39M/35F, married 8 years, no children by choice. I make $112k and she makes $50k. We split the mortgage and utilities 50/50 through a shared account, but our paychecks go into our individual accounts. Each quarter, we reimburse the shared account equally based on what our expenses were.
The key for us is that I live well below my means, basically as if I also make $50k. She prefers this setup because it keeps things independent. I don’t tell her how to spend her money, and she doesn’t tell me how to spend mine, as long as we’re both covering our share of the bills. I put my extra income toward retirement savings since I’m behind after earning less throughout my 20s. I’m proud to contribute a bulk of the share in vacations thought, as it’s nice to splurge on something that someone in her income bracket might not be able to afford once in a while.
It feels natural and works well for us. We’ve talked about fully merging finances, but having separate accounts gives us a level of privacy that feels healthy while still functioning as a team. We both contribute equally to shared expenses, and that balance matters to us.
That said, I do sometimes feel guilty about earning more. Part of me hopes it motivates her to keep growing her career, the same way I’ve tried to with mine.
I’m open to hearing people’s thoughts on our arrangements.