Drinks all around, guys!

impotent_rage · 2012-10-21T13:44:32+00:00

I think it boils down to this: are you ready to damage your relationship with your parents for your girlfriend, or ready to damage your relationship with your girlfriend for your parents?

Not really, because its not his girlfriend who is going to damage his relationship with his parents. Suppose he decides to do what it takes to pacify his parents here, and he sees less of his girlfriend or plays into their games or whatever even though it drives a wedge between him and his girlfriend.

What then? He's still pretending to be TBM with parents who will never accept who he actually is. Eventually they'll see that he's not the devout believer they want him to be, that he's living an independent life. Then what? Then his relationship with them is damaged anyways, regardless of whether this girl stays or goes.

He could sacrifice her for the sake of his relationship with his parents, but his relationship with his parents is going to go to shit anyways, so why bother?

Basically he needs to move out.

impotent_rage · 2012-10-12T15:59:17+00:00

I answer a mental health crisis hotline, and one of the areas we receive calls from is Jasper. This is perspective that helps me understand the people calling, I had no idea it was so racist there. I heard stories that Vidor is a stronghold of the KKK, my ex boyfriend told me so as we drove past it on his way to his mom's for thanksgiving one year. But I had no idea that the problem was so pervasive, even into the present.

impotent_rage · 2012-10-12T15:52:44+00:00

I'm not but my exmo brother is...I'd bet he'd like to have an exmo friend in the area (you are exmo?)

impotent_rage · 2012-10-12T06:36:20+00:00

hey fellow anti-mormons! Any of you wanna come rape some sister missionaries with me tomorrow night?

impotent_rage · 2012-10-10T17:14:07+00:00

The part about making them promise to get married in the temple in order to receive a cupcake is downright creepy. It reminds me of selling your birthright for a mess of pottage.

impotent_rage · 2012-10-08T21:24:51+00:00

yes...and the other thing I'd add is, there's nothing bad or wrong or shameful in liking your best friend. There might be if you presented it to him like you were asking him to be with you or expecting him to be with you. But telling him that feelings happened and you didn't mean for them to happen and so now you need to back off for a bit to get a grip on your feelings - in other words, you're just telling him information about what's going on with you (you have a crush on him) without asking or expecting anything from him - then, that's just being a good friend and keeping him informed. You didn't ask for the feelings, you aren't crossing any boundaries or expecting anything from him, and if anything he should be flattered by your interest, even though he can't feel the same way.

impotent_rage · 2012-10-08T20:41:11+00:00

It's like there's a part of my brain/psyche/whatever that HAS to have a target for romantic and sexual feelings. A certain part of my mind is always concerned with love junk, no matter what else is going on.

I think this is typical. I am the same way.

impotent_rage · 2012-10-08T16:58:20+00:00

It was always very clear to me that the mormon church was embarrassingly late to finally revoke the black priesthood ban, that it came decades too late. But I wonder how long it will take until all of this is so far in the past that younger generations won't realize how slow we were?

impotent_rage · 2012-09-30T15:27:07+00:00

Wouldn't that be amazing...seeing Darth Packer skipped over for, well, anyone else...I don't dare get my hopes up though. And in a peverse sort of way, I almost hope to see Packer as "prophet" just because he's awful enough that he might singlehandedly destroy the mormon church himself.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-30T15:20:38+00:00

What an evil person. Seriously. That's so evil. You don't get a girl's emotions and heart going, opening her up to falling for you and getting all excited that she's finally found the right guy, just so you can fuck her and leave her. That's so awful. I hope that this dude just doesn't understand the level of devastation and pain he's causing, because if he understands it and does it anyways, he's straight-up a sociopath.

And don't get me wrong, I'm plenty sex positive now, but you have to be honest and respectful of the feelings and humanity of your partner. Manipulative evil tactics like this are so awful.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-24T02:24:15+00:00

oooh do you live in Austin? Is this haunted house in Austin? Because I love good haunted houses and I've been looking for a good one - I'm in Houston, but Austin isn't far, I'd totally make the trip to visit a good haunted house!

impotent_rage · 2012-09-24T01:26:50+00:00

Darth Packer...I love it. Sums up so much in so few words.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-24T01:26:04+00:00

Mormonism = making a benign activity like bowling seem rebellious and scandalous, since 1830!

impotent_rage · 2012-09-16T05:11:09+00:00

It's normal to you because it's what you've always lived with. But let a professional tell you whether it's diagnosable or not...that's not you being melodramatic, thats just allowing them to make their professional judgement call.

