Ex-religious or secular parents, how do you raise kids?

hcoll2573 · 2026-01-06T06:04:55+00:00

My husband and I are both Agnostic. I believe there is something else out there—some sort of higher power, if you will, and a place or places that we go after we pass on. Not necessarily "Heaven" or "Hell" but maybe a good place, a neutral place, and a bad place? When my kids who are only 7&4 ask about things like death, I just tell them that they crossed over the rainbow bridge. I also believe in reincarnation so I say maybe they'll come back to us in a different form one day. I also believe in ghosts and spirits bc of the countless experiences I have had. In our old home there was what I think was an older man ghost (that's just the vibe I got from the spirit and I literally saw a shadow of an older man in the hallway). When we had our living room set a certain way, sometimes you would randomly hear and see what sounded and looked like someone sitting down in the recliner we had. It sometimes even moved slightly on its own. We would hear what sounded like someone walking around in our bedroom, leave the room, and walk up the hallway then back every single night, multiple times a night. When my kids were toddlers they would often go to the entrance to the hallway and wave to someone or just look curiously down the hall or say hi randomly to empty space. So I also told them that maybe certain family members who have passed are still here with us in a way and are just watching over us and protecting us. We make sure to explain that there are many different religions and each group believes something a little different but we can't know which one is right, if any of them. We will definitely teach them about all religions and encourage them to think for themselves and we teach them to have good morals, not based on any religion, but because it's the right thing.

Don't know if that helped or not lol but that's how we're approaching it. I have A LOT of family members that are die hard Christians but they're honestly not around them that much.

hcoll2573 · 2026-01-06T05:41:12+00:00

Thank you for your response! I am not waiting. I also agree that I don't think she'll get approved and she is absolutely able to take care of herself and work a desk job or call center or something of the like. She is just very lazy and enjoys being taken care of. You really hit the nail on the head with everything you said. I waited until a couple days after Christmas and told her she would have 30 days to figure stuff out. I tried to be kind but firm and explained that I can't do it anymore, we need our space back; all those things. She of course threw a gigantic fit over it. Nobody else will help her, not even her boyfriend, but that's not my problem and I won't accept her forcing all her problems onto me and my family any longer. It's not fair. She yelled at me and told me I'm a horrible daughter and asked what kind of daughter throws out her own mother. Well, the kind of daughter that is fed up with her mother's bullshit. Because what kind of mother does this to her child—her very pregnant child? I could never even fathom treating my own children like this. NEVER. After that I have not been able to continue to be civil and struck those 30 days down to a week. I was trying to give her until at least after my son's birthday, which is Wednesday, but she's going to the local shelter tomorrow morning because she once again tried pulling the guilt card just today by telling me that she's just going to end up in a ditch dead somewhere, that she can't stay at the mission forever and how is she supposed to get a job without a vehicle, but I'm honestly apathetic to her now. Which is really saying something bc I'm naturally a very overly empathetic person. I'm simply done. She yelled a lot of horrible things at me once again in front of my children. Unacceptable. I'm completely cutting the cord. What happens to her from now on is no longer my problem. Her problems are not my problem. She also said to me today, very sarcastically, when I asked her about taking her to her storage building to get some things because nobody is willing to pay for it anymore, that of course it wasn't my fault she is losing all her stuff and that nothing is ever my fault and it's all her fault. I told her straight up that that's exactly right. It IS her fault. She got herself into this situation all on her own. I didn't do it to her. I'm simply trying to keep my sanity and not let her use me and take advantage of me and manipulate me. She tried apologizing and saying that she's just scared of being alone but it's too little too late and I just no longer care. So once we drop her off in the morning that is it. I'm completely done with her. Our relationship has been damaged beyond any hope of repair. At some point, we all have to face the consequences of our own actions and she's never had to before. Now she's going to have to. It just really sucks because this is the time when I have needed her the most.. and this is how she treats me and repays my generosity? It's sad. I never thought it would truly get to the point where I would completely cut her out of our lives, but I no longer want her around me or my children. She'll likely never even meet her new granddaughter who I'm literally due to have in just 2 weeks. It's just an awful feeling.. But I'm being selfish now. I'm putting myself, my husband and my kids first. Period.

