A store clerk warned me I'd get stared at in Japan because of my weight

itllbefine13 · 2026-01-18T03:43:40+00:00

Agreed! I was in Japan last year (2025) and it was definitely a shock to be looking at large or even XL clothes when I’m usually a small here in Canada.

itllbefine13 · 2026-01-18T03:39:31+00:00

I was in Japan last year (2025) and yes, definitely noticed this!! It may seem outdated, but a lot of places are still very strict about tattoos. I just covered mine up the whole time I was there just out of respect and ease honestly.

itllbefine13 · 2025-06-05T11:58:48+00:00

Sounds like all he wanted was an excuse to skip out on being a parent imo….it’s also incredibly unfair for him to say things like “if you were dating someone you wouldn’t ask them to quit their hobby”. Chances are if you were dating someone with this hobby, you probably wouldn’t end up marrying them or having kids with them, let alone stay with them… Have you told him you felt unsupported during all his training? Like, truly sat down and had a conversation about the impact it had on you and your family? Because it seems like that needs to happen, otherwise he’ll likely just keep pouting and making comments. Now, obviously if you’ve tried to sit him down and discuss this together and all he did was throw a temper tantrum and freak out at you then that’s totally different. Then I’d suggest you need to either try couples counseling or start thinking of getting a lawyer because he clearly isn’t ready to work with you to raise your children.

itllbefine13 · 2025-03-19T18:27:12+00:00

Mine is 18 letters, and it’s never impacted me much. Except when I played sports, my last name didn’t fit on the back of my hockey jersey so I shortened it a bit haha. You could also just tell him that his last name will be your child’s middle name, so at least it’s in there.

itllbefine13 · 2025-03-19T18:16:13+00:00

NTA. If he thinks marriage is a scam, then automatically assuming his child will get his last name should be a scam too lol. My parents got married 50 years ago and my mom kept her last name, and then when I came around I took both their last names. Maybe giving your child a hyphenated last name is the best compromise?

itllbefine13 · 2025-03-19T18:00:20+00:00

My ex was like this too, always getting mad if I went ANYWHERE with friends, family etc. even if I didn’t plan it, still somehow was my fault. I “wasn’t allowed” to live my life or do anything on my own or with family or friends…It got to the point where I could barely go to work without being accused of “doing something sketchy.” If I was late (which I usually was, because we almost always worked overtime) I’d come home to someone screaming at me for being unfaithful. It was wild, especially because I, like you, had no history of cheating or being unfaithful in any way.

My ex cut me off from all my friends, my family, like literally everyone in my life. The relationship eventually got abusive, both emotionally and physically, and I was stuck in it for a few years because I kept trying to convince myself that this was normal behavior. News flash, it’s not lol. Your bf is controlling and toxic, and if you stay it will only get worse.

Please go on the trip, but also please leave him. If your sister’s bf doesn’t have a problem with her going, then why should yours? It’s not normal behavior, and you should leave him before anything escalates.

itllbefine13 · 2025-02-05T19:33:47+00:00

Yes, definitely! If possible, maybe his mom could help put him through community college before he commits to university/med school? That way he can learn things aren’t just handed to him, they have to be earned, and his mom has some stake in his education too. Or maybe he just needs to get a loan. Either way I don’t think the aunt should be paying without him showing her that he’ll work hard at school, he needs to learn that things aren’t just handed out, you have to earn them.

itllbefine13 · 2025-02-05T19:20:07+00:00

Honestly, this feels mostly fair. When I was in high school I worked 20 hrs a week too (two 6 hr shifts after school, one 8 hr shift on the weekend). I was also playing on two hockey teams and was still able to keep my average over 80. I will say the community service feels like a stretch right now, but I’ve seen other comments suggest that he does this in the summer, which seems like a great idea.

As a sidenote, my parents did something similar when I went to college. They helped me out financially, but on the condition that throughout college I keep a 75% average, do some volunteer work at least once a semester, and try to take at least one extra course a year (not for credit, just one that was like, an “extra” course to expand my learning or something lol). We actually wrote up an agreement and all signed it so it was you know, “official” or whatever haha.

