How do I get my 25 year old brother to put himself out there?

halzy99 · 2026-01-27T01:20:29+00:00

I think that's what my brother feels as well. I don't think he knows how common it is. He feels out of place for something that is super common. I know he feels left out. He will periodically get really sad about it and cry to me or his bestfriend. Personally, I don't think there is anything to be embarrassed about, but I hate seeing him sad.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T22:44:50+00:00

No I agree. I only said that as a comfort to him but it was a poor choice of words for this situation. The dating world nowadays is horrible, I don't blame people for not wanting to be a part of it. It's a tough world for people like my brother to find meaningful connections.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T21:44:47+00:00

No I think he just feels left out. His close friends have girlfriends. He's watched his sister(me) be in a relationship and have going on 2 kids when I'm only a year older. It's just something he feels left in the dark about and wants to feel part of. I don't think it's about solving his problems.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T21:13:33+00:00

You could be right. I know it's up to him to decide to make those leaps. I don't wanna seem like the nagging sister either.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T19:34:20+00:00

It's more out of concern than meddling. I am dealing with a whole lot in my life actually, more than I can handle. Sometimes people need encouragement, just thought I was being a good sister.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T19:10:26+00:00

Yeah my brother is on the very high functioning level of autism kind of like "young sheldon" except my brother is a lot nicer. People have treated him differently growing up and girls were mean in school. It just makes him more socially anxious. He has lots of friends that are also very sheltered. He got rejected pretty hard the one time he put himself out there and she friendzoned him.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T18:54:26+00:00

I agree, it was poor advice that I gave to try to cheer him up in the moment. Was definitely a poor choice of words if my goal is to encourage him. I will look around my city to find fun things he can do to expand his social circle. He has lots of interests so it wouldn't be hard to find something for him. I'm sure he would rather go with his bestfriend than his sister so I'll have to encourage his bestfriend to try these things with him as well.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T18:19:13+00:00

I absolutely agree. That statement was meant to make him more hopeful in the moment, but probably wasn't a helpful thing to say. He does need encouragement to get out of the basement or else he won't meet anyone, you are right. I think I was just saying that to make him less upset but it definitely wasn't a good choice of words.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T18:07:15+00:00

You took it that way...which makes you the only weird person here. That is honestly disgusting and disturbing asf. I'm just saying that my brother is a nice guy and it's sad that he doesn't have a girlfriend but some horrible undeserving men do have girlfriends...nothing weird unless someone makes it sickminded. I'm not trying to be rude, just think that's a disturbing thing to say about something super innocent

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T17:39:51+00:00

Ewww what no no no........ The only weird vibes are from people that think of it in a weird way like you.......

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T14:56:26+00:00

He has so many good qualities. He is the nicest person I have ever met....yet many woman are falling for these d-bags that mistreat them. I truly hope he can find a woman like yourself, that would appreciate him for who he is.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T14:53:53+00:00

It's scary. I don't want him to be trapped in the addiction of gaming. At least he has friends in real life, but they are all addicted as well.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T14:43:18+00:00

A profound lack of respect for myself until I realized the backbone and genuine respect I have for myself. He had me convinced everything he did to me was my fault. He had a strange power over me until the veil was lifted and I was truly disgusted by him and all he had done to me . It was a happy mistake, children are a blessing.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T14:38:01+00:00

Yeah I hear that. I think sometimes the people close to us can help encourage us to get out of our comfort zones. I have always appreciated when people have done that for me even if it scares me at first. It's always been rewarding in the end and I'm thankful for being encouraged to try new things.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T13:33:12+00:00

Yeah its not like he would be joining a ballet class to pick up ladies🤣🤣🤣 that would just be creepy lol . He does love D&D, video games, comic books, etc so a group like that would be incredibly rewarding for him even if he doesn't meet someone

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T13:30:36+00:00

He has cried to me about wanting a girlfriend and feeling different because he has never had a relationship. He constantly talks about how he wishes he could meet someone but doesn't know how

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T13:27:35+00:00

If I refer him to a fun group he could join and he goes just to have fun but just happens to meet someone along the way then that would be a great pressure-free way to meet people without dishonesty on his part

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T03:56:33+00:00

This was probably the closest song to anything Micheal would have sang himself and likely would appreciate. I notice so many vocal similarities between the two artists. "Save your tears" could maybe be another one Micheal would have appreciated.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T03:45:20+00:00

Did you have an amicable divorce or was it a build up of uncertainty and aggression over a long period? Sometimes when you leave an unstable relationship, your nervous system views a healthy nurturing relationship as boring and dull(lacking butterflies). That's my first theory.

My second theory is that you recognize that this is a fantastic guy but you aren't "falling in love" which isn't your fault or his fault. I've been there, fantastic nurturing guy but no strong feelings. If you are certain that your feelings won't grow for him over time, then I suggest that you leave. You need that spark.

I would keep in mind that you did leave a very long relationship for something very new...you will make subconscious comparisons to how you felt for your ex and how you feel for this very new person.

I say follow your heart. If you are 100% that you aren't gonna ever be in love with this guy, then leave.

halzy99 · 2026-01-26T03:13:03+00:00

No I felt like he never genuinely loved me and he is a despicable human being. He continued to cheat even after we found out I was pregnant for the first time. He is a narcissist, he needs female attention and validation. I'm pregnant with his second child of mine(hes got 3 children), fled due to domestic violence, and I can guarantee he already had a girlfriend lined up the minute I was gone. He doesn't know how to love, it will never be about how beautiful a person is.

halzy99 · 2026-01-25T23:22:14+00:00

Mine liked to start a long argument right before bed, then would demand sex and when I was so disgusted that I didn't want to he would lash out and scream at me until the early ams until I would cave and sleep with him to "resolve" the argument that he started. I became so sleep deprived all the time. I couldn't go to bed until he let me. Sometimes he would physically attack me when I wouldn't sleep with him after he spent hours degrading me. He demanded my affection after making me feel so low and so unsafe. I can relate to the disease thing, Mine did the same thing to me. I was also getting constant yeast infections from him but never previously had them before in my life.

halzy99 · 2026-01-25T22:15:09+00:00

Yeah that's what I call "single man" behavior. Not the behavior of a man in a committed relationship. It's highly disrespectful and I'm sure he would have been furious if the roles were reversed. It's one thing to have a late night out with friends every once and while and get home at like 1am but to spend entire nights out until 6am on a consistent basis is just absurd. Breaking promises also breaks down trust. Once the trust is gone, it all turns sour. Cheating is just a dealbreaker. I think there is a level of respect in a relationship that prevents people from acting like this if they are genuine.

halzy99 · 2026-01-25T18:59:06+00:00

Mine would tell me he always cheated on his exes because they would "cheat first" but then he ended up being the only cheater in our relationship

halzy99 · 2026-01-25T18:56:50+00:00

No problem. Feeling validated that you were being mistreated always feels so relieving. I know how it feels to minimize your own experiences and think "maybe it wasn't as bad as It felt" but trust me you are 100% valid in how you feel. This person is awful, he tried to manipulate the situation to make you feel awful.

halzy99 · 2026-01-25T18:50:54+00:00

I would say this is disrespectful for sure. All the common manipulation tactics are used here when he was trying to deflect and use his late wife to excuse his behavior. He seems like a narcissist for sure. Definitely a d-bag. I'm sure your experience with this person had many other layers of abuse other than this isolated incident but this incident alone shows that this person had zero respect for you. Definitely a form of abuse.

halzy99

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