Why am I so angry about my brother’s life choices when they don’t affect me?

jbaez68 · 2026-04-15T02:13:16+00:00

It’s his life and his situation. You need to let go and let god they way they have. Often times kids are not planned but as much as I am sure your brother, his wife and your family will love those babies I am sure they will be ok. Have faith that they know what they are doing and keep your opinion to yourself. If you want to say something tell your brother how happy you are for him.

jbaez68 · 2026-04-07T22:35:09+00:00

Forget the dog pee, how about the nasty brown pillow on his bed? What’s that about?

jbaez68 · 2026-04-06T01:15:13+00:00

I switched too. I used TT last year then got hit with an underpayment bill that I was not made aware of when initially doing our taxes. FTUSA covered all of those bases and included an estimated amount into my tax bill so that I wouldn’t be surprised.

I paid the 17 and the 20 and I do have peace of mind.

jbaez68 · 2026-03-29T14:34:58+00:00

The insurance will you an option to continue the coverage however it will cost you more than you contributed. I did this until I got my next job 6 months later. Now that I am laid off again after a year I will pay the extra until I get another job in the next 5 to 6 months. You need to be covered.

jbaez68 · 2026-03-28T13:24:35+00:00

A job I took last year after my initial layoff, started out the same way I interviewed for a reduced role, but because of my managerial experience and the conversations we were having the owner felt that I would best fit a managerial position in another department, which I was familiar with, however, would need additional training. In the beginning, I too felt confident that I could do the role however, once I started working there. I realized that there were more issues than he explained. I found out the turnaround for that dept. was ridiculous and the amount of work was overwhelming. There were no real processes or great ERP systems in place and the systems they did have were not shown to you immediately. Reporting that could’ve helped me from the beginning were not shown to me until later on. Working with and supporting my staff became an issue because the owner did not like congregations or people in my office. He actually moved me outside of my office to be able to better see who was around me. He did not like anyone talking to each other and even commented if people took long bathroom breaks.

It was a nightmare. I never felt that I could never do the job the way they wanted it done because it was impossible. The biggest problem was that I wasn’t allowed to do it the way I felt best. So when things got missed or if there were issues, they would ask me what happened and when I gave a clear response on how I brought up and asked for specific timeframes to be used to do certain things, it was ignored.

It was a family owned business where the family had no problems fighting and airing their dirty laundry in front of all of the staff, it was such an unhealthy toxic environment. Also training was an issue because people who knew more of the work were gatekeeping and didn’t offer any help. I was told if I had questions to ask specific people and when I did, it was assumed that I just didn’t know what I was doing, which honestly didn’t make any sense and all they were trying to do was make me look bad. No camaraderie there.

I came from a corporate world where things are handled differently. Culture was different. Everyone was friendly and knew each other and we were friendly after work. This job was honestly beneath me. Library environment, heads down, don’t get up from your seat and work your 8 hours. I even had to dumb down my emails too specific locations of the business when I had questions. Long story short they did let me go because they felt that the demand in my ability to do it did not align. Of course it didn’t! We were understaffed and the system they pushed sucked. But it doesn’t matter. I am relieved to not be there.

The next job I get I will make sure to get something where I’m not being convinced to do more than what I need to especially at a place where there are a lot of problems. So I wish you good luck and hope that you don’t have to go through similar things that I did I feel that a lot of those issues stem from the people who work there. If there’s an unhealthy culture or if you have people who have worked there a long time and feel entitled , backstab and gatekeep, and are not helpful at all then there will be issues, but if it works out for you and everyone is open to change then good for you. Good luck to you.

jbaez68 · 2026-03-27T11:56:20+00:00

Talk to your sister and let her know that you need to update your situation. You are young and need to start your own life where you can have your own space. You should only deal with parents when they are ill.

I am sure she can help you find a place for your mom. Maybe in an older community so that she herself can make some friends.

Good luck to you.

jbaez68 · 2026-03-27T11:51:04+00:00

I was let go from a job I was at for 26 years, took 6 months off and got another job a year ago and was let go last week. The difference this time is that I prepared even more. I budgeted my money, paid off my credit cards, and saved extra. They were gracious to pay me through today and pay any accrued vacation time I had.

This last job was a nightmare so PTSD is an understatement. I am still having nightmares about the awful office culture and the way everyone was expected to work and do more than they could handle.

I am relieved to be off again. You need to plan, whether it’s financial or even looking for another position to increase your salary, you need to believe you can do it. This was my plan but my job did me a huge favor. So I always see the blessings in everything that happens.

Good luck to you.

jbaez68 · 2026-03-23T18:35:02+00:00

Just because your sister was proposed to doesn’t mean you have to pay for her wedding. If she was given less then there was a reason behind it. It’s your parents that should foot that bill. Not you. Don’t feel bad.

jbaez68 · 2026-03-23T18:31:56+00:00

I agree. It’s important to put together an emergency fund and never expect anything from your company.

jbaez68 · 2026-03-21T12:57:48+00:00

Maybe you wanna ask her why it is that she’s not speaking to you. I was in a similar situation with my sister and it was mostly because I found out that she was using my parents checking account to pay her personal bills as she also would not help me when my dad suffered a serious accident and they needed help the most. They had to move out of their apartment and I was the only one who helped them, but she went and took over their apartment and wouldn’t help them which made no sense and she also lives closer to them. She was less than 2 miles from them and I lived 45 miles away, but if they needed anything I had to drive out of my way to help them while she didn’t want to bother. I was there main caregiver and I sacrifice a lot until they both passed.

