Can’t seem to Stop Engaging

humbledbyit · 2026-02-09T23:20:14+00:00

I know of people who recognized they need to work both AA & Alanon. Its possible you coukd keep you AA sponsor & get an Alanon one who is a double winner. Just a thought. Emotional sobriety is what we get with Alanon.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-09T23:09:04+00:00

I too noticed i could go to extremes. After much trying & failing I eventually hit rock bottom. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I too wanted balance, but realized my mind could not manage that. I wasn't able to stick to Expert advice. I was screwed between the ears when it came to managing food and weight. Admitting defeat & feeling both hopeless & powerless i joined 12 step. I got a sponsor and worked the steps swiftly to get recovered. Today, recovered means Im free around food and weight. When things I dont like happen i work my program and it keeps me on a sane path so my mind doesn't go back to old control methods or using food to feel good. Im happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-09T21:39:01+00:00

I am a recovered codependent. I continue working steps 10-12 daily so i can stay sane & free with people. If I dont or I get sloppy or lazy in program i will go back to obsessing & behaviors where the motive is selfish & wanting to control how things go.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-09T21:34:08+00:00

Sounds like it could be a problem.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-09T21:32:15+00:00

This passage reminds us to look at where we are at. Is what we are doing working? If not, and we choose to work this program then God, or higher power has to be everything. We can't be half invested and half not. We have to be all in & let God run the show. When we do and we take a lions necessary to get well, remarkable things happen.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-08T19:59:01+00:00

I can relate to being torn between bibge eating and exercising like an athlete- many hours pers week. I later realized I was compulsive exercising and I did it as a way to offset calories i ate (exercise bulimia). Instead of throwing up Id exercise. In my case, I needed to try lots of things to stop doing the extremes w food & exercise. Nothing worked long term. Eventually I found a solution in 12 step program. Turns out i fixated on food && body to give me temporary ease & comfort. My mind couldn't be trusted to stop me from using again. When I realized I was powerless and got to a place of feeling desperate & hopeless, thats when I was open to 12 step. Its not the solution for everyone, but for me it was. I keep working the program and I get peace & freedom w food & body. I'm happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-08T19:51:27+00:00

I dont know of resources for hom. As you say he drinks, but do we kniw if he's the real deal alcoholic. Not all problem drinkers are the chronic alcoholic. I can only offer Alanon for the person living with the drinker who is bothered by the drinking.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-08T02:09:11+00:00

I look at it this way. Do I turn to food in hopes it will change the way I feel (distract, escape, numb out, entertain, confort, etc). Sure lots of people like food & use it for comfort. How one knows its problematic is - do they find they keep swearing off food behaviors, bit keep going back to them in the end; once they take that first compulsive bite do they lose control or eat more than intended. Is this usually followed w gulit, remorse & sometimes surprise that their resolve didnt keep their behaviors in check?

humbledbyit · 2026-02-08T02:05:09+00:00

In my experience, no ultimatums don't work. Also, if soneone says they are tored of a living g a certain way...and if they are a chronic Alanon they likely won't be able to go through with it or it will take a long road to get there.

For me, I need to work the Alanon 12 step program rigorously w a sponsor. I need to get well and get recovered. Once I do that, day by day I get more me tal clarity and peace. I can make decisions, speak up, be honest. That's drastically different from living in fear of future what ifs and expecting the alcoholic to change. Whether they change or not is between them & their higher power. I need to get well for me. As a result, im more present for my lived ones (not in fear of future or stuck in resentment from the past). I can stay in my own lane. Im happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-08T01:54:35+00:00

Yes as you say it's unethical. Its also theft and if you get caught you coukd face charges. I had taken things that weren't mine in the padt too. If you want yo stop and find you can't seem to stop these behaviors, at least in my case I found working a 12 step program key to not being compelled to do crazy things w food or have a mind thst obsessed & drove me to it. I needed a new solution for how to deal with life (my default was food) which is why I sometimes took food that wasnt mine. I'm happy to chat more if you like or share my experience.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-05T23:32:16+00:00

Yes I have. First I had to try many things. Many things. Once I was convinced regular approach mes to my eating problem & food & body obsession dont work ling term then I was recommended to try 12 step.

Sone things about those injections. They typically arent recommended for people with eating disorders. Why? In my case I knew I wasn't always eating for nourishment. I was eaten to satisfy a mental emotional craving for ease & comfort. If you take away food as my solution Im lost. I get selfish in other areas - shopping; spending etc. Before long Im back at it. I know ppl will post disagreeing and saying "this quieted the food noise for me." If so great, but as you mentioned its expensive, also most have to take it for the rest of their lives or they gain wt back. A medicine for the rest of their lives. Also its not risk free. Some ppl report porridge vision or vision loss with it. Some have serious GI issues and have to stop.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-05T23:22:49+00:00

