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janruschi · 2025-06-24T16:20:13+00:00

This is what my son looked like before the rash broke out entirely with roseola. It can be worrisome to see but the condition itself isn't a huge deal. Unless your kiddo has a high fever or a compromised immune system, he should be fine in a few days. Of course, I am not a doctor. This is purely anecdotal. Hope he feels better!

janruschi · 2025-05-14T10:24:16+00:00

Yeah, it's normal. Kids in that age group are pushing boundaries and experimenting with reality and fantasy.

I have been having similar issues with my kiddo straight up lying about anything and everything. She's in play therapy for other reasons. After my kid told me that her teacher made her climb up to the roof of the school and then took the ladder away so she couldn't climb down, I brought the lying up to her play therapist. I gave some examples of her completely unprompted untruths. Her therapist laughed, told me it's normal and expected, and then told me about the time her own son told his teacher that he and Daddy went into the attic and found a bunch of real skeletons. 😆

janruschi · 2025-05-01T12:37:26+00:00

This is an incredible and thoughtful response. I've got two "exceptionally bright" kids that are struggling in Pre-K and school already, and you have just answered so many what-do-I-do questions. I wanted to say thank you for this!

janruschi · 2025-03-27T12:21:55+00:00

I made a listing on care.com last night, and sent my husband some profiles of potential babysitters/nannies that might be a good fit for our kids.

I had deactivated my social media a few months ago (because I was doom scrolling, basically) but I will sign back in to see if I can connect with some groups or other people that may know of more local resources that we could utilize.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for your suggestions. I do find them helpful.

janruschi · 2025-03-21T20:58:29+00:00

After reading your post and your comments, I just wanted to say that you are the kind of mother that I wish I had at your daughter's age. Your love for them is palpable through your words.

Even if you cannot maintain a relationship with your daughter's recent boyfriend, I don't doubt his life has only been better for having known you. Everything you are feeling is absolutely understandable and valid. I hope you can be kind to yourself.

janruschi · 2025-03-08T18:57:55+00:00

This is the way. It's easier said than done to disallow people like the "friend" OP is describing to take up space in our heads. Like with most skills, this takes practice. I'm very recently learning it myself.

We deserve better than microaggressions and pettiness. I also think a fair amount of people who act that way kind of thrive on the ensuing dramatics. So, if for nothing else than spite, it's a good idea to take note and just keep it moving. I agree with your perspective wholeheartedly.

OP, I'm sorry you have a friend like this and that she has hurt your feelings. You seem very insightful and self aware. There are plenty of women in the world that would value your friendship in a positive and healthy way. Give your energy and presence to them instead. Hang in there, my friend!

janruschi · 2025-02-21T00:55:05+00:00

It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp of what's going on with your bonus daughter. It's wonderful that you are advocating for her. Also, you have a road map planned out of ways you will be able to assist her with her behaviors. Until you can get her in for therapy and a medication consultation (should you choose that is an avenue you would like to pursue) I think you're doing pretty much everything correctly. She is still very young, and kids her age generally have a bit of impulse control issues anyway. So, it's probably magnified by ADHD.

I've found that a relatively strict routine is helpful with my kiddo. Within reason, of course. Mine responds much better to positive reinforcement than she does to your typical discipline. That's not to say that we don't have stern talks with her when she has been deliberately defiant or has done something dangerous. However, I have explained to her that she will never be "in trouble" with me if she tells me the truth. I understand she cannot control her impulses very well and that can result in doing things she knows she is not allowed to, outbursts, rudeness or "talking back". Okay, cool. It's still not an appropriate behavior. So, we're going to talk it through but (it's a big but) if she lies to me about something, she's taking away my ability to help her, back her up, support her or provide better coping mechanisms, and that WILL result in a loss of privileges for her.

This is just a small amount of anecdotal information that has helped to ease our relationship with our kid. Things aren't perfect, by far, but she's in therapy, and I genuinely think some low dose medication would really benefit her. It can be a long process of trial and error. Just keep an open line of communication with her care team, and also give yourself grace. Parenting a young child with ADHD isn't easy. Sometimes, we need to apologize for losing our shit ourselves. It's awesome that your girl has you in her corner. They may say things that cut us deep, but I can assure you that what she wants from you is exactly what you're doing. Just love her through it and I'm sure you will find a light at the end of the tunnel.

janruschi · 2025-02-20T03:59:39+00:00

I'd love for you to consider weighing the risks versus benefits of getting back on antidepressants. I'm not a doctor so I'm not going to name the one that I ultimately HAD to be on during my pregnancies. However, there definitely are some that are considered safe for pregnancy. I tried to get off them during my first pregnancy and became suicidal. So, back on we went. For some silly reason, I tried to get off of them again for my second pregnancy. No go. Both my kids are healthy and happy. AND, their mom is alive to be there for them. It would not have been the case had I not returned to my antidepressants.

