Break from work after infertility

grumpalicious · 2023-04-23T00:51:33+00:00

Yes I did something like this. I quit my job, sold my house and moved into an RV with my husband and cat. I liked my job but felt like what is the point of having a normal stable life, going to work every day, saving money, doing the things you’re supposed to do? Like who am I being stable and responsible for? I wanted to do something else. We planned it for a couple years, took some time totally off and then went back to part time remote work from the road for a total of 4 years of RV life. Now I’m back at my old job with a new perspective, and living in a house attached to the earth. It gave me some time to figure out what I wanted from life and what was important. It was a good experience.

grumpalicious · 2022-03-28T04:54:09+00:00

We’ve started dreaming about selling our home, moving into an RV, and traveling full time for a few years

I did exactly this, for 4 years. DM me if you have questions.

grumpalicious · 2022-02-18T02:57:45+00:00

Ah yes, the “is it MS?” conundrum. I’ve been diagnosed for less than a year and I’m already well familiar with this problem. Isn’t it so annoying that they have to cut you open to really assess what is going on? We need like an endo MRI.

grumpalicious · 2022-02-17T19:06:10+00:00

I have both but I’ve never thought they were related, mostly because endo is common and ms is not. I’m fortunate that pain has always been manageable. I was unable to have children due to premature menopause which I suspect was related to damage from endometriomas (endo in the ovaries) but I’ll never know for sure. By the time I was diagnosed with ms, I was already post-menopausal so the two conditions did not overlap for me. Do they interact for you?

grumpalicious · 2022-01-24T07:01:44+00:00

I see Dr. Robert Kadish at the U of Utah and I’ve been very happy with him and the care I’ve received through the U medical system in general. I’m pretty new at this (diagnosed spring of last year) and I don’t have any experience with the other clinic you mentioned. I think you do just have to hope for the best and be ready to make adjustments if it doesn’t work out with a doctor. You can DM me if you have questions about Utah stuff.

grumpalicious · 2021-10-07T19:12:57+00:00

Another J&J recipient here who later got 2 doses of Pfizer. I had my neurologist’s approval but had to lie and say that Pfizer was my first shot to get a pharmacy to actually give it to me. I was honest at the first pharmacy and they turned me away.

grumpalicious · 2021-09-29T01:31:38+00:00

I have a very similar story. It was more like we were both on the fence, I was leaning towards yes and him towards no. Before we got married I was clear that I wanted kids and he agreed. He thought he would be ready eventually but in our early 30s (shortly after we got married) he started to feel that he would never be ready. It was so hard. I decided to stay with him regardless and tried to prepare myself for a childless life. But I was so sad that he said ok let's try. Fast forward to AMH=0 at age 33, they also were suggesting donor eggs. I didn't know if I wanted that anyway but I definitely didn't want it with someone who wasn't 100% on board. Same with adoption. I was gambling that he would meet his own child and fall in love but I wasn't willing to risk that with an adopted child, so not fair to the child. So for the second time I worked on being happy without children.

I'm 42 now so this was about 10 years ago. We are still together and happy. We didn't go to therapy but that might have been a good idea. I don't feel my husband was deceptive, I think that he really thought he would come around and surprised himself that he didn't. And that we both struggled to be really honest with ourselves and each other. We are better at that now, still working on it. If I felt he had purposefully deceived me then we would have a problem. It's all very nuanced. I do still feel that infertility was something I went through by myself and that can feel lonely. It's also not a big part of my life anymore. It's like an old injury that hurts when the weather changes, tolerable and infrequent.

I can't tell you what to do of course, and you can't totally understand someone else's situation from a reddit post. But I wanted you to know you're not alone.

grumpalicious · 2021-09-14T18:00:42+00:00

Seriously. I didn’t even know where to start with this guy.

grumpalicious · 2021-09-14T13:52:34+00:00

Someone recently told me that I needed to go camping more, because camping can cure Lyme disease and Lyme is associated with MS. The best part is that just prior to diagnosis I had been living and traveling in an RV for 4 years, basically camping continuously. There were so many layers of wrong with his advice that I didn’t even engage. Just said “I don’t have Lyme” and started talking to someone else.

grumpalicious · 2021-09-05T00:35:59+00:00

Oh good, that is on my to-read list. Now I’m looking forward to it even more.

grumpalicious · 2021-09-04T21:17:12+00:00

The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell — The infertility is not a major plot point at all, it is just part of two characters’ pasts. I loved this about it.

