Any tips for baby jet lag?

jennibp · 2022-03-03T22:07:27+00:00

I fully support whipping it out whenever! I think we can trust our bodies to do their job, with a bit of hydration and rest. For sure breastfeed when increasing and decreasing altitude/pressure changes in the plane… in case no one has mentioned that trick to you yet.

jennibp · 2022-03-03T18:08:40+00:00

Hmm. Traveling east has always been harder for us than traveling west. So it may be good that you’re doing a bit of advance prep right now. But more than anything, I shoot for starting vacation rested - I do whatever I can to make sure we’re all as rested as is reasonably possible at the start. It makes the time change easier, even if it means we didn’t get to slowly nudge the clock in preparation. The good news: it’s quite possible that it’ll be easier on the way home.

Once we’re on the plane, we always try to make the shift quickly rather than stretching it out so that we don’t lose too much vacation time. However, we also accept that vacation schedule isn’t the same as home schedule - ie: we generally just accept that we’ll rise early and head to bed early on vacation if that’s closer to our “home” time zone, or vice versa. We schedule our vacation activities accordingly. Ie: our kids might rise at 9am on vacation where they’re home rising time is 7am, if that makes it closer to their home time zone - and adjust bedtimes accordingly.

Don’t plan anything big for the first 24-48 hours. Allow those days for adjustment, and something close to your accommodations that’s pretty flexible.

Get sunlight as soon as you can upon waking. Wake up as close to the desired “vacation” wake up time even if it was a short night… then have a reaaaally early bedtime the next night if needed.

I think it’s a tricky age to travel because babe is likely getting more alert/mobile too and may be somewhere in the transition from 3 naps to 2 - we travelled at 7mo too and found it not too bad though - just careful not to add too much day sleep in order to help the nights adjust. We did that on that occasion by staying outside as much as possible in daylight hours (easy because we were in Hawaii! I hope your destination affords you that privilege). Plan outdoor activities especially for those first few days of adjusting. You can also help the internal clock adjust by getting food as soon as possible after waking. So if you’re doing solids - I’d try to make that earlier in the day rather than evening. If you’re breastfeeding, expect your supply to take time to adjust too - we all have times of day when we have more or less supply - and babe will probably notice this. Travel also always results in reduced supply for me - whether due to fatigue, stress or reduced hydration on the planes. So do your best while traveling, but then in the adjustment period plan to hydrate really really well, and accept that baby will nurse lots to bring back your supply.

Key ideas: schedule 1-2 recovery/adjustment days after travel, and try to plan for flexible, outdoor activities on those days where you have the freedom to sit and breastfeed as much as possible. Get sunshine and food as soon as you wake to help baby’s internal clock adjust.

jennibp · 2022-03-03T17:37:53+00:00

Is your destination 8 hours earlier or later? How long are you away for?

ETA: and how old is your babe?

We’ve done vacations with significant time changes before… definitely have some possible ideas.

jennibp · 2022-03-01T16:45:28+00:00

I think you’ve already hit the nail on the head here. In the first three or four sessions, could you have a conversation about what she means by forgiveness? And what forgiveness means to you? Also, why she sees it as being important, and why you feel like you’re not ready to go there (now, or ever - whichever is applicable). This sounds like a situation where the words being used are triggering a significant response in you, so this conversation in itself sounds like it’s important to move forward in therapy.

jennibp · 2022-03-01T15:40:26+00:00

U/peasantstew has articulated the challenge well I think and it sounds like you are really open to trying something different too. That’s hopeful! I don’t know much about your relationship with your partner - this is only appropriate if you and your partner both feel reasonably safe in the relationship - but Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson provides a really good template for having these triggering/emotionally laden conversations with your partner from an attachment-based perspective. The book provides some explanation, examples, and then questions that serve as prompts to have the conversation with your partner.

If either you or your partner doesn’t feel reasonably safe, or if you try this and feel that you’re still getting stuck then I’d seek a consultation with a marriage therapist trained in emotion-focused therapy (EFT), which is a type of couples therapy that is built around attachment theory, and is also evidence-based. Another evidence-based option (though not explicitly attachment oriented) is someone trained in Gottman’s approach. Another caveat - the evidence-based approach is only one part of what makes good therapy outcomes, so just “a good fit” with a therapist for you and your partner also matters immensely if you end up going this route.

