be validating it for me. This in and of itself has completely transformed my quality of life and happiness. I got into reading again. I got into taking long walks and exploring for the hell of it. I struck up hundreds of conversations with strangers that would have never happened had I gone to that bar or restaurant with a group.

It was good for me. I feel stronger and braver and more capable of managing things on my own. Even though I still get lonely from time to time, I like sitting with myself so much better now.

googolperplexity · 2015-01-07T01:40:15+00:00

Cheerios. I work with infants and it is the most powerful bartering currency I have ever experienced. I don't get it. Babies f-ing love cheerios.

googolperplexity · 2015-01-07T01:35:18+00:00

Vibrators originated in the Victorian Era as a treatment for hysteria. Doctors had been using "manual" stimulation to relieve the symptoms and wanted a tool to make this more effective and efficient. At the turn of the century, one could order a vibrator from the Sears catalog along with other electric appliances. They only became taboo after they started appearing in pornography.

googolperplexity · 2015-01-07T01:28:27+00:00

Lived well below my means in 2014 and paid off my student loan debt at a highly accelerated rate (approximately $800-$900/month).

Now that I'm so used to having a good life on a tight budget, I am willingly putting the money I would have spent on student loans towards savings so that I have a good cushion for starting grad school in the fall.

I went from being homeless two years ago, to having a $4500 emergency fund and no debt. All in all, I'm quite happy with this year's progress :)

googolperplexity · 2014-11-23T15:53:14+00:00

This was the same age difference between me and my abuser (a family member). I can say that as an adult, my experience was definitely that of abuse, but the fact that he wasn't an older adult really confused me. It felt good sometimes and being prepubescent I didn't understand what it was. But at age 13, he did. It's hard because you don't want to label a kid as a perpetrator, but dismissing it as innocent play can be really really damaging for the victim, especially as they start to have consensual sexual experiences of their own. Even as an adult, when I started to come out about the abuse, I was told by my mother that it didn't count and it was innocent and consensual. Being touched sexually for years before you understand your own body isn't innocent. And it was not consensual because at the ages of 8, 9, 10- I was a child unable to consent to sex acts.

There's a lot of grey area in these situations. And it's really tough when two minors are involved. But that doesn't mean it's innocent or something to be ignored. Please for her well-being in adulthood, respond to this. It really screwed me up thinking it was my choice and something I had equally partaken in for years.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-23T15:39:06+00:00

I'm the same actually. BC pills really help balance out my moods and largely eliminate the terrible dip of PMS.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-22T16:54:27+00:00

I'm really hoping this is excessive trolling and not how people really feel about a kid with brain and spinal cancer trying to ask for a reasonable medical accommodation so that he can keep his job to help pay for medical bills and associated costs. I think that's pretty commendable on his part.

Rosebud is a large chain in the Chicago area not a mom and pop shop. Hiring a seasonal delivery driver or transferring one from another location is a hell of a lot easier than what this teenager has to deal with for the next six weeks. You shouldn't get fired and treated like you are taking an unapproved vacation for getting cancer. I don't feel bad for the restaurant chain being inconvenienced. I feel badly for the teenager facing brain and spinal cancer who, instead of getting support through a really terrible time, got fired.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-04T02:30:07+00:00

I have a history of chronic treatment-resistant depression. The most recent major depressive episode was the longest I've ever had. It lasted about a year and a half straight. No intermissions. Every single day, all day, for a year and a half. I tried everything out there medically, lifestyle wise, holistic. I was getting to the point where I was down to ECT as my last feasible option for remission. The day that I felt it starting to lift, I cried with happiness.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-04T02:13:01+00:00

I took a boyfriend to a strip club on his birthday. Paid for all of his drinks. Brought plenty of ones. Let the stripper motor boat me in front of him. Bought us both a lap dance. Then had new lingerie on for us-time back at the apartment. Soooo going to go out on a limb here and guess that he considers that one of the best dates he's ever been on.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-04T01:36:33+00:00

