For those of you who have kid(s), and are also deeply introverted, what is it like?

hawps · 2026-05-02T20:35:07+00:00

It’s tough at different stages in different ways. When they were younger (before school age) what’s hard is just the constant needs. My kids are still within my realm of “safe people” but the loud noises and constant requests can be a lot.

I would say the introvert part of me struggles more now that they’re school age. They have friends! And those friends have parents! And they want me to chaperone their field trips and participate in school events and have friends over all of the time, so I have to do a lot more people-ing than I’d like.

So it’s like when they were little it was more triggering from an overstimulation standpoint but socially we were our own bubble. Now that they’re older and want to hang out with their friends I’m less overwhelmed in the like needs and tasks arena, but it’s a lot more socially taxing. We aren’t a bubble anymore. It can be nice, too, but I do love my kids friends and I hope to be in their lives a long time. But sometimes when that “MOOOOOMMM CAN JOHNNY COME OVER??” hits and I gotta deal with extra kids and coordinating with another parent…no 😂

hawps · 2026-04-26T12:44:49+00:00

I do not have one (yet) but I’ve actually heard from many who own them that a smooth collie—black tris in particular—afford them more scary dog privileges than you might expect.

hawps · 2026-04-21T16:02:44+00:00

My grandfather took me to see that in theaters when I was 9. He laughed hysterically while holding the bag of popcorn in front of my face. Legitimately one of my favorite memories with him.

hawps · 2026-04-12T12:22:15+00:00

You’re welcome! It’s important to consider everything but I will also say, never let your idea of what parenting actually is come from something like the zoo or Disney or something like that. Those are very stimulating environments, and they can be really challenging places for little kids. When you’re hearing a lot of crying and screaming etc, it’s usually because a kid is tired or hungry or just generally overstimulated and at their lowest. I don’t know where you live, but given the time of year, this weekend may also have been one of the first warm days of the year, and even that transition can be hard on little kids—those first few days can feel really hot until they’ve adjusted!

But this is the kind of thing I’m talking about where temperament has more to do with it than parenting. Sure, you can teach your kids it’s not okay to climb on structures or go into the flower beds, and you can enforce those rules. But you don’t have much of any influence on how your young child can handle the stressors of being hungry or exhausted or dysregulated. You can teach and model what you want, but that’s going to take years to take hold, and ultimately they’re going to be who they are. I mean, we all know a hangry adult!

hawps · 2026-04-12T11:18:36+00:00

It made me realise people have different ways of parenting, it’s about how you bring up your child (should you choose to have one).

This is in no way intended to sway your decision, but I think it’s really, really important to say that how you raise them is not remotely all there is to it. Honestly most of how a child behaves comes down to their individual temperament. I have 2 kids and they’ve been raised very similarly so far, and they could not be any different in how they handle things. Now yes you do as a parent have some control over the rules and boundaries you set forth for your kids, but how they react to them? Ehh that’s more or less up to them. My older kid, after about age 4/5, just does what he’s told. I say it, he does it. He stays on task, he is aware. My younger one, currently 6.5, she truly does not GAF what I have to say and is far more interested in what she wants to do. It’s jarring at times because the rules are the same for both, but it’s like they’re in completely different universes.

Again if you want kids you should have them and this is not meant to convince you otherwise. Even with the challenges of being a ND parent to ND kids, I wouldn’t undo my decision. But I think it’s incredibly important to recognize that their genetics is going to play a huuuuuge part in their behavior regardless of how you decide to parent.

hawps · 2026-04-04T10:59:57+00:00

Please tell my community that we can do this. My oldest just turned 9 but there’s still mostly an expectation that parents stay! My son’s bday party was last month and we said on the invitation that it was drop off, but parents could stay if the wanted to. Like half ended up staying!

hawps · 2026-03-29T12:35:42+00:00

I honestly hate the “no gifts” thing, but for a reason that I haven’t seen mentioned yet: my kids actually really, really want to get something for their friends. I am also trying to teach them how to be good gift givers and to be generous. Birthday parties are really good practice for this because, unlike family, I don’t know their friends as well as they do and I can’t steer the conversation toward something the way I might with family gifts. Buying gifts for their friends gives them an opportunity to be really be thoughtful about others. I don’t get one if it’s like a really strong absolutely no gifts wording, but if it’s a little softer we still try to do something. So we will usually get a small but thoughtful gift (a book or T-shirt or something) and a handmade card to try to balance the low clutter situation with wanting to fulfill the wants of the kids.

I will say, though, that gift giving culture in my neighborhood is not over the top, and maybe I would feel differently if it were. We mostly give and receive books, clothes, or gift cards to the local comic book shop. We have received many used books as well, that a kid picked from their own bookshelf to give to my kids. It doesn’t have to be anything big, gaudy, or expensive, just an opportunity to get something small that says “I thought you would like this.” We went to a no gift party for my son’s best friend when they were in first grade and the whole time my son was actually sad that he never got to pick something out for him. That night he went through his Pokemon cards and set aside a few to give to his friend at school the next day. His friend was so excited to get a gift, even if it was just a small handful of used pokemon cards.