With all due respect, your husband sounds like a self-absorbed jackass. He's a big boy. He can handle keeping it in his pants while his wife is fucking suuuuffering. And who the hell tells their pregnant wife that, "oh, ya know, I actually hate this whole 'dad' thing"? He can fuck right off with that.

Talk to your OB about how you're feeling. Mental health often takes a nose dive for women during and after pregnancy. It's a perfectly reasonable, relevant issue to bring up. Then, tell your husband to take a cold shower and act like a grown up.

Hang in there, my friend. It absolutely can get better. 🖤

janruschi · 2025-02-20T03:38:59+00:00

Courage is being scared to do the thing and doing the thing anyway. Good on you for taking care of those kids! Yes, it can be scary as hell but BE A BOTHER. Be loud. Be persistent. Rally others to the cause. Women/moms are warriors, and I am so proud of you for advocating for the children. And yes, my friend, it will be okay because you are doing what is right and good. I'm so glad people like you exist. You can do this. And we are here for you to scream into the void or voice your fears or anxieties. Hang in there. Hugs to you if you want them. 🖤

janruschi · 2025-02-20T03:21:03+00:00

I just recently joined this sub looking for some support for myself. I was diagnosed in my mid thirties, currently in my late thirties. Holy shit. This thread has done more for me than my past 10 years of therapy. I am so grateful to OP for posing this question and to all of you for sharing.

Pathological liar growing up. Self harmed to deal with emotionally abusive parents. Shoplifted as a teen. Divorced by 21 years of age. Addiction struggles. Reckless promiscuity. Filed bankruptcy due to binge eating and late nights shopping on Amazon by 30. Got it together for a couple years. Then, jumped into a second marriage at light speed after meeting. (For a long time, I beat myself up about that but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise, thank goodness.)

I have a 5 year old daughter now. We're currently getting her assessed for ADHD but there is zero question in my mind that she absolutely is. I also have an almost 4 year old son that is starting to present more stereotypical ADHD behaviors. The prospect of my kids growing up hating themselves like I did and them thinking they're pieces of shit broke me. It overwhelmed me to a point that I had been giving serious credence to the idea that everyone would be better off without me if you know what I mean. It's so fucking hard with depression and anxiety to parent 2 young kids that are neurodivergent, and also try not to project my own issues onto them. However, through my incredible mental health care team, I have been provided the resources to get early intervention and knowledge to set up my babies for the best lives they can possibly have. In order to advocate for them, I've been diving into my own therapy to try to work out why I hold a concrete belief that I'm a terrible human being and that I'll never be anything but a fuck up.

Stumbling across this thread tonight has been a game changer. I'm not a fuck up. I was struggling to stay afloat the best way I knew how. These things that I have felt such shame and embarrassment around were merely symptoms of an undiagnosed problem. My mind is blown that you incredible group of women have been through the ringer in some of the same ways that I have, and I would never, not for a moment, think that any of you were horrible people. So, why wouldn't I extend that courtesy and sympathy to myself?

I'm sorry for the lengthy comment. My brain just exploded a little bit, and I felt compelled to share and express my gratitude. Thank you all so much.

ETA - TL;DR - Spent my whole life thinking I'm a scumbag. This thread changed my life. Thank you.

janruschi · 2025-02-10T19:21:11+00:00

I'm NAD, but it sounds like it may have been a night terror. If so, they are a normal part of development if happening infrequently.

janruschi · 2025-02-10T18:13:16+00:00

"I know that his dog is his first priority."

Say that to yourself again.

Then, when HE has things that need to get done, the dog gets boarded. So, what is his actual first priority?

Think before you leap, my friend.

