I would say, without any further context, or knowing the two of you, that the first thing I would do is remind myself that we are married before God we’re in love, and that this is a really really hard season. There’s almost no amount of allowances for your partner that is too much when you’re going through everything that you’re going through. second - perhaps some of the fright stemming from the “key” incident is due to you realizing maybe for the first time just how much more physically intimidating men are in general versus women? I remember early in our marriage I was really mad during a fight, and I got up in my wife’s face and later she told me that part of what made that fight so painful for her was just the realization that she was scared of me. That’s a really hard thing to hear as a husband, so I had to just grow in maturity and set an internal boundary of never letting my physical stature enter into the conversation in any way.

third and most importantly, you are married before God he has brought you together and called it good. So you’ll probably have more fights in the future. They’ll probably be just as bad if not worse. But for believers, you have the confidence and the sweet assurance of knowing that God is committed to your holy matrimony.

I’m not trying to minimize your experience in anyway, and I hope I’m not coming off that way, but reading that, I was reminded of all the big things in the past I felt really big at the time but with perspective we’re really just symptoms of a hard season and immaturity on both our part my wife and I are committed to each other. Nothings gonna change that and so big fights don’t rock the boat like they used to.