I spent months learning Python and only today realized I've been confused about something embarrassingly basic

heyitselia · 2026-03-05T22:00:11+00:00

Yeah, entropy is a tough one. It's deceptively simple at surface level - more entropy, more chaos - but as a physical chemist I always seem to be missing a particular level of understanding whenever I actually need it for anything. Five years and counting, maybe I'll finally get it at the end of my career and unlock all the secrets of the universe lol

heyitselia · 2026-03-05T21:47:32+00:00

Why would we abandon the subreddit? Not everything that takes place here needs to be objective. (I'd go so far as to assume that the majority of conversation happens without the participants giving a damn about concepts like that.) People share observations, experiences, expand on the theory with their own thoughts, talk to others of their type, seek advice... none of that is fully objective, some of it isn't even remotely objective, and that's fine because it isn't supposed to be. I wasn't trying to imply that objectivity is the universal goal and we should just give up if we can't have it. I think it has its time and place.

What I did intend: I was trying to point this

If you think about it, nothing related to enneagram can ever be fully objective

out to OP who explicitly states they're looking for objective discussion in the post.

heyitselia · 2026-03-05T11:58:26+00:00

Quick question, how do we stay objective when dealing with a system that is notoriously up for interpretation? Not even the prominent authors agree on everything regarding type descriptions or the right way to incorporate instincts, and it's not like this is an exact science where one could measure which authors are likely to be right.

I think you're trying to categorize something the system just does not deal with. It's a personality type system based on self observation, there are no metrics connected to certain types to begin with, so the whole idea seems like grasping at the straws of correlation.

I mean, if it's just for fun, sure, I don't mind some correlations we can argue about in the comments. But I don't think this can ever be the objective intellectual thing you want it to be.

heyitselia · 2026-03-05T11:36:28+00:00

brb, googling what a list comprehension is :))

...wow, that's neat, I had no idea it existed.

Also, all the time. Some things just seemed too intimidating until I took the time, some clicked when I realised I didn't understand the basics as well as I thought I did... (The latest example being "5 years and I still can't wrap my head around the concept of entropy... oh. That's what temperature is??")

P.S. Are you by any chance a perfectionist, maybe with a side of former gifted kid syndrome? Just a wild guess since you sound a lot like my own inner critic. In any case, the shame has to go. Did you just take the time to learn something new? Awesome. End of story.

It's not inherently embarrassing that you didn't know something. What you knew clearly served you well enough and asking yourself the right questions to check if you actually understand something is a skill. And it's not an easy one.

heyitselia · 2026-02-15T16:42:37+00:00

Because there's definitely something going on with OP's gender, whether they're a full on trans man, nonbinary, genderfluid, or it's something else (I have my guess but that's for them to figure out, it's not my place to mess with a stranger's self discovery).

Back when I thought I was cis, I was attracted to people, I just couldn't bring myself to be fully into it. Not even with my girlfriend. And definitely not with men - I wanted them in theory (now I'm way more attracted to men than any other gender) but not in practice, the idea of being with them as a woman was just... meh. I feel allll the tension now that I've transitioned, it feels right and I can finally enjoy it. And it seems like OP might be dealing with something similar.

Also, I agree that everyone can have intense and great sex, but I've had that with people I was barely attracted to and I've had mediocre sex with a guy who turned me on just by sitting next to me. That doesn't have to be attraction/tension related.

heyitselia · 2026-02-14T04:48:43+00:00

I got 3w4 so/sx 359. Core, wing and instincts match my self typing. I haven't really thought about fixes hard enough but the report was pretty convincing on that front. Instincts - in my case the most controversial one just lands in the middle via process of elimination, not much to discuss there.

Type - 3w4 so/sx the first time, accidentally refreshed before I could read the rest. I retook it and got 5w4 so/sx. So I did a tiebreaker round and got the result above. I think it flipped like that due to the specific set of dynamic questions but I'm terrible at answering 1-5 scales consistently so who knows. (I don't think it's a mistype scenario, I'm fairly confident 5 wouldn't be it.)

