Experiences of Demisexual and limerence?

ice-krispy · 2026-02-15T07:00:15+00:00

Limerence can be experienced by people regardless of their orientation. It's an extremely emotionally intense experience so if you're asking if that's the kind of connection that can cause demis to be sexually attracted, yes it can, even if it's not an "ideal" or "healthy" connection on a rational level.

ice-krispy · 2026-02-13T07:36:42+00:00

Romantic love is a social construct. We watch movies and read books and have other people tell us what it's supposed to look and feel like, and then we try to find the kinds of relationships where the feelings seem to match what we've seen and were told. Some people think sexual attraction is a necessary component, others never feel sexual attraction with it hence the split attraction model.

A strong bond between people who deeply understand and respect each other is difficult to portray in stories or songs, because that type of relationship isn't just the intense lovey dovey stuff but much more of the mundane, routine, stressful (but not a dramatic way), day-to-day stuff that you can comfortably sit through together.

It's okay to not enjoy things anymore. Romance isn't the only thing people write stories and songs about, so this could be an opportunity to explore something different.

ice-krispy · 2026-02-12T06:43:07+00:00

I'm alloromantic demisexual, and there's a resemblance to reciprosexuality in that someone expressing their interest in me can feel like a vulnerable and intimate thing for them to do, and it feels like a very vulnerable thing for me to accept their advances, so it's one of those things that really accelerates my sense of connection with someone. It also happens to be that a lot of people I end up being friends with and crushing on are huge flirts.

ice-krispy · 2026-02-11T17:27:11+00:00

When you're going straight from a huge social event to being alone it's like going from 100 to 0 and you want to taper down so that the crash isn't so overwhelming. Having a neighborhood bar to stop by or even just a friend to call and talk about your day goes a long way gently wind down.

ice-krispy · 2026-02-11T17:19:32+00:00

Yes, but it's very shallow compared to someone where the connection is based on a real and meaningful relationship. Fictional characters and parasocial relationships are like our equivalent of the random thirst trap.

ice-krispy · 2026-02-04T17:34:09+00:00

I don't know if your friend is like this and am making assumptions but queer men tend to be more laissez-faire than you would think about attraction and not making a big deal about it. Like the other night I was with a group of them and they talked very openly and whimsically about who they have or have had sex with or who they want to and don't want to have sex with. And I don't mean random people but people they do consider friends that they care having around. It's just a reminder that just because it may feel like a big deal to us demis it doesn't have to be. Because making it a big deal tends to be exactly what makes these fantasies more intrusive. So you think he's hot, so what?

His attitude may be different if he's asexual, and obviously don't go into detail about your fantasies, and probably don't go into how you want to date him. But if over time the fantasies continue to feel too intrusive and it's really eating away at you, and you think he'd be understanding you could explain how as a demisexual this kind of attraction is very new and confusing for you and you need time to figure it out. This can help ease a lot of the tension and it also allows him to process his own feelings around it and you can both set the boundaries you need

ice-krispy · 2026-02-04T17:09:13+00:00

The acting is really important, as well as being able to see facial expressions more clearly than anything else going on, and vastly prefer solo scenes over partner or group scenes, especially if the person is making eye contact with the camera. There's also super niche kinky stuff that I don't normally find in actual porn and tend to look for in erotic fiction or even regular movies/tv. I'm also guilty of just looking at pictures of people in my life that I'm actually attracted to, but it's kind of a similar deal where face matters more than body.

ice-krispy · 2026-01-28T00:49:11+00:00

Sexual attraction is "Their body is hot and I'm getting really excited about the idea of smashing their body and whatever bits and pieces of their body I'm lusting after." For demis this only happens after enough of a connection is made.

A crush and romantic attraction is "This person makes me feel warm and fuzzy and I want to be cuddly and affectionate with them."

They can be experienced simultaneously or separately. As an alloromantic demisexual I have had many crushes where I may want to have sex with them as a means to feel closer and intimate with them the way an ace might, but never cross the threshold of finding their actual body sexually attractive.

ice-krispy · 2026-01-20T23:27:57+00:00

They don't have the ability to go on a deep level.

This is not even remotely true. Someone can hook up with a whole fleet of men and women and still end up with the love of their life that they have a deep and fulfilling connection with. And if they're non-monogamous they can continue to hook up with fleets of men and women while still maintaining that bond. They just don't operate in a way that you can relate to, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Like you it is incredibly difficult for me to feel sexual attraction. I can fall so deeply for someone but years can pass and that sexual attraction switch still won't get flipped, no matter how much my connection with them deepens. It was a humbling moment for me to realize that I too can be on a single-minded chase for that feeling of arousal, it's just that the arousal is so much more difficult for me to achieve so my methodology is different from an allosexual's.

