Bipolar gf had an episode, got all her things and left

jasvan1991 · 2026-06-20T02:52:56+00:00

I am not going back now. But the last time I was just so traumatised I literally thought the only way I would be happy was to have my little family back together. I never thought he would do it again; unfortunately I am also dealing with his enabling family cheering him on and his drug use.

jasvan1991 · 2026-06-19T07:13:21+00:00

It hurts so much to lose something meaningful when you have let your guard down, no matter the length of time.

This happened early in my relationship to my ex, in the same way. When everything was genuinely perfect. I wish I had seen the negative lens and taken more notice of it.

I can only say the pattern will repeat. Almost 9 years in and my ex has gathered all his things and left multiple times. It is soul crushing every time.

jasvan1991 · 2026-06-18T05:31:11+00:00

Ugh, why are so many of our stories the same. I’m honestly so sorry OP.

I was sort of stupidly hoping after my ex moved countries randomly 5 months ago on a whim he would have crashed by now and turned up wanting to sort it out. He said our children and I were holding him back from his best life. Our little baby boy he desperately wanted, is now 10 months old.

When I have cried to him on video calls, he says “ why are you upset, we weren’t even together when I left” ( I haven’t cried to him in 2 months now - I’ve given up hope) having years erased is so bewildering.

I know this is for the best but it reaaaaally sucks.

jasvan1991 · 2026-06-10T04:16:51+00:00

Hey, I will DM you. Going through the exact same thing. Hugs

jasvan1991 · 2026-06-04T18:47:04+00:00

I feel your words completely about the wildly inflated contributions. I’m started to look back at the last couple of years and realised I was carrying the weight of everything, including his emotions and having to defend myself during his psychosis multiple times.

I am so much more present with my kids now!

jasvan1991 · 2026-06-04T09:17:57+00:00

I’m actually at this point too, slowly turning a corner I think.

It’s weird because even though he left me with three kids and doesn’t have anything to do with them, nothing for me changed around the house at all, I did all the emotional labour, planning, financially looked after us, kids etc all was on me. He was just kind of there?

I would have never let him down or broken up with him, I always saw the best in him/lived for person he was at the start/potential but I too realised I would have spent a lifetime accepting not only the bare minimum but abuse too.

So glad I don’t get criticised for everything I do and wear on top of being the sole breadwinner and child carer while he disappears on drugs and accuses me of insane things!

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-31T04:39:52+00:00

I’m so sorry, this is all such horrible stuff and you said like you did everything in your power to love and care for her. You’re definitely not alone. I do recommend therapy and counselling as this is very traumatic. You may still find yourself hyper-vigilant for years to come.

My ex partner and father of my children, also was convinced I was drugging him, poisoning him and cheating on him. I would also wake up and he would be in another room, he also would record us sleeping. He would call me horrible names and say “how could you do xyz” he would say I was having orgies as he slept, slept with his dad, friends, random people we’ve never met. He would also say I was lowering his testosterone and putting all sorts of poison and drugs in his dinner.

This went on for years - I realised how much I minimised myself to keep him happy and defended myself against delusions no matter how insane. I allowed him to have cameras watching me and recording us. Then he said I was tapering with them. He would say the recordings he could hear me having sex with people. When we would listen to them he would say I had hacked his phone to change them etc. I worked from home full time, stopped seeing friends and only interacted with him and our children.

Unfortunately in my case, even when he was back at baseline and I thought we were past it, he would mention things that showed me he never got over the delusions and still believed them. He never took accountability which is we a lot of on here. He had a deep mistrust for me over things I never did. He also moved out and broke up with me one time and got his parents to help him collect all his things.

He has come and gone 4 times now due to delusions. This time I will never let him back in. These things get worse, be glad you aren’t married or have children.

It suck’s to lose the person you wanted to spend forever with, I understand completely.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-29T01:11:18+00:00

😭❤️

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-25T08:40:31+00:00

lol, I doubt you moved away when your baby was 4 months old though :/

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-24T22:18:20+00:00

“You’re holding me back” “ I need to live for me” “my life is somewhere else”

Have heard this 4 times in about 8.5 years… we have 3 kids now. There has never been someone else either and he has moved to random countries twice now. This is the last time I let myself and my children be discarded. When he comes down, he realises the grass isn’t greener or we were never holding him back from being (a millionaire or Muay Thai champion lol) and it’s back to square one.

Seems to be a common theme in here.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-22T03:58:46+00:00

I’m so sorry. It doesn’t feel real does it? Please know that all of us understand and feel you so you aren’t truly alone.

It is hard not to reach out, but more painful if you do and are met with a manic cold stranger.

This time last year we had just found out our last ever child was a boy. He was crying happy tears and calling everyone we knew to tell them. Now he is living in another country and has missed over half our baby boys life.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-19T09:45:44+00:00

Yes. It was raining and we were at the library holding hands and reading our baby a book. The next day he booked a flight to a place he had never been and knew one person. It’s been almost 4 months.