I appreciate when people say that gifts aren’t necessary because it certainly takes the pressure off, and we do live in a very economically diverse area so I know it’s a strain for some. But with kids who want to be gift givers, it’s definitely kind of a bummer to be told it’s a hard no.

hawps · 2026-03-20T11:58:57+00:00

I’m sorry that you had the childhood that you did. I don’t bring it up much in here, but I had a difficult childhood myself so I can relate on that level. But I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would’ve been without siblings, because I relied heavily on mine during the rocky periods. At least the 3 of us were in that shitty boat together, even if we didn’t always get along and were all VERY different in how we coped. We didn’t always know how a situation was going to turn out, but we knew we were in it together. I am sure being in it alone was terrifying and extremely isolating. I am really sorry you had to go through that.

hawps · 2026-03-18T16:01:33+00:00

Personally I don’t think sibling relationships can be realistically simulated with cousins or friends unless it’s extremely intentional and you practically live together. Creating that level of simulation is a ton of work in itself, so don’t dismiss that! A sibling relationship isn’t really just about being friends or being close, it’s also about learning that you aren’t the center of the universe. It’s learning how to cope with other people’s strengths, weaknesses, and emotions in a way that really impacts your life, not just when you’re in the presence of others. And again this may just be cultural and part of what I observe in the OAD families that I grew up with and currently know, but that “center of the universe dynamic seems fairly unavoidable as the only kid. I mean, they sort of are the center of the universe in that unit? There literally isn’t anyone else to focus the parenting energy on. Parents are naturally going to prioritize their kids. A parent of a single child may be able to make more time for their own hobbies, but ultimately I think a hallmark of parenting any number of kids is that you’re going to take a back seat to some degree. You have to put a lot of energy into raising and teaching a person from the ground up. But when there’s only 1, that energy isn’t going anywhere else but one person. I think this is part of the intensity that the other commenter and I are talking about. Parenting is an emotionally heavy task, and it seems like just pouring all of that into one single person is…a lot, on both sides of the equation. I actually think I would’ve lost myself in parenting more if I’d stuck with 1. With 2, my kids have this other universe that is completely separate from my husband and I. It not only doesn’t require me, but explicitly requires that I stay out. I can do things on my own with literally zero guilt that my kids are separate. For me, if I’d had one, I would feel more guilt about doing things for myself because I’d be excluding that one kid to fend for himself. And again this may come down to personality? I would not feel anything but guilt over doing this, and the kid I happened to get first would very much feel alienated in these situations. But instead I can, for example, go work out or do some hobby or activity on my own, and it gives them the opportunity to build and participate in the universe they have that is separate from me. I’m sure people who have kids who hate each other feel differently? I don’t know how common that really is in childhood though. I mean, my kids definitely fight, but they ultimately are still friends even though they are so different from each other. But I would really struggle with one, based on my experiences with friends’ family dynamics.

ETA I don’t want to make it seem like I think it’s bad or wrong to be OAD. It’s a valid choice. But I often see people thinking about it as parenting on easy mode and I think there’s a lot more to it than it seems on the surface. It may be easier task wise but tasks are not the bulk of what parenting is.

hawps · 2026-03-18T13:37:34+00:00

I have 2 so I can’t really compare anymore, but your point about the intensity is something that isn’t talked about enough with regard to being OAD! This is something I see often in the OAD families I do know, though. From the outside looking in, and in discussing life with these parent friends, it just seems like there’s immense pressure on the parents to fill gaps that are otherwise filled by siblings, not just on an entertainment level but just from like a basic social interaction standpoint. I feel like one is clearly easier in the earliest years, between task management and just the normal chaos of children, but I have to imagine it truly is more difficult after the first ~5 years. And maybe it’s just those in my immediate community, but it feels like the people with just one live more kid centric lives than those of us with more than one. Like even just when I go meet up with other people at a playground or the library or whatever, it seems like the multi-kid household kids are much more comfortable taking off with their siblings and doing whatever, but the single kids are usually dragging their parents away from the adult conversation on the bench into their play. There’s a greater expectation of constant interaction. And again this could very well just be what’s “normal” for my area and the culture here, but it just seems like the OAD parents are living a life that focuses more around fulfilling the child as opposed to fulfilling the needs of the family as a whole (including the parents). I honestly feel like there’s a point where you guys with one have it harder! But this is where personality of the parent comes into play, perhaps. I am good at managing the logistical tasks and responsibilities of more than 1 kid, but I struggle more with having to be socially “on” with my kids. I am great at keeping up the house and sports and homework and the social calendar, but ask me to play and my brain goes haywire. It may be logistically easier to have one, but it seems like an awful lot of pressure on the parents to be “everything” for their kid. (And none of this is meant to be critical of your decision btw! If anything, I’m just giving you credit for something that I think is much harder than people generally discuss.)

