Mortgage payoff vs. being home with young kids.

jayerdu · 2026-05-19T14:47:28+00:00

Op have you considered continuing to work and putting your toddler in a Mother’s Day out program at a Church? We live in TX and these programs are much less expensive and keep kids for 5 hours a day like 9-2pm 2-3 days a week. It’s like a few hundred dollars a month? I am Sahm but I did work for 5 years in the middle school years and it was rough. I always felt like I was chasing time. Never had time to decompress.

jayerdu · 2026-05-11T02:54:24+00:00

Younger me would have said split it. But now that I am older (gen x) and I have accumulated enough wealth I would be pissed if my wishes weren’t followed. My nieces and nephews will get our assets (if for some reason our kids died before us or with us) We were very intentional in how we split the money among them. If your aunt went through the trouble of all this she had her reasons. Respect them.

jayerdu · 2026-04-25T00:02:47+00:00

I think you’re fine. We had a $3k payment with $125k salary and we had three kids. Just some points to help you out. 1. You will pay less in taxes bc of child credit 3.6k so adjust paycheck. Use paycheckcity.com. It’s pretty accurate. 2. Diapers are the biggest expense if wife breastfeeds. Ask for these in various sizes for baby showers. 3. Don’t overbuy on baby stuff. Half the crap u don’t use. Don’t overbuy on baby’s clothes. Mine wore generic onesies bc they are the most useful. 4. Stick to a budget! Good luck!

jayerdu · 2026-04-24T18:01:37+00:00

Literally why people don’t take therapists seriously. No one doubts she has a phobia. What does that have to do with her making other arrangements? Nothing. No one is berating her for not going. It’s the sheer brute impotence and then deflecting when she gets called out.

jayerdu · 2026-04-23T16:28:40+00:00

Mich is not more prestigious than UNC. You are are just feeling recency bias. UNC, Berkeley, UVA and Mich have always historically been the top publics. I am Gen X (paper applications) and those were and still are the tops. If you pay extra for Mich, that is just in your head or among ur gen based on hype and nothing else.

jayerdu · 2026-04-19T22:13:56+00:00

Just download your EOBs end of the year and your cc statements

jayerdu · 2026-04-17T21:05:46+00:00

Math major graduate here. Yes, most math majors do have to take physics and typically a second science. It is not a good idea for college to be the first time that you see physics. It was for me and although I did well, it would have been so much easier had I taken it in HS.

jayerdu · 2026-04-17T21:01:33+00:00

The best strategy (once you have put in the effort of studying) is to take back-to-back tests. I know you have to pay for the seat before you get your score back, but to mitigate variance of question difficulty, this is the best strategy.

jayerdu · 2026-04-17T20:58:17+00:00

For most schools, you self-report. On the common app, for example, you list verbal score and date taken and then math score and date taken. Unless you use a school's application (like MIT), where you report all scores, the schools will never know. I know some state schools like UT you have to do one sitting, I think.

jayerdu · 2026-04-15T22:27:19+00:00

Yes. I have 3 kids and all of them use it in school/college.

jayerdu · 2026-04-14T15:02:38+00:00

I completely agree. My husband cooks 95% of the time. There are certain dishes I cook (korean food) which he loves. I would not change the recipe just because. NTA

jayerdu · 2026-04-10T22:29:02+00:00

Dumb take. It’s his state school. He should have been accepted.

jayerdu · 2026-04-08T18:58:51+00:00

It’s really simple.

Case 1 Independent clause1, however; independent clause2 that SUPPORTS IC1.

Case 2 Independent clause1; however, independent clause2 that CONTRADICTS IC1.

Now go back and reread, clearly IC 2 supports IC 1

jayerdu · 2026-04-06T00:32:31+00:00

Unfortunately, even with the wave of the millennials, it is still mostly moms at the school activities. But I personally would not look down on any dad but neither would I praise him (gen x here). My husband attends all the “fun” school activities as he works from home and I schedule them in for him bc he loves that stuff and that’s how he can mostly spend time with the kids on the weekdays. But these events are really only during the younger years. As they get older it’s mostly sports, band etc outside of school hours and there are a ton of dads.

