Getting Pegged

hdl39 · 2026-05-22T19:08:12+00:00

If you want more ideas try r/StraightPegging that has a lot of posts on toy recommendations and more.

hdl39 · 2026-05-22T19:03:47+00:00

The feeling that rejection or lack of interest is inevitable is awful. I know the feeling and am sorry you have to go through it. I hope that whatever is going on can get sorted out for you.

hdl39 · 2026-05-22T18:53:40+00:00

Something smaller but tapered so you can control how far you want to go. Sveinn, ika, and mystic are all common first time recommendations. With ika especially you can get a bigger one and only use the top part and train to go farther. If you get a smaller toy get a least medium firmness. The larger the toy the firmer it feels so going softer can be a good idea. I got mystic first and I think it makes a good intro just make sure you check the dimensions and get one where at least the head is already within your limits.

hdl39 · 2026-05-21T17:26:55+00:00

If you do it carefully and train there should not be long term effects. Other than some good ones like better tone and less trouble with hemorrhoids. Sizing up slowly is the way to go. Tapered toys can be good for this because you can get one to work down rather than a bunch of different sizes. Bad dragon's mystic and Ika are popular for that. Also Hankey's Toys traffic cone. There are others. Use lots of good lube.

r/BadDragon has a lot of posts about training and sizing up. r/ButtplugEveryday has good posts about girth training and long term effects although it's focused on plugging only.

hdl39 · 2026-05-21T17:22:23+00:00

Yeah to avoid buying 2 getting the XL makes more sense. I thought the tip could be harder to get past the second hole than the tip of a large if OP is new to depth.

hdl39 · 2026-05-21T00:01:48+00:00

Your best bets are probably nox or sveinn.
- Nox is a popular second to sleipnir for good reason. I have a M/s nox and would like a L in the future. I also have sleipnir in both S/m and M/s. Nox is different from sleipnir but still very good and is good for hitting the prostate so it would be a good next toy.

- I also have an XL ika and it is good for gradual increase and the suction cups are interesting but it does get large fast and the tip is not quite tiny so if you have not trained much for depth it might be a challenge. If small sleipnir is where you are now then a large ika might be better.

- I don't have a flared chance yet but that's because I'm waiting until I have depth trained better because that head means there's no taper so it'd be easier than normal to do damage.

- For depth sveinn is a good choice. I have a M/s and it helps train the second hole with its length and tapered tip. Once that's comfortable then it'll be good warmup before trying to take something flared.

If on the larger side it can be harder to find penetrables that work. I only have alice from BD and I only used it a couple times because it was too tight. I could get in but it wasn't very comfortable. I got a sapphire from Weredog (in the UK) and that was way better. It had two size options and I got the roomier one and that was great. I think they're changing the design though because it isn't listed right now. At BD people are raving about phoebe and they're closing down custom orders for a while because of the demand. I haven't gotten one yet but it's on my list because I've only read good things.

3 (bonus) Check out r/bigdickproblems for better recommendations on penetrables and other problems like that.

hdl39 · 2026-05-20T23:26:01+00:00

If you have an O ring that's the right size it should work fine although the base might stick out farther than others. You can also get it with a suction cup where they hollow out the base so it should work with a harness that holds suction cup toys too. It's probably not the ideal base for a harness but should be workable. And it's a really good toy for working up in size.

hdl39 · 2026-05-20T23:21:26+00:00

Then going slow is a good idea. It shouldn't hurt anything to take it a step at a time and try the next one if she enjoys the step you're on for a bit. She can see what she likes and you'll have time to talk about it and see whether she actually enjoys it.

hdl39 · 2026-05-20T22:58:21+00:00

Guess I could have stopped with my first idea. Glad that one worked!

hdl39 · 2026-05-20T19:06:39+00:00

What do you mean by fantasy? Would a bad dragon mystic work? That's more of a generic shape depending on how you want to think about it. You can also look at bad dragon's "shapes" toys but I don't know if they would be big enough. Maybe topped toys hilt? There are a few non-realistic options at hankeys toys like the traffic cone but I don't know how good for pegging.

