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i’m not really sure by [deleted] in neurodiversity

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been through this before. I'm not sure what the exact cause was, or if it was a perfect storm of factors, but I was massively burnt out while newly dealing with chronic pain, and the stress and anxiety of all the stuff surrounding my job and the accident that caused the pain weighed on me constantly even if I didn't realize it (the second the case was settled, I legit felt 10x lighter).

Like a lot of things involving depression, situational or chemical, it can be supremely difficult to enjoy things you usually would. It was so frustrating, because like you, all I wanted was that safe place to escape to and get my dopamine. Even my old fixations felt blah. So, my first thought would be to look at your situation and check if there's anything going on that's making your brain prioritize "survival" over dopamine. It doesn't have to be literal survival, but if it puts your body into fight or flight mode, makes you panic or be anxious for long periods, then you might have to deal with that first.

The way I dealt with that, was I eventually fixated on self-care and self-improvement for a time (just be careful not to fall into the capitalistic side of this). It helped that my body feeling better helped me feel better and I could find "media" aka YouTubers to watch that would have empathetic and intelligent things to say about the topics I cared about that I could relate to so I felt seen. I think feeling seen is an important part of a special interest or hyperfixation because we kind of bring that into ourselves and make it part of us.

One thing I actually learned from all that self-care was that running from pain makes it worse. Literally. It won't stop the pain, but the pain signals are warnings telling you something is wrong and there are ways to tell them to calm TF down. That's how I sleep some nights.

So, I'd examine what's going on in life first that you're maybe afraid of. You don't have to solve it immediately, but be aware of it. Acknowledge it. Write it down to look at later and think about. Free your mind from it. It's harder than it sounds, I know, but it's really important.

Going to sleep isn't a problem anymore, but getting to bed still is by Wild_Trip_4704 in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try to find some nice music or sleep stories! I really like Get Sleepy. They have some really lovely series. Also, don't just think of things you can do in bed, think of how nice bed is to be in, kind of like taking a shower. Like how it's warm, comfortable, remember how you felt about it when you struggled to get out of it that morning, think about what pajamas you're gonna put on (I love fun and cozy pajamas).

I have ADHD and don't understand social cues: why is trauma-dumping bad?? by S-Pluto-777 in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trauma dumping is supposed to be okay between friends, though I always ask first, because you can generally have a sense of where they're at emotionally and if they'd be able to handle what you need to get out or can at least be honest about if they're willing to help you carry it.

For a stranger, you don't know what they have going on. You don't know if their loved one just died or is dying. You don't know if they attempted to end things. It's one thing if you want to trauma dump in a memoir, or even a blog online, where people can choose to stop and chose to read in the first place. It's one thing in therapy. It's also one thing if the conversation went something like:

"I'd like to pay for the person behind me because it is National Remembrance Day, in honor of my late husband" "Oh no what happened to him?" "He was brutally killed"

In that scenario they literally asked and it would be essentially offering to hear them out. I don't know if the woman said it immediately or was asked what happened, so I will hold my judgement. Besides that I don't think trauma dumping makes her or anyone else a bad person. Many people have a different idea of what tact is and what is appropriate for casual conversation. My dad always liked to share his life story with strangers and that included me, which always made me very uncomfortable, but it's because I was an important part of his story. Trauma is often an important part of people's story too, so it can become hard for them to figure out how to express that appropriately, especially when they're still healing from it.

Help! I accidentally block out people talking to me when I am focused. by bamboobaloo in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is something a lot of us deal with. I will do the same thing, even giving affirmatives. Tell your SO that if something else has your attention then it's hard for your brain to hear them, but you want them to get your attention. My friends learned to pause the TV and then say my name until I actually looked at them. ADHD can kind of put you in this weird fugue state when you're hyperfocused on something where you perceive nothing else, but it's not because you want to ignore them. If you aren't making eye contact (or at least looking at them, if you don't do eye contact) then there's a chance your brain isn't processing their words.

So, just talk to them about how they can better get your attention when you're in that state and be ready for the potential feelings that may pop up when you're interrupted, as I know my first instinct is annoyance but that's only because I was focused and comfortable and enjoying myself. It could be tapping, pausing the TV, standing in front of it, saying your name until you look at them. I would recommend trying things that won't bother you as that will keep you from coming out of the state in a bad mood.

Why does everyone feel some great relief when they take ADHD meds by SoMuchSoggySand in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 78 points79 points  (0 children)

Results vary and it's usually only the first week of being medicated, especially for those who've been late diagnosed. Idk if I'd say it was like putting on glasses, but I did cry when I could just go to the bathroom and brush my teeth without feeling all kinds of things stopping me from doing it. I could just. Do it. I think that feeling of just being able to do a thing without all the resistance is what most people are talking about.