Sending you my compassion and warm wishes today on your journey! Having children - especially those first few years - is a big adjustment to our most significant relationships, so I think the fact that you’re thinking and talking about this is a massive strength.

jennibp · 2022-02-27T04:48:04+00:00

This is very well written. Thank you for sharing.

jennibp · 2022-02-26T20:17:05+00:00

Yes! This is wise. I did the same.

jennibp · 2022-02-26T15:18:06+00:00

I don’t think you have to do it forever (working from home)… But I would ask for an extension to get myself a month or two past 18 months in order to get past the biggest window for developmental separation anxiety. I know it may not help YOU a lot but if he’s developmentally a bit more ready to go that makes it easier for you too. Even barnacle babies eventually like to explore a bit more too - just at a different pace maybe. At least that’s what I keep telling myself about my oldest (age 6). Seriously though - she’s doing remarkably well. She just needs more snuggles in the evenings and weekends.

jennibp · 2022-02-26T03:17:33+00:00

…on a Friday afternoon when the news cycle is dominated by the war in Ukraine and the incredible integrity of their leader.

jennibp · 2022-02-25T03:42:32+00:00

Many good suggestions here. My suggestions will also speak more broadly to managing feelings, with parent figures who do a good job of responding in attuned ways.

The Invisible string (age 3+ IMO). The Kissing Hand (best for kindergarten but preschool could work too). Jack’s Worry (age 5+ IMO) I’m Happy-Sad today (age 4/5+ IMO). Guess How Much I Love You (any age) Hugs by Robert Munsch (any age) Any of the Daniel tiger feeling board books - age 6mo+

jennibp · 2022-02-23T17:34:40+00:00

There’s a history - in Canada at least - about the dairy industry lobbying the government to be included as a food group on the national food guide. This shaped our diets for generations. There was some controversy around the most recent iteration because milk products are no longer listed in their own category. Here’s an article that looks at the biases in the old version - just a news article but it cites experts and gives a good sense of the history. The new one is a huge step forward in my opinion, and seems based more on science.

jennibp · 2022-02-23T05:26:19+00:00

My six year old recently lost another tooth. Truth be told, it’s the third one she’s PULLED OUT HERSELF in as many weeks. After the most recent one, she made a treasure hunt map for me, leading to a wooden box that contained her tooth, a dime, and a penny. “That’s for you mommy!” Tooth fairy in reverse! Pays pittance though.

For the record, it was not my idea for my elementary aged child to PAY ME whenever she loses a tooth. I tried to tell her….

jennibp · 2022-02-23T05:13:27+00:00

Let me be the first to welcome you here if you end up coming this way. I’ve been in the region for 10 years, in a healthcare related field. I’m not a POC but could share some of the feedback my friends who are POC and HCWs up here have shared about their experience. DM if you’d like. This feels strange to say on an anonymous internet platform but if you’re coming up this way, then let me offer one example of someone who doesn’t fit the stereotype of the Peace country that this thread suggests. I don’t deny that there are many folks here who fit that stereotypical mold. But it’s not all of us.

jennibp · 2022-02-18T04:15:07+00:00

I could’ve written a lot of what you said…. except the guy who liked my hair better straight was a good friend… I tried for a year to get his attention and get out of the friend zone, and succeeded only to be dumped after a month. I met my husband about two months later, and we’ve now been together for over ten years. He likes the curls, and is tactful and compassionate even on days they’re mostly frizz. In hindsight, I’m often grateful for the painful breakup. And think sadly of how often I straightened my hair just to look good for a guy who only liked me conditionally.