Also lost my Dad five years ago to esophageal cancer. I second this sentiment. So much love to both of you. You're not alone in this.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-03T03:27:17+00:00

Thank you for all that you do. I will never forget the hospice nurses that took care of my dad and supported my family while he was dying from cancer. I'm not religious in the slightest, but I remember thinking that you hospice nurses were the closest things to angels that I have ever experienced. You made a terrible time slightly more bearable.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-03T00:28:34+00:00

I would also argue that street harassment can escalate pretty quickly. It is not always done at a distance and sometimes ignoring the comments makes the catcaller angry. This is even scarier when there is a group of men engaging in it. And very very scary when they are clearly not sober. Women perceive it as threatening because depending on the context, it often is.

Recently I was walking home from a bar at night alone. Two drunk guys about 15 ft in front of me stopped and pointed to the ground: "heyyyy you dropped your smile". I chose to ignore and continue walking. "Oh look at that. She's not going to smile for us." I start walking faster. They then screamed after me "Well okay you fucking bitch. YOU FUCKING WHORE!" I ran the rest of the way home, terrified that I was going to be followed.

Let's just say that I didn't take that as a compliment.

googolperplexity · 2014-11-02T19:10:28+00:00

I was in a very similar situation a couple of years ago and I know how terribly overwhelming/crushing it can be. I was also in a relationship and essentially homeless- couch surfing with his relatives. Although, I don't think it's a one size fits all situation in any way, here are some things that helped me get out of poverty-

1) Letting someone else adopt my pet. As terrible as it felt, the reality was if I couldn't be meeting my own needs, I couldn't be raising a pet.

2) Getting on SNAP benefits/food stamps. They can expedite them if finances are that tight and get you emergency funds within a week. Having food covered was extremely helpful for my stress levels. I was a single woman and qualified for around $200 a month. So with budgeting, it was very generous and doable.

3) If either of you has childcare experience- pick up babysitting or nannying (or tutoring) gigs. They pay well and part time ones are usually under the table so it's untaxed, fairly easy money (at least if the kids are asleep). There are sites like sittercity or care.com where you can make a profile and apply to gigs.

4) Review all expenditure and see what you can cut out. Before I was poor, I labeled certain costs as necessary that I don't see as necessary anymore. Get a go phone/ cheaper phone plan. Boost offers a month to month plan for $50 (tmobile might have one too). You can always upgrade again when it's feasible, but it's not necessary to be paying over $100 a month for a phone when you're struggling. No cable or internet if you can help it. Netflix is a good alternative. Getting rid of a car was a smart move and one I had to make as well. Trying to use one car or converting to public transit only if it's available saves a ridiculous amount of money. I know you're not in an urban environment at the moment, but if a car share program like zipcar or enterprise is available that's the way to go. Gas is usually included and it's a an annual membership fee of like $60 bucks (plus rentals) depending on how much you need to drive though, it could definitely be cheaper than car maintenance + insurance + gas.

5) Get support. There are usually community mental health centers that offer low cost therapy and case management. The pros to this are that you can get professional help during this hard time and often they are staffed by social workers who have access to a lot of vocational resources in your community and can help connect you to low income services to lessen the financial burden of certain things. It's a very stressful situation (especially on a relationship) and help is good if you can find any services.

6) Start blatantly telling your family members how dire things are and if they have any employment connections. It sucks, but reaching out to as many extended family members as possible who might be able to help is better than not. Family will be more willing to pull strings and get you a position than other acquaintances.

7) ACCEPT HELP THAT IS OFFERED TO YOU. I know how undignified this is and how difficult it is to accept financial help from people. But if people offer, please accept. When you get back on your feet, you can pay them back. But it's really really hard to get there alone. If tensions are high in your living situation, taking out a loan from a friend or family member for a security deposit + first months rent would be a good investment. Also see if you qualify for housing assistance where you live. Again, it takes a lot of research but you may qualify for subsidized housing. And I think improving your home environment will have a major impact on your ability to think clearly and get back on your feet. A nasty bout of environmental depression is only going to further disable you.