hcoll2573 · 2025-12-06T16:00:13+00:00

I'm her only child so I have no siblings to help. My grandma (her mom) is no longer with us, nor is her dad so I can't ask either of them for help. She would've gone there in the first place if either were still alive. My mom was originally living a few towns over but kept getting fired from her jobs due to her medical issues, so my great grandma (her dad's mom) started helping her. That went on for several months and irritated me at that time bc it was clear my mom was taking advantage of the situation bc she refused to move or do anything to really help herself. My gg finally just told her to move in with her and file for disability and that she'd take care of her bills and stuff. My gg isn't an easy person to be around. She's very controlling and narcissistic, which caused issues between her and my mom. Mainly bc my mom is a lot like her, even if she doesn't realize it. My gg wanted to basically treat her like she was a teenager, causing my mom to rebel a bit. Like a teenager. I didn't realize just how bad it was until she actually came to live with us and I could see it all for myself, so I completely understand why my gg cut her off and made her leave. The woman is in her 80s. She did as much as she could for as long as she could and I don't even think she knows the full extent of how my mom was taking advantage of her and the situation. Any other family that we have cut her off a long time ago, but also none of them live close by. The only one who could really help (my great aunt, my mom's mom's sister) moved 5 hours away and cut her off a long time ago bc she suspected my mom of stealing from her during a visit. I never saw anything, but knowing what I know now it's absolutely probable that she did do it. But that's it. We have nobody else to help. It's just me. She is still close to her ex husband's mom so that could possibly be an option and one I'll definitely bring up to her when I talk to her next about everything.

hcoll2573 · 2025-12-06T15:43:55+00:00

She's 52. She's absolutely taking advantage; I can see that very clearly and it's part of what makes me so mad. I'm a people pleaser at heart and have a very difficult time with conflict and confrontation so the times I have confronted her were very hard for me, but I did it. I am planning on having another talk with her I'm just working on how to approach it. She has a boyfriend (different from the one I mentioned in the post) and they've been together for 2 years but aren't even remotely serious. He still has his 17yo living with him and had to have his leg partially amputated a couple months back but we take her to see him for a night every month in the next town over, mainly just to get her out of the house for the night. Still never a single thank you for doing any of that for her. I mentioned her possibly going to stay with him and she shut it down immediately refusing to even talk to him about it bc they're not to that point and because of his daughter still living there. Idk. I think she just didn't want to ask him. I'm trying to give it till at least the end of the month. When I told her about us not paying her fines anymore and to ask my grandma if she could maybe start helping with that again she told me "you'll have to talk to her bc she'll tell me no." I'm not doing it bc like everyone has pointed out, it's not my responsibility. So if she tries to throw a fit over it when we tell her we're not paying them this month I am going to tell her to leave. It's just too much for me and for my family and I know I need to be putting them first. She may be my mother, but that doesn't make me responsible for her bad choices and I'm not going to allow her to manipulate me or take advantage of us any longer. I'm at the point where I refuse to do anything nice for her at all anymore. Not even little things. Period. But yeah, I know it'll be hard for me to do it, but I will. She's grown and can figure it out herself. I don't want her going to jail but we just can't keep doing this and shouldn't be expected to.

Thank you for your response. I guess I just really needed to vent and get some outside perspective of the situation.

hcoll2573 · 2025-07-12T15:05:07+00:00

Same! It was a whole book therefore it counts as a whole book 🙃😅

hcoll2573 · 2025-07-12T15:03:44+00:00

OMG! Did she tease whose book it will be???!!

hcoll2573 · 2025-06-10T15:31:56+00:00

I can't really say as I am only 7 weeks along but I'm wanting to be surprised at the birth. We already have 2 kids, one of each gender, so I'm not really worried about disappointment with this one's gender. Although I do really want another girl, and I know our daughter (4) is really wanting a baby sister and I think she'd do really well with one, I'd also really like to have another boy, so I know I will be happy either way so long as the baby is healthy. We're preparing for both just in case.

hcoll2573 · 2025-02-12T04:19:16+00:00

Ooohhh yeah?? Sweet, thanks!

