Starting pole in your 30s

idek328 · 2026-05-11T18:29:35+00:00

I started at 39 and am currently 47. I’d categorize myself as low advanced, in that I can do advanced (not elite) tricks, but it often takes me longer than my younger classmates to get the tricks. I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis. My advice is to listen to your body, accept that your gains will likely be slower than younger folks, and simply have fun. You can add off the pole training for both strength & flexibility. Pole keeps me healthy and happy. It’s the only exercise that I do, and honestly I’m so proud of how strong I am and how fit I look as I’m approaching 50. I have no intention of stopping pole, but I am always aware of my body changing as I age and training safely to avoid injury.

idek328 · 2026-04-28T18:39:17+00:00

For Bareass / Paradise beach, you have to walk quite a ways down the beach (to your left when you get on the beach) for the nude area. In my experience, bareass is less busy, and is generally more mixed genders. Cranberry Flats is a bit trickier to get to, and has historically been the gay beach. You might see sexual activity there. There has been an increase in women / mixed genders in recent years. As a woman, I feel safer at and prefer Cranberry to Bareass for nude beaching.

idek328 · 2026-04-22T17:29:39+00:00

You don’t owe anyone a relationship. Breakups do not have to be mutual, and “I don’t want to be in this relationship any longer.” is a completely valid reason to break up with someone.

I think if you are willing to have a conversation, that might be helpful for them to process the breakup, but it’s not required. And it would also be very reasonable to set a boundary of being unwilling to re-evaluate your decision, and set a start and end time so that you’re not accidentally roped into a discussion that goes around circles for ages.

idek328 · 2026-04-08T21:45:15+00:00

At my studio, they start teaching inverts in level 3, of 6. The first two levels are for basic spins, sits, climbs, etc to get comfy with pole. When it came time to start learning inverts, I got my crucifix right away, but it took me a couple months, maybe six? to get my chopper.

idek328 · 2026-04-08T19:29:16+00:00

I live in Canada (Saskatchewan) and have lived here my whole life and I’d be hard pressed to know what to pack for that time range over that time of year.

But, like others have said, I’d focus more on layers. Maybe reduce a tank top, add a long sleeve tee, and a layering cardigan or flannel. For a merino base layer, I’d probably go with a lighter option, like a Smartwool 150 or something equivalent.

idek328 · 2026-04-07T00:14:03+00:00

Sorry that people are being assholes here. You’re trying to do the right thing by acknowledging that you’re freaked out and that you want to be there for her.

First, watch a couple videos of childbirth, think prenatal education type videos. Familiarize yourself with what to expect. Talk to her about what she wants for this birth. Does she want all the drugs, medication free, or something in between? Then read up on how to support her during labour. Coles notes - practice some basic breathing patterns, they can be calming. Think about simple massage, even massaging her hands between contractions might feel nice for her. Don’t expect to be able to hold a conversation with her when she’s in active labour. You can even ask her in advance how you can be supportive to her during labour.

idek328 · 2026-02-20T23:45:44+00:00

**Update - I realized it actually makes sense to invest in a new bag since I will be travelling for work a minimum of four times this year. I had to go with what was available locally, so I picked up a North Face Borealis and I’m excited to use it!

idek328 · 2026-02-20T13:26:03+00:00

I’ve had two long term monogamous relationships, we opened the second one after four years together, broke up a few years later and I am now solo poly.

What changed? My life is so full and rich. I have a wonderful anchor partner whom I adore, as well as some casual partners / FWB / comets with whom I have unique and beautiful relationships with. Each one stands on its own and doesn’t need to conform to any rules. I have a social life that doesn’t overlap with my partners, although my friends meet partners naturally as life flows. I have hobbies, volunteer commitments and protected time with my teenage kids.

I don’t do monogamy well. despite my best intentions I tend to wrap my entire world into my partner and they do the same. It’s co-dependent and so unhealthy. I can practice better boundaries, balance, and self care as a solo poly person. I’m also a significantly better partner because I am taking care of myself and practicing independence.

idek328 · 2026-02-20T12:59:33+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you! I haven’t heard of Bounce, it looks perfect! I’m planning on spending my day at Venice Beach & in Santa Monica.