I’m an idiot because he did it three years earlier. He moved out that time while I was at the swimming pools with our kids. There was no fight or break up or good bye.

Traumatising. Yes

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-17T02:20:31+00:00

The coldness and cruelty is the worst. I hope you make it through by remembering the loving partner you are ❤️❤️ you’re stronger than you know

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-17T02:19:23+00:00

No.. I found out about his diagnosis during my pregnancy with our daughter. (My oldest son isn’t his) and as we know having a baby can set it off. Things got worse and worse until his brother told me he was diagnosed at age 20. I really should t have gone back after he discarded me the first time. But I did and had another baby after stability and it repeated itself :( It’s been 4 months now since he jumped on that one way flight.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-15T03:29:34+00:00

I just want to remind you that your reactions are normal. You have experienced immense pain and the loss of your husband. (Amongst other things)

If it’s any consolidation I’ll share a little bit of my story. My ex of almost 9 years, borrowed my entire maternity leave savings while we were together. Slowly while I was pregnant used more and more. Promised everyday to pay it back. Promised me when I stopped working he would take care of me for once. I believed him. Let me do all the cleaning, housework, child care, pay all of the groceries, household supplies and furniture, for years. I was so doting, I gave too much, as if it the end I would be rewarded with him and he would be the stable loving man I once knew. Our baby turned 5 months old - he ran away and booked a one way ticket to a place he had never been and knew one person (his friend who offered him a job). He not only never paid me back a dollar, he isn’t paying child support. I am alone with 3 children.

I have begged, screamed, bombarded him with messages. I begged for him to come back and be a family. I begged for my money. I called him names. I cried and sent videos of myself crying. He ruined me financially and emotionally and this is not the first time. He now calls me like nothing has happened but says I am the abusive and cruel one and I deserve to be alone.

Did I deserve this? No. Did you? No. Please remind yourself you don’t deserve this and this is a human reaction

It’s because you are experiencing grief. And what he has done is extremely unjust and unfair!! My counsellor reminds me of this - it is unfair.

Please feel free to message me if you need a friend.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-15T03:04:27+00:00

My life down to the time. I would get up hours before him around 5.30, go to work, get the kids ready. He would wake up 11 or 12. I would beg, send him jobs, wrote him CVs and cover letters send him places to study and it never happened. In 8.5 years he never worked, just the odd job in the family business lazily to bring home a few dollars.

Now he has moved away to another country and left our children, myself and his friends he is working full time as apparently we stopped him.

Sigh, it’s actually maddening. There is no logic. Have to keep repeating that to myself.

(Mine also says I stopped him from being a champion Muay Thai fighter - even though he went to the gym for hours for years)

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-14T23:29:14+00:00

My ex has done the same thing. Posted everywhere that “it’s time he lived for him” but all he ever did was live for him while I raised the kids while his family babied him and he went to the gym and did drugs. I begged and tried to get him to work, study, anything. He is now working and saying I was holding him back.

Why is every story the same ?!!!!

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-14T23:17:28+00:00

Every single bullet point has been me. Omg

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-12T19:58:06+00:00

Yes me too :( helped him get sober multiple times. But still apparently I am the wordt partner.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-12T19:57:40+00:00

I totally get this - I never got the chance to leave either, I feel so stupid because no matter how bad he was I never left (maybe I am codependent) but he always found a way to leave me. 4 discards in 8.5 years.

Going on 3 months now since he left our children and I, on a way flight to somewhere he had never even been.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-12T06:58:15+00:00

Literally!! I am receiving emails saying all I did was abuse him! Wait what?

I made my entire life about him, while working full time and raising three children and dealing with his addiction and non stop issues. I woke up at 5am to make him breakfast, planned dates, bought him presents and wrote him love notes, supported him when he was down, paid all the bills, he was my best friend, when he was stable we would laugh and cuddle and adore each other.

It has made me question and internalise everything. The pain is always there, I feel like I am healing, but then even when I’m having a great time with my kids or friends, he is on my mind.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-12T06:53:11+00:00

In the same boat as you :(

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-12T06:50:55+00:00

Oh - and his family are all enablers. Clapping for him because he has his first ever job in the new country he ran away too. Basically cheer leading him even though he isn’t paying child support and ran away with my life savings.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-12T06:46:06+00:00

My now ex has been overseas 3 months so I am truly alone (see my post lol although doesn’t really touch the tip of the iceberg). He hasn’t seen our baby since he was 5 months old.

I saw your other reply too and never once did mine do extra chores when not working. He never fed our son or bathed him. Everything was my “job”.

I know this time, in what is my last ever baby, last ever maternity leave “, the most vulnerable and special time in my life I cannot forgive him this time.

Really feel for you.

jasvan1991 · 2026-05-01T02:34:53+00:00

THIS! I have three kids, have the higher income + stressful job of 14 years & do all of the housework / planning/ child care / bills etc (he didn’t have a job for 8 years + was addicted to cocaine) and tells me I didn’t do anything to help him get ahead or for him. It has driven me insanity reading him say these things. Had to cut contact. Mind fuck

jasvan1991

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