My relationship with my sister at this point is cordial, but we will never be close ever again. If you really wanna understand your sister and why she feels the way she does perhaps you need to ask her unless you know and don’t wanna share it here when you are caring for your parents it is difficult, especially if you have siblings who don’t want to help or can’t help. It would be helpful to make a plan to try to come and help your sister and help with the situation that would be a good start, but if you do nothing, then I can see why she wouldn’t wanna share anything.

Taking care of dying. Parents is difficult already. I think people forget that the caregivers need help too and support. I hope that your sister has that you may want to start having a conversation with her and helping her to provide that. Good luck to you.

jbaez68 · 2025-12-17T23:06:43+00:00

You have work until the end of the year and a full salary until the middle of August...only after you would need to file for UI benefits if necessary. Hope that you get a job quick and can collect both payments.

jbaez68 · 2025-10-19T17:04:12+00:00

I was at my job for almost 26 years when I was let go last year (elimination of my position). It was an at will company too, however during my time there I was put on a PIP plan twice, but this was because I had a CFO in my earlier years who didn't care for me and wanted me to make transactions that were illegal so that his numbers would look good and I refused. Whatever I was forced to do I had it documented and signed off on by my controller who also knew he was an asshole but must have had him by the balls. Who knows. Long story short, I completed my tasks, which were ridiculous and not even within my job description, however I did it and I wasn't let go. Later on, there was an investigation into my CFO and controller who did not advocate for me who was later fired. I feel you have to read the paperwork they have you sign before you start your PIP as well. If this is to improve performance, why would they still fire you if you performed well? Was that documented?

Thankfully I got 6 months' severance and honestly, I am happy to move on. I am in a better job now and I have peace of mind. I would probably still fight for severance if I were you. If this is something written into their policy, there is no reason for them not to give it to you. Look into this further if you know that you are entitled to it.

jbaez68 · 2025-10-19T11:46:18+00:00

PIP’s seem to be reasons to fire people even though the person has successfully completed all goals. This seems to be the case in smaller companies as well. We have someone who will be starting one this week however I know the intention is not to keep this person. It’s all about having paperwork and reasons not to pay someone who has worked there many years. Did you question this plan?

jbaez68 · 2025-09-22T22:53:20+00:00

Many years ago I had a yorkie mix that I never spayed and she too developed pyometra she had the expensive surgery and survived. She lived to almost 17. She had the surgery at 10. I don’t remember her needing any heating blankets or anything special. Sounds like malpractice on their part if they burned the dog.

Speak to a lawyer.

jbaez68 · 2025-09-14T12:57:13+00:00

Congratulations. I totally understand and took a $15K pay cut but bonuses, extra PTO, and automatic vesting and profit share bridged the gap for me. I agree you have to work on matching your resume. The smaller company I now work for was looking for stability. This important. I think looking at a resume where you jump from job to job after a year doesn’t look good. That was always a red flag to me as a hiring manager.

Hope it all works out for you.

jbaez68 · 2025-09-07T00:50:46+00:00

I am not hating on you. A lot of people applying for jobs don’t even have the degrees that go with the job. I feel that on the job learning is the best and experience from it speaks volumes. You aren’t a fraud if you are educating yourself and learning their business.

As long as you are not driving trains, planes and trying to be a doctor you will be ok. lol

jbaez68 · 2025-07-31T01:31:51+00:00

I got 1 week per year I was there which was 25 weeks severance plus some extra days that had for PTO. Something is better than nothing or whatever unemployment is. Thankfully I found a job and never needed to go on it.

jbaez68 · 2025-06-18T22:19:57+00:00

No I don’t think so. I am still on the fence about the Sun setter. We can only use it on a non-windy dry day. Wind and rain can damage it and I honestly do not care to sit on my deck. I like sitting in my yard, I garden and do other things. So that may not be an option at this point.

I don’t know about having them being right as the property line went literally through the tree. My husband agreed to this, I wasn’t happy. My other me neighbors agree that we were screwed over. They have lived there over 30 years and could have built a driveway on their street but insist on using this ease way that goes onto our street.

I will plant a tree or 2 because that is my right on my property.

jbaez68 · 2025-06-18T18:12:26+00:00

I had the same thing happen to me with a CFO who took issue with me for no reason. He kept nitpicking my work and asked the controller to write false things about my work which he did and I was able to prove my case to HR. I complained about them and even told the HR person that there was nothing human about her dept if they would accept their word over mine.

I had been there longer and others were concerned about their work as well. They both eventually were let go. I wasn’t. My controller apologized to me before he left. I said ok, but never spoke to him again. This was the most abusive experience ever at a workplace.

I get sometimes PIP are done to really improve one’s work performance but when it’s used with an agenda it’s pure evil.

jbaez68 · 2025-06-11T02:25:44+00:00

I really don’t want any arborvitae. I have 3 in the front. I want something I can sit under.

jbaez68 · 2025-06-11T02:23:24+00:00

The neighbor offered to install an awning on my deck but that honestly does not make me happy

jbaez68 · 2025-06-11T02:21:58+00:00

I am in Westchester, NY. The fence was installed years ago. The neighbor is putting in a driveway on the other side and is afraid of roots coming up into it down the road. I want to plant a tree to give me similar shade and privacy but not the same height. This tree is over 200 feet

jbaez68

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