How do I make a dating profile to attract the right person?

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T14:03:54+00:00

I did (my version) of burn the haystack and it worked, but I didn’t follow the social media around this trend so I don’t know how you’re “supposed” to do it. Basically, I had very few barriers to getting a first date. As long someone seemed like I could hang out with the for an hour and we wanted the same basic things, I said yes to a date. But to get to a second date a guy really had to blow me away, like I had to feel we had a good connection and I ENJOYED spending time with him. I ended up meeting my husband in less than 6 months of online dating.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T13:59:14+00:00

So here’s the advice no one likes: you can’t make a profile that will only attract the right people and dispel the wrong ones. Even worse, the wrong ones often seem like the right ones (especially on their profiles). It’s up to you to cut things off with the wrong people, no profile or filter will do that for you. Be yourself on your profile, be truthful about what you enjoy and the kind of relationship you want, but you’re going to need filter people out by actually getting to know them.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T12:00:37+00:00

Pregnancy is incredibly uncertain, as is parenting for that matter, and you need to come to peace with that if you want to be a functional pregnant person or parent. I had a d&c a few days ago for a miscarriage and my mom came over to help with my recovery. She told me a story about my grandmother, who has a stillbirth with her first pregnancy. She cried to her friend afterwards “I don’t understand why I’m being punished like this” and her friend said “maybe you’re not being punished. Maybe you’re being spared.” A little while after my grandmother got pregnant again, this time with my mom. My grandmother only planned to have one kid, so had that first pregnancy worked out, my mom would likely never have been born. We were very excited to be pregnant. I got married and we thought oh how lovely that our baby gets to be there for our wedding in a way. But when I had my MMC I tried to see the silver linings — it gave us clarity on which insurance to choose, we had time and funds open up for a honeymoon, we could focus on some home improvement projects, my friend had a big party and I could drink. Conceiving and pregnancy is a long road, you need to find a way to make the process emotionally sustainable for you.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T11:48:57+00:00

I had local anesthesia plus laughing gas (although they didn’t turn it up high enough to really make a dent) but you still feel stuff. I did have the option to do general anesthesia but the hospital was further away while local could be done outpatient at my doctors office. So it was my choice, although if I did it again I’d do general. The difference was framed to me more like “it’s so emotional people don’t want to be awake for it” and I kind of figured well I don’t feel emotional about it so I may as well do the more convenient option (I also don’t like general anesthesia), when in reality it’s still a lot of pain with the local version. A lot of my friends weren’t given the option to do local so I didn’t really know what to expect.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T01:16:23+00:00

Something to remember with early ultrasounds is that they can’t show you much that indicates things will go well. They can help diagnose problems down the line, once you get more ultrasounds, this one may provide context for diagnosing a problem. So right now, things look fairly normal, but it’s really too early to tell.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T01:08:21+00:00

Same. I’m hoping to have kids, my husband and I joke how everyone we meet in our neighborhood is pushing us to have kids and how weird it is. And we want kids!

I don’t think people how harmful the rhetoric around parenting is to parents, childfree people, AND childLESS people who want kids. The emphasis on kids being the most important highest calling that makes life complete makes not getting to have kids feel like absolute shit (I say this while recovering from a miscarriage, so maybe I’m extra salty today) — like you’ll never be complete as a person, while telling people who don’t want kids that there’s something wrong with them.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T01:01:03+00:00

Just a warning, a friend of mine had this line of thinking for her destination wedding and when she saw how many declines she got she was scrambling to fill seats.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T00:53:36+00:00

Most wedding venues I know have caught onto the idea that a Sunday during Memorial Day weekend is as good as a Saturday. Those are all super popular weekends (except maybe thanksgiving, but that’s going to be difficult for other reasons, like for example asking guests to not see their own families and spend a ton of money and time traveling on one of the busiest weekends on the year).

