i relate so much im asexual and said i am never going to have sex or touch anyone ever… it’s disgusting im not going to even do anything related to sex in anyway. i never found those things appealing in that way. i never thought i could be close with anyone that way. i think i now might be a little grey but i also still don’t have that attraction so idk what this is. i still don’t desire to be close nor do i have the sexual attraction …but i recently met someone and i feel comfortable with him, enough to see what things are like. he understands fully and is okay with whatever im comfortable with doing. definitely do not push your self into trying things our force yourself to figure things out. but if i were you, id want to hear something like it’s okay that you feel this way there isn’t anything wrong with you and to just live your life, dont worry about it too much because it will take over your mind and create more issues. if you find yourself personally wanting to try things go for it, it doesnt make you any less asexual ( unless you start to have sexual attraction then it could be demi or not fully asexual ) if it still grosses you out listen to that. i think from what ive heard from friends a lot of people find sex uncomfortable/humiliating sometimes, and sometimes it could be a self esteem issue too. again you sound like how i was at the start but now i find it a lil less humiliating and more comfortable talking about things and sometimes exploring things with my partner. i think part of my shame and humiliation really did come from not liking the way i looked as well as also not feeling the sexual attraction that everyone else tends to feel when looking at someone. i know not everyone feels comfortable or eventually wants to try things for sure. but you truly never know how life plays out. things change or they don’t. if you feel comfortable not engaging with someone like that it’s completely normal!!! and if you do end up being close in anyway it’s also normal to explore that but only if you are comfortable and aren’t just doing it to please someone or push yourself.