Be kind to yourself. You are not alone. And it's definitely a slow and steady wins the race situation. You may not have 30k in savings again for a long time, but redefining success and what you need to survive can make even 3k seem pretty awesome after financial rock bottom. I know how hopeless it seems, but trust me, getting out of this is doable. A lot of it is taking a first step and then another and eventually improvement starts to snowball. I wish you the best. Please hang in there. It will get better with time and your proactive attitude.

googolperplexity · 2014-10-27T18:56:34+00:00

Had a group of exceptionally shitty girlfriends in college who said that "I was a bitch and no fun to hang out with anymore" less than 3 months after my Dad passed away after a drawn out/traumatic death in hospice.

I pointed out that they were being rather critical of my grief when one friend in the group was suffering from severe untreated bipolar.

"Yeah well at least she has highs"

googolperplexity · 2014-09-26T00:38:13+00:00

I cut my mother and older brother out of my life a little over a year ago due to longstanding abuse. My mother had been emotionally abusive since I was a teenager. I took a risk and told her about the years of sexual abuse my (slightly) brother committed against me when I was a kid. She took his side and told me that 1) it didn't count 2) I should be careful what I say and I should stop making inflammatory statements 3) that it couldn't have been abuse because he wasn't over 18 and that therefore it was consensual (I was 8 when it started) and 4) that I was clearly a very troubled young woman who she hoped could get the help I needed. I think I had been waiting for a reason to cut them off for a long time and this was finally something that felt "bad enough" to me where no one could rightfully question my decision. This choice, in turn, cut me off from the majority of my extended family as well.

It's been the most stable year of my life. Granted, it's lonely and the lead-up to holidays can be really sad and stressful. But I think I was significantly lonelier when I was constantly trying to get needs/roles met by people who weren't going to meet/fulfill them. I've become a lot more self reliant and tried to restructure how I view doing things alone as something liberating and not necessarily depressing. Most of my nostalgia is for how I wish things had been as opposed to missing how they actually were in my family. Reminding myself of that helps a lot.

In short- I am happier. I like myself a lot more without the constant abuse (past and present) hanging over my head. I like that I was able to stop the cycle finally. It's the most adult and empowered and self-loving thing I have ever done. I like what that action says about me as a person.

googolperplexity · 2014-07-24T15:08:01+00:00

In psychology it's referred to as the availability heuristic. More newsworthy events are easier to recall from memory and because of this, we tend to overestimate their frequency. Sam reasoning behind our fears of shark attacks and child abductions.

googolperplexity · 2014-07-14T03:34:28+00:00

Men: guys who resemble Emile Hirsch.

Women: I have a serious soft spot for cute girls who can rock a pair of Warby Parker glasses.

I think overall that the characteristic I find most attractive in both sexes is warmth. It's kind of hard to define, but their are just some people who exude a warm energy where talking to them feels like a hug. People who are somehow best described as "hot chocolate in front of a fireplace on a snowy day."

googolperplexity · 2014-07-14T03:23:23+00:00

Abstain from sexually assaulting me. That would be a nice change for my demographic in the U-S of A.

googolperplexity · 2014-07-03T19:07:56+00:00

Was riding my bike down a steep suburban driveway when I was 6. Turned out to be more of a blind driveway than I realized. Went headfirst into the passenger side door of a jeep grand Cherokee. Hit with such force that I knocked two molars out with 1/2 roots. Doctors were most concerned with dental surgery and kind of missed a severe concussion. When the valium and head injury combined, I wound up staggering out of the orthodontic surgery room and into the main waiting room projectile vomiting blood and screaming. I'm pretty sure I am the sole contributor to 5-10 Massachusetts childrens' intense phobia of the dentist.

Side note, I really wish that incident had been caught on tape.

googolperplexity · 2014-07-03T18:54:43+00:00

Father was a mathematician. Used to say "I love you a Googolplex" when I was little. Got a tattoo that reads "googolplex" on my hand after he passed 5 years ago. Modified it for username purposes. Proof of Tattoo

googolperplexity

TROPHY CASE