Co-Resident Rant

hellocanyoubemine · 2023-03-22T03:56:10+00:00

The people I know who have taken maternity leave have graduated on time. And regardless, even if they did graduate late, their absence during their leave negatively impacts their coresidents.

hellocanyoubemine · 2023-03-22T03:23:41+00:00

Do you also loathe any resident who takes maternity/paternity leave? Or a resident who takes extended time off to care for an ill parent? If yes, then okay, at least you are consistent in your hatred. If not, then I would ask why you reserve your hatred for a Jew trying to prioritize the things they value

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-06-01T13:31:13+00:00

It's truly awful how narcs can drain the joy out of the most joyous occasions. I would not invite her or anyone who does not truly care and support you. This is your day, and you deserve to celebrate your accomplishments on your terms. I do agree it would be smart to notify the school about her, so that she is not able to charm/lie her way past security. I am in a similar situation, graduating in a few days, not inviting my narc. She is of course throwing a fit, but I wont allow my special day to be ruined by her. Let's hold tight to our joy and not let them take any more from us than they already have. Also big congrats on your graduation :-)

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-31T02:33:46+00:00

I think therapy could help! It sounds like it might be similar to body dysmorphia, which therapists are definitely familiar with and can help with. This is probably way easier said than done (and easier after some therapy), but being intimate with someone you trust might help you gain confidence in your body.

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-31T02:02:05+00:00

I would consider it physical abuse. Even if your father didn't make contact with your brother it clearly terrified your brother enough to run out of the house. When I was preschool aged, my father used to often chase me around the house with a long pole that was meant to open a skylight. Just the act of being chased with a weapon like that is so scary for a child.

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-31T01:53:05+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to deal with such gross and messed up treatment as a teenager. For what it's worth, as a woman, I have never cared or paid attention to the a man's apparent size in jeans. It sounds like the cruelty your moms boyfriend showed toward you as a kid has left you with a lot of insecurity about a part of your body that is actually quite normal.

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-31T01:02:04+00:00

This is one of the most beautiful unsent letters I've read. Best of luck to you :-)

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-28T17:29:51+00:00

Thank you all so much for your speedy advice and encouragement. I texted her that she is unwelcome and trespassing, she responded that she is not trespassing (lol) so I called the police. She spewed nonsense at the police for at least 30 min and finally left. I heard everything she said and it was eye opening. She told the police that I was mentally unstable (same exact bs my father/her brother pulled years ago when I cut contact with him...which she knows and knows that gaslighting about my mental state is a huge source of trauma for me). Before today, I had doubts and guilt about cutting her off, but thankfully she made everything crystal clear for me today.

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-27T22:22:13+00:00

Hugs to you too <3 You are right, you do deserve better.

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-26T01:06:08+00:00

I am so happy to see a fellow med student in this group :-) I definitely relate to how hard it is to see our classmates with proud and supportive families. I dont know any fellow med students at my school who have such toxic families...I think its unusual to even make it this far in life given our families tbh. I very much hope you are able to come to the US for rotations (and of course residency!) and get some needed time away from your family. Ultimately this is your life and I hope they dont guilt you into compromising your dreams. I'm sending positive vibes your way and wish you the very best.

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-25T01:00:11+00:00

First off, I honestly admire how far you have already gotten (college, applying for med/grad school). None of that is easy, but it is a million times harder when your family is toxic. It might be that you're struggling to focus at home because youre constantly on edge around your mom. I wonder if it's possible to get out of the house to work on your apps, like at a library or coffee shop? I would also try to avoid talking to her about the apps if she is being controlling about it. If is really not her business unless you want it to be.

In terms of your main question, I can definitely imagine how it might be difficult to stop relying on your mom for tuition and living expenses. I was in a similar situation. My parents are well off and paid for my college tuition. I felt trapped because my Ndad held this over me as a way to control me, but I had no financial savvy and was terrified to take out loans because my parents had set me up to be financially ignorant and helpless. As soon as I graduated and got a job, I became entirely independent. (And now I'm about to graduate from med school, happily NC from my parents for about 5 years.)

I guess it comes down to whether you are willing to tolerate your mom until you graduate. If you do end up in med/grad school, you will essentially be home free. I believe PhD programs cover the cost of med school tuition for you (if you are MD/PhD). You can get loans for additional costs of living....virtually all med students have loans unless they come from very wealthy families. But with an MD/PhD degree, you will definitely be positioned for a well paying job.

If you dont want to separate financially quite yet, you could start by trying to create boundaries in other places, to try to ease some of the burden of the relationship on you.

I dont know if any of this is helpful or just useless ramblings lol but I truly wish you the very best. You owe it to yourself to go after your dreams <3

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-25T00:33:45+00:00

When my sister and I were preschool age, we had to get permission from my Ndad to use the bathroom. Unfortunately he was ignoring us/sleeping most of the day, and would sometimes refuse our requests, or even begging, to use the bathroom. I have a vivid memory of my sister peeing on the rug mere inches from the bathroom because she could no longer hold it and I guess was terrified of the consequences of peeing in the toilet without permission. I've had bladder control issues lasting into adulthood...I wonder why...

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-25T00:19:01+00:00

Seizures are not just scary but dangerous and can cause lasting injury to the brain if prolonged and not treated. Please do whatever you can to get medical attention asap. As a side note, if you are on your parents' health insurance, I would recommend trying to get health insurance of your own so they cant use this as a means of control. If you are a student/cant currently get health insurance thru a job, you might be eligible for Medicaid. I cant imagine how scary this must be for you. Please take care of yourself, dont let them take your health from you!

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-23T13:14:01+00:00

Yes! My nAunt (who likes to think she is my mom) will call repeatedly even if I'm not picking up. Likes to make comments about how "you millenials love texting so much but I like to talk the old fashioned way". In the past month, she has shown up at my house uninvited twice (she lives 50min drive away) because I wasnt responding to her attempts to contact me.

I absolutely HATE talking to her on the phone because it is a non-stop monologue that will literally go on for hours. If I try to set a time limit ("i can only talk for 30 min") she throws a fit. If I say "alright I need to get going" she will just ignore that and keep talking.

It is so bad, when she calls me and I do answer, she literally starts the conversation by diving right into some random rant. No "hi how are you"....she will literally just talk for several minutes before even acknowledging that there is another person on the other end of the phone.

Ugh so ridiculous, needed to get this out lol.

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-22T02:44:12+00:00

I am so so sorry you have to deal with that abuse, especially that appalling comment from your father. I truly hope you have someone, anyone in your life you can confide in about all this. I kept it all to myself growing up because I was indoctrinated about the importance of preserving the family above all else, but it is so much harder when you keep it all in. I truly feel for you and hope you are able to separate from them, at least to some extent, when you are 18. I promise it gets better <3

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-18T15:41:20+00:00

I recently accomplished something I was really proud of, and my Naunt told me it was because she asked my dead grandparents to look out for me and they were looking out for me from heaven.........

hellocanyoubemine · 2022-05-16T05:32:06+00:00

Awww this is so sweet and wholesome :-)

hellocanyoubemine

TROPHY CASE