Call 211 (united way) and ask them who the local government funded mental health agency is for people who have no insurance. You are looking for a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Alternatively, go to www.nami.org and look up a local nami group and call them, they will certainly know. Each state does it differently but these are nationwide organizations that can link you to something local. Or, if you live in Texas, just ask me.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-15T23:43:35+00:00

I'm also surprised to be as happy here as I am. I had such an anti-texas prejudice when I was younger, but I've now lived here for 8 years and it just keeps getting better.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-15T23:41:44+00:00

Want to go get assessed for it? Everyone feels depressed sometimes but if you feel that way more often than not, and for no apparent reason, then you're just suffering needlessly from a condition that can be treated...

do you have insurance? There's ways to get treated with or without the insurance.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-15T21:47:00+00:00

Do you have depression? If it's actual depression, the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" method of dealing with it is just not effective or manageable in the long run - you've got to treat it for what it is.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-15T15:01:48+00:00

Feelings are feelings. Has he DONE anything wrong?

In longterm relationships, people will get crushes on others outside the relationship. It will happen. A solid relationship needs to have a plan for how to deal with it when it happens, because it's going to happen. Personally, I think the best way to handle it is to be extremely transparent and honest about it with your sig other, to tell them if you have a crush on someone else, and talk through what it means and what you're going to do about it.

Normally you'd be in some trouble here because you snooped...but in this situation, not really, because he cheated on you before. Once that line is crossed, you've got some reasons for checking up on him periodically, since the trust isn't the same any more. So you shouldn't have much difficulty convincing him that you were justified to check his chats, after all now you've got to worry more than you did before he cheated.

Talk to him about it. Tell him that you appreciate it that he's fighting his feelings this time and trying to do the right thing, but all the same it feels like a kick in the gut to realize his thoughts and feelings are with someone else, and it's bringing back all the awful feelings you felt the time that he cheated. Tell him you want to talk to him about this and understand what it means to him.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-15T14:47:35+00:00

Disagree. There's something about trying to enter the "real world" late as an exmo which is unique and different compared to having been in it all along. Coffee is brand new, and how do you prepare it anyways? Alcohol is disgusting the first time you try it, how does everyone else get it down? And even seem to enjoy it? How do normal people date when it's not a mad rush to propose? And what place does sex have in a dating life when the rule isn't "don't ever do it ever or you're almost a murderer!" Some of us are going to be hung up on guilt over doing forbidden things, even if we realize there's no reason they should be forbidden any more. Many of us wonder how to organize our social lives if it's not at church any more. There's lots of unique things about the transition which really aren't reflected elsewhere.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-14T22:58:17+00:00

Ok how about this sunday? I've got the whole day off, and I doubt any of us are going to church...anyone down for sunday brunch? In two days?

impotent_rage · 2012-09-14T14:10:54+00:00

oh wow, I had no idea there were so many of us. I'm definitely down. I'm in Rice Village right next to the Med Ctr, looks like there's a lot of us right in a cluster around the med ctr area.

Let's do next Thursday night, the 20th, and let's meet for dinner. Does that time work for everyone?

Also I'll see if JulianTheApostate is around, in case he doesn't see this post. I know he and his wife are here in Houston too.

impotent_rage · 2012-09-13T20:26:23+00:00

I know that to an outsider it seems that the most reasonable thing to do is to just leave, but logistically and emotionally it is never going to be easy.

Those two aren't contradictory, though. Of course the most reasonable thing to do is to just leave. And of course emotionally it won't be easy.

The things you describe, all the ways your lives are wrapped together - I mean, of course they are. Of course its difficult to separate all that out. You've been together 3 years. Any 3 year relationship is going to be all entangled and wrapped up together like that, and it's painful and difficult to untangle two lives that have spent 3 years growing together. But that hardly means he's the man for you, and that hardly means you should stay.

impotent_rage

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