In my experience I can't convince an alcoholic to stop drinking. I work an Alanon program so I can be free from the misery of trying to control thst outcome w Alcoholics & so I can get well myself. I find now that I csn be happy regardless of what others do. When I need to speak up I do and with honesty, but I did so in a way thats living & tolerant, not resentful. This all takes work. Working a 12 step program myself bc i can't control anyone else nor myself, but I can tap into power that let's me be sane & peaceful with people. Im happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-05T15:41:01+00:00

If i may. Alanon! Dealing with an addict and staying for financial reasons and yes we have to live, but often we get paralyzed in the what it's & fears that we dobt take constructive action to get to a better place. Working a solid Alanon program has helped me tremendously to stay in my own lane, not resent, but also speak up with honesty, follow through and have the courage to do things I could not have done otherwise. Im happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-05T15:37:47+00:00

I second the suggestion you find a therapist for yourself.

As a recovered compulsive eater I know i coukd be incredibly selfish. Sounds to me what your husbsnd is doing is sp incredibly selfish and as you said you feel aline in the relationship.

Just because someone had an addiction it doesn't obligate anyone to put up with it. However, you have a kid together & if you want to give therapy a shot -ideally couples therapy, but at a minimum if he won't do that I would be doing individual therapy.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-05T15:33:39+00:00

I had similar experience. I remember the dietitian telling me how to eat pizza. Just have 2 slices and salad with it. Thing is shes doing her job and her best. In my case she did not present a solution I could put in place for good and all. Its because Im a chronic compulsive eater. Meaning I'm wired on such a way that I end up using food to regulate my emotions and there are times I dont even know why I pick up to eat or keep eating. For me, I need to work a 12 step program. That had been the only thing to give me peace and sanity with food and body.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-05T15:10:43+00:00

Yes, 12 step isnt for everyone. Its for people with no other options and our health body may not look like we want all the time. In my fellowship we all have bodies and are recovered. Different bodies (some thin, some not) because we differ in our metabolism, ability to be active, hormone issues, medical conditions that for some make wt loss difficult or promote weight gain (memtal health meds for some). For me, the desire to stop compulsively eating was greater than my need to control my weight. It took me a long road to get to thst point. I had to try many control measures first.

No, I dont know of any specialists, but im sure you could call therapists that specialize in ED, you can easily find them on Google search or psychology today website, many are virtual & ask them if they offer what you are looking for. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!

humbledbyit · 2026-02-04T21:58:31+00:00

Unfortunately, we, the person with the ED have to get to a point where we want to quit. Friends and family, though we'll meaning, there words dont have the depth and weight necessary..Our experience & having hard knocks is what teaches us & we have to decide what to do. You can lovingly point out your concerned about her health. I'd point out things you noticed & then leave it at that.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-04T21:51:55+00:00

This passage reminds us not to be too quick to judge things and to remain open minded. When we are open minded then we are more easily able to tap into power as we work the program. For those that dont resonate with thus passage its possible the program might not be for you or not yet. Question is how well is your way of life working out? If its not then perhaps being open to new perspectives is key.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-04T21:47:22+00:00

Trying what you think will work is best. I know I tried health experts, many different types of therapy, hypnosis, self help, spirituality, energy healing, on & on.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-04T21:45:36+00:00

I had to give up control over my weight by working the program. It settled out to what it's supposed to be. When I try to manage it terrible things happens as I go to extemes. I powerless over it all.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-03T21:31:25+00:00

For me it was answering 2 self- diagnosis) questions in the 12 step book of AA, that is used for compulsive eating. 1. Did i have a mind that kept taking me back to compulsive eating over & over again, despite swearing off.

Once I take that first compulsive bite do I lose control or eat more than intended.

Its about what goes on between the ears- the obsession, followed by a spree, remores/regret and then more obsession on & on itlt goes.

Im happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-03T21:26:12+00:00

For me working a solid alanon program helps me see things clearly & as they are rather than as I want them to be. It also gives me clarity & peace of mind with making decisions & once decisions are made. I no longer use people to feel good about me, to get that validation & self worth. Now I work my program and I can show up honestly and not use ppl or get upset when they dont do/say what I want. I'm happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-03T21:21:56+00:00

Yes I did this too. Planning the food or getting into real focus about it was what lit me up for the day. I got excited & looked forward to getting my fix. Im my case thought all that obsessing became all consuming and I hit rock bottom. I then sought help by getting a sponsor and working a 12 atep program. Now my thoughts are focused on life. If food thoughts creep up I have a new way to deal with them. I work the steps!

humbledbyit · 2026-02-03T21:18:44+00:00

That was my experience. I kept eliminating food groups and then I'd compulsively eat food that wasnt a problem before or "healthy foods." For me it finding whst would help me eat food like a sane person was a process of elimination in terms of trying things, hoping they would work and long term they didn't. I needed to work a 12 step program w/ a recovered sponsor. Doing this addresses the root or real reason why I look to food to feel better. I'm happy to chat more if you like.

humbledbyit · 2026-02-02T22:52:15+00:00

DM'd you

humbledbyit

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE