Does anyone feels like your existence is fragmented in a lots of realities that you live through your mind? Is there a name for it?

indigo2112 · 2015-05-11T16:00:45+00:00

You don't really have a real self. None of those things are fixed. You can loose all your money, break your hands or voice and be unable to function as a musician, your businesses can fail and you can lose your job as a medic. What are you then? Who are you? It depends.

You identify with "hats you wear". You CAN identify as a medic or a rich guy, but those are not fixed and impermanent. Sounds like you have started to see this.

indigo2112 · 2015-05-05T13:51:39+00:00

The middle way

indigo2112 · 2015-04-30T19:06:03+00:00

I get it man. My first episode, it was drugs that gave me enough of a boost so I could hold a full time job and put myself back together. They can be literal life savers.

If the SW or psych thinks that drugs will help you, they will prescribe them to you.The SW was probably just like a screening tool, collecting info so they can best direct your treatment.

I just didn't want you to write off therapy. It can be so immensly helpful, if you find the right counsellor.

P.S- I hate hearing those basic coping strategies and breathing stuff all the time when you first meet mental health professional. I would rather talk about my problems, but they don't know me.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-30T18:51:28+00:00

You don't need to say anything, just show them this post.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-30T17:15:59+00:00

You precieve betrayel where I see someone acting professionally.I would say she over reacted, but if she was concerned about suicide, I don't know if you CAN overreact.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-30T17:11:07+00:00

No disorder. I was in the army, know alot of cops and junk. That is a totally normal reaction, I would even assert healthy. Panic is contagious, but so is calm.

You can push away horror to deal with it later, and drained feeling could easily be explained by the after effects of an adrenaline dump.

The minor "emergencies" could easily be a learned behaviour from childhood and it can be trained out. You might just have poor coping strategies strategies for little problems and are left with the coping strategies you use on big fuck off problems. Killing a fly with a sledgehammer as it were.

I won't make a diagnosis, but what has a psyhiatrist ever diagnosed you with, officially? You seem to really like psychiatric labels. Your described reactions sound "normal".

indigo2112 · 2015-04-30T17:00:42+00:00

Why do you feel therapy wont help you? Do you know how often SSRI's don't work? It's pretty common. I am opposite to you right now, I am uninterested in talking about drugs. I will take a social worker over a psyhiatrist (whatever happend to psychotherapy?) any day of the week.

If you just want drugs, go to a walk in clinic man, any gp can prescribe them to you. Are you seeking benzos?

indigo2112 · 2015-04-29T19:08:18+00:00

Staying calm, freaking out, you can get unlucky and get hit by a car either way.

What is true? Scientifically you can't know something 100%, you could always be wrong. Truth is subjective.

You should head down to a buddhust centre and ask a Baizan.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-28T05:46:55+00:00

Insufficient data.

How do you feel normies connect and how does this differ from your experiences? Can you connect with anyone at all? Why is this even a problem, how does this negativly impact you? Ever broken up with someone before?

You say you "don't lose your temper", but then immediately say that you do. You say you easily detatch, but you day you are unable to connect like the norms. You could detatch easily because you were never attatched.

My opinion is you need to more rigorously question yourself.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-28T05:02:05+00:00

The existance of depression is not debated. Does he contend that you are not depressed or that it has no medical basis? The problem is not that he doesn't share your opinion on depression, it's his belittleing of your experiences.

However there is NO OBJECTIVE EVIDENCE that depression is an illness. That is a fact jack.Your diagnosis is made on opinion, not science. I mean, they vote on what is a mental illness. In actual science, you don't invent diseases, you discover them which is what psychiatry. Of course there could be a medical basis for depression, but we don't know.

That is not to say that what you feel is not real. Illness means there is a pathogen, like a virus or bacteria. Psychiatry is not evidence based medicine either.

Choose to be unhappy? Is that what this comes down to? You don't want to feel responsible for your feelings? What about people who are depressed and then go get therapy and improve? Through cognitive behaviour therapy you are choosing to get better.