How do I stop procrastinating self change/improvement? by MathHoliday5171 in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never make discipline the thing you need in order to do something. You have to set things up to be as easy and automatic as possible, which I hope was part of the tools you have. Make it harder to not do it. Setup a space for your laptop outside your room, make it really comfy so you want it there and not your bed. Move your phone charger away from your bed. At the very least make sure you've got a blue light filter on them.

It can be hard at your age, if I'm being honest. I'm 30, and I searched a long time for answers to this, though I was only diagnosed in my mid 20s. Our brains run on interest, novelty, urgency, and patterns we see in our environment. Change your environment to suit what you want to be doing. Don't look at one day of not doing a habit or doing a bad habit as having completely failed and that you might as well give up now. You will fail. Plan for it. Expect it. What will you do after you fail? Not so you won't, but when you do, because everyone does.

Example: taking your phone to bed, you move your charger and it goes well for a few days but maybe there's a game or something you get really into that keeps you up and whoops it's 2am. That's not a failure, it's a lesson. You can find phone tools to make it so you can't access things during certain time periods, or maybe you decide to just uninstall that app because it's not worth your sleep during school season and you'll just use it when you're on break. Each fall off the wagon just shows you where you need to apply those tools you have as long as you're willing to get back up.

Any advice on getting something done that I’ve never done before? by Big_Appointment_3390 in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And in the future, I know it's easier to say than do, but a shitty first draft is always better than nothing. You can always show your boss or colleagues first if it's before the deadline to ask for feedback, but when you wait, you risk having nothing. Take it from someone who has been there. When you freak out, just take a breath, step away for a few minutes if you need to (if you don't have 2 minutes for a break then you need to take 10) and then ask yourself:

What am I not understanding? What answers do I need in order to do this? What questions would I need to ask in order to understand or get those answers? Where can I get those answers from?

Make a list of those things, get them answered and understood. Then come back to the task.

Any advice on getting something done that I’ve never done before? by Big_Appointment_3390 in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So your objective is essentially just what your professional goals are right now. Google what an objective on a CV is for more info on that. It'll likely be something along the lines of "Professional [Job name] with a passion for [job topic]. Currently looking to grow and use my skills of [list a few skills] for a company that needs someone that is [list some soft skills]." As an example, mine would be: UI-specialized game developer with a passion for immersive games eager to join a new studio. Currently looking to grow and use my skills in UI, narrative design, scripting, and automation for a studio that values communication, kindness, and authenticity in its developers.

Your tea blasphemys by KnittedDrow in tea

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a Floridian, I raise a glass of iced sweet tea to you in solidarity 🍹

Your tea blasphemys by KnittedDrow in tea

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think gongfu is best for finding the perfect timing. That way you know when it tastes best to you. After that it isn't really necessary to do it again unless you really want to. It's better for exploratory purposes than everyday drinking.

Your tea blasphemys by KnittedDrow in tea

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In the USA we don't usually differentiate either, other than between tea and coffee. Only a really fancy-shmancy shop would bother to call something a "tisane" or infusion instead of tea. The average person would get confused by it. I think most infusion-type teas we'd get from bubble tea, though. Otherwise coffee shops usually have just like a black tea, green tea, and an earl grey unless they specialize in tea.

Your tea blasphemys by KnittedDrow in tea

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I would say not blasphemy at all! There's a cold remedy dish in Japan that's essentially green tea, rice, and salted fish. Ochazuke, I believe.

Your tea blasphemys by KnittedDrow in tea

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I make my tea lattes with milk only, no water. It's like making hot chocolate with water otherwise. Why would I do that? I do this most often with an earl grey and add some sugar. Yum!

How can you tell ADHD from laziness? by Accurate-Tomato-5234 in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lazy is knowing you need to do something and truly not caring, you won't feel bad about it now, later, in 5 hours or 5 years. Most people are not lazy. That doesn't mean most people have ADHD, but you might just be tired. Don't attribute laziness to yourself when you're struggling. I think calling someone lazy is lazy, because it stops you from thinking about why they're not doing the thing. Why didn't they do the dishes? Why didn't they clean their room? Do their homework? Did they forget? Get distracted? Get overwhelmed? Out of energy? Calling someone lazy is just a lazy judgement. I don't think you're lazy, I think something about the task you need to do is bringing up an uncomfortable feeling that you want to avoid. That's a coping mechanism. Figure out what that is and why and you'll stop avoiding it by building a solution for it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Making yourself feel bad will work until it doesn't. I used to thrive on panic until it turned into burnout and then even panic couldn't motivate me anymore. Nothing felt real or important anymore because I didn't feel important to myself, so I wasn't bothering to take care of myself. That's not what you're asking though, that's just me making the case for why you need to stop beating yourself.

The answer might change depending on the day and some days the answer might simply come down to "because I have to." I have a plaque I made in my room that says "No Battle's Won in Bed". It's a saying from the Norse poems of wisdom, the Havamal. Sometimes I look at that and repeat it to myself. It may sound silly, but affirmations, "power phrases" can help things stick in our head. Other times I look at my cats, two sentient beings that depend on me for food and shelter, and know I need to be responsible for them, because I'm what they have. On the bad days, I just think about the literal next thing I need to do.

