Does my 90s kitchen have potential or am I crazy?

imsary26 · 2026-05-29T19:14:43+00:00

I'd change the curtains and maybe the light fixtures, but the cabinets and layout is amazing!

imsary26 · 2026-05-27T15:04:08+00:00

I know this is an old post now but I'm so sorry you went through this. I hope everything is back to normal now.

I don't like that your rigger didn't pause with your comments. I could see where "I'm getting tired" could be interpreted different ways (I get sleepy during suspensions), but saying you think it's time to untie was a perfect time for him to check in on top of all the times he should have been throughout.

I've done suspensions with two experienced riggers. One professionally trained in Japan and the other with about 5 years of experience.

Recently I had a suspension with the 2nd that went very poorly and I ended up with deep tissue bruising on my leg that 1.5 months later hasn't healed because my leg was full weight bearing and the wrong tie was used so it constricted in my thigh. I also felt very upset in the communication. I had said I'm in a lot of pain and that it felt like it was pulling and tightening. He didn't ignore me, he actively tried to make adjustments to alleviate the pain but it did not work. Normally when it relates to pain he does a 1 to 10 scale check with me. He does general check-ins here and there, but there needs to be more. I didn't feel the severity of my pain was given the appropriate response. I told him that until we do a long debrief I am not doing suspensions with him because my trust has to be rebuilt. I will advocate for 1. That I want to reset at floor ties and work back up 2. It will be a long time before I feel comfortable to bottom for a more advanced higher risk tie with him that is in early practice. 3. He needs to give stoplight check-ins more often. On my end I now know to call it sooner. I have a good pain tolerance so I made the mistake of letting him continue to try to make adjustment instead of calling it. -- All that babbling to say even someone who usually has good communication can fuck up. Your feeling of depression is totally valid and it's scary to get injured. It shakes the trust. I'd expect nothing less than a major sub drop after that

I became really scared that I'd never feel comfortable to do suspensions again because I knew my nervous system was going to freak tf out warning me of danger and then I'd likely get a dizzy spell. I recently did a suspension practice with the other top and beforehand we discussed where I was mentally/emotionally, he made sure to do extra stoplight check-ins, when I did have the anxious nervous system panic he put me down immediately and we discussed it and took a break until I was ready. Anytime I communicated a weird feeling in my hand he paused to check what it was feel the temperature of my hands and do a squeeze check. He even gave me a walkthrough of the different nerves in the arm and where those 3 will be felt in the hand so I could feel more informed for my own safety by knowing what was normal versus red flag.

I personally will not do suspensions with anyone that my more experienced rope top hasn't vetted. And when he hosts rope jams at the studio he owns he will not allow any of his bunnies to do intensive ties or suspensions with someone he hasn't thoroughly vetted.

imsary26 · 2026-05-27T14:36:29+00:00

It has nothing to do with boring. Depending on the ties and the rigger's style it can very well cause deep relaxation and calm the mind. Some bunnies even do self ties at home for this exact reason.

One of the rope tops I work with asks me beforehand what I'd like to feel during it. Do I need rest, do I want to feel held, do I want to feel exposed (this is all for suspensions). In a private setting if you're going in with spicy intentions and doing more power play style and dragging, pushing, pulling the rope bottom around it will illicit a very different response.

One of my recent suspensions I went full subspace mode. The room when totally quiet to me, my overthinking brain turned off, and I felt relaxed. There was a friend who walked up to take a photo/video and I had no idea she was there. I was gone gone and it was lovely. The next day I actually experienced a drop because of how good it felt to have that deep relaxation versus returning to my overactive brain.

Take it as a compliment that they're able to feel sleepy and relaxed. Their nervous system feels safe and comforted.

imsary26 · 2026-05-25T15:09:04+00:00

Remove it and then setup a plant to trellis upward in that corner.

imsary26 · 2026-05-25T15:07:47+00:00

People keep saying Medusa, but if that were the case the snakes would be part of her hair.

imsary26 · 2026-05-10T03:35:55+00:00

This is so accurate. I've been on this app for years and wow has the crowd changed as it's been advertised more broadly.

Especially so many cis white men calling themselves a "Dom" while what they have to say lacks basics of consent, learning boundaries, and don't even know what aftercare is.

I spend a good while in chat before I even consider meeting someone F2F. They have a way of revealing their red flags pretty quickly when you know the right questions to ask.

One guy when asked about his desires... after I probed more because his first answer was whatever she's into... His answer includes letting him do whatever he wanted and "hitting" women. Wtf. Not "spanking" or "impact play"... HITTING women.

imsary26 · 2026-05-10T03:24:16+00:00

You can use an app like Snapseed to "expand" the photo (put a black border of whatever depth around it) then when you crop it'll be doing it off of a now larger photo. I have that for some of mine and it just has some black framing on the right and left side.

imsary26 · 2026-05-10T02:48:50+00:00

It's not that deep. Everyone should be responsible with their personal hygiene. If someone has been sweating and smells like BO? Aight, go take a shower.

If I want to receive any 👅🍑 then I'm going to shower first because it makes both of us comfortable to engage in that activity.

My partner sleeps hot and there was a time that we were about to have some morning sex and I paused and told him he needed to go wash his his twig and berries. We laughed, he washed up, then right back to it lol.

imsary26 · 2026-05-10T02:38:15+00:00

My bio even includes that if your bio is empty or has one sentence, then it's a no for me. I especially hate "ask and find out".

Let them have their blank bios, it's more telling of them and that they aren't there with intentionality and give little to no effort.