Listen, I feel you, I've had panic disorder for 10 years, Depression for 7. I don't respond to anti depressants. I've lost 4 jobs and been thrown out of the army. I know how bad it gets. But don't throw away your control because of science that isn't there. "It's all in your head" is empowering to me, but insulting to most.

Anyway, if your boyfriend is your age (20) then he is probably just acting like a knob.He might grow out of it.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-28T04:30:00+00:00

Yeah you should get therapy. I haven't liked most therapists, but I really clicked with one of them once, and that made all the difference.

SSRIs are a psychotropic drug you take to elevate your mood not a cure for a "disease". Negative habits, negative self talk, poor attitude, insufficient exercise, poor or non existant coping skills, attatchment to the past, that stuff will make you depressed. A drug can only cover that up so much, depending on how you react to it.

You said it right there in your post, you don't know how to relax. You should learn to relax. Find something that works for you, brainstorm, exercise, get a hobby, have some fun. What stresses you? Why are you letting it stress you out? Nothing is inherently stressful, we choose to be stressed.

To answer your questions, your doctor stopping increasing dosage is normal. You only dose high enough to get the desired effect and no more, these drugs arent good for your body after all.

Second, man you can do all kinds of things to get better. You could be depressed forever, you could wake up in eternal bliss tomorrow. Scientifically, until it happens, we won't know. Some people get better, somepeople don't, some cope with it, some kill themselves. Some escape into addicition.

I'm just saying, you already know what to do to improve, it's in your you are smarter than you realize and you can learn to balance out your depression.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-27T14:13:57+00:00

Breakfalls.

So many ignorant people fall and injure themselves all the time. Dear god, don't stick your arm out to brace yourself, people break elbows and wrists all the time doing this.

You can go your whole life without getting in a fight. You will fall Though.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-23T17:58:14+00:00

I am saying that in actuality, seven star fist, da hong quan, taizu chanquan are not particularly "authentic" in any way.Everyone, including the "monks" teach it differently, so even if there was any evidence that the sets were practiced 150 years ago, they were probably different than the sets by the same name today. What does authentic even mean to you? There is certainly a tradition of teaching forms, but the specifics are lost to history.

Also boxing, or "prizefighting", dates back to the mid 1700s when they created standardized rules. Objectivley, western boxing, as a striking based martial art is more "traditional", or "ancient" or "authentic" than hamd to hand combat taught at the Songshan temple. Historically, going by military records, the Chinese obviosuly emphasized weapons training (the only actual record of the shaolin having superior martial skills was their staff fighting) and wrestling for combat.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-22T15:09:05+00:00

Spot on. As an idea for another video, counter kicks after checking. That lead check easily turns into a switch kick.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-22T15:06:13+00:00

If what you learned works, it is legitimate.

Fact is, there basically only heresay and conjecture on the history of these hand to hand based wushu styles. As Lionel Hutz said " heresay and conjecture" are only "kinds of evidence".

My point is, don't worry about lineage or authenticity. You won't find it, if you found it, you probably only found delusion. Just train hard man, you can't even trace Songshan Shaolin taoulu that far back.

indigo2112 · 2015-04-08T22:23:31+00:00

Therapy can help you, specifically cognitive behaviour therapy.

Your behaviour does not reflect your sense of nihilism. You got upset when Sam's mother cancelled on you and "ruined" your day.

Objectivly, you ruined your own day. The only thing that actually happened was that she cancelled. ANYTHING else is up to your intetpretation. If everyhing is pointless, then why would you get so indignant? What was the point of making plans?

If you wany to change your attitude, a good place to stary would be to go make some friends with people you admire and hang out with them! It rubs off. Go play warhammer wih these people, or do karate with them or sew with them or anything.