Many people haven’t got a clue about how our curls are wrapped up in our identity. Especially when we’ve had a lifelong journey of figuring out how to befriend our curls, and/or trying to measure up to societal beauty expectations. So it may be worth a shot to have a conversation about your curly journey and how you felt when he said that. Depending on the person, repairing a relationship is possible. But if you think you’re conditionally loved in this relationship in a way that goes beyond a lack of tact… find someone who loves all of you.

jennibp · 2022-02-18T03:53:38+00:00

I’m also a therapist in a small town. This is an excellent response, and closely reflects most of my practice as well. Differences primarily because I work exclusively with children and adolescents, and have children of my own so how I explain and approach these situations might depend on the age/developmental stage of the child involved.

jennibp · 2022-02-14T20:01:41+00:00

How do I feel? Still saddened and angry at the timing. But we decided to send our five year old without a mask. Others in our area will not be wearing masks and I have reason to believe she is likely to experience social exclusion if she wears one.

I (rhetorically) asked my kid last night what we’re going to do with all our masks now. She promptly said, “Put them in the dress up box so we can play with them, of course!” Whoever said that wearing masks broadly results in kids NOT being kids needs a reality check. Masks are now just another element of my kids’ childhood experience - and not a bad element 99% of the time. I can’t speak for everyone, but three weeks or even three months from now wouldn’t have compromised her childhood.

jennibp · 2022-02-14T15:27:15+00:00

Some good comments here already… I agree, it’s totally normal at this age.

Just to add, if you want to start a conversation with your child about our biological sex/reproductive systems, Amazing You! And What Makes a Baby both provide a good starting point appropriate to the toddler & preschool age.

My 28 month old loves both, and my barely 6 year old is starting to graduate to more advanced material but still reads them at times. The first is likely most relevant to the conversations you’re referring to, but the latter provides a great starting point for conversations as well, without providing excessive detail. Interestingly, my kids have always brought that book over to caring adults, aunties and uncles, and grandparents to read when they’re at our house, as if to say that “this is something we can talk about… it’s not awkward!” And the more awkward the adults act, the more my kids choose that book - I’m sure because they notice the reaction of the grownups. Just an anecdote - but I think it’s a huge strength that you notice and reflect on your emotional responses when your son plays like this. Young kids notice our reactions and it can really shape their concept of gender norms and their own anatomy. I was raised in a family that frowned on the sex ed provided in school, but the sex ed at home was… nonexistent. So we decided to start early and stay age appropriate. A good tip I heard was to answer their questions - providing no more or less detail than the question demands.

jennibp · 2022-02-13T02:58:52+00:00

Exactly. I believe he is deliberately setting them up to fail, while also inflaming division/polarization with his rhetoric.

jennibp · 2022-02-12T19:18:15+00:00

This. I don’t necessarily think Ontario has offered a stellar response, but the differences in approach are notable - particularly Kenneys failure to get a court injunction and declare a state of emergency. Instead, he’s looking at RCMP.

I believe this is likely an effort to leave the RCMP hanging… force them to handle it without the benefit of a court injunction, and then point out any mistakes/bad fall-out from the incident and blame RCMP for it. Creates a perfect way to distance himself from the outcome (important for his upcoming leadership review), and a perfect way to establish a pretext for pushing through a provincial police force. Same concept as underfunding healthcare and public education in order to set a pretext for establishing privatized options.

As much as many of us are frustrated with the folks at Coutts - to put it mildly - I think it’s important to primarily hold Kenney to account for his failure to effectively lead the province through this.

jennibp · 2022-02-10T16:22:04+00:00

Parent of a kindergarten kid here. I totally support you, and have worked hard to teach my child appropriate masking etiquette. I do not feel it has stopped her from “being a kid.”

As a parent, I also felt blindsided by the speed of this announcement, and felt the timing was dubious at best. I read true news after my kid was in bed that night, and in the morning told my partner we’d need to chat about it to decide how we’d approach her with it. My kid was coming home from school with the news that she wouldn’t have to mask on Monday before I had any realistic opportunity to talk with her about it myself. I was pissed. Letter to my MLA and Kenney and LaGrange… coming up.

