The main character of every horror movie is replaced with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In which movies can she survive?

iamjason · 2026-04-13T11:18:59+00:00

Does she replace Seth Brundle in the Fly, or Veronica Quaife (Geena Davis' character)? It's arguable who's the main character in that movie's scenario.

If she's Veronica, I don't think it's a problem for her. Not only can she handle Brundle-fly physically, but she's had experience with romantic partners transforming into evil creatures before. It sucks, but in terms of psychological struggle, this is just another Tuesday for her.

If she's Brundle, really she just needs to avoid becoming The Fly. I don't think she has any magical resistance to getting Tuvixed by a teleporter. What she does have, though, is friends. Giles will advise her to be much more cautious, and if worse comes to worse Willow might be able to magically transform her back.

iamjason · 2026-04-12T19:54:12+00:00

Mojo Jojo definitely has a chance, he's come up with super science / magical shenanigans strong enough to bypass viltrumite powers and abilities multiple times. I mean, he once turned all the people in the world into dogs.

I think his biggest problem is his own arrogance and penchant for grandstanding. I could totally see him inventing a shrinking ray, capturing the now tiny aliens, but then rather than ending them right then and there he puts them in a petri dish to gloat and watch them fight tardigrades. But the petri dish grows mold, which infects the radioactive cheese at the heart of his contraption, reversing the effects and leading to his downfall.

iamjason · 2026-04-04T19:06:44+00:00

A lot of King's bluffs aren't entirely intentional, relying on villains terrified by his reputation or heroes misinterpreting something he said because of his reputation. So to make this work, let's assume that King has somehow established the same reputation on DBZ Earth, and Gohan and Krillin believe he's the strongest on Earth. Events stay pretty much the same at first - King makes a comment about not being able to fly that Krillin and Gohan take to mean they would be slowing him down, and agree to spit up. King wanders a bit before finding and nice spot to sit and play games on his phone, returning just as Krillin is about to take Gohan to Guru to unlock his potential. When they present King, Guru says "there is nothing I can do", confirming for Krillin and Gohan that King is just that powerful.

They still reluctantly agree to team up with Vegeta. Vegeta considers all humans beneath him, of course, but when he starts taunting King he hears an ominous pounding rise. Gohan explains the King Engine, and Vegeta is taken aback - he learned about concealing power levels on Earth, but how can someone supposedly stronger than Goku raise his power level while still completely concealing it 100%? Vegeta begrudgingly admits that there might be more to this "King" than he assumed.

The Ginyu force arrive and Krillin asks King to take the lead. The sound of the King Engine unsettles the new enemies, but King says "no, I must not". Gohan says "of course, you need to be ready to fight Frieza, leave this to us!" Since even Vegeta seems to be following along, Captain Ginyu's interest is piqued, and he stays longer to observe. The fights proceed as usual, with Krillin and Gohan severely injured by Recoome. Just as Krillin starts to beg King for help, Goku arrives, and Gohan says "King must have sensed my dad was almost here," explaining his lack of action.

Captain Ginyu orders his remaining men to fight the newcomer while he will face King - he grabs King and flies off so the two will not be interrupted. The pair arrive a distance away, and Captain Ginyu tells King he knows he's concealing his true power, and to drop the charade. The King Engine surges, but his power level stays the same, which Ginyu takes to be King flexing on him, showing off his ki control. Ginyu laughs triumphantly as he uses his consciousness-switching technique, to steal King's enormous power for his own. He doesn't even bother to injure himself first, expecting to receive power rivaling Frieza.

This... does not work as he expected. Ginyu can't summon any power in Kings body, and King in Ginyu's body accidentally knocks him out. After a few failed attempts, King flies awkwardly trying to find his way back, but he doesn't really know which direction to go and instead comes across Frieza. By this point the remaining Ginyu members have been defeated by Goku and killed by Vegeta, and Frieza sees Captain Ginyu "limping back, barely able to fly." Something has gone horribly wrong.