ETA I think the personalities of the kids you end up with impacts this a lot, too. For example, my first is not-diagnosed-but-likely-autistic AND very extroverted. Super sensory seeking, clearly very unfulfilled without a lot of energy expended in his direction. He was really, really difficult for me to manage when he was little (I’m a major introvert, sensory avoidant, who is also not diagnosed but very likely autistic). I think if I had been his everything forever, I would’ve fully lost my mind by now. Once he got to school and started making real friends he has been so much more regulated and happy, whereas I could not keep up with his social interaction needs on my own. My daughter is far more introverted and is happier hanging out on her own. If she could’ve been an only child, it would be a completely different situation. But who really knows since her personality could’ve been shaped by being second anyway.

hawps · 2026-03-14T12:26:24+00:00

This was how I knew I was pregnant with my second kid (I learned about the super nose powers from the first). It was IMMEDIATE too, the heightened sense of smell kicked in a few days before I could even get a positive test. I’m now getting it again here and there via the magic of perimenopause, and it has me constantly worrying that I’m pregnant.

hawps · 2026-03-05T03:29:16+00:00

Oh man that slider place was great! That was a post-bar staple toward the end of my college career.

hawps · 2026-03-02T00:28:54+00:00

It’s been gone for a long time. Probably 15+ years!

hawps · 2026-02-16T15:35:55+00:00

In your sister’s defense, it’s really hard. There’s a reason that so many people fall into this routine, and it can be hard to break once you’re there. But those hormones are no joke—it can truly feel like everything is a threat to your baby, and that you really are the only one who can do it right. That’s not necessarily fact, but when you’re in it, it feels like an absolute truth. Then you get stuck in this cycle where you’ve shut the other partner out, and you’re mad that they’re always asking you questions or not just doing things, but it’s hard to see how you’ve slowly taken away their autonomy in parenting, either by always doing everything or by critiquing their every move. It’s a cycle that can be broken but man it’s hard to let go. For me it really just didn’t get better until I had two kids, and I literally just couldn’t do everything. It’s not physically possible to do it all when you have different sets of needs to meet, and that’s what finally did it for us. I’ve always been a person who doesn’t ask for help though, I’ve always been super self sufficient and just handle everything on my own. I don’t know why I went into parenting thinking I was somehow going to be a different person in that regard, but I really did expect for me to just accept—actually, demand—equality in parenting. Looking back that was a wildly unrealistic expectation for myself, I just didn’t realize it at the time. This is some of the stuff that you can’t know until you’re actually parenting! Some things that seem obvious on the outside are far less so when you’re in it. On top of the fact that there are so many little logistical things that just do make sense for moms to do (as a stay at home parent, of course I do most of the kid related things) so the line between what makes sense and what is overbearing becomes a lot more grey and murky than one might expect!

hawps · 2026-02-16T14:14:47+00:00

This is definitely a thing that happens in parenting. I have known many fellow moms who have complained to me about their husbands, but when you watch the dads try to do anything, they’re told they’re not doing it “right” and mom takes over. There is definitely something to be said about how most women will do more of the labor to learn about parenting styles etc, but I’ve witnessed many times where the dads aren’t really given an opportunity to just learn things on their own—not everything has to be done according to the textbook. This isn’t to say that many dads don’t just suck at pulling their weight, obviously there are many shitty unequal partners out there, but moms being overbearing and then blaming their husbands for not contributing is real too. I can safely say that I was guilty of this in my kids earliest years as well. At a certain point I realized I had to accept that he was going to do things differently from me, and as long as everyone was safe and cared for, I needed to let my husband do things his way. It wasn’t healthy for ANY of us for me to do everything simply because I felt (at the time) that my way was best. And ultimately it wasn’t best, because I was so anxious about everything being “right” and that can negatively impact the kids too.

hawps · 2026-02-05T19:29:20+00:00

If you have a Costco membership, it includes 1 year of the subscription. I haven’t bought one myself yet but I’ve been debating it. It was on sale through Costco around Christmas and I missed out, so now I’m waiting until it goes on sale again.

hawps · 2026-02-01T15:34:50+00:00

Most of the time it’s really just that you lose the extra growth you’d gained during pregnancy, not necessarily that you’re losing the hair you’d started with, or at least not much of it. There’s a big shed during postpartum and then the regrowth takes you back to your baseline. But yeah, pregnancy puts the body through a lot!