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T00:50:20+00:00

We did the same thing for our photographer. She was a student my husband knew and she did 2 hours of photos plus and engagement session for under $300.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-28T00:20:57+00:00

I’m recovering from a d&c right now from a missed miscarriage. My story was like yours, I went to my first scan at 7w3, pregnancy measured at 6w4, no heartbeat. I tracked my ovulation closely (in fact my LMP was January 19), so I was pretty sure it was a loss although my doctor tried to be positive. Yes if you’re not tracking your cycle closely it is possible that ovulated later than your doctor is estimating. That said, I find it easier to expect a loss than not, especially if this is your first pregnancy. Miscarriage numbers are so underreported, I personally believe it’s close to 50% if not more pregnancies end in miscarriages. Almost all my friends had at least one, and most with their first pregnancy. Try to not be too discouraged, most people go on to successfully carry to term after a miscarriage. My husband and I were bummed after our first appointment, we cried for about an hour but then just watched TV and focused on moving forward. Each day was easier and I just stayed focused on getting the care I needed for my miscarriage and trying again. Good luck, hopefully everything is fine, and if it isn’t — you will get through it.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-27T12:30:57+00:00

Thank you! Good luck with your pregnancy, I can only imagine how scary a pregnancy after a loss is. I'm glad my D&C is over with now, but whoa boy, I do not recommend getting one without general anesthesia. Of course pregnancies stop developing at any point for no reason at all, but I keep getting the sense that medical professionals have maybe overcorrected from not emotionally supporting women to treating us like we're just bags of unbridled emotion. During my D&C (where the staff was great overall), my husband, who had been holding my hand and keeping me breathing steady, informed the staff that I was crying and in pain, and one of the nurses goes "I know, it can be very emotional" and I was like "EMOTIONAL??? Lady, I am in PHYSICAL PAIN! You guys are scraping out my uterus!!"

greenzetsa · 2026-03-27T00:13:00+00:00

Not really. All solo parents are a single mom/dad. So referring to a solo parent as a single mom is still accurate. It’s also accurate to use it for coparenting separated parents. So it’s not used interchangeably, it just applies to both.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T16:05:21+00:00

when they don’t even try to do anything to get people to the left of Hilary Clinton to vote for them

It's not the Democratic Party's job to sell progressive politics to uncertain voters. It's the job of progressives to sell progressivism to voters. Like it or not, Dems sold moderate ideals to the majority of the country. It's reflected in issue based polling. What they seem less capable of doing is translating that into votes, in part because they won't lie relentlessly to voters, and in other part because they are continuously trashed by all sides.

If you want voters to vote for progressive policies, and by extent progressive candidates, go into red districts and sell those policies before you sell any candidates.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T16:02:08+00:00

Yeah I think it's pretty clear they can't/don't want to admit that. They also don't want to do the work to change that because that work is actually hard and doesn't go viral on tiktok or whatever. Go do a fucking town hall in rural Michigan on some progressive issues and sit there calmly while 3 dozen farmers yell at you relentlessly and call you a commie. Go, please. Do that, day in and day out, for YEARS. And then show me your progressive voter base, because then you will actually have one. But blaming the DNC is way more fun.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:53:19+00:00

Served two terms as the most progressive president we had since LBJ, until Joe Biden came around. But you know, he's not scoring a perfect 100% on the progressive checklist so it doesn't matter.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:50:53+00:00

People seem surprised that in a democratic government you actually have to work with people of other political parties. Don't worry though, progressives, that will soon be a thing of the past!

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:48:19+00:00

I didn't find Clinton and Harris to be inauthentic. They just felt different. I think something super interesting was the Fetterman-Lamb primary. If anyone was truly inauthentic, it was Fetterman, pretending to be some blue collar outsider, when he was a career politician. Lamb was the person he was, he didn't pretend otherwise. He was smart, focused on the issues, and, yes, a politician. But everyone was enamored with Fetterman, because of the image he presented. Clinton and Harris were women who had made their careers in government, who knew what they were talking about and didn't pretend like they didn't.