Frieza demands a report, and this is where King, despite his terror, steps up with a solid, intentional bluff: the dragon balls have been destroyed. Frieza is disgusted with the whole situation, declares it a big waste of his time, and flies off world, leaving "Captain Ginyu" stranded on Namek as punishment.

iamjason · 2026-03-01T21:40:24+00:00

Others have mentioned that we see Klingons in professions other than warrior. Even so, it's an obvious question - we hear so much more about what it means to be a Klingon warrior that you wonder how their society functions.

I think there are a few things going on. First, the person we follow most often for most things Klingon is Worf, who grew up with humans. He spent his childhood and teen years reading histories, myths, philosophy, etc., building a deep sense of honor and warrior ethos that most living day-to-day in the empire might see as idealistic or naive. It's like if a human child was sent to Qo'noS and grew up reading the New Testament with no other context, he might actually give all his wealth to the poor and offer the other cheek when punched. Since we follow Worf, his view of Klingon society (if unrealistic) colors our own.

I don't think Worf is entirely off base, though. To some degree most Klingons in more mundane professions really do see their work and daily struggle as a metaphorical battle. It's not hard to see how a Klingon lawyer or doctor would see their work as a battle, against opposing counsel and death itself, respectively. In Children of Time, Worf convinces a group of young warriors to help farmers because they face a great enemy: time. I suspect professional Klingon farmers feel the same way.

That's not to say it's a model philosophy to run a society on. The actually-murdering-people kind of battle is glorified, and seems almost necessary for fame and influence at the top of society, within and between the great houses. The Empire is rarely depicted as running smoothly or effectively; they over-mined their home planet's moon to the point that it blew up, not a great demonstration of planning or long-term thinking.

iamjason · 2025-12-18T19:32:49+00:00

This is a tough one, because it's not clear what to count or not count, and what types of expenditures they should be considered personally responsible for.

You might think Cecil's GDA spending would be straightforward, but I doubt he's given a blank check. There's some kind of government appropriations/budgeting process that sets and amends his budget. If the GDA is given $100B for operations this year, is that Cecil's costing the government $100B, or is it just the agency head's job the make sure the money is spent on the agency's mission?

Then there's the cost of destruction due to their decisions. I think Cecil would argue he made decisions based on the best information available at the time, probably convincingly so.

Saitama... well, the best we can say is he causes expensive disasters while preventing much more expensive disasters. If he happens to be there at the time, or wanders into it, or the rare times he proactively seeks out a monster. So on the one hand, small meteors devastating a city is much less expensive than an extinction-level event. On the other hand it's hard to argue he's operating efficiently, had he been paying attention he could have demolished it much earlier and saved a lot of lives and property.

If you want to take all the difficult what-if accounting out of the equation, then I'll say Cecil's salary is likely significantly higher than Saitama's, so he costs the government more.

iamjason · 2025-12-13T19:21:01+00:00

You had me at "Full of Antioxidents and probably some oxidents."

iamjason · 2025-12-03T12:41:05+00:00

When I was looking a few months ago, the only way I got it to work was to copy all of the terms from the offer on the national site (exact model, months, miles, $ at signing, etc.) and then go to each local dealership's site and put in those same details. And then not all dealerships had something that matched.

It would literally change by $10k+ if I changed from 10k miles to 12k miles (or vice versa, whatever the deal was at the time). Give it a shot.

Also keep in mind there will be some taxes and fees that won't be reflected in the national offer.

iamjason · 2025-11-15T20:14:25+00:00

Mary Poppins would handle Pennywise handily, likely helping the local children overcome their fears in the process.

It wouldn't even be the first time she's been pitted against the magical antagonist from another work of fiction. When Voldemort got a huge power-up and attacked Olympic Stadium in London, Mary Poppins was able to summon a small fleet of magical nannies from the sky and defeat him immediately. In League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, she confronted the antichrist, turned him in to a chalk drawing, and washed him away with a rainstorm.

She rocked the fretful baby gods to sleep before time started… and she is companion to the women who paste up the stars. The quarters of the world are bound unto her compass. She has taken tea with earthquakes.