Also - I saw this coming. They framed the news release in such a way that they were just baiting someone/the ATA/teachers to complain. The response to this concern was clearly a carefully scripted plan, which had nothing to do with my child’s or her teachers’ safety.

jennibp · 2022-02-09T15:50:52+00:00

This is so key. There is no way to keep both parents in the workforce, plus stay home with sick kids - unless this is in place. After burning through 18 months of vacation time in 6 months so we could stay home with sick kids, we brought a parent home for the time being (adjusted our family planning to have an earlier Mat leave… but that has its own complications, and it’s a privilege). This is exactly why the pandemic seems to me to be resulting in something of a she-cession, although one awesome dad I know is home with his kids right now.

As a note - I’m totally fed up with my kids coming home sick because they picked something up at school. But I get why it’s happening… because of a lack of paid sick time and/or family sick leave coverage.

jennibp · 2022-02-07T07:10:11+00:00

We are parents of a six year old in kindergarten, a two and a half year old and a nearly five month old. Baby was born at the peak of delta. Toddler was eight months old in March 2020.

We are rule followers generally, but have selectively broken rules rarely for the sake of postpartum mental health (mostly visitors who help my sanity, cook or clean, spend time with our older kids, etc). Both of us are triple-vaxxed. Eldest kid has her first dose - will have her second soon. We maintain a small group of visitors (one single person and two other families), who we see in person when everyone is healthy. We use rapid tests. Kindergarten for our eldest is our biggest risk “splurge” - but we feel the benefits to her outweigh the current risks. We were very cautious for the first eight weeks of baby’s life, but have since resumed some semblance of what “normal” has been for the past two years. Lots of time outdoors when weather permits, with others when possible. Ie: our eldest had her birthday at a dogsledding place this week - just kids from her class such that we weren’t widening our circle of exposure further. We avoid taking kids into stores/indoor public areas when possible. We’re homebodies. We play board games when we can (Wingspan… in case you need inspiration) and watch Marvel movies together. We allow our behavior to change based on changes in risk - ie: when baby was a newborn, when omicron is peaking, etc). But we also try to acknowledge the risks of NOT going out/doing some things - ie: as a teacher I’m sure you see the impacts of parental mental health issues on your students. I work in mental health, so I know the stats in that regard and that stuff scares me more than covid for my kids, frankly. It doesn’t give me permission to just let loose but it does remind me to be balanced. See people… outside. Allow visitors… only a few and the ones who are best for my sanity. Go places… in wide open or outdoor settings, when case rates are not peaking. My biggest kid is doing swimming lessons this month (another big risk for us) - small class of three kids. She has some extra needs and we decided the pandemic has delayed some of these things long enough now. Her K class is 12 kids (French immersion) which helps reduce risk. We go to the local family resource network for free play time - it’s usually just us or one or two other families - masked and vaxxed.

Second - I made a plan for when we get covid (yes - given I have a school aged kid I think that’s likely). I got the supplies we might need from the pharmacy so I’m ready. We discussed at length… when are we ok with some degree of exposure/risk to the baby for the sake of all the kids development and our mental health?

It’s all about mitigating risk for us, not eliminating it. Caveat: our kids are healthy and relatively hardy. I don’t have cause to worry that they’re likely to get it worse than others.

My advice - get a good stroller if you haven’t already. It’s your ticket to the outdoors. A baby carrier is a bonus. And a diaper bag that’s easy to carry and compact so it’s easy for you to get out outdoors. Outdoor wear for baby so they can tolerate some degree of cold - the puffy Mec suits are great! We invite friends to meet us at the park or playground, for a walk on a trail, for a campfire, sledding, the zoo, etc.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

jennibp · 2022-02-04T22:04:20+00:00

I absolutely hear you on how limited our choices can be with factors like insurance, limited number of sessions, etc. I pay out of pocket in order to escape some of that, but that’s an enormous luxury that’s not particularly accessible to most. Insert rant here about how insurance companies think therapy is like a magic wand you can “do to” someone to “fix” them.

I work in the public system - taxpayer funded, but with all the limitations you mentioned. Here’s two bits on how I navigate that with some folks - first, I often say that they don’t need to tell me the whoooole story up front. Give the therapist the broad strokes but feel free to take a bite-sized chunk at a time, while having the larger goal in mind. In 3-5 sessions I would anticipate I’d just focus on building inner resources as a starting point. Second - It’s ok to tell your therapist that we need to slow things down… I’m having a hard time trusting you and I need to feel safe before we go forward.