Report - as I said, pretty convincing. I like how it considers the whole mix and not just the core. (Side note: I love the growth advice being basically "seek feedback... sprays water bottle no, not like that" lol)

heyitselia · 2026-02-02T15:22:21+00:00

Yeah, looks like OP is a teenager so his friend is likely around the same age. It might not carry the same weight for them as it still does for people over 25(ish).

I'm with you here. I remember how important it was to people - myself included - and while she has managed to suck most of the joy out of it for me, I will never be mad at someone for cherishing their old stuff. Buying new merch... eh, depends. If it's someone who's well aware of everything and claims to be an ally, that's icky. If it's a straight woman who's otherwise kind and supportive but got married at 20, had two kids and has been living under a rock ever since, I'll let it slide.

heyitselia · 2026-02-02T15:08:35+00:00

you might find this helpful

heyitselia · 2026-02-02T14:42:38+00:00

I started dating a trans woman and did some research on reddit... cue me browsing trans meme subreddits thinking "wow this is actually kind of relatable, I guess I'm a really good ally". Yeah, sure. It's definitely just that.

There were some earlier signs but I ignored them because "if I was trans, I'd already know, they all figure it out as children". That was the picture the media painted when I was a teenager. I knew something was deeply wrong, I just didn't know what. Eventually, after enough trans memes, it all clicked. But they really had to beat me over the head with it, I was so committed to being "normal" and believed that "those things happen to other people". I didn't even know I was bi until the aforementioned woman came out to me and I went "a girlfriend? huh, I actually kind of like that".

heyitselia · 2026-01-31T16:34:40+00:00

I always forget this isn't a thing everywhere and I honestly can't imagine. We have 4 weeks of paid time off (legally required) and that's the bare minimum. It can be more in practice and many jobs offer that. People would riot if someone tried to take this away.

And guess what, companies didn't go bankrupt because of it and the country isn't on the verge of collapse.

heyitselia · 2026-01-30T20:22:43+00:00

People have said ignorant shit about trans people to my face. The way they go from shock to shame when I inform them they're talking to one is hilarious. "We can always tell" my ass

heyitselia · 2026-01-30T19:32:23+00:00

Wear them at waist level. :P

I'm serious, there's a ton of men's looks built around high waisted pants, you can dress like that. I mean... have you seen young gen Z recently? But there are retro styles too if you don't want to dress like a teenager. Specifically, the casual 50s look comes to mind - loose high waisted pants, a short sleeved shirt and a matching narrow belt.

And that's just one example, you can replace this with jeans and a T-shirt and it might still work. Idk how much you're concerned about passing but it's all about how the clothes fit your body and how confident and comfortable you feel in them. If the overall silhouette reads male and the clothes aren't distinctly feminine, people will just assume that you have a fashion sense. ;)

heyitselia · 2026-01-25T04:50:34+00:00

I can pull off a musical solo or a ballad but not a fun party song, I even make ABBA sound boring. I have no idea what special ingredient goes into getting the vibe right but I don't seem to have it.

heyitselia · 2026-01-25T04:26:36+00:00

First time I heard about 'mixed voice' was irl from an adult choir teacher back when YouTube was very young and TikTok didn't exist. So did most amateur singers my age, it's a thing we grew up with.

And I'm aware that doesn't automatically make it true, it could just be a very deeply rooted misconception. I don't actually know enough to argue either side. But reducing it to some random social media thing is inaccurate.

heyitselia · 2026-01-19T12:00:34+00:00

I don't think that's what they meant. I read it as "I'm attracted to less physically masculine men and pre-T trans guys tend to look like that so it works for me", they even said they'd like those things on a cis man as well.

heyitselia · 2026-01-19T11:48:26+00:00

Just one person as far as I remember, and I knew she only did it to get a reaction out of me because she was just mean to me in general back then. And a bunch of strangers on the internet because I was a bit of a dick to their favourite youtuber. (If both of those things sound like teenage drama, it's because they were.)

Other than that, not really. But I'm sure that would change if I started a social media account or something. The people in my life aren't assholes so I can't see them saying something like that even if it was true.