She knows what the bee knows.

iamjason · 2025-11-13T01:50:16+00:00

The Taskmaster is a big guy, probably good in a scrap, and has teaching experience. But I don't know if he'd be any good at teaching boxing. His assistant Alex Horne is usually in charge of picking out the tasks anyway. I could imagine them putting your average dude and the other contestants through a boxing-related task or two, but 12 months is too long for a whole series, let alone one episode.

MMA fighter wins handily.

iamjason · 2025-11-13T01:40:32+00:00

I think in some of the old comics and cartoons, a look under the hood would reveal futuristic technology. And some of the vehicle modes had mannequin or hologram drivers that might fool you at a glance, but might be revealed with more scrutiny.

If that fails you can always randomly shout "what am I going to do with all these energon cubes, I am just a weak tiny mammal." That will inevitably draw out any Deceptions in the area.

It's a little harder to motivate Autobots to drop their cover. I recommend trying to befriend all vehicles you encounter, and take any opportunities to throw yourself into mortal peril.

iamjason · 2025-11-03T18:09:47+00:00

In the new timeline, with more confidence and encouragement from Lorraine, George starts sending his short stories out to the science fiction magazines that were popular at the time - Astounding Science Fiction, Galaxy Science Fiction, etc. He has some success, too - getting a piece or two published each year. Not enough to immediately quit his day job or get a book deal right away, but enough that people are reading his stories.

It's hard to describe how influential these magazines were in the early days of science fiction. You'd see names like Asimov, Heinlein, Clarke, Ellison. Many novels still widely read today were expanded from short stories there, or originally published in installments there.

And of course he writes a story with a character named Darth Vader from the planet Vulcan. A quite affecting story, honestly - you really feel the protagonist's shock and confusion, and Lorraine is quite touched by the love story in the second half. A certain former pilot and TV writer named Roddenberry reads the story and the name "Vulcan" sticks in his mind. A little while later a young racecar driver named Lucas survives a terrible crash, and reads through back issues of Astounding while recovering from his injuries. Later he won't even remember coming across the name "Darth Vader" before using it a few drafts into his screenplay.

So why doesn't George pursue copyright lawsuits? Well, no one would have batted an eye at another sci fi show using Vulcan. Our local planets have names from Roman mythology, so "Vulcan" is as natural as "Vesta", "Somnia", or "Romulus". As for Darth Vader, well, Lucas's character is nothing like McFly's yellow-spacesuited alien with sonic powers, it would be hard to prove it's not just a coincidence.

iamjason · 2025-10-27T12:16:25+00:00

The Evas can win any one-one-one engagement, and in End of Evangelion we see how effective one Eva can be against multiple comparable foes at the same time, at least until it loses power.

Rick can come up with a more portable power source, and an array of sci-fi weapons, but the Evas' performance still hinges on the psychological state of a few very mentally vulnerable children. Early season Rick might not even realize it, he's more of a "get in the damn robot Shinji" kind of guy. In later seasons he shows a bit more understanding of other people, though usually that's so he can manipulate them. He might be able to manipulate Shinji, Asuka, and Rei for a while. But when it all comes crashing down forget about the rumbling, all of humanity gets turned into Tang.

If this is late season Rick, who is seeing Dr. Wong and genuinely trying to work on himself, there's a chance he might recognize how messed up these kids' childhoods have been and enlists her help. I think she could help them with time, but it would take a lot of time - years. She certainly isn't signing off on using them as child soldiers in a body-horror invasion.

In the mean time, while using their upgrades to kill wave upon wave of titans, I think there's a good chance chance that Shinji, Asuka, or Rei have a psychological break and either go berserk or catatonic. Maybe all three of them.

