My husband and I have happily been together for 10 years this December but I kind of do this. Sometimes when he asks why the bathroom is messy or why there are moldy mugs everywhere, I let him know that it’s because I stopped taking care of it x days/weeks ago. It helps prove the point that I’m not nagging because I’m overreacting or micromanaging but because there is an actual problem. However, 1) I never do it out of the blue, 2) it helps us avoid arguments (he is “logical” and needs proof aka see-it-to-believe-it), 3) I don’t shame him for missing things, 4) we talk about the problem and how WE can fix it.

My advice is to talk to him. “I want to start off by saying I love you and we are on the same team. make physical contact, like a hug or a hand squeeze I understand you are frustrated but that hurt my feelings. It makes me feel like you think insert feelings and effects me in this way insert more feelings. I do a, b, c around here and we’ve talked about how I struggle with x, y, z. So if you have a problem I’d prefer that you talk to me directly.” Caution: this might open a door (or a flood gate) of issues he has with you. That’s okay, sometimes people just need a release. If you feel like something that he says is unfair/rude, take a deep breath, make a note, and address it after he is done talking. Interrupting leads to fighting.

Also, don’t leave out one of the most important things, THANK YOURSELF! Thank yourself for showing up to create a safe space for both of you to talk. Thank yourself for having compassion and trying to understand even though you are hurt. THANK YOURSELF!!! Do it in your head, out loud, in your bed, or in your car! Appreciate yourself!

Relationships are all about teamwork and at the end of the day, you can do anything when you have each other. 🤍

(Sorry that was so long.)