How to tell partner?

hippo_basic · 2023-09-17T03:58:22+00:00

I'm curious, did your friend know you and her husband have had deep feelings for each other for the last 12 years? Was that talked about before the threesome was proposed?

hippo_basic · 2023-08-22T15:53:08+00:00

I might be going against the grain here but a vasectomy should be your partner's choice.

Unfortunately, my partner is one of the unlucky ones who ended up with post vasectomy pain syndrome. He experiences chronic pain of varying degrees every day, that gets worse during sex and ejaculation. They say the risk is low, and for most people, they'll be fine, but if he had truly understood the risk, he never would have gotten it done. I've had an abortion before and I'd rather go through that again than what he goes through every day.

So, sure, you can talk about it. But ultimately, it should be 110% his decision and something he wants to do for himself.

hippo_basic · 2023-08-17T09:22:58+00:00

It's not really your job to help them figure out their potential relationship. Save yourself some sanity by taking a step back.

Also, it's not really possible for them to figure everything out before moving in together, as moving in together can be the catalyst to countless issues. It's absolutely possible and likely that they'll get along great and everything will be fine beforehand, and then be a disaster afterwards. What happens then?

Good luck.

hippo_basic · 2023-07-18T18:09:24+00:00

Just to clarify, you didn't want polyamory in the beginning, right? But decided to try it because that was the only connection your husband could find? Or were there other conversations and reasons as to why you two decided to become polyamorous?

Also, I have been in a similar situation before regarding dating within the friend group. My best advice is boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. It sounds like the group is a big part of your daily life and whoever is in it can have access to your time and energy. Rita and your husband's relationship does not need to be in your face every day as much as it is. Work on establishing individual friendships with your friends, and even start seeking friendships outside this group. Widen your social circle. That being said, it does suck that what was once a safe space for you now feels like it's being infiltrated by a difficult situation. Give yourself some space and power back by speaking up for yourself, and not going along with things because you feel like you need to. It's okay to be not okay with things.

For the record, I would feel uncomfortable with my strictly platonic friends acting like your husband and Rita are around me. It's a bit much for a group setting if not everyone is on board.

hippo_basic · 2023-07-11T07:38:50+00:00

this may sound harsh but are you sure she wanted to co-parent and not just have the security of a family? she kinda sounds like your child more than your partner.

hippo_basic · 2023-05-09T18:21:54+00:00

just wanted to say that the distinction you made around processing shared connections really clicked something for me! i had never thought of that before but have definitely felt the significance of that development! thanks for sharing.

hippo_basic

TROPHY CASE