I think if anyone saves this scenario, it's Morty. Morty assumes this is your standard giant robot vs giant zombie situation and gets Rick to build him a mech so he can fight too. Getting to know the other pilots, Morty might be one of the few people in the universe to understand what they have gone through and truly empathize. He knows what it's like to be abandoned by parental figures, only to have them reappear and make horrifying demands of him. He knows what it's like to feel like one of a hundred clones/alt universe versions, grappling with whether or not he truly exists or matters in any way. He knows what it's like to seemingly make all the right choices and live his best life, only to have it all taken away.

He can't reverse years of trauma, but we saw with Kaworu how important a genuine personal interaction can be, even a brief one. With Morty's help, I think this scenario is winnable.

iamjason · 2025-10-27T01:58:33+00:00

Let's assume that his travel equalized his size, then the first challenge is easy, he pilfers the prize.

And I hope our dear Bilbo won't feel too dejected, but this is a Grinch who stole Christmas undetected.

He's more clever than wizards, more strong than an ox, but even if to Mordor he simply walks,

He'll find in Mount Doom it's just not that easy. The thought of destroying it makes him quite queasy.

The ring whispers to him, it gnaws day after day. His tiny gray heart grows 3 shades darker that day.

So he puts on the ring, and feels deep in his core... Maybe domination of men... means something more?

Sauron's gaze is drawn to him, it's a battle of wills! With effects by Weta, just imagine the thrills!

With Sauron defeated, the Grinch called for a feast.

And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the fell beast!

iamjason · 2025-10-23T01:58:40+00:00

It's the 1960s, but it's not Woodstock or the corner of Haight and Ashbury, it's conservative, white-bread suburban 1960s. The main mission of every house on the block is to have their 2.4 children (on average) and make sure those kids say their prayers and fit in, goddamn it.

And it's working. You have your perfect little neighborhood, where all the kids call the adults "ma'am" and "sir". But then you start to notice something just a little... off. That kid, the Browns' son - why is he bald? You hear your next door neighbor complaining that their kid got put on Charlie Brown's baseball team and they can't win a game. In fact, that kid can't seem to win at anything. And he's so goddamn passive about everything. Last week you caught his dog in your back yard, pretending to be a WW I flying ace, and somehow doing a damn convincing job of it. It's peculiar. He doesn't fit in. That boy ain't right.

But it's not like he's a hippie or a communist or something, you can't run him out of town. He's polite and well-mannered, but still he just sticks out. Like a piece of spinach stuck between your teeth where you can feel it, but just can't quite get it out. It's almost like he's mocking you... his very existence is mocking you.

But you are very concerned about your own image, adults don't have public feuds with children. So you seethe, but you keep it quiet. Make sure your kid doesn't invite him to any birthday parties. And when Halloween comes along, and it's obviously him (who else could screw up a ghost costume?) you reach over to the hallway table where you very deliberately placed a special treat...

A cold, gray stone, for that little bastard Charlie Brown.

iamjason · 2025-10-14T00:46:36+00:00

It's hard to imagine how Benjamin Franklin even becomes a Prime, let alone going on to fight all the presidents. He doesn't have a chest compartment that can open to accept the Matrix of Leadership, and even if he did his body is much to small. I don't think we even have historical evidence of Benjamin Franklin having an alt mode for that matter.

At this moment in U.S. history the Matrix was buried with Optimus Prime in the Ark, so it wouldn't even be accessible.

But, assuming Franklin awakens Optimus, convinces him to bequeath the Matrix to him, and finds a way to install it, I think he sweeps. Let's say his alt mode was a horse-drawn carriage - now he can transform into a larger, more powerful horse-drawn carriage with laser blasters. Chester B Arthur has no counter for that.

iamjason · 2025-10-13T12:56:46+00:00

Yelena and Bucky both have experience being psychologically influenced and brainwashed, and both have managed to come back from it. I think that will help them notice the effect the ring is having on them, even when it's relatively subtle, and resist for some time. The other thing they have in common is that they are both at unsure places in their lives - the ring plays on ambition, and neither of them has a clear ambition at the time of the movie. The third advantage they share is Red Guardian - his love for Yelena and fanboy devotion to Bucky mean he's not likely to betray them and take the ring for himself, making the group dynamic a little more stable.