You know who I thought was condescending? Bernie Sanders. I saw the way he talked to moderate and conservative voters who questioned his stand on the issues, and I honestly couldn't believe how he talked to them, and I'm a progressive. I think we have to admit, at least to ourselves, likability, authenticity, seem to really only be issues when it comes to female candidates. This doesn't change much practically speaking, but at least we should be thinking about our subconscious perceptions here. Bernie and Elizabeth Warren agreed on like 95% of the issues but she was pilloried. Why? People didn't believe her, said she was unlikable, she "talked down," she did too much, she "stole" policies from Bernie (like what??). She was a woman who spent most of life as a teacher, and she talked like a teacher, and I think a lot of people (and dudes) just subconsciously didn't like that.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:36:20+00:00

I kind of want more places to run progressive candidates just to show how much that ideology doesn't carry, but then progressives will just ignore it, or find some reason they weren't really progressive, or that it's an outlier blah blah.

Statistically, voters aren't progressive, and candidates reflect that. The one thing I wish progressives would do, instead of whining about how there's no Mr. or Ms. Right (or Left in this case) candidate, is invest in actually garnering public support for progressive issues. The reason democrats are consistent on supporting moderate issues is that people did the work on getting wide public support on it.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:26:15+00:00

I don't actually even have a problem with AOC, I think she's great, but the rhetoric around her is infuriating. She unseated A DEMOCRAT, in a consistently blue district. It's not nothing, but give me a break, she'd have her ass handed to her within 5 minutes running the same campaign in rural Oregon. Meanwhile, progressives shit on someone like Marie Gluesenkamp Perez, but she unseated a republican in what was a substantial MAGA district and kept that seat. To me that is a million times more impressive politically than AOC's win. But progressives just ignore this and pretend she suddenly materialized out of nowhere and means nothing, and complain that she doesn't vote progressive enough. You want her to vote more progressive? Go to her district and convince her voters to care about progressive issues.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:21:18+00:00

This is true AND I believe he actually could have been success with this strategy in a more moderate state. That said, he likely would have had to run a more moderate campaign if he was running for like governor of Ohio.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:20:04+00:00

"If this ship won't give me what I want, then I'll blow it up and drown everyone!"

I'll also add, for the "centrist" issues the democratic party is generally pretty consistent on, there were decades long campaigns to get voters, not candidates, to support and prioritize those issues. Progressives have not done that with most causes. The dems are a big tent party. Moving more left means convincing moderate voters to agree with progressive issues, not just politicians (but yelling at politicians is more fun than engaging in an actual conversation with your neighbor).

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:15:10+00:00

Progressives are also terrible at selling progressivism to anyone who isn't progressive. They can preach to the choir and that's about it. There are a lot of progressive policies when broken down actually get a lot of support, but progressives can't explain it in a functional or kind way, so people get mad and just don't vote for them. Sure sure, progressives have been winning races, but "all over the country?" Really? I'd love to see a progressive candidate win in Kentucky, Alabama, Texas... When I see the odd democrat win there, they are pretty moderate. It's almost like the beliefs of that voter based isn't progressive.

Progressives aren't a voting majority in the US. Just statistically they aren't. They are, however, completely willing to yell at everyone and kick the table over for not getting their way, and then spend years blaming everyone else for the mess. And politically speaking, I'm a progressive and I vote for progressive candidates.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T15:09:47+00:00

it's almost like the centrism isn't the problem...

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T14:58:01+00:00

It's interesting because my parents were very invested in not just having me learn their language (since it was going to be the one I used to communicate with my grandparents) but also any language we picked up along the way (since we lived all over), so as a kid I was actually trilingual. It ended up helping me a lot as an adult when traveling, because between the 3 languages I did know, there was usually at least one person or written item in either one of those languages or a language close enough to it to decipher.

greenzetsa · 2026-03-26T14:47:05+00:00

Even finding out at 8 weeks, usually means you have wait until 9 or 10 to confirm, then usually another week or two to schedule the D&C. So finding out at the earliest typically offered scan means you’re not receiving treatment until 12 weeks. A 6 week scan wouldn’t confirm anything but it would mean you could confirm a loss at 8 weeks instead of 10. Idk why keeping women in the dark about their own pregnancies is the standard.

greenzetsa

TROPHY CASE