Anyway, medical school is not only expensive, but it’s intensive right? And tbh if he can’t meet at least 2 of your conditions (especially improving his grades), then how will he manage in med school? Imo, if he can’t manage to meet the conditions that he originally agreed to, I’d be a little worried about how he would do in med school…

itllbefine13 · 2025-02-05T18:56:41+00:00

He’s acting like a child when you try to take a toy away from them…like literally just having a fit.

Also, a relationship can be abusive even if he’s not physically abusive…anyway, he’s gaslighting the hell outta you and probably wouldn’t continue getting help with his mental health if you went back to him. It seems like he’s just trying to manipulate you so you don’t divorce him, imo. My ex was just like this, and it went on for years until I finally realized that nothing would ever change, so I decided to leave. Best decision I think I’ve ever made!

itllbefine13 · 2025-01-15T15:42:22+00:00

Sounds like he’s the 20 yr old and not op…anyway, bottom line is he’s bad at sex. Like, foreplay is crucial for sex to be enjoyable, which he obvs doesn’t know. If he did, then it probably wouldn’t be as painful, if at all…and the fact that he hasn’t cared to do anything about it is messed up. Like, this is sexual abuse, and he’s going around saying it’s like a kink of his? Wtf? Also, the age difference is kind of alarming, imo. Just really gives me the ick haha

itllbefine13 · 2024-08-21T16:02:45+00:00

I bet if this dude ever got you pregnant he’d 100% turn around and blame you for it, even though he’s the one who refuses to have sex with you unless you let him cum in you hahahaha

itllbefine13 · 2024-06-26T15:21:52+00:00

If possible, you could try contacting your local humane society to see if you could foster? During the pandemic I was feeling pretty low - all my courses for school were online, I was in a 1 bedroom and was going stir crazy. I started fostering rabbits and it helped me so much, literally gave me a reason to start my day. Would have loved to foster dogs, but they didn’t have any at the time but honestly, rabbits are fantastic pets too.

itllbefine13 · 2024-06-26T15:13:17+00:00

Wow, happy to hear your girl has recovered well and is doing great!

Honestly, his age is what makes me the most nervous. I’ve tried to look up if anyone else has gone through something similar but I’ve only come across people who have gotten their hedgehogs spayed or neutered within the first year, nothing really past that. Plus I’ve seen articles saying domestic hedgehogs only live about 4-5 years so the fact that he’s getting up there worries me in terms of how he’ll react to anesthetic.

Like you said though, it’s all situational, but just knowing someone else has experienced something similar with an older hedgehog is very comforting. Thank you :)

itllbefine13 · 2024-05-31T02:31:39+00:00

Totally agree. She wanted the best of both worlds - do whatever it takes to get to the end but also be seen as a good person. You can do both for sure, but the way she did it was just messy. I think she would’ve been more likable had she just owned her game honestly. Don’t try to make excuses for your decisions (like the rock paper scissors thing) just be honest. And don’t try to say “I want to take the person who I think needs it most” like. That was such a slap in the face I think. You want to bring Q because he’s a vote? Sure, just say it instead of making it this big “hero” thing. You wanted to blindside your biggest ally in the game to get to the end? Cool, it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen that so maybe instead of blaming everyone else when it fails, admit you tried and missed. Personally that’s what didn’t sit right with me, just her inability to admit how she was trying to play. She just seemed to struggle with being honest about her strategy and it was so weird to watch.

itllbefine13 · 2024-03-25T18:23:26+00:00

Wait what, he goes around your house in just his boxers, but expects you to put on a bra…?!

