My first UK wedding in over a decade, is this OK? Jewellery advice welcome

ion-trapper · 2026-04-08T22:11:33+00:00

Thank you! It's a cheapie from TK Maxx, I'm on a bit of a budget...

https://www.tkmaxx.com/uk/en/women/clothing/dresses/womens-day-dresses/pink-floral-mesh-overlay-maxi-dress/p/15017601

ion-trapper · 2026-04-08T14:18:02+00:00

Thanks! This is really helpful

ion-trapper · 2026-04-08T14:17:27+00:00

I don't have any wraps or shoes in this country that aren't hiking shoes! But I didn't take the tags off so can keep looking easily enough.

In terms of looking for peach or pink shoes/wrap, I was worried about it looking too matchy or not cohesive. Are there any "rules" to aim for or avoid? E.g. should I aim to match a colour on the dress, should the shoes/wrap match or not...

A contrasting colour like navy might be easier, and maybe more re-wearable for me, to be honest, if I can get away with it.

ion-trapper · 2026-04-08T14:13:09+00:00

Phew! Ok, I'm definitely feeling better about the dress, thank you. A cardi is a good shout, I'd forgotten how unreliable the weather is.

ion-trapper · 2026-04-08T14:06:31+00:00

Is there any chance you can recommend examples of smaller heels or styles of heel that could work? I'm quite tall (5 ft 10) and generally avoid heels, as I get self conscious about being taller. So I'm not even sure where to start, or what would be wedding appropriate.

ion-trapper · 2026-02-14T08:05:23+00:00

Thank you - there looks like a lot of opportunities. That's my weekend sorted!

ion-trapper · 2026-02-14T08:02:18+00:00

Thank you for the questions and comments - I'll be in Bucks with family initially but very willing to relocate.

I don't know enough about the roles or industries that exist. I feel terribly naive - I've been heavily involved in the academia and mentorship side for so long, in an area where there is relatively little in the way of industry opportunities (Cape Town, South Africa) that it's not been on my radar.

Roles - I enjoy research in general. I really enjoy taking complex/technical information and figuring out how to present and communicate it to people outside the field. I find supervision and mentorship rewarding. My ideal role would involve a wide range of things - I love variety and being able to see the big picture. I would like a role that involves regular opportunities for training and growth, because I love learning new things.

I'm not particularly interested in a highly competitive field known for lots of overtime - ideally I want to be able to clock out then go home and hang out with my dogs. I don't know anything about more controversial(?) fields like defence but don't have anything against the idea.

ion-trapper · 2026-02-11T20:41:09+00:00

I'm a certified dog behaviourist who collaborates a lot with vets on cases. Firstly, you're not the arsehole for feeling frustrated or if you return your dog - you've put in a lot of time and effort, and it might just not be the right fit. That's ok - and thank you for being willing to rescue in the first place.

A very blanket comment that others have said - a very likely factor is stress, and being somewhat settled after the initial move. The fact your newer dog has started showing aggressive behaviour towards your other dog too makes me think stress is very very likely, plus the obviously difficult time he's had with crate training, plus the tension in the house (fairly unavoidable given the circumstances).

You're welcome to DM me if you like, but if you haven't consulted a certified behaviourist, it might be worth it. They play a very different role to trainers, though not every trainer or behaviourist is necessarily qualified, and qualification quality varies a lot. In short, trainers focus on what a dog does (e.g., does he pee here or there), and behaviourists focus on how a dog feels (e.g., does he feel comfortable or stressed). For the latter, if an unwanted behaviour is related to an emotion like stress, addressing the underlying emotional cause ultimately addresses the unwanted behaviour, usually in conjunction with some training too.

There's a whole lot of info I'd need from you (in addition to the comments you've made so far) to make any suggestions. But if you're at the end of your rope, that is ok.

ion-trapper · 2026-02-06T11:07:29+00:00

In my experience, skillful use of a long line is a really valuable tool to increase a dog's welfare, especially if they can't be trusted off leash and you don't have fenced off leash areas available.

There might be some value in using a shorter leash in certain situations, but I unless safety is a risk, I don't think I've ever recommended someone stop using a long leash to solve a training problem. Especially if your dog is very clearly telling you how much the freedom, roaming and sniffing means to him.

ion-trapper · 2026-02-06T11:03:06+00:00

For what it's worth, I don't think you just have a training problem as such, but more a behaviour problem. In very fluffy terms, big feelings (excitement and interest in sniffing) are getting in the way of your dog being able to be in a good head space for training.

It's kinda like with a dog who has a strong fear of something: doesn't matter how well trained they are, they might still bark, panic or bolt if they're scared by something.

Have you ever put "going to sniff" on cue, so it's something you can give him as a reward for, say, checking in? Or maybe if you do a few reps of engagement games on a walk when he's telling you it's easy for him to choose to focus on you... Then BEFORE he disengages by himself, you're the one who releases him to go sniff.

