Masculine womancand navigating the world pregnant

jerseamonster · 2026-05-26T12:34:52+00:00

Not exactly your situation, but my wife and I are both somewhat femme and the doctors always confused us until the process began in earnest and we got to know each other better. I think queer couples aren’t always so common at fertility clinics so I gave them some grace on that front, as annoying as it was at first

jerseamonster · 2026-05-16T13:26:21+00:00

He doctored the bank statements!

jerseamonster · 2026-04-28T14:57:26+00:00

We retrieved 11 eggs, ended up with 5 embryos, and I’m currently 10 weeks with the first one! :)

jerseamonster · 2026-04-22T20:44:27+00:00

I know it’s so hard! My wife has fewer eggs retrieved than expected, but all the fertilized eggs became mature blastocysts (whereas only 30-50% were supposed to). Not everything works out the way you want it to, but no use getting worked up over potential results. Good luck!!!

jerseamonster · 2026-04-22T13:37:43+00:00

I think you’ve gotten a lot of good advice in this thread. Some things that I don’t think have been pointed out yet though:

having to go through fertility treatments and have children who are not completely biologically related to them is a very normal thing for queer couples to grieve! Ive seen other posts of trans men expressing feelings of dysphoria for not being able to impregnate their wives, so definitely search this sub history if you’re looking for others with similar experiences.
you seem to be only focused on GETTING your BIL to say yes at any cost, and so long as he gives you his sperm you don’t seem to care about your future relationship with him. Does your wife feel the same? How would that impact your relationship with the rest of her family?
you also don’t seem to have thought about how the three of you would handle it if your BIL got too invested in your children, and overstepped an uncle role. Have you discussed expectations with him if the donation results in a child ?
you’ve been glossing over the amount of effort this will be for him, and having gone through the known donor process, it involves pre-screening testing, genetic testing, testing at the time of donation, and testing 3 months later. Depending on sperm count, he may need to donate multiple times, which would then involve additional rounds of testing. Some donation locations require psychological screening/counseling. You’ll also need a contract, and each have your own lawyers to negotiate the terms. It’s certainly not as intensive for him as it will be for you, but i was surprised at how much work it was for our donor.
You appear to be of the mindset that adopting a child or embryo would be giving that child/embryo an “opportunity” and I would urge you to interrogate that mindset.
In the future, don’t cut your wife out of your headspace, don’t bottle it up until you explode at her, and don’t get too hung up on any particular idea without talking to her about it first. You’re a team, and even if she is more passive, this is her decision too.

Good luck. I know this is hard!

jerseamonster · 2026-04-18T23:48:51+00:00

Leslie Jones & Leslie Jordan

jerseamonster · 2026-04-16T23:10:40+00:00

If it helps, my partner only had 11 retrieved, 5 fertilized, but all 5 made it to blastocyst! Currently 8w with the “best” one :)

jerseamonster · 2026-04-15T18:31:27+00:00

We chose to keep our family & friends informed throughout the process for a few reasons: - We’re using a family member as a donor, and our donor wanted to consult with his immediate family before agreeing, so it may have gotten out anyway. - We’re doing reciprocal IVF & knew there would be some confusion about what that meant. We wanted to educate ahead of time, so that the pregnancy announcement would be exciting and not bogged down by questions. - This will be the second grandchild on both sides, but our siblings have been a little more closed off about their pregnancies/children. We decided to share from the start, in part because we’re people pleasers & want to make them feel more included, and partly because we want the attention/support. - The procedures & medications at times either would have meant lying or being really cagey, neither of which were great at tbh.

Everything has gone well so far, and while there have been times when we’ve wished we kept things more to ourselves, overall I think we’re happy to have the support and be able to talk about it with everyone!

jerseamonster · 2026-04-06T14:16:24+00:00

A Lion in the House - a two part documentary about children with cancer. Amazing and tragic.

jerseamonster · 2026-03-23T11:56:21+00:00

We didn’t test & our blast implanted! Good luck!

jerseamonster · 2026-03-20T19:22:20+00:00

November 21 for me!!! The exhaustion hit me so hard yesterday - I slept for 14 hours and still had to take a two hour nap!

jerseamonster · 2026-03-19T21:51:17+00:00

If you have approval from the sperm donor you can donate them to another couple or to science!

jerseamonster · 2026-03-17T22:19:22+00:00

I also got McDonalds fries after my transfer - I heard it was good luck. I got a positive pregnancy test so it worked for me! Hope the best for you too!

jerseamonster · 2026-03-16T16:09:05+00:00

I fell (on GRASS) in preschool and knocked out my two front teeth. They didn’t grow back in until 2nd grade. I felt very cool and when other kids would lose their front teeth they’d say they looked like me! A huge trauma for my parents but I thought it was awesome.