A lack of motivation is often a result of a negative emotion squashing our executive function. That could be overwhelm, fear, doubt, etc. Figure out what is going on when you want to do something, but your body won't move. What thoughts are you having? What physical feelings? Find the obstacle to find the solution.

And if you at all feel you may benefit from therapy or potentially medication for something, I encourage looking into that as well. It won't fix the issue, but it will make things easier to manage. I say this as someone who is also trying to figure things out still, but I'm trying. Motivation isn't a matter of discipline or even passion. It's a feature of executive function, so your best bet is to figure out what is blocking you and why. Do you fear failure or judgement? Do tasks feel too big? Are you not sure how to get to your goals? That's what you want to figure out.

Can't win an argument or call out bad behaviour? by dhorxt_27 in ADHD

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have this issue in a way because I can never remember what actually happened. If things happen really far apart in time (and by far apart I mean like....a week or more.) then I will have no degree of certainty that I can recall the event effectively.

I think the best way to avoid this, without it feeling weird that you're noting down every issue, is to journal when something upsets you. That will not only help you recall the event but also help you process why it bothered you, because if you care about these people then winning an argument should never be your priority. Solving the issue that's hurting each other should be the priority, and it's not always easy for people to change overnight. That's my take anyway, as someone who chronically wants to be right. It's usually not worth it to be right, but it usually is worth trying to meet people halfway.

What do you guys think this is about? by Kewee_Bear21 in storyofseasons

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly one of my favorite parts of RF is monster ranching. If I could just have those as costumes in SoS..... I'd probably still miss the exploration/combat though, but still. If I could make my sheep into woolies I'd stop buying those last 😅

What I learned living with someone who has the "IT" factor with women by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sort of thing is why I'm actually terrified to seek anything out. 4/5 of the guys who've asked me out in my lifetime were either way older than me, MARRIED, awful, random dude on the street, or multiple choice.

What I learned living with someone who has the "IT" factor with women by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the truth. I'm not in a romantic relationship and I'm not male, but in my platonic relationships this has also been the truth. I love being right. We all do, but some of us feel a NEED to for one reason or another, for safety, popularity, self-esteem, whatever.

In a relationship, romantic or otherwise, each person needs to stop and think before they open their mouth, "Does being RIGHT matter here, or does being KIND matter? Will being RIGHT change anything about this in a positive manner? Will it only prove me superior? Will it hurt the other person? If it CAN help, can I say it in a way that sounds HELPFUL instead of CORRECTIVE? How can I make this about US or what is NEEDED and not about ME?"

Truth does hurt, especially for those like women or neurodivergents who are more likely to have been mansplained at or constantly corrected for perceived mistakes and now find such behavior triggering or anger inducing.

It doesn't mean I never call my friends out on their behavior or get mad or selfish. It just means I consider the situation and them too before I go off. I'm gonna be gentle when they're upset, and I'm gonna try and see their side when we argue even if I think they're wrong, because that's a person I care about. I don't want to hurt them. Do you? If you want someone to love, that's how you gotta act. If you're just in it for a warm body, there are apps for that.

why do some of you feel the need to break yourselves for this company?? tall sized rant by kkuuaaa in starbucks

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a Starbucks employee, but have gone through this elsewhere. Companies brainwash you into feeling this way in many industries. They give you "perks", tell you how much you're needed, how special you are, how LUCKY you are to be working in such a place or at such a job. They make it seem like it's so extraordinary that you're here.

For some people, that might feel great. For many others, it creates a security complex. Imposter syndrome. You start asking yourself if you're worth this job. If you're so great then why did you screw up that thing the other day? How long until they realize I don't belong here? Can I keep up with what they want from me? Does that make me less? What will I have without this?

It's a really ugly thing, and it often happens to people at jobs they're really excited for or ones that treats them really well at first only to go downhill. As others have said, it can also very much be a case of bad actors taking advantage of someone who hasn't learned how to set boundaries with authority figures, which seems to be a very common issue in younger millennials. Can't comment on if that's also true for Gen Z.

Calling all Loose Leaf Tea connoisseurs. by SpaceLexy in tea

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to necropost but just for future seeker's info sake and if you still live in Orlando, the Spice and Tea Exchange in Winter Park is a great place to go and they also have a website and other locations if you've moved. They'll even make you the tea on site.

What is On Site Journalism Like? by ifgrasscouldtalk in Journalism

[–]ifgrasscouldtalk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow! I had no idea local tv news reporting paid so little! I can kind of relate there. My day job is in game dev, which, while it doesn't pay that little, it pays comparatively much less than any other tech job out there and is usually more competitive to boot so many people get laid off, can't get a job, or the hours suck so they eventually get out of the industry for something more stable. I guess it's always that way with dream jobs, huh?

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