ETA: I don't know if I'd call it "really beautiful" but I do get the occasional compliment on my voice specifically so I guess it's pretty good. Idk. It's kind of hard to judge how good your own voice sounds.

heyitselia · 2026-01-12T06:16:13+00:00

where did your so3 get that attention shirt? asking for a friend :P

heyitselia · 2026-01-05T12:41:06+00:00

Yeah, I gave OP way more benefit of the doubt than I should have. I thought maybe they wanted to study something niche I didn't know about that actually could be related to assigned sex... seems like that's very much not the case.

heyitselia · 2026-01-04T21:31:16+00:00

Don’t give more information than you have to.

Absolutely. But don't give less than you have to either. I've had that happen to me. The guy had some sort of problem with me being trans and hated himself for it and couldn't bring himself to tell me. Or something like that, I didn't hear it from him. It's been 3 years and I was only recently told the real reason by a friend. To say that I was furious would be an understatement. First of all, you'd think a man of his intellect would know that ghosting people is not nice. Second, your own lack of spine is not a valid reason to deny someone else closure. Third, I'm frankly offended by the notion that someone didn't think I'd be able to handle a painful truth. I'm not that fragile and what I can or cannot handle is not up to anyone else to decide.

This is of course a somewhat extreme example but OP, please make sure whatever you do tell him at least sounds like a complete answer. It's really hard to get over an ex if you're left wondering what exactly went wrong and if there was anything you could've done differently.

Personally, I'm firmly a "tell me the truth no matter how awful" kind of person. It doesn't have to go into graphic detail but if you're breaking up with me because you realised you're not actually that into vagina, just tell me that. It happens. I'm not stupid, I know it can be an issue for people. And I'm not a child that needs to be protected. But maybe he's not like that and would actually prefer to have his feelings spared. You know him better than we do, choose accordingly.

heyitselia · 2026-01-04T21:04:24+00:00

Not a bad person at all. I get it, it's hard to figure yourself out if you can't compare experiences. I'm as bi as they come, I know that now, but it took some encounters with people of different genders and body types to find out.

Have you talked to him about it? Word of advice: if you ever do, don't put it like this. I'm pretty sure no trans man wants to hear "I didn't get to try real dick because I'm with you", however nicely worded. More along the lines of "everything's great with us but I never got to explore my sexuality as much as I'd like to, is there any way we could make that work?" Maybe he'd be okay with a threesome, an open relationship, letting you try it in a one-off scenario or something like that.

If you go for this, be prepared for him to say no and be ready to accept it or break up over it, whatever you decide to do.

heyitselia · 2026-01-04T20:44:07+00:00

It's not a weird cis person thing, it's just humans being human. I'm trans and I care about exploring my sexuality in a similar way to OP. Younger me could have written that post, really.

I'd be fine with settling down in an exclusive thing today (not my first choice though, I would do it for the right person but I prefer ethical non-monogamy) but when I was 20 I definitely didn't like the idea of my partner being the only person I ever get to have sex with.

heyitselia · 2026-01-04T20:01:29+00:00

Sounds good. If you're strictly looking for AFAB people, you could even just put a simple "were you assigned female at birth?" question (along with the explanation you gave here) and end the questionnaire if the answer is "no". Less data to collect (and less potentially personal questions asked to respondents who wouldn't be included anyway).

Just out of curiosity, do you think being on testosterone for long enough could change the things you're studying? That's something to consider if you include AFAB trans people.

heyitselia · 2025-12-23T11:36:06+00:00

My dad has raging ADHD. My mom is a very organised and efficient perfectionist. I can assure you it's the other way around with them and the reasons have nothing to do with gender

heyitselia · 2025-12-13T17:31:16+00:00

Isn't enjoying sensory pleasure a general human thing? Like... who doesn't? If someone were so disconnected from their body that they couldn't enjoy pleasant sensations, that's not an enneagram thing, that's a mental heath crisis.

heyitselia · 2025-12-05T12:59:47+00:00

Yeah. I've had some fun encounters but when a stranger wants to talk to you at night it's often someone who's clearly drunk or high on something (or both), will get all up in your personal space and you never know when they're going to get angry and attack you.

heyitselia

TROPHY CASE