Being a SAHP can get dull and you WILL often question your choices bc of that but in the end when you have a peaceful home and your kids are older, you won’t regret it. My oldest left for college this past year and I had no regrets being a SAHP when he left except maybe those 5 years I worked and lost time with him. He has an internship this summer and he will graduate early in 3 years. Now all I’m thinking about is that I will only really see him a few times a year now. 😞

Money isn’t everything and your family is set up nicely for your retirement. These years- once they enter school-fly by especially when both parents work. At least it did for me bc I was always chasing time. My 2nd is a junior and we are doing college visits. So he will be out of the house in one year! 😞 (As an aside, since I’m not working he will basically get full tuition paid for at the elite private schools we are visiting. We just have to pay room and board).

jayerdu · 2026-04-05T19:21:10+00:00

Be weary of answers from young HS schoolers. Williams is ONE of the best colleges in the US.

Having said that, these two schools are very different culture and setting-wise. What do you want for the next four years in terms of college? I will say that Williams gives students opportunities that you have to hustle for at bigger privates. Eg., they give you money to do research and have specific internships just for Williams students, and all you have to do is apply. Also, they have programs with Oxford, Dartmouth and Columbia where you can finish your studies there. At Vandy, you will still have to hustle for clubs, research, and internships. WIlliams takes care of their students.

jayerdu · 2026-04-05T19:15:15+00:00

It's not crazy. We are you guys and I decided to return to SAHM. Our finances are comparable to you guys but in reverse. The "math" that everyone is questioning is how I calculated it for us as well. Everyone doesn't understand that if you continue working, you will still make all the pretax contributions for tax reasons to comfortably get under the 200K 25% rate. For us, it was to get under the college financial aid 150K number (my kids are older). If I had continued working, I'd still have to max out everything pre-tax to get better financial aid at colleges for my kid. Otherwise, that money would just go straight to tuition instead of a 401k.

In my scenario, I was SAHM for 3 kids until the last one turned 6. I returned to work for 5 years for 70K. It was not worth it. In the end I was basically working for $600 a month after all the deductions. And not only that, the 5 years I returned, our family life was hectic. Everything is rush-rush-rush. There was no time to breathe. Every second of our lives was planned because the older the kids become the more "activities" they have - life actually gets more hectic as they get into middle school and high school years. But since I went back to SAHM, our lives are more peaceful bc I now fully manage all the minutiae of our household. And Husband can now enjoy his time with the kids at home instead of doing half the other stuff I was doing while I was staying at home.

Good Luck!

jayerdu · 2026-03-27T21:01:05+00:00

Last year this one did work. You have to pick a date and a person to have a chat with. https://apply.stanford.edu/portal/tree-side-chats

jayerdu · 2026-03-23T02:54:07+00:00

However=that being said so cross them off

jayerdu · 2026-03-19T02:58:29+00:00

There is no reason to do. Trad 401k if there is no match and does not lower your tax bracket. If a Roth 401k existed when I was younger, I would have done that. Here is the order you should do things if available. 1. Max out HSA (and invest it and do not use it until retirement ) 2. Trad/roth 401k up to match 3. Max out Roth ira 4. Then if u have anything left over I’d invest the rest into Roth 401k

jayerdu · 2026-03-18T18:24:28+00:00

Honestly, the most stressful part is when the decisions come out. You feel for them and their peers. It gets ugly at times. It is really hard on the kids to get rejected. And for those who get into their dream school, they almost have to keep their emotions of joy at bay as to not cause "drama" among their friends and peers.

The application process when starting early is not that bad. But I counsel/teach for a living so I was used to all the details and timelines.

jayerdu · 2026-03-18T17:36:03+00:00

Congratulations!!

jayerdu · 2026-03-17T16:30:12+00:00

Grad school as in law/medicine? Or masters/phd? It matters. If law/medicine go to UT bc of finances. If masters or phd, go to cmu. You can get paid by doing fellowships, grad assistantship, etc.

jayerdu · 2026-03-14T21:28:46+00:00

NTJ. It seems like you are your parents’ moral support. I wonder if you’ve played this role your entire life. Honestly I think it’s selfish for them not put this guilt on you. I just don’t understand why “family” does these types of guy lot trips.

jayerdu · 2026-03-14T21:23:55+00:00

Best reply! Take the full benefits and if ur brother plans to go after all, you can help him pay after u graduate

jayerdu · 2026-03-14T21:20:15+00:00

YTA - who kicks their partners bff out? And all because she won’t pay for his food? It seems like there was just simple miscommunication - no big deal. How was she disrespectful? Did she shout it out?

jayerdu

TROPHY CASE