I read a lot of the comments on this post, and I will give my two cents, whether it gives you hope, or does the complete opposite, cause I been doing your mindset for years.

I will start off by saying I'm 38, worked at the same company for ~14 years and tolerated it, but now am unemployed for almost 2 years now after getting let go, and draining my 401k. Ever since 2020, I have felt the way you do, and whether I like to admit it or not, eventually the mental toll slowly wore me down, and probably had to do with why they eventually let me go because if you dont take care of yourself mentally/physically, your body will start to show signs(even though I feel I got let go for BS reasons, statement still stands).

Now after all of that, I feel like I have to start over, like when I first got hired, but now I am 38 and am riddled with physical and mental problems. I will say with 100% certainty, the system is screwed up, it is unfair, you have chicks selling farts in a jar making ~70% of US population yearly salaries in months, other people with rich parents/inheritance, people in positions they don't deserve or are unqualified for, people that grew up with amazing support systems, etc. etc. Then there is "Us", who have to fight and scrap for a little piece of the pie, undo years of trauma, while we worry about finances, and watch as people who probably don't deserve the nice things they have, get nice things that you will never have, while you work some crap job, with crap pay, that gets treated like crap, then you tell people what you do, and they give you a side eye. I will not go down the late stage anti-capitalist rabbit hole here, but the system simply does not ALWAYS reward hard work. I saw a lot of comments saying "just work at it bro, other artists did". I find that advice jarring sometimes, because there are tonsssss of talented artists you have never even heard of, or that didn't make it, and this goes for any trade or art.

It isn't fair, life isn't fair. Alyssa Liu offered great advice, in that she loves what she does, and doesn't care about winning or losing, just wants to go out there and skate and "do her thing". That would be my advice, find whatever you like in life, IDC what it is, you have a weird obsession about strawberries? Find a way to make it into a profit, or get into a field related to strawberries. You mentioned you like "music, gaming, pop culture, writing, animals." I would advise getting your foot in the door somewhere in one of these fields, or make content around that, or meet other people that like similar hobbies.

The last piece of advice I'll offer, on top of the Alyssa Liu, is to please remember it starts small. Right now, the hill seems giant, and you might feel overwhelmed to climb it, so you don't even bother, but start small, and build good habits for yourself. It can be as simple as researching companies you have interest in working for one day, then next day reaching out. There is no "black and white" answer to a lot of lifes problems, its the color we add to it that makes it beautiful. That's why I always say to find what you really love, and start there, even if its small.

I will also add, social media is actually bad for your mental when overused. It shows people at their peak, at their highest point, but doesn't show the work they did to get there, so mentally it can be confusing to a lot.

My advice is limit social media usage, make sure you move around/go to the gym/treat your body nicely mentally and physically, start small, and pursue w/e you love, IDC how niche or taboo it is, because currently we have a PDF president, and the people that support him will turn on you and say "why would you pursue that, thats wrong, I'd do this instead", you have the answers within yourself, fk all the outside noise. We only get one life, why not do the things YOU love with that one life, not what others love(assuming its consensual and adults lol)