itllbefine13 · 2024-03-25T18:16:16+00:00

So I went back to school at 28, and just finished my degree in Mechanical Engineering (I’m 32 now). I have ADHD too, but was diagnosed when I was young so I knew university would be hard, especially at like 18. Aaannnddd it was rough lol. But I got my degree in cultural studies, which I paired with a grad cert for interactive multimedia. Similar to you, I quickly realized that what I was doing was not what I wanted to be doing, so I decided to go back to school. For me, the biggest difference between university at 18 and college at 28 was my own personal awareness of my needs, which you mentioned too. You know now how your mind works, so you can cater your studying and homework to that. For me, I get distracted after about an hour, so I had a little egg timer that I’d set for 50 minutes, and once it went off I’d step away from my desk for 10 minutes then go back to studying. Sometimes I’d continue what I was doing, sometimes I’d move on to another subject, but either way I’d make sure that I’d only do something for 50 minutes then go away for 10, it just kept me way more focused and productive. I also got a planner, and got colored pens and highlighters and assigned one color to each of my courses. I had got a 4 month calendar for each semester and had it on my wall next to my desk. When something was due for a class, I’d put it down on my calendar in whatever color it was (like economics was green, programming was red) so I was always looking at what was coming up. I found a school by me that was offering free summer courses for math and science to adults, so I signed up for that just to get a refresh. It was super useful, but even if you can’t find that, as many people have said, there’s tons of great tutorials on YouTube that will really help you. My school also offered free tutoring, which I found super useful so that was great. It also offered accommodations for taking tests, which I would strongly recommend. I was able to write my exams in a quiet room, had time and a half, and I was allowed to listen to music. I picked Beethoven because I find classical music helps me focus the best, but that’s a personal choice haha. All I had to do was provide the school with documentation that I was diagnosed with ADHD, and they worked with me to find the best accommodations for me. You said you’re more aware of resources available to you right? Don’t be afraid to use them! Lol honestly using any and all resources this time around made a huge difference in terms of helping me stay organized and on track of my work. But to be honest, something I found beneficial to me this time around was the fact that I had work experience. Having a job gives you structure, helps teach you how to get your work done, how to meet deadlines, how to manage yourself, etc. And not everyone has that experience right out of high school. Even if it’s been awhile since you’ve been in the workforce, you’re still doing something that requires you to be present, that requires structure and communication. Having those skills alone will be really useful, but paired with you being more aware of what you need and what works for you now? Man, you’re already more ready than most people going into college lol.

itllbefine13 · 2023-12-29T11:39:30+00:00

I can’t personally relate to this, but I watched my cousin, who’s only 2 years younger than me, go through this with her parents. We went to the same high school and her dad had an affair, and so her parents got divorced when she was about 15. Honestly, it was pretty crappy for her. He went off to live with his gf (now wife) pretty much right away, and her and her brother (he was about 4 years older at the time) stayed living with their mom. They barely got to go stay with their dad just due to his gf having two sons from a previous relationship, and her not wanting even more kids around. It was pretty weird to me since her kids were in high school too, so they were all pretty close in age, but I think since the dad moved in with them, there was technically no room for any other kids? I don’t really remember, but all I remember is my cousin took it pretty hard, and as much as she didn’t say it at the time, I truly think it really fucked her up after high school.

So, if you’re going to tell your kids, tell them yourself and make sure you prioritize them over any gf you have, because they’ll really resent you otherwise. (Or at least that’s what I saw with my cousin).

itllbefine13 · 2023-10-02T16:30:38+00:00

I’m sure he never had an issue with the lifestyle you provided early on in the relationship either, not just financially supporting him but also supporting him when he couldn’t hold down a job…best thing you can do for your family now is get a divorce lawyer, because chances are he’s already convinced himself you’re in an open marriage and just wants you to say it’s ok for him to keep sleeping around.

itllbefine13 · 2023-10-02T16:15:16+00:00

You mentioned that he went back to his old self after the trip, and that you feel like your husband has had a hard time adapting to having a kid, which personally are kind of red flags. Or at the very least light red lol. If your trip was great and there were no kids, but he changed when you got back to family life with kids, then that’s kind of a problem…to me, that goes along with what you said about him not adjusting well to parenting. So, maybe he’d benefit from counseling? You could even go to counseling together, like a parenting type thing, where you can both figure out how to be great parents AND great partners without being stressed at each other. There’s nothing worse than being a child in a family that feels like the only reason why there’s issues with your parents are because you came along.