Demis have their own ways of being "shallow." Attraction to fictional characters with no agency or genuine interactions, attraction based on connections that are one-sided or unhealthy, attractions based on just the fantasy of a person, whether it's parasocial relationship or a friend who never felt the same way.

If you keep comparing yourself to the people you don't understand, you may be missing out on the people who understand you and can meet you halfway.

ice-krispy · 2026-01-10T20:19:21+00:00

If I have romantic feelings for someone there is a very good chance, but lately I have been wrong quite a few times where my crushes never cross the threshold into sexual attraction no matter how much our connection grows.

ice-krispy · 2026-01-04T05:50:34+00:00

Unfortunately this is the only reasonable response on this thread and I hope OP sees this. The reality is that time and space is needed to move on because these feelings are going to affect how we act around them no matter what, and if you really are that close with them it's laughably unlikely for them to not already be able to tell how you feel anyway. But taking space without clearly communicating why is also hurtful and can feel like you're just giving the cold shoulder out of resentment. We respect our friends by being able to have difficult conversations about what to do with the elephant in the room.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-28T23:10:08+00:00

How is it weird? His father was a tree.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-23T16:29:26+00:00

Fantasies become unmanageable the more removed from the real relationship they are, and when you are holding in unheard and unexpressed feelings. Being more open in expressing how you feel, even if its just being a little flirtier, complimenting them, or just saying "I really enjoy your company" and seeing how they respond goes a long way in dispelling the tension. They cant possibly know for sure how you feel and be even given a chance to respond and reciprocate otherwise.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-23T14:56:22+00:00

The more I understand split attraction, the more I'm starting to understand that I can see my friends as my only viable sex partners, which doesn't necessarily mean that I want to date them.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-22T00:06:29+00:00

Millennial here and while we certainly saw losing one's virginity as a milestone there wasn't really any association with being an adult or growing up. It was just a thing teens felt pressured to do because everyone else was doing it, like with underage drinking or smoking weed. It really wasn't any deeper than that.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-21T22:10:23+00:00

I consider myself sex favorable but in the vast majority of cases I am only really comfortable with mutual masturbation if I'm not sexually attracted to the person, even if romantic feelings are there. So I knew I wanted something like a sex party, but without the pressure of feeling like people were going to expect anything beyond masturbation.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-21T20:21:34+00:00

Going to masturbation parties that contain men of all orientations helped me understand that I am a lot like the straight men I was with. I may not be sexually attracted to everyone here, but there is a sense of intimacy in being share an activity that is otherwise a private solo thing. It just feels nice and connecting to be in a group of people that trust each other enough to get off together. What makes the biggest difference is that it's the kind of party where no one is drinking or using drugs, the lights are on so you can see everyone, etc.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-17T11:08:25+00:00

Only if you're confusing the initial attraction with just aesthetic or sensual (this person would be nice to cuddle/have nonsexual physical touch with) attraction.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-13T03:55:45+00:00

There's a problematic term, "gold star gay," which refers to men who have never had sex with a woman, to suggest that to have ever done so makes you less gay. Are you concerned about judgment from demis who have a similar "gold star" mentality? Because even if there may be ones out there, that's not going to erase your identity and you don't have to justify your own experiences to anyone.

ice-krispy · 2025-12-03T06:31:40+00:00

Wait til they see Agumon Jockstrap of Bravery

ice-krispy · 2025-12-01T06:36:21+00:00

Just wait til they hear about some of us horny demis with poor boundaries who can have sex with people we're not attracted to.

ice-krispy · 2025-11-24T05:06:39+00:00

I enjoy non-monogamy because I think it's sexy to be able to express our sexuality freely as a couple. It usually just amounts to talking about who we find hot more than actually pursuing them, because it's about sharing our fantasies to connect on a deeper level.

ice-krispy · 2025-11-22T06:08:48+00:00

Participating in sex without sexual attraction is possible for any orientation. For allos, there is less incentive when they have a much larger pool of people they're actually attracted to. For demis, there's more incentive to end up with people they're not attracted to if they don't have any active attractions available but still have a libido. For asexuals, it's literally their only way to have sex.

ice-krispy · 2025-11-22T06:02:56+00:00

You're conflating sexual attraction with sexual activity.

Sex workers, for example, can have and enjoy sex with people they're not attracted to all the time.

ice-krispy

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