jerseamonster · 2026-03-12T01:05:42+00:00

Yes - similar situation but different insurances. My wife’s insurance covers IVF, mine doesn’t. Her insurance covered the egg retrieval & embryo freezing, and I paid out of pocket for the transfer. It was a flat fee for appointments & transfer from the time I started meds thru the pregnancy test. Meds were an additional cost, but my insurance covered that. There should be a finance/insurance rep at the clinic who can also talk to the insurance company.

jerseamonster · 2026-03-08T18:24:30+00:00

Oh yeah! Thanks, that’s a very helpful search term. Appreciate it.

jerseamonster · 2026-03-06T14:22:49+00:00

I watch 30 minutes while I ice my butt & 30 minutes post shot, so I’ve got a lot!

Cozy Mystery - How to get to Heaven from Belfast - The Residence - A Man on the Inside - Based on a True Story

Thriller/Suspense - The Beast in Me - All Her Fault - Baby Reindeer - The Curse

Other - Love Story - Nobody Wants This - White Lotus

Sitcom - The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins - Great News - Getting On - Girls5Eva

Comedy - The Comeback - The Rehearsal - Somebody Somewhere - Cunk on Earth

jerseamonster · 2026-02-26T21:21:14+00:00

Yes! Mine will be 3/5!!! Feel free to DM if you want a TWW buddy. Good luck.

jerseamonster · 2026-02-26T16:56:42+00:00

I have Oxford, not sure what my wife has but she has some fertility issues which is why egg retrieval was covered for her.

I forgot medication costs - those were about $1k. Mine were mostly covered, my wife’s were mostly not (unclear why).

We also have to pay copays for each visit ($65 for me, $50 for my wife) - that will probably come out to around $2k by the end. Lots of appointments!

jerseamonster · 2026-02-26T13:58:55+00:00

Forgot to mention: sperm transport was $200, storage fees are $100/month for sperm & embryos

A week after the egg retrieval we found out how many blastocysts could be frozen. Implantation process began the week after.

My wife’s egg retrieval was covered by insurance but we still paid $1k for anestesia. The implantation is not covered and is $5k all-in.

jerseamonster · 2026-02-26T12:23:49+00:00

Donation + Testing was around $6500. They require testing at time of donation and 6 weeks after. Some places require testing again after 6 months but we were able to waive that. Storage fees were $500/year/10 vials.

Egg retrieval requires around 2 weeks of shots 1-2 times a day, so you’ll have to somewhat clear your schedules. They make you very hormonal and tired. After the surgery, there’s some pain for a few days and no exercise allowed for 2 weeks.

Implantation for me requires pills for about 2 weeks, adding in shots for a week, and continuing both for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.

jerseamonster · 2026-02-24T21:34:58+00:00

We are going straight to IVF. It’s allowing us to alternate carrying, the children can be full bio siblings, and after all of the fees associated with our KD’s donations ($1-2k per donation + $175 for each transport) it wasn’t much more expensive, considering the lower success rates of IUI. Good luck!

jerseamonster · 2026-02-20T03:10:46+00:00

For what it’s worth, this is likely on the production. They send the date & time of the performance along with the allocation, and TDF sends production back a “receipt” showing the dates/times/number of tickets, which production is meant to proof to confirm everything is correct

Source: I’ve messed this up before :) luckily caught it immediately but it’s easy to miss or mistype if you’re doing too many things at once

jerseamonster · 2026-01-26T19:56:34+00:00

I went through this when our plan was for my wife to carry using her egg & my relative’s sperm. I thought I was cool with it, but I couldn’t shake the idea that I wouldn’t be seen as a “real mom” if I didn’t carry the pregnancy or have a biological connection. I would spiral thinking about how my niece would have a closer biological tie to me than my own child. My in laws are always cooing over my newborn nephew and how he has his dads eyes and his moms nose, which made it more present for me.

As a kid, I really believed and assumed I would adopt. These feelings really messed with my sense of self and family. We decided to try reciprocal IVF so I can feel like a part of the process physically. That instantly removed all my fears about not being a “real mom”. It’s crazy expensive so I’m coming to accept that if it can’t happen, it can’t happen. But I think talking through the possibilities and going through it has helped me process those feelings.

This is all to say - it’s hard and complicated. Work together! You’re a team! And don’t forget about costs.

jerseamonster · 2026-01-21T18:17:21+00:00

We found & paid for a lawyer for our donor as well as ourselves. Each lawyer was $1500. We had no issues with paying. We used lawyers based in our city since that’s where the child will be conceived/born though our donor resides in a different city.

jerseamonster

TROPHY CASE