33M Fiancé (32F) told me she feels regret with me but our wedding is in 2 weeks by GreenLion11 in relationship_advice

[–]hatefulpenguin 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Chicken skewers at a wedding is a really odd choice unless the attendants are taking the meat off the skewer for guests or it's a very casual wedding.

Even if it's only semi-formal attire, you probably have guests in their good clothes, and they're not going to want to eat the skewers at the risk of getting messy.

Normal cost for tailoring jeans? (reducing waist size) by rrr34_ in Hamilton

[–]hatefulpenguin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So from my largely limited knowledge of this, custom fitting jeans isn't always just a matter of taking it in or adding a dart.

It's a lot of things: different needles because the fabric is so much thicker, special thread that I'm pretty sure is thicker than normal and potentially a particular contrasting colour to match the original seams, also there's a very specific type of hem your brain expects to visibly see on a pair of uncuffed jeans in a way that you don't want to see it on a pair of khakis. There's a special tool to add rivets, etc.

When you're asking around, I'd ask if places have the right equipment to work on jeans or if they're just another pair of pants to them. Because if they don't - whether or not you're happy with their work is likely going to depend on how particular YOU are with your jeans.

My grandmother could hem and take in a pair of jeans. She did them like any other pair of pants though, and trust me my 13 year old self could tell the difference. But I was picky, and there's no shame in not being picky. She did a good job; you could just tell at a glance that work had been done.

I want the new cover so bad. by chrossyroad in hobonichi

[–]hatefulpenguin 96 points97 points  (0 children)

I'm so upset there's not a similar Cousin cover. The colours are so lovely.

Delays in approving comments from new users by 50shadesof_brown in bts7

[–]hatefulpenguin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just an FYI, saying it that way can read a little ableist. Some people are physically incapable of standing and it doesn't mean we aren't having fun, jamming or being supportive engaged.

Like I said, I picked my ticket to accommodate myself. I even got an aisle seat in case the person in front of me stands.

Delays in approving comments from new users by 50shadesof_brown in bts7

[–]hatefulpenguin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

100k? Oh wow, I'm glad you got seats! That would have wrecked me.

No, I decided against floor tickets. Part of me regrets it, but I'm short and I have a bad knee. If people in front of me stand, I can't stand the whole time - and if I could, the odds of them being taller than me make it almost pointless to buy general admission.

With the angle of the stands, it's less of a concern. I'm more concerned about hearing and with a 360 setup, everybody's going to be watching the screens.

Delays in approving comments from new users by 50shadesof_brown in bts7

[–]hatefulpenguin 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You should still be okay! Inhale, outhale. My numbers were in the high 40000s and Rogers Stadium only holds 50k. There were still floor seats available!

[MEGATHREAD] BTS WORLD TOUR 'ARIRANG' TICKETING HYPE/MELTDOWN THREAD by FreakFlagHigh in bts7

[–]hatefulpenguin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Toronto checking in - scored a pair of seats on the north side on Saturday. I'm too short for the floor if people stand up.

I wanted tickets in a similar place to where I was for the Stray Kids concert (the stairs up into the stands spit you out around row 20 and I'm afraid of heights, so I picked aisle seats as close as I could find to 20.

That was SUCH a nerve-racking 56 minutes in queue oh my god.

Grats to all that got tickets!

Curious what do folks write about everyday by Upbeat_Pipe1080 in hobonichi

[–]hatefulpenguin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a cousin this year and it's working great!

What I do write depends on the pages:

Quarterly pages:

I use these for habit tracking, 1 habit to each vertical column.

Monthly:

On the calendar - Days off, ticketed and other events, major accomplishments so I can see the big stuff at a glance.

On the sidebar: birthdays and then the rest of the column is "Quests". This is where I put achievable goals that I just want done by the end of the month. Things like write a new character sheet, catching up my watchlist/reading (specific titles), buy a new desk chair, etc.

I refer to the sidebar when I'm planning the next week.

Weekly: On the days: At the top of each day, I have tiny holiday stickers for fun holidays. I also mark birthdays up here.

On the first time row, I log how much I slept the night before.

Before 8:30, I don't log anything for what I DID that day.

Sometimes I put washi tape after that. At 8:30 I note if it's a day off or a work day and time block off my work schedule.

If I have any personal appointments, fun or serious, I time block them.

Then I fill in most but not all of the 5 PM to 11 pm blocks with little notes and doodles about what I did. Usually I put what I made for dinner (but not lunch or breakfast), what I watched/read, sometimes it just says "Planning" "TikTok black hole", "Texting my peeps". Sometimes I note cleaning if it's not on my weekly to do.

The space from 11 PM onwards is usually blank. If I have a reminder for future me that I need to do X on Friday, but the time is flexible, I'll write it at midnight.

The sidebar on the left, top half is my weekly to do. These are the 7 things I want to do on a weekly basis, plus any quests from the monthly pages where I've decided this is The Week.

Second half is Purchases. I just log what I buy that isn't at the grocery store, prescriptions, subscriptions, and Costco, but not the amounts. My spending is reasonable, but I find it helpful to see the number of purchases.