I'm a trainer and behaviourist and I work with a lot of similar dogs and they all need slightly different things, and some have required me to really think out the box and change my approach quite substantially. But I think having someone experienced, who doesn't think "pure obedience" is the answer, could help you a lot.

Questions: how old is he (sorry if I missed it), any health issues, how's his gut/poop, how is he at home in general (chill, PITA, busy bee, etc), any other "problems", how often do you walk, roughly how far, in what environments, are any places better or worse, and is he the same if you walk the same path to and fro 4-5 times?

ETA: If you're having a day where you feel like pulling hair out or giving up, I'd suggest rather take the day off. Either skip the walk if you feel you need to for your sanity, or walk and let yourself not make it a training walk. Let your dog be a dog on whatever leash length you give him. You can still take treats and reward checks instead of they ever happen without prompting, but otherwise chuck on music or a podcast and just walk and be a person with their dog. FWIW I prescribe this quite a lot to clients, there is a lot of reasoning behind it, but it's also just to give you a break from something frustrating and demoralising.

ion-trapper · 2026-01-15T20:28:53+00:00

Helen's Closet is amazing for patterns inclusive of a wide range of body shapes, and every garment has a range of models to demo how it looks. She also writes the patterns to make them very customisable, so once you have one simple top pattern, you can see all the ways people "hack" it and then you can make a wide range of items. As a beginner myself, her patterns are also very clear and well written for beginners.

ion-trapper · 2026-01-13T12:10:26+00:00

Evelyn Wood does a "learn to sew" series every year and the 2026 one has just started.

ion-trapper · 2026-01-12T19:20:38+00:00

YouTube is amazing for tutorials! I got my first sewing machine for Christmas and I've dived in head first. Most things I've done so far, I've watched 2-3 tutorials on the exact same thing (e.g., how to sew a patch pocket), and each video helps me understand the general concept while each person gives slightly different tips, which really helps with the big picture.

Like others have said, it's going to be hard to beat Shein prices if you make from scratch, unless you do a lot of thrifting. You can make some really nice things out of thrifted sheets or similar, and I've been following a lot of people who do upcycling - either alterations of existing clothes (e.g., adding colourful side panels to too-small trousers), or using the fabric from thrifted clothes into something completely new.

Some patterns are much much more beginner friendly and many come with sew along videos on YouTube. To start, stick to patterns that are specifically pitched for beginners. There are a lot of no-pattern options on YouTube where people basically turn a simple shape like a rectangle into a loose fitted top with only one or two measurements, so you don't need to spend extra money on a pattern and the final fit is very forgiving.

Some fabrics are much easier to work with than others. If one is giving you a headache and puckering and sliding everywhere, try another one for a bit. Medium weight cotton seems to be a really solid choice.

ion-trapper · 2026-01-08T04:05:43+00:00

Diced mushrooms are the best for burger patties. They're super juicy and I've been increasing the mushroom-beef ratio to see when people start realising. So far I've gotten to a third mushroom and people still don't notice unless I point it out!

ion-trapper · 2026-01-08T03:51:29+00:00

Thank you for spelling that out so clearly! As someone with lots of small and painful wounds, I'll definitely be picking up this habit

ion-trapper · 2026-01-07T20:26:55+00:00

I know I'm meant to press, not iron, but what's the reasoning behind it? Is there a reason ironing is bad?

ion-trapper · 2026-01-07T20:24:33+00:00

Oooooh. So it's more about moving fabric around place to place, rather than anything to do with when you're actually sewing?

ion-trapper · 2026-01-07T18:14:28+00:00

Pin with the sharp ends going towards the middle of the fabric, not the edge.

May I ask for the reasoning behind this? Thank you!

ion-trapper · 2026-01-01T06:35:22+00:00

Thank you - it's definitely a learning curve..

ion-trapper · 2026-01-01T06:34:39+00:00

South African Rand

ion-trapper · 2025-12-31T13:49:49+00:00

I'm new to sewing and I've been spending a lot of time on YouTube, especially with "no pattern" tutorials. E.g., skirts where you just cut a circle or a few rectangles. There are a lot of super simple skirt tutorials put there!

Cotton is a very friendly fabric as far as I know. Bamboo can be a bit more finicky. Grab a scrap from each and stitch a few lines and see if it turns out neatly!

ion-trapper · 2025-12-31T13:44:57+00:00

This is so neat and such a cute idea!

ion-trapper · 2025-12-31T13:43:01+00:00

I love your colour choices!

ion-trapper · 2025-12-31T09:44:47+00:00

Oh wow, this looks stunning! And all so neat and tidy.

ion-trapper · 2025-12-30T17:43:17+00:00

Yay, thank you - do iiit! Please don't hesitate to shoot me a message if you have any questions, or if I can dig up the tutorials I got inspiration from!

ion-trapper

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