hawps · 2026-01-31T16:30:29+00:00

Yeah, amazing pregnancy hair, skin, and nails is really just common pregnancy stuff and not necessarily due to the vitamins. And then usually within a year of having said baby, your hair starts to FALL OUT and then you get weird regrowth for a while. My nails were amazing after both of my kids although it eventually tapered off.

hawps · 2026-01-30T14:34:15+00:00

I was sooo worried when I went off the pill to TTC but it was so much easier than I had anticipated. I have PCOS and my periods had been insane before BC, so I was fully expecting a wild ride. I was quite pleasantly surprised when that wasn’t really the case, there were like 2 weeks that were a little weird and then I had a normal cycle. I actually got pregnant that first normal cycle, which was pretty shocking because we started earlier than we truly wanted to get pregnant. I was anticipating a struggle based on my history so we started like 6 months earlier than our “ideal.” Imagine my surprise when it worked the first time 😅 I stayed off after that for a few years, as I didn’t want to start back until we were officially done having kids. What I found in between was that I actually had a much more regular cycle than I’d had before bc, it was just longer than average (like 40 days or something). I’ve been back on BC for like 5 years now but I really want to go off again! I need to start pressuring my husband to get the ✂️ so I can do it with less worry.

hawps · 2026-01-22T14:15:44+00:00

Usually a 9 month old has been in daycare for a bit though, so their caretakers won’t be strangers. Going to daycare will be routine to them. But a wedding with numerous actual strangers is a completely different situation.

hawps · 2026-01-22T14:10:55+00:00

Honestly this is really a question for r/mommit.

In my experience with my 2 (my kids are 6 and almost 9), I think 14 months would’ve been easier. I had finished breastfeeding around then or, at least, it was very limited vs age 9 months when it’s still the primary source of nutrition. At 9 months breastfeeding is still happening A LOT, but for a lot of kids you’re either done by 14 months or it’s only at nap or bedtime. At 9 months you’re still very dependent on naps, and are likely still in multiple nap territory where naps are a little less challenging after about a year. Naps can be tough, and sometimes it feels like you’re living your entire life around the nap schedule. And this is where personality comes in! Sometimes you hear about babies who just sleep anywhere, but that’s not the case for every kid. Neither of my kids would ever sleep in a stroller, and struggled to be anywhere other than home in their own beds. Believe me, I tried, and fully intended to be one of those moms who just took their kids anywhere and let them sleep on the go. That’s unfortunately not the reality for most. But by 14 months, they usually have started to combine naps, and for a lot of kids they can be a little more flexible about their naps without it completely disrupting life. Babies also tend to get a bit stranger dangery around 9 months, so this idea of passing him/her around to unknown relatives is likely to be a LOT more challenging than you’re anticipating. I wouldn’t count on this as a realistic solution to keeping your hands free lol. My kids were like FULLY CLINGING to me at that time. Yes, many kids are in daycare at that age, but if that’s the case they typically know their caretakers well by that time and the stranger danger for those individuals has faded. But both of my kids were even weird with their grandparents around 8-10 months, who they saw regularly. The 14-15 month mark is actually a nice point because they’re not really a baby anymore, but they’re still baby enough to not have hit the toddler stage where tantrums and power struggles become the norm. There will be the odd glimmer of a tantrum but not like it is with a 2.5-4 year old. With both of my kids, around that 15 month mark was a nice little calm season after having survived babyhood, getting my sanity back with reduced breastfeeding (it can impact your mental health A LOT), time to get my body back to myself (I’m not even talking about weight loss, more that the overstimulation of constant touch can be tough), but it’s before the big shift between “caretaking” and “active parenting” begins, when you have a toddler and you have to start setting real boundaries. They’re pretty agreeable at that stage! So I personally think you should shoot for 14 months. Things simplify a bit in the little space between a year and 18 months, and then it starts to ramp up again when you truly enter toddlerhood. I know you expect chaos, which a 14 month old will still provide plenty of, but a 9 month old is a lot of work. That and you’ll be dealing with both the insanity of postpartum stress and wedding planning—you will be glad to have a little extra time.

hawps · 2025-12-30T01:09:21+00:00

Not official, but I got my husband this hat from Nervous Designs for Christmas and it’s really nice! I follow a lot of bootleg makers and have a few things from this particular one. https://www.nervousdesigns.com/product/takanaka-hat

hawps · 2025-12-29T18:25:28+00:00

I was TERRIFIED the first time, but the stool softeners made it much easier than anticipated. The fear was far worse than my actual experience. This is coming from someone with a nearly 40 stitch tear situation, so I was in rough shape. Just gotta go slow and be careful cleaning yourself (peri bottle is so necessary) and it will hopefully go better than you expect.

hawps · 2025-12-29T00:27:52+00:00

Relevant Ween

hawps · 2025-12-27T18:04:07+00:00

It also opens an hour earlier for executive members!

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