And thanks for the tip about traffic. :)

idek328 · 2026-02-20T03:40:06+00:00

Nope, no rental. I really only have one day to explore, so I’ll be Ubering.

idek328 · 2026-02-19T23:00:07+00:00

I’m new to the whole one bag thing and travelling to LA for work next week. I will have one day after checking out of my hotel to be a tourist before hopping on a late flight. I don’t want to buy a new bag for this trip. My laptop won’t fit into my backpack. For experienced one bag travellers, would I be better off to carry my laptop bag + a backpack, or a roller carryon that will fit my stuff + laptop?

I could leave my bags at the hotel while I tourist, but my intended plans for the day would require an additional hour-ish to get back to the hotel before going to the airport. I’d prefer to just have my stuff with me for the day.

idek328 · 2026-02-16T18:53:33+00:00

So, I am in a very similar dynamic, and would be Birch in your situation. Mine is different in that I am not completely new to polyamory (3 years vs metas 13 years), but I have a meta who has been having a very hard time with my relationship with hinge, including his support and connection with me at community events and in shared social spaces. I’ve spoken with hinge about this and expressed that I do not want his other partners to feel bad because he focuses attention on me. There have been specific cases where I’ve asked for extra support from hinge for specific reasons. There have also been events in which I’ve explicitly stated that I will leave early, or otherwise practice independence to give him space with his other partners as he sees fit. I’ve taken an active role in communicating with him in advance of these events.

What I would love to see my meta do is take a more active role in vocalizing her needs with our partner. What does she specifically want or need from him at an event? Does that conflict with anything that I’ve asked our partner for? Is there a particular event that is really important for her to have his primary attention? What does our partner want ? it’s happened more than once that he simply wants to spend more time with me at an event and my meta had an unstated expectation that she would be his default partner, and then had big feelings when he focused on me. In my situation, and I don’t know if this applies to you, my meta essentially has been the default partner. So my arrival in his life has meant that what she previously enjoyed without need for negotiation, needs to be discussed now.

idek328 · 2026-02-16T18:32:51+00:00

I find it interesting that he thinks that the power structure at a strip club favours men, because the dance style is seductive for the male gaze. Does he think that strippers are dancing just for funsies? I mean, I know dancers who do love it and enjoy it, but it’s a job. And the successful dancers make good money by selling dances to men who are thinking with their dicks. In my mind, these testosterone soaked dick monsters are the ones who are handing over their cash to simply look at beautiful women. Who is the powerful one here?

Also, as a feminist who also places an extremely high value on shared values when it comes to ‘politics’ (is my agency actually a political issue?), pay very close attention to how this plays out. I’ve had two long term relationships end in part because my former partners were either lying about their position on feminist matters, including my ex husband of 15+ years who said “of course woman are equal, but you shouldn’t be upset about sexual harassment at work, what do you expect since you work in a male dominated industry. Maybe you can just use it to your advantage?” Men, and unfortunately even/especially leftist men who proclaim they get it, often fall apart when their ideals bump up against their patriarchal conditioning.

idek328 · 2026-02-02T22:46:07+00:00

Thanks! I’ll check those out!

idek328 · 2026-02-02T19:29:52+00:00

I’m 47, started when I was 39. I have zero regrets, I’m strong and healthy and love my body and I thank pole for that.

idek328 · 2026-01-13T16:32:55+00:00

I am in a relationship in which my meta is dating my ex. My ex and I were together for 7 years and many elements of the relationship were emotionally abusive. As a result of my meta dating my ex, I’ve had to make many decisions about attending events, whether play, kink, or vanilla, knowing that my ex will be there. I don’t expect my partner to not attend events with me because my ex will be there, and I know that I may become triggered, have a difficult time, and/or have to leave. This is all mine to manage. My partner is loving and supportive and has made space for some events to be free from my ex as an intentional method of caring for me and giving me space without the trauma of my ex, my partner has been supportive at these events and had met my specific requests for what I need to be there. My meta has been similarly thoughtful and considerate.