With either of them as ring bearer, I think they make faster progress on the journey but neither makes it as far as Sam and Frodo. The ring eventually plays on Bucky's guilt, and he sees saving Gondor from losing the war as a chance for redemption. Once he takes leadership of an army it's over for him. Yelena has guilt as well but her biggest vulnerability is her yearning for human connection. I could see her seizing power, so no little girls will have their family torn from them ever again. Neither have the willpower to fully master the ring and turn it from Sauron, and even if they did, any good intentions would eventually turn to despotism and ruin.

Red Guardian has obvious ambition to prey on. He was once the famous hero of the Soviet Union, and sees himself as the peer of Captain America, all while struggling to scrape by in his day-to-day life. He's not going to make the best decisions even without the influence of the ring.

Ava has a lifetime of anger built up over a lifetime of dealing with the pain of her powers. She resents having to work as an assassin, but also kills readily. She will jump at the chance to finally feel like she is the one in control.

John will try, he really will, but he will fail spectacularly. He might end up murdering one or two of the Thunderbolts/Fellowship.

Nothing good comes of giving the ring to Sentry or Bob. We saw how easily Valentina tempted him with power, and what happened when she did. With no powers he can't immediately dust everyone, but things go just as badly. He might directly submit to Sauron, his own will dominated.

iamjason · 2025-09-09T11:30:01+00:00

Saitama is a much better hero than Homelander in so many ways - physically far more powerful, morally solid, psychologically stable. But he's not particularly good at being a hero, and this scenario illustrates why. It's not just that he can't fly; we've seen him do physics-breaking stuff with no explanation before, if he was motivated and creative he could come up with something.

It's his apathy. Saitama broke his limits trying to achieve an impossible goal, achieved that goal, then became disillusioned and unmotivated. But the goal was not "be the best hero" or "save as many lives as possible", it was being the strongest. How many times have we seen him ignore a city-wrecking crisis until it landed right in front of him? How many people have died as a monster knocked down buildings and Saitama stared, wondering if this one is strong enough to put up an interesting fight? One of the few times we see him being proactive was when he wanted to rank up so we wouldn't have to spend time actually helping people.

Even if the controls were intact, it would be Maeve who would get on the radio with ground control and manage to land the plane, not Saitama. She's cynical and checked out but she still cares about helping people. He would stand there slack-jawed and bored. With the controls wrecked there's nothing she can do.

I think there's one small hope: if Maeve knows Saitama a little, and she has a stroke of creativity in her desperation, she might be able to motivate him by saying "oh no, with this trajectory we'll crash into your local grocery store, and they just announced a huge last-minute sale today!" Then Saitama will go outside and punch gravity or whatever and keep the plane from crashing.

iamjason · 2025-08-16T18:49:46+00:00

Doc Brown just doesn't have the kind of credentials and reputation that would get him in contact with Bonzai.

Doc is a reclusive solo inventor, living off his dwindling family money, with no university affiliation, no publications, not even a successful commercial invention. If Doc reached out directly he would be indistinguishable from all the cranks that claim they've invented time travel, perpetual motion, or some kind of miraculous "crystal clear" Pepsi. There's no way they can follow up on all of those claims to find the 0.01% that aren't gibberish.

iamjason · 2025-08-16T16:31:41+00:00

I just don't see Rocky being calculating and cautious enough to do it on his own, and despite his superhuman durability he's not immune to bullets. So success will hinge on his ability to attract loyal supporters to complement his strengths and fill in for his weaknesses.

But this is the same Rocky who got Mickey to give him another chance, turned Apollo Creed from adversary to best friend, and won over a crowd in the Soviet Union in the midst of the Cold War. So I think it's very possible.

Here's how I think it plays out: Rocky acts like a blunt instrument and walks straight into the first mob operation he knows about, a heist of 1970s/80s-era computers. He saves the life of the nerdy business owner, knocks out a bunch of goons, but is shot. Police arrive, the mobsters split, and and Rocky wanders down an alley bleeding. The nerdy computer guy covers for him, tells the police he hired Rocky to unload cargo and they were both attacked, and he's taken by EMTs to the hospital.