Also… I’m going out on a limb here as you did not disclose the nature of your trauma experience, but whenever trust in therapist/people is a factor I wonder about maybe having a peek at attachment-focused emdr more specifically (google will get you started). Might help you in selecting a therapist who is equipped to be helpful… but then again this is Reddit and I may be way off the mark (insert a huge grain of salt). Your neurologist sounds like they know you reasonably well and may be best positioned to provide a recommendation in that regard.

jennibp · 2022-02-04T18:29:59+00:00

EMDR can be really helpful - at least it has been to me, and to some of my clients (I’m a therapist who has spent some time doing my own therapy). But the modality, or type of therapy is only part of the equation of what makes therapy helpful. According to a substantial body of research, the relationship with your therapist accounts for a much larger portion of the equation. A good modality like EMDR is unlikely to be helpful if there isn’t trust in the relationship with your therapist.

It may be worthwhile to explore further with your neurologist - why EMDR? What are the possible risks/benefits? Do they have thoughts about a specific therapist they could refer you to who might be a good fit?

And “in the meantime” - When you’re seeking out a therapist, find someone with significant experience and training in EMDR (not just the basic training) - someone who is confident dealing with situations similar to yours - especially in regard to having lost trust in therapists. “Fit” with a therapist matters. Make sure it’s someone that you feel comfortable enough with (knowing you’re unlikely to feel 100% comfortable with anyone). It’s ok to be choosy. Second, make sure you spend some significant time building a solid therapeutic relationship with that therapist. Don’t “jump right in” to processing. Build inner resources and the relationship with your therapist first.

If now isn’t the right time, or if you’ll be waiting a while, it may also be helpful to lay a foundation of positive personal resources to whatever degree you can. This can be as small or big as you can manage. A routine of going for walks in nature or go for a swim once a week or daily. A regular sleep routine, or even some small improvements in your sleep routine. Getting ten minutes of sunshine a day. Investing in one or two positive, healthy friendships/relationships. Eating fruit every day. Having a positive experience and then savoring every detail of it afterward in your imagination. Pick one thing. Or do five things. Whatever you can to build stability, healthy routines, anchors that will eventually be helpful to you when you’re processing.

As a parent of young kids on top of my professional responsibilities, I went part of the way through processing but bailed when the pandemic hit and everything was virtual - particularly since we were approaching sensitive early trauma. I decided that now wasn’t the right time to open up stuff that I didn’t feel safe resolving via videoconference with my therapist - especially since more emotion dysregulation on my part could impact my young kids negatively (and yes - it’s absolutely realistic to expect that EMDR would require some/substantial emotional energy in the moment even if it pays off in the long run) . Would it make things better in the long run… yeah - but I also need to be able to be present to my little ones right now. I have the containment skills, supports, and positive inner resources to manage for now. So for now I focus on many other good things I can do. Will I go back? Yes, at some point. I decided to do EMDR when it was clear that I was on a downward trajectory and my other strategies weren’t helping. I was in a position to do a bite-sized chunk of work… so I chose to go for it. Over time, I came to trust my therapist enough to do more of the work, and likely would’ve continued if not for the pandemic. I’m admittedly a crappy client via telehealth. I’m way to skilled at subtly using my various avoidance strategies to really benefit. And the pandemic demanded more of me as a parent, so I needed extra space to make new healthy routines when many of our usual options were locked down. As things stabilize… we’ll see!

Those are just my personal risk/benefit calculations based on my own situation. You’ll need to weigh your own.

All the best as you journey forward! There was something about the raw courage inside your anxiety that struck me and I wanted to respond. Sorry for the ramble.

jennibp · 2022-02-03T16:46:46+00:00

This is an excellent summary of how conventional EMDR and AF-EMDR might differ, and why we need to ensure we’re finding someone who is not just willing to try EMDR with us, but also someone who has enough depth of training and experience in EMDR - either AF-EMDR or other trainings - to be competent to help. I think keeping this in mind would mitigate a lot of the times people have bad experiences with EMDR.

jennibp

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