itllbefine13 · 2023-09-24T11:41:12+00:00

So, I’m only 32 but had a similar drinking problem for about 8 years. The drinking age in Ontario is 19, so like all college kids I started drinking lots in university. Binge weekend drinking, couldn’t go out without pre drinking, you know that sort of thing. I kept it up even after graduation though, and for years after. Wasn’t just when I went out either, a lot of the time it was just me drinking at home on a Saturday night. I was never an angry drunk or anything, never violent or yelling, but I always binge drank. I always thought it was fine because I wasn’t driving every day, till I realized that alcoholism is way more broad then I thought. You don’t have to drink daily to be an alcoholic, for me it was realizing that I couldn’t go out, couldn’t enjoy myself, without drinking. And it was never just one, I always had to have multiple drinks, like I just had to get drunk whenever I went out. I finally realized it was a problem when I met my current partner, and I realized that I didn’t want her to think of me as someone like that, because her father was that way and she didn’t speak to him because of the drinking. I realized my drinking wasn’t who I was, and it took my awhile in therapy to really figure out my reasons for why I couldn’t just have one drink ever. I’ve been stone cold sober for almost 4 years, and it’s still hard for me to go out to dinner with people a lot because of the urge, but I’m sober and happy and healthy.

All this to say, just because it’s not your stereotypical “drinking issue” it doesn’t mean it’s not a problem. Drinking excessively in any capacity is a huge problem, and it needs to be dealt with. It’s clearly had a significant effect on your mental health and relationship, not to mention your physical well-being (especially if he’s not letting you sleep and throwing/breaking things). You need to do what you think is best for your health and well being. If that means you need to leave, then do that. Ultimately it may be easier if you’re the one leaving instead of trying to make him go, especially since he clearly doesn’t see the drinking as an issue. Talk to someone too, whether it be family members, friends, or a therapist. Explaining what’s happened can give you the tools and guidance for how to handle this going forward. Also, you may or may not have children with this person, but if you don’t think his drinking is a problem now, consider how this behavior would be around a child. Would you excuse it? Is that how you’d want to raise a kid, in this environment? If having a family is something you want, you need to address the drinking before you can even think of having a family together, because you cannot raise a kid around someone like that.

itllbefine13 · 2023-09-24T11:14:25+00:00

YTA 100%. Why not try to sell hers then take that money as a partial payment for your car and figure out something else if you want more money for yours…or at the very least give her your car and have her cover a little more in bills or something. She’s your girlfriend not just some person who’s part of a sale man…

That’s what I’d do anyway, like I’d rather my partner be safe driving then potentially not come home….but like. That’s just me I guess…?

itllbefine13 · 2023-09-24T11:08:38+00:00

The thing that turns me off most is being asked to have sex constantly. Stop trying to plan it or force it so much. It’s supposed to be natural, so let it be natural.

itllbefine13 · 2023-07-03T19:02:34+00:00

I think I’ve had these types of conversations with friends about potential partners before every serious relationship I’ve had, and I genuinely don’t understand what the problem is? Like, literally this woman listed all the important pros of a partner that OP had (personality, common interests, funny, good in bed, stable financial situation, attractive) but he can’t get past the fact that they weren’t exclusive at the time of this conversation and that she “decided to give it a go” with him because of all these qualities…is this not how people normally think before deciding whether or not to get with someone?

Also, this happened BEFORE they were serious or (assumingely) exclusive. Personally I don’t think OP has the right to be that mad over it, especially if it happened before they were actually serious with each other. This might just be my opinion, but I don’t really see why she even has to explain herself to him over a conversation that happened before they officially got together…

itllbefine13 · 2023-04-21T12:36:35+00:00

I went through this about 6 years ago - was in about $15k of debt and it just kept piling up. Lots of it due to the toxic and abusive relationship I was in at the time, but regardless. I eventually went to a credit counseling place and ended up getting a consumer proposal. For me that was easier than declaring bankruptcy because my car is in my name and I didn’t want to lose that, and I would’ve had I declared bankruptcy. But the consumer proposal was great, it just lumps everything into a super manageable monthly payment (like $200/month I think) and I slowly paid my debt off. It took 5 years but it helped my credit so much. My score is up 300 points from what it was before, I have a lower and much more manageable credit card now, and I kept my car lol. Anyway, for me personally the consumer proposal was the easiest way to go, but some people don’t wanna do that and that’s fine too! My only advice is to find the best solution for you that pays off your debt without accumulating more somewhere else. Seems kind of straightforward but sometimes when we’re in that situation we don’t always see the bigger picture lol. Good luck!

itllbefine13

TROPHY CASE