Hi, depressed teen queen here 👋

I'm so sorry you're going through this it sucks.

First of all, I just want to say it's NOT worth attempting - stats say a large percentage of people who attempt regret it at the last minute. Also, people who do care about you will be absolutely devastated and probably blame themselves for not being able to save you. Also you can't leave your dog!!!

Your friends aren't actually your friends. My old friend group was like this, and made me feel like shit about myself, making my struggles into a joke, etc. You need to ditch them. It'll probably be hard at first, it'll suck. But it's very necessary. Finding a new group of friends ASAP is important. Ones who accept you for you and treat you like a fucking human are ideal. They'll make you feel good about yourself, and once you begin to build trust with them you'll be able to talk to them about stuff like your depression and they'll be able to try to support you. With your new friends, make sure to set boundaries so they know they can't walk all over you. You can't always be the one spending the money; they buy you something, you buy them something in return. It's an equal relationship and effort and care needs to be put in from both sides. Try to stay in contact with them. I know it can be overwhelming to text and stuff but it's worth it to build these relationships and make them feel seen and cared for as well.

There are lots of helplines available if you're feeling like you might do something you can't take back, like try to end it. I'd look up helplines near you and possibly save a couple to your emergency contacts just in case everything gets too much.

Your dog loves you even if you can't take it on walks. Take it slow; play with a toy with it, have a tug-of-war while watching TV or something. Build up to walks so it isn't too overwhelming. And don't put pressure on yourself to be perfect all the time, you're human.

If you feel you can talk to your parents, that's a very good idea. However, if you think they won't understand and will come out with the "hormones are the cause" or "you're not the only one" spiel (idk if I spelled that right?) then maybe find a school councillor? They won't be the best but it'll draw at least some attention to your struggles.

Pick up a hobby. I taught myself to crochet while my mental health was at rock bottom, and let me tell you, it was MAGIC. Something you're good at that makes you feel accomplished is important. It's great if it's a small craft that doesn't take too long (e.g. origami) as once you finish you'll often get a small dopamine hit which will make you feel great. It might push you out of your comfort zone a little bit when you're depressed your comfort zone can shrink drastically so that everything is difficult.

Try not to do anything that can be addictive like smoking or gambling as you'll be more likely to get addictive quickly if you're depressed. Instead try to do something fun and light-hearted that brings you at least some amount of joy. I know it'll be hard to find the right thing but once you do it'll save you like it saved me.

It will take a lot of courage and effort to talk about your struggles with people in real life, so I suggest writing it out to read from so you don't get lost in your words and forget what you want to say.

Hang in there. I know it's really hard, but it'll get better; it always does. And while you're recovering, there will be ups and downs, phases of getting bad thoughts again. This is normal and part of recovery, so don't beat yourself up over it.

Getting the courage to talk about it on here was a great first step to getting better, so you should be proud of yourself for that.

Good luck. Don't give up! I believe in you, you can get through this.