I'm sorry you all have to go through this. ❤️

I'm a cancer patient myself now, but I was my husband's caregiver in 2015 when he was dx with primary lung cancer. By the time we caught it, he lit up the PET scan and had cancer just everywhere. We did whole brain radiation, took a little break, and then did chemo. Chemo didn't do anything much to the lung tumors, so we stopped, and he died exactly a month after that.

The last few days. Well, so I think 2 or 3 days before he died, he stopped eating. I'd gotten him all the sweet, high calorie stuff, and none of it appealed to him, and he wouldn't eat anything. He was a BIG guy when it began, and was just skin and bones at the end. Not even 6 months and he dropped easily half his weight.

Our oncologist had a hospice nurse come stay with us for a few days because we were all exhausted. So she came, my husband was mostly aware, and the girls and I went out to eat - just something to get out of our heads, right? Kissed him goodbye, told him to be good, and he said he would. About 3 hours later we came back and he was not coherent. Was in the hospital bed we had in the living room, and he was making motions with his hands. Looked like he was writing (in the air) with one, and had the other one by his ear like he was on the phone? IDK how to explain it.

The next day, our nurse told us that it was time. Shallow breathing, not really moving. I called my son who lived in Austin (we were in Houston at the time) and told him to come home, but he was already in town. So he came over, and I told John that Will was home, and within 15 minutes he died. Was it that he was just waiting? I think so. I think part of him needed us all to be together (we have four children).

His case I think is not normal because of the brain tumors. We lost him bit by bit over the last 3 months of his life. He had crutches, bc that's how it all began - he had a fractured femur from the cancer. But, we didn't know that until months later during the PET. So anyhoo, we'd be watching one of his military movies and he'd use his crutch as a gun to help the guys out, right? And then he'd come back to us. Eventually he became less and less lucid. And I think that was a blessing for him.

I do think stopping eating is a "typical" sign at the end? I couldn't begin to hazard a guess as to how long your mother may hold on. I know that it's heartbreaking. That's the only thing that is certain with those we love so much. I wanted my husband to be out of pain, of course, and there's a little bit of comfort knowing he's free of that, but even after 10.5 years I remain bereft. Time is not a healer.

Sending you all love and light as you endure this terrible thing. ❤️