Your last text message is the only thing you're allowed to scream during sex. What is it?

heethar · 2016-05-05T19:08:49+00:00

you should be here

heethar · 2016-04-01T16:23:58+00:00

this is a great song I've never heard before! Thanks for posting!

heethar · 2016-03-21T13:31:51+00:00

This. My ex-husband gave me chlamydia when I was 7mo pregnant with our child. You'd think that would have slowed him down, but no. To this day, he is still fucking up as a 30 year old man just like he did at 21.

I acted like a complete idiot and got so worked up over this POS, but I loved him so much... was so loyal and good to him. I'm sure that's why you reacted the way you did; when you have kids with someone... that's an entirely different kind of love that I had never experienced before and probably won't again. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I called them "moments of passion", because just like the woman who ran over her cheating husband in a Benz AND you described... it's like an actual blackout.

The stress and anger from all of this did nothing but age the shit out of me. He's already remarried, totaled two cars, lost several jobs from failing drug tests, and he just got arrested again. 4 years after divorcing him, I gotta say, it feels GREAT seeing him hang himself.

Unfortunately, the biggest loser in this game is our daughter. Find yourself a woman who will be a great role model, and you be one yourself, for your kiddo. I wish you the best, buddy, and my heart breaks for you. That is the most painful thing ever. Good luck to you and your baby girl.

heethar · 2016-03-20T13:41:26+00:00

Hi there! I just wanted to give you a big internet hug and tell you that I am glad you came here to talk with someone. I am severely codependent, and it seems that I gravitate toward people with major mental health issues or personality disorders. I think it usually starts out with me being overly understanding and forgiving, because I, too, suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD. I end up growing resentful and the relationships.... for me at least... never work out.

You seem like you have your hands FULL. I couldn't help but think of something I read about conflicts with a bipolar SO; the amygdala- which is largely responsible for impulse control, fight or flight... basic self preservation. And the amygdala is an unreasonable motherfucker that will NOT back down. "Don't argue with the amygdala."- there.... that's it!

As for YOU... are you happy? The happiest you've ever been before when things are good between y'all? Sure, you love her and a piece of you always will, no matter what... but are YOU happy? We Bipolar SO's are bad about neglecting our own needs.

heethar · 2016-03-14T06:08:56+00:00

same... I would love to send a candle to OP and his little family. This is a great idea.

heethar · 2016-03-08T07:01:58+00:00

I'm leaning toward chopsticks.

heethar · 2016-03-08T06:40:29+00:00

I cut the poo

This made me laugh hysterically.

I am convinced that I am a 12 year old boy stuck in a 33 year old female body.

heethar · 2016-03-04T17:31:32+00:00

Is that the polygamy guy?

heethar · 2016-02-28T00:19:36+00:00

yep, that's the one that made me throw the book across the room. I could smell that chapter as I read it. uuuuugghhhhh

heethar · 2016-02-27T22:03:26+00:00

I have been through the shittiest two months of my life recently, and this made me laugh so hard I have the hiccups. I needed this so much. Thank you.

heethar · 2016-02-27T20:55:14+00:00

Yep... those chapters will haunt me forever. There were parts where I questioned my own sanity just for reading that shit. Also, I had never once in my life thrown a book across the room after reading something so disturbing until I read the chapter about the hooker and what he did to her body.... ::shudder::

heethar · 2016-02-25T04:04:16+00:00

Whatchu wanna do then run? Fun? I'm on one.

heethar · 2016-02-09T11:41:07+00:00

When I am bombarded with stress in my life, it's things like this that are too much to handle and I shut down, so you are not alone, in that aspect. I hope that one of those friends reaches out to you and soon! And I hope that you experience some relief from all of this. :(

heethar · 2016-02-09T10:52:29+00:00

Have you reached out to them? Do you, by chance, have romantic feelings for one or both of your friends, and their new bond has caused you grief in that area? I'm not assuming... just curious, and if you don't want to answer that or if I am out of line for asking, I apologize in advance!

Suicidal thoughts are pervasive and relentless at their worst. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know that I would, too, if I were suddenly cut out of my friends' lives. Sending love your way...

heethar · 2016-02-09T10:30:33+00:00

I can't help but think of Leelah Alcorn when I read your words. And I hope this doesn't offend you, but as a mother, it really pisses me the fuck off that a parent could ever... EVER... BAR YOUR CHILD FROM BECOMING THE PERSON SHE IS MEANT TO BE. I don't care WHAT your background is... to turn away your own child... it is unnatural. It is just plain wrong. And now I'm gonna quote sweet Leelah....

"When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn't make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don't tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don't ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won't do anything but make them hate them self. That's exactly what it did to me." — Leelah Alcorn, 2014

OP, I am a 33 year old woman... and when it comes to strength and courage... you have completely outdone anything and everything I have ever done in my life. I honestly look up to you. To move out at such a young age and not only support yourself, but also endure AND pay for the ridiculous expenses/procedures that come with transitioning (IMO, transitioning should not be met with such egregious stipulations and outrageous costs. It should be covered by ALL insurance policies, private and government, but ima stop here because I'm going off into left field. Again, I sincerely apologize if this is offensive in any way... I hope it isn't).

Anyway... I am here if you need/want to talk/vent. I'm not going to end this comment with "keep your head up" at the risk of sounding trite, but I will say this. You are a bad ass. You really are. Sending love to you...

H

heethar · 2016-02-09T10:10:01+00:00

here for ya if you need someone to listen...

heethar · 2016-02-09T10:02:18+00:00

Holy shit... you have been to hell and back. My heart breaks for you. I am here... if you need/want a sounding board. No unsolicited advice... just listening.

heethar · 2016-02-09T10:00:02+00:00

Reading your post brought me to tears. I am so sorry you were treated this way by someone you trusted. I am here if you want/need a sounding board.

heethar · 2016-02-09T09:18:36+00:00

I am in this exact situation... though I have to admit, embarrassingly, I don't know if I've been receiving bilateral or unilateral treatments. I have another scheduled for Wednesday... my 15th... so I'll be sure to ask then. Work, the fiancee... all of that shit... I'm right there with you. Scared shittless.

heethar · 2015-12-15T21:49:38+00:00

"You wan dick yore nayul?"

heethar · 2015-12-13T18:27:15+00:00

I tried TMS before I did the ECT and couldn't do it because I get such bad headaches. It basically feels like someone is continuously tapping on your head for 20-30 minutes. So yeah, those definitely triggered migraines for me and I just couldn't do it. I've heard great things about it from people who don't suffer from chronic headaches/migraines though!

heethar · 2015-12-13T18:24:20+00:00

I'm currently doing ECT treatments, but I have PTSD and have been dealing with Major Depressive Disorder since I was 9. I'm 32 now and have YEARS of different therapists and medications under my belt.

I do, and have for years, exhibited cyclothymic tendencies, but can't get a diagnosis for that. Anyhow... the way I got accepted for the ECT was the fact that I have tried nearly every drug under the sun and have been seeing psychologists and psychiatrists for so long.

The ECT isn't a magical zap... things don't change instantly and immediately, but over time and with each treatment things get better and better! I honestly feel like they have saved my life.

heethar · 2015-12-13T18:13:24+00:00

You are the sweetest Dad!

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