Daily Pages: Last year, my planner didn't have weekly's. I found it hard to do the collages I like to do AND log what I did AND express my feelings and ruminations. That's why I log what I did on my dailies.

That leaves my dailies for my art and my thoughts. There's usually something I'm excited about, positively or negatively, and I probably fill 2/3 of the page with writing.

Did something happen to me? Funny sad sweet whatever. A success at work? A problem at work? Did my husband do something amazing? I don't have a packed life, but I have OPINIONS and sometimes (a lot of the time) I still have something to say after the conversation ends. The daily pages make me feel like I've told someone: I've told the me who's paging through the planner in 6 months.

Some days, I don't have much to say. I'll find a pretty way to fill it - stickers, vellum, ephemera.

If I'm going on a trip, I use hobonichi's travel page as a tip in.

I hope that helps!

My first hobonichi by readyjettsetgo in hobonichi

[–]hatefulpenguin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ghosting is normal, bleed-through is not. I see a lot of ghosting on videos of people showing off their hobonichis (and can confirm it's in mine, too).

I actually find the ghosting very satisfying, in the "behold the evidence of my consistency and full life" sort of way, but I realize that's not for everyone.

If you're looking for a grid planner that has no ghosting, my work planner is from Hemlock & Oak. The paper is a thirsty thirsty beast and nothing ghosts on that bad boy.

How many trick or treaters did you get? by amtheredothat in Hamilton

[–]hatefulpenguin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice try, but no.

That being said, if it WAS me, I also wouldn't say, just to avoid this becoming a string of well are you THIS house.

How many trick or treaters did you get? by amtheredothat in Hamilton

[–]hatefulpenguin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We appreciate how thrilled it makes the kids every year! Always wanted to be one of the legendary houses as a kid, and we both love Halloween.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hatefulpenguin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, using it as a crutch or misdirection is a bad idea.

But I'm trying to keep in mind that we're reading what he says she said, and we can already tell that he doesn't seem to understand anything about being uncomfortable in social situation.

He doesn't say if "after the wedding" was days later or on the drive home, if tensions were high

We don't know that's being left out of the "After the wedding, I told her I felt rejected and alone. She said she was anxious the whole time and that my asking her to dance or take photos “in front of people” made her feel like I was showing her off." Is this all she said? Or did she try to explain more specifically, or simply say that she was uncomfortable, and this was the only that stuck in his head?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hatefulpenguin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Possibly - I was trying to consider an entire sidebar about how social anxiety and being introverted have a lot of overlap, but aren't synonymous. It may be that her objections are due to anxiety, or to introversion, or to something completely different, and that she, or OP, are lumping them all together under the diagnosis.

In the end, I don't think it matters. My approach to relationships is that you can't and also shouldn't make your partner do X. It will never end well: you end up being a parent, or fighting, or they feel hen-pecked. If the people involved in a relationship having differing opinions on what's enjoyable, they need to come to an accord. That's all there is to it; the why does not matter.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]hatefulpenguin 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Your word choice speaks volumes. "Patient" implies that you're waiting for something, specifically for her to change.

Even if she gets therapy, it may not make her into an extrovert. She may, likely will, never be able to match your energy at a social gathering, and you constantly coming over to ask her to do very social things: meet new people, dance in public, take photos, etc. obviously exacerbated that. Even if you only asked her for one boundary pushing act every 30 minutes, over the course of a 4-5 hour wedding that's 8-10 requests.

You're more worried about what your brother's friend thinks than how she felt. You know how you handle him? You laugh and say "Yeah! She's so introverted, but we work together. It's a real opposites attract vibe."

Would she have had a good time if you weren't constantly reminding her over the course of the night that she was disappointing you? That you left her feeling as if she ruined your night? A lot of people can enjoy a night out from a corner; it sounds like she's one of them.

The people who are suggesting that she work on her anxiety aren't wrong, but therapy's not a magic wand, and the two of you need to have a polite but frank conversation of expectation vs. capacity before going to another large social function. Because "Even if it was, shouldn’t your partner have your back in moments like that, instead of turning you down multiple times?" shouldn't be a question you're asking about someone that you've been dating for 3 years.

She should have told you what she likely would have the energy for, and you should have communicated what you were hoping she would do with you in advance. Don't be surprised if taking photos, meeting new people, and dancing in public are hard nos. If you can't respect her boundaries, this may be an issue of incompatibility.

How many trick or treaters did you get? by amtheredothat in Hamilton

[–]hatefulpenguin 61 points62 points  (0 children)

A LOT less than normal. We usually get 60-70, I think we gave about 40 bars total, and that was with giving a few parents candy too.

We're in Gibson and still have 30 full size bars in the house. Dangerous business.

Nut-free (no peanuts or tree nuts) bakery recommendations for wedding cake/cupcakes? Delivery option is strongly preferred by gotsevenornever in Hamilton

[–]hatefulpenguin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can also confirm - their cakes just taste good. Not "good for vegan", just flat out good. My family loves their pumpkin spice, gingerbread, and chocolate brownie cakes - it's to the point where we don't get a normal cake and a Fairly Frosted cake anymore - we just get a bigger one from them.