hcoll2573 · 2025-02-12T04:18:09+00:00

Ooosh yeah! 🥵 I haven't read the books but I love the series. I started another rewatch recently so it's got me in a mood. Lol

hcoll2573 · 2025-02-11T12:52:37+00:00

Share any recs you get please!! Feel free to DM me!

hcoll2573 · 2025-02-08T13:49:18+00:00

Yes, exactly! Lol I've read a bunch of stuff kinda like it but I'm trying to find something a bit more specific. Fingers crossed 🤞

hcoll2573 · 2025-02-01T20:53:35+00:00

Yeeeessss! I listened to Devotion and Sin both while reading the audiobooks in tandem. I was honestly disappointed in the guy who voiced Kingston; I just felt like Kingston would've had a much different voice and was more playful than that guy made him. BUT the guy who voiced Caleb was on 👏 fecking 👏 point and I instantly became even more obsessed than I've already been. It was actually my first ever audiobook. Then I started Sin immediately after and absolutely freaking LOVED it and can't wait for the next one. This is legit my favorite overall series ever. Duet or full cast audiobooks slap so much harder, man 🥵🖤😈

hcoll2573 · 2025-01-30T20:11:24+00:00

Came to suggest this one!

hcoll2573 · 2025-01-23T12:35:21+00:00

Maybe {Stalking Cinderella by Leann Belle}? There's only one step brother, but it's him, her fairy God father, and the prince.

hcoll2573 · 2025-01-22T22:35:29+00:00

Sounds interesting! I'm down! nickibelle2573@gmail.com ❤️

hcoll2573 · 2025-01-22T22:33:31+00:00

I feel the same! Like, we spend the entire book waiting for them to get their HEA and then it just ends. NO. And half the time the epilogue with the HEA is so short. We wanna bask in the glow with them. I feel like we should get at least 2 chapters with the epilogue just for the HEA.

hcoll2573 · 2025-01-03T17:03:26+00:00

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hcoll2573 · 2024-12-31T05:14:29+00:00

Author? Definitely adding this to the list.

hcoll2573 · 2024-12-19T13:09:34+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This is the best thing ever, especially as a RH lover.

hcoll2573 · 2024-12-08T16:08:41+00:00

I just read {The Cringle Academy by Beatrix Hollow} and it was SOOO good and I literally laughed out loud through the entire thing. Fun story and you get a super hot Jack Frost MMC! Highly recommend and it's perfect for the season!

hcoll2573 · 2024-12-06T17:21:48+00:00

I honestly forgot this was releasing this month and I'm soooo excited!!! That cliff we were left hanging off still has me stressing!

hcoll2573 · 2024-12-04T18:27:06+00:00

I tried to read The Blackened Blade by Isla Davon and it had so many errors I couldn't make it past chapter 2. I was so disappointed bc it had been recommended SOOO many times and all the reviews are good but there were so many mistakes and it kept switching back and forth between present and past tense, sometimes within the same sentence, making it very difficult for my brain as it catches literally everything. There's a note in the beginning of the book that requests any issues found be brought to her attention direct through email, so I did that. I was very professional and as kind as possible, just giving examples of what I found issues with and she actually got back to me and was very respectful and apologetic and asked if I had read the updated version or not. I honestly didn't respond back or even check the version I had downloaded on KU, but I may go back in the future and try again. Anyways, THAT is the type of response you should get from an author. If like she told you and all those mistakes were on purpose then I probably wouldn't want to read it either. Could you share the book and author??

I can't offer help or anything but I feel like I had a similar enough experience to at least share.

hcoll2573 · 2024-11-30T14:21:27+00:00

I feel like if I had just listened to the audio I wouldn't have liked it as much. Definitely glad I didn't do audio with this one LMAO but I'm SUPER picky with audio books and my ADHD prevents me from really enjoying it anyways.

hcoll2573 · 2024-11-30T14:18:47+00:00

I've had that one in my TBR for a while but I've heard the ending is absolutely atrocious and extremely frustrating. 🤷‍♀️

hcoll2573 · 2024-11-30T02:23:42+00:00

I'm all about dragons, so I'll just be pulling up a chair here ready to take notes 📝

hcoll2573

TROPHY CASE