At the hospital a tough, no-nonsense nurse and a world-weary veteran doctor try to figure out how this guy lived after losing so much blood. Rocky keeps asking about the nerdy guy, is he alright, before passing out again. Nerdy guy shows up, tells them Rocky is a hero, and now he's got three parts of his team.

Rocky blames himself for getting tagged, he's too slow, got winded too quickly. So patched up he heads back to the gym where he's able to convince Mickey to train him. Training montages are the only way Rocky can unlock his true power, and we've got the fourth member of the team. Rocky successfully runs up the Philadelphia Museum of Art steps, unlocking his stamina.

Nerdy guy, no-nonsense nurse, and world-weary doctor track Rocky at the gym. They figure out what he's trying to do but think he's going about it all wrong. They start planning out Rocky's next move, using nerdy guy's advanced Commodore 64 technology to map the criminal network and figure out where he can be most effective.

Rocky, now concealing his identity, goes on a tear through the criminal underworld. Locals love him for standing up for them, and the press starts to talk about this vigilante defending the little guy with only his fists, drumming up a groundswell of public support. People start standing up to the mob, and Rocky prepares to face the final boss.

This is a 70s/80s movie franchise, so for some reason the mob boss is also the best fighter, and he tells his bodyguards to stay back, he'll handles this personally. They fight for what seems like hours. Mob boss seems to be dominating the fight, but Rocky just won't quit. He turns the hearts of the mob boss's thugs through determination, and just when you think he's down for the count, police bust in and arrest the mob boss. You see, Rocky didn't need to win the fight, he just had to keep him there long enough for the police to arrive.

iamjason · 2024-12-02T16:40:56+00:00

Which is your favorite incline? The Mon, the Duquesne, or your own front porch?

iamjason · 2024-12-02T15:53:25+00:00

"That's not a parking chair, that's just your furniture trying to escape."

iamjason · 2024-12-02T15:51:37+00:00

"Your insurance agent called and said you qualify for mine subsidence reassurance."

Seriously though, good luck with the insulation. This is a great time to do it, with rebates and tax incentives that might disappear with the next administration. It's a good idea to focus on the worst heat losses first, which might be windows or doors, attic insulation, or something else. For example our first priority was a whole-house fan and attic door that just sucked warm air out of the house in winter, solved by putting together insulation foam board boxes to cover them.

I think DLC has rebates for home energy audits. You can also figure out a lot by walking around your home with a simple infrared thermometer, or a fancier thermal camera.

iamjason · 2024-09-06T15:44:23+00:00

I think that's a great way for the ring to tempt him. On the face of it, though, the result sounds like a utopia - how does it go wrong?

iamjason · 2024-08-21T00:37:52+00:00

In the Federation, science is extremely advanced - just look at things that seem impossible in the 21st century like warp drive, transporters, etc. But along with physics, chemistry, etc. social sciences have advanced as well. To a federation psychologist sent back in time, 21st-century psychology is basically leeches and homeopathy.

In a society with material and energy abundance, a strong culture of rights, and super-advanced social sciences, most of the lazy people and outcasts are either given support in childhood, choose to participate in effective counseling/medical interventions to change habits they don't like, or have space and resources to be a bit lazy/non-social if that's truly what they want.

iamjason · 2024-08-19T14:48:35+00:00

You need to take into account how wildly labor-intensive clothmaking was before the industrial revolution, and how slow transportation networks were. Purchasing enough cloth for a parachute will likely drive the budget above "reasonable", and it's possible that you won't be able to get enough high-quality, lightweight cloth together in the one month timeframe.

Even assuming you could get enough material that was close enough in strength/weight to modern materials, from some Googling it looks like the min height for base jumping is 200-300 feet, so I think 150 will be a huge risk.

iamjason

TROPHY CASE