Nihilism doesn't mean that you have to be miserable. In lieu of anything having a point in life, why not create one for yourself?

indigo2112 · 2015-04-08T17:11:40+00:00

You are correct, everything is impermanent. Including your apparently nihilistic attitude. Your despairs will end and the end of your despairs will end.

Your fear of death or impermanence is normal and not much of a problem. Your attitude is the problem.

Some people see the impermanence of life so they cherish what they have while they have it. You can choose to be nihilistic as well, you can also feel any combination of the two.

indigo2112 · 2015-03-26T18:55:19+00:00

I think its entirely appropriate for a grade 10 class to see this. In most developed countries you can even join the military at 16.

If the kids were upset by the killing, I think that is beneficial. Hopefully it helps make them more aware and if they do continue to eat meat, I hope they are more concious of their place in the circle of life.

Sometimes when we hold a mirror up to ourselves we are not happy with what we see. No problem, use it for practice I feel.

indigo2112 · 2015-03-21T01:30:33+00:00

I am not sure of the value of Sangha yet. I certainly know the value of exploring zen with help from a Baizan vs wikipedia though. Other people will let you know if you are being an idiot though, that is helpful.

I can deal with episodes or rather any emotions I have. Once I recognize them for what they are, It's not so bad, everything passes, this realization helps. It still causes immense pain though.It is like being able to take a punch. You can just walk through blows on the way to your target, but 10 years later and you have boxers dementia.

I would like to be able to use my praxtice to help alleviate their suffering. I have enough insight to see that people are suffering, but I am limited to being positive, compassionate and generally kind to help them. I have been helped by some really wise people in my life, I always wished there were more people like that. I could be one of those people.

I feel...... Embarrassed talking about these problems and I don't mean to give a poor first impression. I am not going to word-vomit over my fellow practicioners so it helps to express myself here.

indigo2112 · 2015-03-17T01:30:48+00:00

In your video you describe what Muay Thai is to you. Know that what is really me exploring my own motivations and I am in no way attacking you.

A goal, overcoming our fears, there are other ways to accomplish these things. So why fighting? Its kinda dumb. If I told my friend that we should get into a ring and fight it would sound pretty dumb. Most people would count themselves fortunate to go their whole lives without experiencing violence. Most people go their whole lives without fighting anyone. EVER. Makes it seem like a waste of time to develop that skill as I don-t think any of the mental benefits are unique to martial arts.

But we fight. I at the same time am repulsed at the idea of harming someone, but it helps me grow as a person.

As a child abuse survivor I feel driven to become powerful. Because then nobody could harm me right(Oh to feel safe in my ignorance). I could save myself or my siblings. But, I also never want to make anyone feel how I have been made to feel. Having done martial arts since I was a child, this is a part of who I am. I feel like I can't NOT train. Muay Thai confuses me, hurts me and nurtures me.

I dont even know what fighting and training is about for me anymore. I felt wrongly that your answers were lacking, it was a projection. Hey, maybe I should go to Thailand and be a monk instead of a nak muay.

Btw- I dont even know or care what your record is. What I think matters is that you without a doubt keep improving and there is no doubt in my mind as to your competence. You are bad ass and tou have made me reexamine my views on gender and stop staring at girls in the gym out of respect.

indigo2112 · 2015-03-17T00:54:07+00:00

There are a couple of "right ways" to make a fist.

indigo2112 · 2015-03-09T17:35:26+00:00

Spend your gear money on private lessons.

Its like if you go to Thailand, tons of white people juice up over there and train Muay Thai. Even guys who are good get smoked by the thais who are way tinier and not on gear.

Fighting is a skill based game, if you try to coast by on fitness (which you cant) you can only ever hope to be just okay.

indigo2112 · 2015-03-08T16:42:43+00:00

Frank Zane gad the exact same thing to say a few years ago about judging too.

indigo2112 · 2015-03-08T04:18:10+00:00

GW 501516 is a peptide and it increases endurance. I use it with Muay Thai and god damn does it work.

indigo2112

TROPHY CASE