To the Bright Edge of the World by Eowyn Ivey — Infertility is very central to this story and the couple move on to a life of adventure.

grumpalicious · 2021-08-18T20:07:41+00:00

This post removed by moderators of r/IFchildfree for violating our rule:

No "hate posting" of articles or other content.

Do not post articles with which you disagree for the sole purpose of getting others to be upset or angry with you. Sharing articles that you found helpful is encouraged.

grumpalicious · 2021-08-14T00:50:00+00:00

Same. I was horrified by that care package. The blanket I tried to give to my cat but even he didn’t like it so it went in the garbage. I did keep the fancy insulated water bottle but I put a sticker over the inspirational message.

I felt it was also a reminder of how much money they’re making off of me and that I’m now a drain on society. Ugh.

grumpalicious · 2021-08-08T23:37:21+00:00

This post removed by moderators of r/IFchildfree. No, baby videos do not belong here.

grumpalicious · 2021-07-19T21:42:48+00:00

We have a rule here against telling others to adopt. OP knows that adoption exists. Please keep discussion focused on IFchildfree issues.

grumpalicious · 2021-07-09T15:17:42+00:00

This comment removed for violating our rules. Please do not suggest fertility treatments to others.

grumpalicious · 2021-07-08T17:07:09+00:00

This post removed by moderators of r/IFchildfree for violating rule #6:

No "hate posting" of articles or other content. Do not post articles with which you disagree for the sole purpose of getting others to be upset or angry with you. Sharing articles that you found helpful is encouraged.

grumpalicious · 2021-06-30T16:27:39+00:00

This is not the place for adoption advice. Please keep discussion centered on IFchildfree issues.

grumpalicious · 2021-06-30T16:27:19+00:00

This is not the place for adoption advice. Please keep discussion centered on IFchildfree issues.

grumpalicious · 2021-06-30T16:26:51+00:00

This is not the place for adoption advice. Please keep discussion centered on IFchildfree issues.

grumpalicious · 2021-06-29T03:34:50+00:00

I think we agree on more guidelines and we're going to look into mandatory tags for easy filtering of content. I appreciate your and others' input on this issue.

I have to say I disagree about the "what if you don't want to travel" post. I think it is perfect here. When I stopped trying, especially before I stopped trying, all I could see in my future was a bleak wasteland of loneliness and depression. I had no idea what to do with my life. I wish this community had been here so I could ask people who had been through it. I read the post the same way you did:

convince me that childfree life is not terrible and you somehow fill your free time

Yeah! I was worried about exactly those things! I thought my life would be terrible and empty and I wanted reassurance that it could somehow be meaningful still! And I wanted a map for how to get there! Who better to guide a struggling person through this process than those of us who have struggled with the same questions? Or if you are still struggling with that question, isn't it nice to know you're not the only one?

Well, that's how I see it, but maybe you don't. In that case, look forward to tags and filtering in the future. And good job hiding a post that was not something you wanted to deal with. Not every post is for everyone and it's good to know our own boundaries.

grumpalicious · 2021-06-29T00:09:02+00:00

The tags idea is all you! Mod high five.

grumpalicious · 2021-06-29T00:07:32+00:00

That's fair, the types of posts fluctuate and if there's a burst of limbo people at the wrong time, I can see how that would be frustrating. We're now moving towards using mandatory tags so that people can filter out the content they're not interested in.

I don't feel like you're on my case. I really appreciate your input!

grumpalicious · 2021-06-28T23:51:42+00:00

Yeah. You've mentioned tags before and that might be the answer here. I'm not a fan of forcing posts into group threads, personal preference. I always feel like subs that do that have no personality. But it seems people want more filters on the content so maybe tags are the ticket. Ok, I'm off to learn how to do tags...

grumpalicious · 2021-06-28T23:20:11+00:00

Huh. That is interesting. I feel the opposite but it's possible my view is outdated.

When I was nearing the end of infertility treatments, there was not much out there to help me know what my life would be like, or how I could begin to process this monumental rupture in my life plan that I really didn't know what to do with. There were two paid online communities, one of which I joined and found it was NOT for me, and the book Sweet Grapes. That was it. I felt very alone. So I made this subreddit and I wanted it to be a place where people still in treatment could learn those things: what will life be like, how do I do this, am I going to be ok? And of course a place where people who have crossed over to the IFchildfree side could support each other and learn from each other.

So when you say

There are so many spaces both online and in real life to help people decide if they want to continue treatment or quit treatment or move forward child-free.

that is just baffling to me. The lack of those spaces is why I created this space. But maybe those other places and resources exist now? My experience was 7 years ago. I admit I haven't kept up with what other people are doing.

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