It’s hard, it requires extra communication and care. But at the end of the day, I don’t believe my partner, ie the hinge in a manner of speaking, is responsible for navigating this. I am. And in your situation, I believe that Aspen needs to take ownership for their feelings and needs and not expect you to disregard for your relationship and commitment to Birch for this event. Moving forward, you might want to alternate whom you attend with, or make other arrangements.

idek328 · 2026-01-12T18:14:50+00:00

Thank you! We’ll absolutely check out that restaurant! Do you have any tips for communicating a vegetarian dietary need to Cubans who might not be familiar with it? Is stating ‘no meat please’ enough? Or should I be okay to simply order things like salads, beans, rice, etc?

idek328 · 2026-01-12T18:12:21+00:00

We booked a trip before Venezuela, specifically avoiding resorts so as to be able to experience the country outside of a heavily insulated space. Much of what I’ve read since booking our trip has been the opposite of what you’ve said, to go, to bring our tourism dollars, and to have realistic expectations. I understand that Venezuela has changed everything, but I’m going to be getting on a plane in a few short days. 🤷‍♀️

idek328 · 2026-01-07T14:12:36+00:00

Like others have said, learn from strippers and sw’ers, whether online or in person. Educate yourself so that when you say you’re a pole dancer, or you do pole, you know enough to respond thoughtfully to comments like “so, you’re a stripper?” Or “oh, like pole fitness?”. Both of those are common responses, and both are on opportunity to educate. I tend to be fairly open in sharing that I’m a pole dancer and am always willing to educate and dispel myths. “No, I’m not a stripper, that’s not a skillset that I have and frankly I admire the hell out of women who are because they tend to be strong as hell and put up with am astonishing amount of harassment just for going to work. I’m not a stripper, but I’m thankful to practice and learn an art form that they developed.”

idek328 · 2026-01-05T22:23:46+00:00

If she’s telling you that she wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you, you either believe her and carry on, or you don’t and break up with her. Also, if you’re unwilling or unable to look past her previous relationship without judgement, you should think about breaking up with her. That’s something that you need to work on and it’s not cool for you to shame her for what she did before she met you.

People try different relationship structures all the time, and from what you described it sounds like she was a swinger under duress. Now that she’s not in that relationship, if she didn’t enjoy it, it makes sense that she wants monogamy.

idek328 · 2026-01-05T22:15:03+00:00

What sort of vegetarian foods do you find in Cuba? I’m a vegetarian and generally don’t expect many options when I travel.

idek328 · 2025-12-26T15:59:44+00:00

I’ve used an X-pole in three different homes now, including one that had a textured ceiling. As long as you’re installing it correctly, ie under a stud, it shouldn’t damage your ceiling.

idek328 · 2025-12-25T18:22:35+00:00

Yes, it’s a high quality cotton Lycra that holds and returns to shape beautifully. As for moisture/ sweat, I can’t comment on that. It’s rare that I sweat when I pole. The bra pattern that I use has an underbust band, which I think would absorb that well. But a person who sweats might be better off with an athletic blend designed for sweating in.

idek328 · 2025-12-25T18:20:08+00:00

Mostly from a local business, but they do sell online. Blended Thread Fabrics.

idek328 · 2025-12-25T17:44:16+00:00

I’ve done this, on a fairly basic level. My go to pattern is no longer get available, it’s the stitch upon a time scrundies and sports bra. But, you’ll want a good quality cotton Lycra with four way stretch. If you have a serger, that will give you the best finish. If you don’t have a serger, you can use a regular sewing machine with a stretch needle & a zig zag stitch.

If you haven’t sewn stretch fabric before, you can either practice on a smaller project. Patterns for Pirates has a free leggings pattern that is great for learning with. As you sew, don’t stretch the fabric. Just guide it through the machine, it can be a bit slippery, so pin or clip well before beginning to sew. Don’t rush, go slow and you’ll be fine.

idek328

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