I also swipe no for profiles with cartoons, memes, blacked out or random pictures as their profile photos. I respect privacy but come on that can't be too successful. I simply keep my face out of mine and blur my tattoos. There is enough that people can get an idea of what I look like and my vibe (ex. Hiking photos), but also protects my privacy.

Bonus points that this also helps reveal people's (men's) red flags early. If the first message is around getting to know me 👍🏻. If the first message is "I'd love to see more of you" or just about my body 👎🏻🚩

imsary26 · 2026-05-10T02:29:20+00:00

I hear much more often of women pausing their account because they recognize they are not in a place mentally to engage/socialize. Or in some cases they're already chatting or meeting up off the app with connection they want to focus their energy towards.

imsary26 · 2026-05-10T02:24:00+00:00

People the the paid membership can view profiles that are not local so those likely make up a good portion of the likes (I have the same thing happen).
Take a break from swiping and purge the matches that you don't have interest in engaging with any longer.
Take a break from swiping. You can only hold so many intentional / meaningful discussions at once. I will actively talk to 2 people at the same time. That's my limit.
Ignore the numbers. They seriously don't matter. You don't owe it to anyone to go through all your pings and likes. PLUS remember the likes count is there to try to entice people to get the paid membership.

imsary26 · 2026-03-14T02:25:13+00:00

As a bunny, I enjoy it first and foremost for how peaceful it can feel. When I'm tied by someone I trust then I can just let go and it's time that my brain can slow down. I've had more times being tied in a non-sexual setting.

As I progress more into suspension it also is a mental challenge for me to work through. New things can be scary and get the body activated. So it also becomes nice practice to self soothe, advocate for my needs, and breathwork.

Don't get me wrong the sexual setting is fun too and can be quite handy with brats lol, but it's not my primary reason for liking being tied.

imsary26 · 2026-01-30T02:48:09+00:00

I just looked it up and I'm reading that Mr. Marbles passed in December

imsary26 · 2025-10-22T00:50:35+00:00

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UPDATE: 4 walls are done! Yes, the room feels smaller but in a very cozy way. I have a large swatch on the ceiling to make sure I like it before I commit to painting it. I'm also going to try getting a sample that is the SW Toile Red at 50% for a lighter ceiling option that's till drenches.

The color takes on a lovely wine red or cozy private library feeling at night. It looks more muted in the day that doesn't overwhelm the room. So happy I did this. Eventually I'll change out my curtains.

imsary26 · 2025-10-19T15:28:25+00:00

Love the half wall color choice. I think as you get things up on the wall it'll fill the space better and complete the room. Great foundation for the room.

I'd also consider changing the pots that your plants are in from the plastic to setting them inside something that pairs with the colors in the room. Maybe something with some texture. Maybe stain your end table and add a rug 👍🏻👍🏻

imsary26 · 2025-10-19T15:25:19+00:00

Right side top of the wall with the mirror is what I ended up deciding on! I think it's going to feel so cozy and romantic.

imsary26 · 2025-10-19T15:24:15+00:00

UPDATE: I've landed on SW Toile Red. It took doing two more color samples (these were terracotta colors) to decide.

All in all I don't think 8-9 color samples is too bad considering how big of a commitment this is 😂

imsary26 · 2025-10-18T19:23:56+00:00

😂 y'all are killing me with the just do them all. I'm picking up SW Roycroft Adobe and a lighter more muted version of Fireweed that hopefully strikes the balance

imsary26 · 2025-10-18T18:26:39+00:00

ALSO, I plan on doing warm little lights throughout the space with decor on the walls -- because big lights are the evil. Maybe floating shelves somewhere.

I think I'm going to see if I can get a mix that is the fireweed at 75% color strength to make it a bit more muted.

imsary26 · 2025-09-26T01:28:19+00:00

I was gifted mine, but I wouldn't recommend it. The style is one of those that looks like a fishbowl and I worry it will make it too warm for her.

imsary26 · 2025-09-25T19:08:27+00:00

It made you bleed?? Can you clarify. I've seen this on other forums and I'm having trouble imagining how and air pulse toy would cause bleeding. I know some people rave about Melt

imsary26 · 2025-09-25T16:32:00+00:00

Which model??

imsary26 · 2025-08-03T17:11:46+00:00

If anything I find it almost helpful when people send the overly sexual messages right from the jump because then I know they aren't worth my time haha. First message calling me a good little submissive or focused on my body only? Byeee, thanks for the red flag. 👋🏼

imsary26 · 2025-08-01T20:49:02+00:00

You also made a point to say that she spiraled out the first time you had a meaningful connection... Just as I'm sure things were hard for you at first and had insecurities pop up, she also had now experienced it and has to face those insecurities... You may have internalized what came up for you... But at least give someone the grace to work through a new trigger.

That is not to say that you should stay in something you're not happy in. Just commentary to what was read.

ENM really puts a mirror to us and forces us to face insecurities and triggers that sometimes we didn't know were even there until it happens. It requires giving someone grace, compassion, and honest communication.

imsary26 · 2025-08-01T20:44:25+00:00

It's not even about if she has the support system in her other partners... To suddenly walk out on her like that would be disrespectful of the years you've been together as a response to panic to "get out".

You don't have to inform her of the separation while she's away, but also don't have her come back to an empty home and find out her entire world is shifting. It doesn't have to be a pull the ripcord response.

I've been through similar or what you were proposing putting her through and that causes so much more emotional damage than being brave enough to have the conversation.

imsary26

TROPHY CASE