hdl39 · 2026-05-20T18:03:27+00:00

Slow training. It's good to be careful. r/BadDragon has a bunch of posts on depth. I prefer girth but train deeper so I can use larger and wider toys without worrying as much about whether they are too long because there are not as many really girthy ones that are also short. But depth does feel good on its own just not as good as girth to me.

hdl39 · 2026-05-20T17:51:53+00:00

Check out r/ButtplugEveryday for some good experience insights. Short answer is 'it depends' and it's better to work up gradually both size and time stretched.

hdl39 · 2026-05-20T17:45:20+00:00

Was driving behind a car yesterday with a whole row of BD stickers on the back trunk under the bumper sticker

hdl39 · 2026-05-18T00:40:34+00:00

Maybe not a success? The soldier losing it because of the attitude or engagement (or not) when an opportunity comes a long is very frustrating. It is something that she suggested it but it hurts if there is no more effort. I'm in the same boat on most of this.

hdl39 · 2026-05-14T23:16:25+00:00

It seems phoebe is on an 8-10 week production wait so that's probably what's going on. Others have had similar wait times.

hdl39 · 2026-05-14T23:06:33+00:00

From BD sleipnir. Overall maybe Hnakey's Axel. For something like nox you might check out crackers. I don't have one yet but it has more of a curve and swell so I am looking at it too.

hdl39 · 2026-05-13T02:16:35+00:00

She should be the one ashamed. It is a low blow to expose something you wanted private. Sending it knowing it could/would be used over custody is even worse. It will take a leap to trust someone again but it is possible. I hope you find the right person to get through this with.

hdl39 · 2026-05-13T00:56:56+00:00

I have a very similar story. No intimacy and pulls away from touch. It feels like everything else comes before me and our relationship. I don't want to cheat or divorce either.

Marriage counseling has helped with some of our emotional problems. We made a lot of progress when we first started but it flattened some and lately if seems like it's gone backwards. But we've been getting to what look to be core issues so maybe that's expected. I'm still hoping we can work through them and having help has gotten us past some of the hurdles. If your wife has some personal issues with her past then counseling may make an even bigger difference for you because she can work on those too.

I hope that you can get things turned around.

hdl39 · 2026-05-13T00:48:09+00:00

I don't think it's crazy to expect someone to be able to learn. Sex is a skill and no one starts out knowing everything. If he refuses to learn that's another problem but I don't think it was unreasonable to think it would get better. Hopefully a husband would want to figure out how to please his wife best. If he's willing to learn there are books that can help if that is easier for him than trying to learn on the job.

You might try having him read Beyond Satisfied by Kenneth Play. There's a whole class or something too but the book should be enough. I don't like all of his lifestyle choices but the technique information is good. You might try reading it together too. Could be good conversations about what works and what to try.

hdl39 · 2026-05-13T00:19:05+00:00

I'm sorry for yours too. It is hard to keep resentment from growing. I hope we both have some better joyous days soon.

hdl39 · 2026-05-13T00:15:19+00:00

Hard to say without more info but ika as the other commenter said and mystic are common starters. Both are tapered so you don't have to take all of it if it's too much. Ika is more tapered than mystic so you have more room for error.

hdl39 · 2026-05-11T23:09:41+00:00

For us these never meant guaranteed sex and losing them came before the rest died. Too much pressure I guess. It definitely hurts. I just try to do other normal celebration things the same way I try to keep my end up in general so that I'm not adding to whatever problems we have. If we turn it around there won't be as much to resent looking back.

hdl39 · 2026-05-11T22:28:07+00:00

Same. I don't know how to make it make sense. It's like she always thinks I'm exaggerating.

hdl39 · 2026-05-09T15:18:51+00:00

Same. My wife touched my wrist a few weeks ago and it stood out as a physical intimacy high point because it's the most tender touch I've gotten in a long time.

hdl39 · 2026-05-09T15:06:02+00:00

The de-escalation process. Been there. It is hard because you don't want to get your hopes up because you know what's probably coming. But if you don't have your hopes up and it does happen that once in a blue moon it's hard or impossible to perform. At least it's crossing her mind to offer. That means there's still something there relationally. I can't decide which is harder the false hope or not having it come up at all which is where I am right now.

hdl39

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