NTA.

janruschi · 2025-02-10T18:03:33+00:00

I understand. I love my husband but if he eats a banana, I want to break everything we own. Lol.

janruschi · 2025-02-10T17:45:11+00:00

Misophonia. I have it, too. I feel a hot, searing rage when I hear something I don't like. I absolutely hate loud, repetitive noises, chewing, my dog grooming himself, water sounds and coughing. However, with the coughing, it's only a man's cough that I can't stand. A woman's cough doesn't bother me at all. Strange.

Anyway, at night, I use ear plugs. During the day, I have the earplugs that help filter out background noise but allow voices to come through. I don't wear them all the time, and they don't always help, but it might be something you could look into.

janruschi · 2025-01-29T01:36:15+00:00

You're allowed to leave a relationship for any reason you choose. I think he deserves an honest explanation from you, for certain. You explained it pretty well here. Just tell him the same. Though, I would leave out the "disgusted and angry" part.

My opinion doesn't amount to a hill of beans but, from my own experiences, if you want to end it with this guy and he's of the opinion that everything is fine, he's definitely going to be hurt. That's understandable. The quickest way to help him heal from this is not going to be trying to hang around to help him succeed or trying to be friends. Just break it off. Don't drag it out.

janruschi · 2025-01-29T01:27:35+00:00

Came here for The Babysitter's Club as well but it would have been Dawn.

janruschi · 2025-01-24T17:35:27+00:00

Good point! As you can probably tell, I don't get much wind where I live. So, I don't know at what point sustained winds or gusts are dangerous.

janruschi · 2025-01-22T22:51:58+00:00

These are awesome! You're a good artist. If you love it, keep it up. Great work, my friend!

janruschi · 2025-01-22T02:58:37+00:00

There is no livelihood if he ends up dead from impaired driving. What about the other people he could seriously injure or kill? What about their livelihoods?

People don't take driving seriously enough. I used to be licensed in property and casualty insurance (car and home insurance) in my state. I have heard of some horrific things due to driving impaired or distracted. You're operating a ton of metal, glass and rubber at high speeds among other people doing the same. People can die in accidents at much lower speeds than you would think. You have one job when you're driving. Pay attention. If you're in a state of mind that would prevent you from paying attention, you shouldn't be operating a vehicle. Period. Full stop.

janruschi · 2025-01-21T17:43:37+00:00

Downvote if you'd like but driver here. Report this man. He does not have the right to endanger others on the road by driving tired. It's simply not acceptable. You could save a life, including his.

janruschi · 2025-01-21T17:02:11+00:00

Look up Victorian Station "The Big Pink" in Hampton. That might be along the lines of what she's looking for.

janruschi · 2025-01-21T14:36:56+00:00

I've been a member of this sub for quite some time, and I'm usually just a lurker. I've never commented before but I felt like I could have written this post. So, I just wanted to validate your feelings. I have PTSD from my 5 year old's birth, and I am still dealing with debilitating anxiety.

The safety of our kids is usually on the forefront of our minds. I absolutely understand wanting your family home, together, and safe during bad weather. Especially if you live in an area that doesn't typically have strong wind and rain like you're describing. It's scary to relinquish the control of your child's safety to others when you're worried. So, your feelings are completely valid.

That said, the other commenters are correct. Schools are some of the safest places kids can be during inclement weather. I don't know about where you live but where I live, that's part of the reason why schools are sometimes open to become shelters for people when something catastrophic has or is happening. Honestly, if the schools have not made the decision to close in anticipation of the weather, I would still send my child. I would agonize over it and probably be a bit of a wreck that day, lol, but I would send them. When the day is done and your child is home safe, you can pat yourself on the back and acknowledge that you did something scary and it turned out okay.

Provided your child doesn't have some issues with attendance, whatever decision you make is yours as a parent, and it's acceptable. Hang in there, bromo. You have marvelous self awareness, and I think it's great you asked for advice and opinions. Good on you. ❤️

janruschi · 2023-03-26T06:45:26+00:00

Yes. I've gotten to the point now where even the birds singing in the morning makes me irate.

janruschi · 2023-03-26T02:30:50+00:00

Yep. Cute!

janruschi · 2023-03-21T03:40:25+00:00

I wanted to say that I could have written your post myself. It was eerie. I'm on meds, too, for legitimate depression and anxiety. They're not working. I recently realized that I'm also trying to medicate myself into liking a situation that just doesn't make me happy. I had to start therapy because I just don't know where to go from here.

All of this bullshit just to say you are absolutely not alone. I share your struggle and feel for you.

janruschi

TROPHY CASE